If someone is a post-op transsexual, are they obligated to tell the person they are pursuing/dating?

Chevalier noir

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SonOfVoorhees said:
Yes they are obligated. Because for me, regardless of their operation, i will see that girl as a guy still.
That is all fine and dandy but it doesn't obligate anyone to tell you anything.
 

AngloDoom

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It's difficult. Just because I'm in a relationship with someone, it doesn't mean they have to spill every single secret to me about who they are and what they've done. I don't have the right to pry into everything just because I'm going out with someone.

Then again, I'm entitled to have whatever criteria I want for whom I want I have a romantic or sexual relationship with, and I'm not sure I'd be comfortable going out with someone who was once the same sex as myself.

As weird as it is, I think that most people wouldn't think to ask so it's not going to come up. In that case, should it really matter?

Well, I guess not, but to some people it does so-

Urgh, I'm so torn on this issue...
 

Innegativeion

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Feb 18, 2011
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Melopahn said:
Sex is defined by your chromosomes and the fact that you changed your look doesn't change that chromosome.

Aside from the science side,
Actually, according to this "science side" you are referencing, sex is defined by your body structure.

That is, if you have a vagina you're a woman, if you have a penis you're a man.

Chromosomes determine how a body's cells will go about structuring themselves. XX means the cells will arrange female organs, and produce more estrogen that testosterone. XY means more testosterone and male organs. But the chromosomes themselves don't actually do anything in this regard, they are essentially just the instructions.

Think of it this way; someone starts making a loaf of bread, by reading a recipe. They have a dough mix set up, but someone puts in a lot of sugar and butter and some other ingredients. When the bread comes out, it's a cake. It tastes like cake, it has the consistency of cake etc. Would you call it a bread loaf, though, because the original instructions said it was so, even though said instructions are no longer adhered to?
 

FolkLikePanda

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Yes, even if it is just a kiss on the lips, if I did that and then found out the person I kissed used to be a bloke/is a bloke/some kind of bloke, I would go bat shit crazy and attempt murder.

But in a nutshell, yeah they should.
 

Lady Larunai

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Innegativeion said:
Melopahn said:
Sex is defined by your chromosomes and the fact that you changed your look doesn't change that chromosome.

Aside from the science side,
Actually, according to this "science side" you are referencing, sex is defined by your body structure.

That is, if you have a vagina you're a woman, if you have a penis you're a man.

Chromosomes determine how a body's cells will go about structuring themselves. XX means the cells will arrange female organs, and produce more estrogen that testosterone. XY means more testosterone and male organs. But the chromosomes themselves don't actually do anything in this regard, they are essentially just the instructions.

Think of it this way; someone starts making a loaf of bread, by reading a recipe. They have a dough mix set up, but someone puts in a lot of sugar and butter and some other ingredients. When the bread comes out, it's a cake. It tastes like cake, it has the consistency of cake etc. Would you call it a bread loaf, though, because the original instructions said it was so, even though said instructions are no longer adhered to?
I like it!
Trans people are like cake, best analogy ever!
Beats the prisoner one at least.
Got an analogy for what people are like parfait? A wanna be one of those :)
 

Flames66

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axlryder said:
For all intensive purposes,
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH IT'S "intents and purposes"!!!!!

OT: That is a very difficult question. I think it depends on circumstance (general cop-out answer).
 

II2

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Honesty is the stuff of functional relationships. /end

As far as obligation as a moral impetus, I don't really think there's any answer that will please everyone. As a practical choice, definitely: hiding something people consider as fundamental as sexual identity from someone who desires access to you for that exact reason will (at best) cause some 'you lied' tension. Besides that it would serve as an early warning radar for partners who would find it objectionable.
 

Something Amyss

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Mortai Gravesend said:
SonOfVoorhees said:
Yes they are obligated. Because for me, regardless of their operation, i will see that girl as a guy still.
Do you tell people that kind of thing beforehand? Because you're totally obligated since someone might care. Or is that some kind of selfish one way double standard? If you care they need to say something, but I doubt you tell people every last thing they might care about.
Maybe we should just trade complete medical histories, including a detailed DNA map and current endochrine levels.

FolkLikePanda said:
Yes, even if it is just a kiss on the lips, if I did that and then found out the person I kissed used to be a bloke/is a bloke/some kind of bloke, I would go bat shit crazy and attempt murder.
that sounds...Less than stable. You're saying that they should disclose due to an infirmity that appears to be yours.
 

nekoali

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If you are pre-op.. Yes, this is something you should probably be telling your partner before things start getting sexual. I mean you really don't want to be surprising them with that at the last minute...

