If You Were Admin of the Entire Internet ...

[The Virgo]

You wake up, groggily get yourself out of bed, walk over to your computer and bring it up. As you load up your internet browser, you notice that it's different. There are all kinds of control panels on the screen, giving you IP addresses and a whole host of other things. You then go to a website and see that you basically have all kinds of control options for it. That one and many more ... in fact, ALL of them!

That's when you notice a small notification that reads that you have been giving Admin powers over the entire internet! You can shut down whatever site you like, ban anybody from any website or forum, or even just prevent them from using the internet at all! You could also shut down servers for any game, and nobody on any site could ban you.

So, what would you do?

As for me, I would go to YouTube and do some deep cleaning of the putrefaction that has accumulated there. From there, I would move on to 4Chan. Then, I would take down Origin, so that EA could remove that site and I could play Battlefield 3 without having to sign up for that spyware site. And then, the internet would be that much nicer of a place.

What about YOU? ...

 

[Kvaedi]

I would start building a hit list. Take down EA, take down various other evil companies 1-1000, and then probably begin extorting money from evil companies 1-1000 to let them run their websites for monthly payments of more money than I can imagine.

 

[The Virgo]

I would move on to 4Chan.

Just out of interest, what would you do to 4chan?

Send the "Permanent Internet Banhammer" down on the site and all of its users. What else COULD you do with 4Chan? If it were a physical location, it would have to be scrubbed down with biochemical disinfectant by people wearing HAZMAT suits and then set on fire ... and then be scrubbed down again. :-/

I would start building a hit list. Take down EA, take down various other evil companies 1-1000, and then probably begin extorting money from evil companies 1-1000 to let them run their websites for monthly payments of more money than I can imagine.

I don't EA. In fact, many fond memories from my childhood came from games like The Sims, Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2, Flight Simulator 2, Sim Theme Park and many other games they published. I just hate Origin.

In fact, that's the only reason I didn't buy Battlefield 3 because I REALLY wanted that game. So, I just want Origin gone so I can play their stuff. Simple enough. <:-/

 

[The Virgo]

I would move on to 4Chan.

Just out of interest, what would you do to 4chan?

I have never been to 4chan and my opinion is based off hearsay.

Fixed that for you. Im not sure what you heard about 4chan, or what you saw if you did visit, but its a completely normal website. More hostile, sure, but thats about it.

As admin of the entire internet, I don't have to actually care. "More Hostile" is a good enough reason for me to can it. Since it isn't doing the world any kind of service, aside from producing meme pictures, there is no need for it. And don't forget that people fought over fucking Boxxy on there.

There. Boxxy is a good enough excuse for me to close it. What now?

 

[The .50 Caliber Cow]

Wait, what it came true?

Everything is mine?

Banhammer for everyone, evil and innocent alike. Muhahahahaha!

[sub][sub]Moo! [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9iIgQN5uZE&feature=related][/sub][/sub]

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

I honestly would do nothing. Every time I become an admin of something, I just let people do their own thing and have fun.

Admin does not mean fun killer. Not always, at least.

 

[Pinkamena]

Oh, the things I would do!
I'd scour through the internet, insta-banning every troll I could find.

 

[Esotera]

A real sysadmin would probably do it all through a terminal, not a web-browser control panel, but that said...

- Shut down facebook every day for an hour at the same time, and laugh at how it makes front-page news because of the riots
- Write a script so that every millionth twitter tag was swapped with the millionth and first
- Change the responses on "we the people" in a witty way
- Create a large anonymity network (basically donate more servers to tor), and hamper censorship in opressive regimes
- Impose a mandatory CPU tax of 10% on non-idle computers, and 100% on idle computers, to learn many new things through distributed computing.

And finally, I'd install Linux on EVERYTHING.

 

[Muspelheim]

I'd probably end up like a Conan-painting, sitting around on my internet-throne looking bored.

Well, after perhaps trolling Fox News's sites and shutting down extremist recruitment sites. And of course herald in the Age of Furfagia (to many, many people's delicious chagrin). Oh, and I'd also that all Arrow to the Knee-jokes be followed by a real arrow to the knee. And plaster my royal seal on all sites I approve.

I should stop daydreaming now, I'm already picking colours for my throne.

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

Oh, the things I would do!
I'd scour through the internet, insta-banning every troll I could find.

The following phrases would be logged to be insta bans plus a free punch in the face.

"You mad bro" and all variations
"noob" of any form ever in all games
Anyone claiming to be nigerian royalty
"God hates"
"/Thread"

All racism, brutal sexism, and interlerent hate websites would be destroyed.

Anyone weak trolling in an unfunny way banned - IE people who think this kinda action is amusing or witty

http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e72/sa2master/Trollface.png

All arrow to the knee joke tellers will be banned and have arrows shot into their knees.

 

[Scarim Coral]

Quite fankly I would be a hero in a way (getting rid of every pedo and anything illigals or sickening stuff on the internet) but at the same time a corrupted hero (stat banning anyone who call me a noob in some online game).

 

[TheTygerfire]

Using the wrong form of "there" is a perma-IP ban

and xXxNOFUCKINGBORDERSxXx

 

[The Virgo]

All arrow to the knee joke tellers will be banned and have arrows shot into their knees.

Oh God, this times 100,000 to the 50th power. Arrow in the Knee jokes weren't that funny to begin with, much less when everyone started doing them. >_<

Also, one great thing about being that powerful is that you could use overly blatant cheats, like in CS:S, using a speedhack, aimbot, wallhack, godmode hack and whatnot and not be able to get banned! XD And make it where people couldn't log off from the server unless they turned off their computers! XD Classic, really.

 

[The Virgo]

You do realize that Boxxy is hated on 4chan right? And that mentioning her is a bannable offense on some boards? And that her "worship" was done in a completely sarcastic fashion?

What am I talking about, of course you dont, because you have no idea what you are talking about.

What now indeed?

What now? Now I say that I really couldn't give any less of a shit anyway and that I would still take it down if I had ultimate internet powers, Boxxy lovers or not. Now I also say that there is not a single thing you can do to make me care about your precious site and that further argument on this topic is fruitless for you as I will not budge from my position.

That's what happens now.

 

[Alkaline]

I'd probably perma-ban this website, to be quite honest.

 

[xDarc]

Go Snake Plissken and shut it all down.

Welcome to the human race.