If You Were Admin of the Entire Internet ...

[ToastiestZombie]

1)Make EVERYONE lighten up a bit. If you display negativity, pessimism or hate in places that don't need it then you will be suspended and told to lighten up. Seriously I'm starting to like 4chan much better because they really do not take many things seriously. People on there aren't afraid to post funny stuff and nice stuff.

2)I would encourage everyone to settle their disputes in food fights instead of petty debate! Someone hating on a show you want, just throw a pie in their face and hope they don't throw something better. Like a wet fish!

3)Also I would ban everyone and anyone who makes Rule 34 and child porn, I have had too many childhood and current things I liked ruined by seeing rule 34. For example spongebob, MLP, bob the builder. The list goes on and on.

4)Silliness and fun is allowed in any way shape or form, so if someone wants to throw a virtual pie at someone let them do it, if it doesn't hurt anyone then I'll be fine with it.

So overall I wouldn't ban anyone except for Child and Rule 34 porn makers. At most I would give someone a suspension.

Oh wait one more thing, I would insta ban ANYONE who pays less than 1 dollar for the humble indie bundle.

[EDIT] Also this is my 1337 post! I feel happy! Now, to get that Neo badge!

 

[The Virgo]

Without the internet we would be so far behind where we are now. I don't know how this is not obvious.
Without the internet our rate of knowledge expansion would drop like a rock.

It is said that if the barbarians hadn't sacked Rome so many years ago, we would, without a doubt, be light years ahead of where we are. We might have had rockets in the 1700's. It's all speculative, of course, but everything we achieved from year 0 to 1980~ AD, whenever the internet came about, was achieved without it. The atomic age. The space age. The polio vaccine. The camera. Pasteurization. That and so much more ... all without the internet. What have we gotten from the internet that was really fantastic? Image sharing sites? :-/

And no, knowledge expansion would not drop because we would just do what people did years before: Go to libraries, read scientific journals, talk to people who lived in those times, etc. Those paragraphs are just plain wrong.

How did we manage 25 years ago with no internet, i do wonder...god forbid we must read books or engage in face to face conversation with human beings. the thought of it... horrifying!!

You said it, dude! XD

I'd remove this thread! Oh wait... I can!

Just kidding, I won't. Although if I keep seeing people arguing with all this hostility, I might be tempted to lock it. =P

I probably wouldn't do too much different. I wouldn't outright ban someone right away, but I'd probably hand out a lot of warnings and stuff to people that are being outright jerks.

As for websites, I don't really visit the bad ones, so I'd only ban them if I got a ton of people reporting it or something. >.>

I know. This has become a very hostile thread, full of people who are somehow convinced piracy is okay and that, without the internet, nothing would happen and nobody could learn anything. <:-/

It must be nice to be a moderator, though. ... Except for having to put up with whiny, butthurt people demanding retribution! XD Thanks for doing a good job!

 

[ToastiestZombie]

Snip

Look man you have started and continued about half of the arguments in this thread. If I had a picture I hadn't used before I would of threw a pie at you for hypocrosy. But Now I shall just slap you with a fish!

Spoiler

Also I agree that this thread should be locked. Shame because it's quite a nice thread and I commend you OP for making it. But I do not commend you for feeling the urge to argue with everyone you don't agree with.

 

[Slippers]

snip

I wouldn't do shit.

If I were actually pressed down to "mod" it for a bit. I'd ban the lot that want something banned.

 

[Havoc Himself]

I would destroy anyone who utters the phrase arrow to the knee, and probably let people go about their business aside from that.

 

[Thespian]

"Attention Internet! I have something to say. Ahem. Uh... Carry on. Keep-Keep it up, guys. Yeah."

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

Without the internet we would be so far behind where we are now. I don't know how this is not obvious.
Without the internet our rate of knowledge expansion would drop like a rock.

It is said that if the barbarians hadn't sacked Rome so many years ago, we would, without a doubt, be light years ahead of where we are. We might have had rockets in the 1700's. It's all speculative, of course, but everything we achieved from year 0 to 1980~ AD, whenever the internet came about, was achieved without it. The atomic age. The space age. The polio vaccine. The camera. Pasteurization. That and so much more ... all without the internet. What have we gotten from the internet that was really fantastic? Image sharing sites? :-/

And no, knowledge expansion would not drop because we would just do what people did years before: Go to libraries, read scientific journals, talk to people who lived in those times, etc. Those paragraphs are just plain wrong.