If you are post op, then you probably should be telling anyway. If it's a one night thing, it can probably slide... But if you are seeking a relationship with someone then honestly is a good idea if you want it to last any time.

People in general need to stop treating this is as some horrible secret... It just happens that some people's minds and bodies don't match up. Treating it like a shameful disgusting thing is what leads to all the problems. Of course, I don't expect those attitudes to change overnight...
 

FolkLikePanda

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Zachary Amaranth said:
FolkLikePanda said:
Yes, even if it is just a kiss on the lips, if I did that and then found out the person I kissed used to be a bloke/is a bloke/some kind of bloke, I would go bat shit crazy and attempt murder.
that sounds...Less than stable. You're saying that they should disclose due to an infirmity that appears to be yours.
Yeah, I am exaggerating when I say that I would "atttempt muderer" but anyways to me I'd still see that person as male and so I wouldn't be too comfortable with the fact that I have kissed a bloke on the lips and so I would be quite annoyed with with the person for not telling me beforehand.
 

A Weakgeek

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CrystalShadow said:
Since you seem to know your stuff medical wise I'm going to ask you a question. What kind of pleasure does one get from having sex with an artificial penis, since that thing cant feel anything? Wouldn't It be pretty much the same thing if I attached a pickle or something on my stomach and used that?

PS: This is a serious question, even though it might seem like trolling.
 

Something Amyss

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FolkLikePanda said:
Yeah, I am exaggerating when I say that I would "atttempt muderer" but anyways to me I'd still see that person as male and so I wouldn't be too comfortable with the fact that I have kissed a bloke on the lips and so I would be quite annoyed with with the person for not telling me beforehand.
Obviously you didn't see that "bloke" as a male a minute ago.

Mortai Gravesend said:
That sounds like it ought to satisfy most people. I mean privacy is for people with something to hide, right? -__-
I wouldn't know. I have nothing to hide. What, do you think I have something to hide? Why are you accusing me of having something to hide????

Unfortunately, I think this is like that "vaginal probe" bill, where the people proposing it don't see it as a problem to put others to a higher standard than themselves.
 

Something Amyss

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A Weakgeek said:
CrystalShadow said:
Since you seem to know your stuff medical wise I'm going to ask you a question. What kind of pleasure does one get from having sex with an artificial penis, since that thing cant feel anything? Wouldn't It be pretty much the same thing if I attached a pickle or something on my stomach and used that?

PS: This is a serious question, even though it might seem like trolling.
An "artificial penis" in this case is one which uses normal tissue from the person in question, but is enhanced. It is sensate, but will have limitations to it, as the afforementioned erectile tissue issue.
 

A Weakgeek

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lisadagz said:
Actually, something that's occurred to me is that a lot of people are saying that some people don't feel comfortable about transsexuals and so transpeople are obligated to tell everyone, even if it's a one night stand, because their potential distaste of the matter would mean that they may then choose not to date/sleep with them.

I'm not entirely sure if I think this is a good or a bad argument but I'd just like to put this out there:

If a black person picks up a white person at a bar, and the white person is blind, do you think the black person should say "Oh, by the way, I'm black," out of respect for the possibility that the white person may be racist so that the racist person knows what they're getting into and can back out?

It just seems to me that transphobia is tolerated more than other kinds of prejudice, and I know it's more complex than just being born a certain colour or even with a certain kind of sexuality but it still stems from being born in a certain body with an opposing sense of self.
If you were the black person and found out that the blind person was indeed racist, would you be sad that you didn't get to have sex with him? If it was me, I certanly wouldn't be.
 

FolkLikePanda

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Zachary Amaranth said:
FolkLikePanda said:
Yeah, I am exaggerating when I say that I would "atttempt muderer" but anyways to me I'd still see that person as male and so I wouldn't be too comfortable with the fact that I have kissed a bloke on the lips and so I would be quite annoyed with with the person for not telling me beforehand.
Obviously you didn't see that "bloke" as a male a minute ago.
True, but when I find that they used to be a bloke then all of the things that makes them a woman go out of the window for me and I would be annoyed at them for not telling me that they were a bloke.

And fair enough it may not be fair on them having to tell everyone they have an interest in that they used to be a man but it isn't fair on the person they get intimate if that person doesn't know they're an ex-man.
 

TheDarkestDerp

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No. Why should they?

I know my fiance has done many things in his life, possibly terrible things, but they've no bearing on who he is right now, the man I love. If knowing who or even what he used to be changed my view of him that much, it wouldn't say much good about our relationship or me.

Pertaining to post-op transexuals- As the saying goes "If it looks like a duck, waddles like a duck and quacks like a duck, what are you fucking worried about? For practical purposes it's a duck. Be happy and carry on."