- Sep 19, 2008
Well for starters if you want to start a family it's not going to be easy with a transsexual so I'm pretty sure most people would want to know that before getting committed to that level.
Sexual assault is something that happens to you that you don't have control over and, unless it results in an STD or the like, I don't see how it would ever affect your partner's feelings for you. Choosing to go through surgeries so that your physicality matches the gender in your brain is a conscious choice that you make to change yourself. It's not wrong in my eyes, but it's in no way comparable to being sexually assaulted.Epiku said:I suppose the best way I can put, at least from my own feelings/perspective is like this:
If someone was sexually assaulted (I know, this is a bit of a stretch and my utmost apologies for anyone this offends, I know it is distasteful path) and all the legal/emotional "bad place" of that is behind them, are they obligated to tell any partners of that history?
Let me add a little more personal details to it: What if they have tried to leave that all behind them as best they can? They aren't a strong enough person to own it, so they have to try and forget it in order to live. Otherwise, they just go into a place of pain and darkness, resenting themself for something that ultimately isn't really their fault.
(Do you see the connection I am trying to make?)
See, this is why I thought I had taken quite a distasteful route.requisitename said:Sexual assault is something that happens to you that you don't have control over and, unless it results in an STD or the like, I don't see how it would ever affect your partner's feelings for you. Choosing to go through surgeries so that your physicality matches the gender in your brain is a conscious choice that you make to change yourself. It's not wrong in my eyes, but it's in no way comparable to being sexually assaulted.
As for the OP.. I say yes. I believe very strongly that a post-op transsexual has the obligation to tell someone they are dating even somewhat seriously. I've taken so long to answer because I can't put my finger on why I feel so strongly about it. It just seems wrong to hide something like that in my opinion. I know that I, personally, would be extremely upset if I found out someone I'd been dating seriously was a post-op transsexual and didn't tell me. Not in the "Icky, gross, no homo!" way.. but, I'd feel completely betrayed.
I don't view it as necessarily distasteful. I apologize if I came across that way. I just don't see them as at all comparable. I can see killing someone in wartime as being much more comparable because it is technically a choice you make (regardless of the reasons). I don't think there's really a good analogy, though.Epiku said:See, this is why I thought I had taken quite a distasteful route.requisitename said:"Snip" seems so wrong here.
You are right in what you say. I was more trying to compare the pain of being brought back to a horrible place, and, yes, some TG people are okay with that title, okay with that life. But others, just want to have it in their past. (perhaps I should have used a "killed another human in wartime" thing, but many people can get upset with that, too. My apologies. ;_; )
For some, it is a conscious choice to "go through with surgeries" in the way that it is conscious choice to choose life over death. (for some, not all, I can only speak from the perspective I understand.)
I can understand the being upset over feeling deceived or betrayed. That's where I see the "honesty is the best policy" way.
But, I also see the amount of pain something like that can bring up in the TG person. It is something that can kill them (emotionally and maybe literally if they are suicidal over it).
But then that always brings up the question of if they are so willing to deceive, then are they worthy of love anyways? And.. that's where I get hung up.
But I do see how it is a betrayal of trust and how many would be upset to learn their partner deceived them.