If someone is a post-op transsexual, are they obligated to tell the person they are pursuing/dating?

pbteyeofharmony

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Mar 28, 2011
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It isn't an issue if it's not something that's going to go somewhere. If this is the type of relationship wherein both partners can be expected to love and accept each other regardless of who the other person used to be, then it isn't a bad idea. If this is the type of partner you're planning on taking home to your parents, it's probably smart to bring it up. A decent partner (and a decent person) won't care. It really should come up if the two people are considering kids. And if you're in a long-term relationship wherein your partner will be grossed out upon the revelation that you were born of a different sex, then DTMF, to borrow a phrase from Dan Savage.
 

BaronUberstein

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Personally I'd like to know, though I also like to think I wouldn't be a douche and run away screaming.

Legally? I see no reason to enact such a law, it's an invasion of personal privacy.
 

Marcus Kehoe

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Mar 18, 2011
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I say one has to tell, it can really bother a lot of people and may scar them. I don't really support fling sex but if it come's to the point of sex then it should be said.
 

Sonic Doctor

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Jan 9, 2010
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CrazyBlaze said:
I think if for a long term relationship yes. Maybe not right away but eventually. Its respectful to their partner that they don't hide something major like that. If their partner didn't know and after ten years of being together and knowing a lot about the other, or at least thinking they do, and their partner finds out the will wonder what other secrtets the other is hiding and it could take a long time for their relationship to recover. I think maybe after one or two years they should tell their partner. If their partner really loves them then it should not matter and eventually they will come to terms with it. At least much quicker than if they waited a long time to tell them.

It should be right from the start, that way the other person can't back-out right away and save themselves the time that would be wasted in a relationship that would go nowhere because that other person would have never been for such a relationship.

I mean seriously, you said one or two years would be fine. That would be outrageous, that is a long time, time that could have been spent in pursuit of a relationship that meets their standards. Why even waste people's time by hiding information from them. It's rather selfish isn't it.

Oh, so the "woman" really likes a guy, and wants to know if a relationship is really possible. So "she" hides the the fact that she was once a guy, to find out what the other guy is like before revealing the information. It is basically lying to that person and taking up his valuable time with something that he most likely won't approve of and will explode with rage when he finds out that his relationship has been a lie.

Why does said "woman" have to date a guy for a year to see what he is like, and then reveal the information. "She" can still get the information by revealing the fact right off so that the guy can immediately deny "her" of he wants to. Why is "she" entitled to waste time in someone's life because she is interested that person.

If I had been duped by such a person, I might forgive a few days if nothing major happened, but beyond that I would sue that person so fast "she" wouldn't be able to get word in before she is in court. If there isn't a legal precedent about such a thing, I would do everything in my power to create one. I would find it negligent of "her" to not reveal such a thing to me, because if the relationship did last awhile, that would mean that "she" was leading me on, and since I'm that kind of person, I would have spent money on "her", which would be money wasted because I now find that it was a sham of a relationship. Knowing myself, I would definitely have emotional damages. If there isn't a legal precedent somewhere in that, I think the world is insane for not having one.

So, if a person doesn't reveal such a thing on day one, "she" is a bad person. Don't waste people's time by leading them on.
 

MeChaNiZ3D

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Aug 30, 2011
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Imma go ahead and say no, because they are now trying to live life as a woman (/man), and telling their partner this is unnecessary and would change the way they're percieved by their partner. Sure, I'd like to think that a partner of mine would tell me something like this, but at the same time, I can't help but feel I'd rather not know. The fact is that they are now trying to BE another gender, and knowing this sort of undermines that for both parties.

EDIT: Maybe a better answer would be "they should consider the open-mindedness of the person they are dating before telling them or not".
 

MeChaNiZ3D

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Cyfu said:
Yes. just yes. imagine having sex with a woman and find out that she's a dude, that's wrong on so many levels
But that's the thing. They're not a guy, they're anatomically female now. I can tell from your comment that if your hypothetical partner told you that they used to be a guy that would be the end of any relationship. Do you think that's fair?
 

emeraldrafael

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Jul 17, 2010
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I think it would be nice to know at some point. but its not necessarily mandatory I guess, since its not detrimental to your health like an STD or anything.
 

Daverson

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Nov 17, 2009
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Yes. Any relationship would suffer greatly if something like this wasn't shared.

However, were someone in such a situation, it would be advisable to "test the waters" first, to gauge how their partner could potentially react (ie, by asking them this very question), obviously we can't deny that some individuals have extremely backwards views on transgendered people, and it'd be better to know this before dropping the bombshell, so that the relationship might be terminated under (relatively) good circumstances.
 

Cavan

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Yes, to save yourself a lot of potential pain.

Using myself as a blunt example:

I will not enter into any romantic or physical relationship with a transgendered person. That is not because I even dislike you, that is simply because I cannot find the idea attractive and I will tell you honestly if the situation arose that "I'm sorry, but I can't.". Yes I realise that the waters on what makes you one gender or another are hilariously muddy at best.

If you are transgendered you need to know that fact about me because you will want to get away from me and save your feelings for somebody who deserves them and can return them.

I do not expect you to announce it upon meeting people like me, nor should you feel like you have to. You are going to have to do it at some point if you want to have a meaningful relationship. If you don't all you are doing is opening yourself emotionally to being hurt by that relationship.

Just because you have fully come to terms with the fact that you are female does not mean that everybody else can 100% accept that as well.

This holds true for almost anything that may be relationship changing-ly important, if I neglected to tell somebody that I had a serious medical condition or that I was religious or anything then I am in the wrong in that relationship.
 

Sonic Doctor

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Jan 9, 2010
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MeChaNiZ3D said:
Cyfu said:
Yes. just yes. imagine having sex with a woman and find out that she's a dude, that's wrong on so many levels
But that's the thing. They're not a guy, they're anatomically female now. I can tell from your comment that if your hypothetical partner told you that they used to be a guy that would be the end of any relationship. Do you think that's fair?
Fair to who?

There is no "fair" when it comes to this other than the person that would be lied to and not know that "she" was once a he.

If the guy doesn't want to date somebody who he deems as a guy, no matter what was done surgically, he shouldn't have to. It doesn't matter if "she" is interested in him and wants a relationship, she has no right to lead him on, there is no fairness concerning "her".

I know I have been rejected by girls, because I'm not all that confident and don't have great looks. I really wouldn't consider it unfair for them to not want to go out with me because of that. That is life, people have standards and if they don't want to date person for some reason, they don't have to.

The situation would be the same as if I had some special effects make-up people make me up to be some incredibly handsome guy that all the girls flock to, and then I date one, and later after she committed a great deal to the relationship, she then finds out she was dating someone that she would find repulsive.

I would be in the wrong there.

By nature, the "woman" was a man. By my standards, with the info revealed, no amount of work will convince me that "she" is a real woman. The only person it would be unfair to is me, if I had been lead on into such a relationship.
 

Powereaver

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Apr 25, 2010
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As im currently using online dating i can say from what ive seen in my matches column for some reason comes up with pre and post op transexuals who always inform the userbase in about them that they are so. Me personally... i dont think it makes a big difference but its up to the person
 

Odbarc

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Jun 30, 2010
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Would you keep dating a woman who was born a man?
Would you date the person if they said they were a man before you started dating?

"I'm a man. Want to have sex?"
 

Electric Alpaca

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May 2, 2011
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At the very least, the transsexual would be doing themselves a disservice by not doing so. Cornerstone of a relationship is trust and acceptance for the person you are involved with.

With something as mammoth as this, it would lead to a very unfulfilled experience and plague them with guilt should they have to hide such a key part of themselves.

If the individual they share with is not interested, then a favour has been performed for both parties in the form of time saved and feelings spared.
 

tkioz

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May 7, 2009
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Before sex, yes, but not when your in your skivvies, but after you've made the decisions to sleep with them, in a neutral setting.
 

Lady Larunai

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Nov 30, 2010
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Sonic Doctor said:
By nature, the "woman" was a man. By my standards, with the info revealed, no amount of work will convince me that "she" is a real woman. The only person it would be unfair to is me, if I had been lead on into such a relationship.
That scentance alone just shows that you really don't understand and probably never will, the problem is how you see yourself and not with them and the one really being unfair is you.

There is no leading on, you met them as a woman, inside and out they are a woman, and a genetic defect doesn't make them any less of a woman, past is of no concequense.

Also your makeup argument is flawed, you are purposefully trying to deceive at that point, had you had plastic surgery it would be different and you wouldn't need to lie as it would be your actual face, If the girl you tried to get with Was actually a man and was just tucking it in maybe your point would be valid...
 

Lady Larunai

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Matthew94 said:
It's already started.

Someone saying "I wouldn't stay with them if I found out" then someone replying "oh, you don't understand and it's your fault for causing strife".

To be honest the OP should have just read the huge transsexual thread we had a few weeks back.
Yes it has, and there's a valid reason it comes to that point, but my you don't understand remark was more regarding "his" use of quotation marks every time "she" or "her" or anything else came up.

The other part il cop
 

CrystalShadow

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Apr 11, 2009
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Odbarc said:
Would you keep dating a woman who was born a man?
Would you date the person if they said they were a man before you started dating?

"I'm a man. Want to have sex?"
Lol. But no transsexual would say that, because no transsexual thinks that way about themselves.

You (and those making comments like you are) are missing a crucial point in that regard.

You're asking someone to tell you they are actually a man, but they don't think they are.

So... You are in a way asking them to be 'honest' with you by telling you something that in their own opinion is a lie.

How is that supposed to work exactly?
 

renegade7

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Feb 9, 2011
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Vault101 said:
if its just a fling..then no
I feel inclined to say that's wrong...but then again the thought of someone (not me, of course) waking up next to someone and only then finding out they used to be a dude is just too damn funny...