Well I don't know who the fuck you quoted but I didn't say that. I said "Why bother having a bounty of information and creativity when you can have a minuscule collection of shit." Which describes what libraries have in comparison to the internet.

Have you ever been to Wikipedia? It's a wonderful site with a bounty of knowledge and it's free. It gets a bum rap because anyone can edit it, but the information is more often than not correct. After 30 seconds of reading an article you can have enough knowledge of what it is to have a view on it. If you want more you can read the entire article and then surf through the sources and references and read them, browsing through their sources and references. You can do this all in a day or two, whereas if you try and learn it all from a book you'll spend a week reading some ****'s research and end up no further forward than you were before.

The internet isn't vital but it sure as shit is better than what they had before it. Don't trivialise the significance of the internet because you're too fucking out of touch with how the world works now. The internet is a massive part of how we live, like it or not. We can share everything in an instant to people all across the world because of it and you're sat there saying all the internet amounts to is a variety of image sharing boards.

I can't believe I have to say this again on this site but grow the fuck up. Realise that the internet is brilliant ingenious tool and sit back down.

 

[The Virgo]

I like that if I don't like MovieBob, there's something wrong, but if someone likes 4chan, they're scum. You realise 4chan is more than just /b/, right?

I don't care, actually. /b/, /v/, /whatever/ it's all the same to me.

You know, replace some words in your post and the post you replied to, and it'd be called "racism".

I can change a few words in a Disney cartoon and it will sound like extremely racist. But that doesn't mean that Walt was a racist or intended for his cartoon to be racist.

I'm not racist, I just hate 4Chan. And 4Chan is not a group of people that have feelings and emotions ... it is a website.

Also, why does everybody keep defending it? If you love it so much, why don't you declare it to be your God, build "The Church of the Holy 4Chan" and get it over with? And you can have statues of your saints, like St. Okay Guy, St. Furry, St. Troll ... XD

Plus, ignoring facts in order to instill your own narrow viewpoints on a culture you obviously have issues with...

I believe that can be called a dictatorship.

Sigh ... you know, I used to be open minded. Really. I would debate on issues to get the full scope of things and even change my opinion if I was wrong. I was like that for many years ... and then, one day, I can't even remember when, I realized that I wasn't happy having to be agreeable. And then, that lead to the person you see now.

Now, sometimes I will still have a logical debate with people and change my viewpoints accordingly, but not as much as I used to. And especially not when it comes to 4Chan.

You can continue to argue that 4Chan is okay, but I'm not going to change my mind. So there. Let's end this before this erupts into another flame war.

 

[meerkat23]

Delete all the arrow to the knee jokes. Clean house at the infinty ward forums (if the site ever works) and ban all rage comics. Seriously, I'm so bored of rage comics.

 

[The Virgo]

Well I don't know who the fuck you quoted but I didn't say that. I said "Why bother having a bounty of information and creativity when you can have a minuscule collection of shit." Which describes what libraries have in comparison to the internet.

Oops. I tried to quote someone else. My mistake. But since you want to argue...

Libraries have the same "shit" that you can find on Wikipedia. And it gets you off your ass and into the open air. Besides, wikipedia can be altered by anybody. And what do you have against books? I read the second paragraph you posted and it feels like the wikipedia creator talking to me. Everything you can find on wikipedia you can find in a book, only more comprehensive. It's the same thing.

The internet isn't vital but it sure as shit is better than what they had before it.

I don't know. Life was so much simpler when, if someone was being a jerk (like, uh, you?), you could just punch them in the face. Now, you have to type out something.

Don't trivialise the significance of the internet because you're too fucking out of touch with how the world works now.

And this is where I stop reading. You're obviously just trying to flame me and have obviously never gotten outside. Do it. Do something you've never done before: Turn off the computer, walk outside and take a deep breath. I promise you that lack of internet connection won't kill you. It's a DSL cable, not an umbilical cord. Go to a concert. (I'm going to see Roger Waters perform The Wall live later this year! And I know it'll be better than watching it from a computer screen.) Find a girl (if you're a straight guy). Go for a walk somewhere, anywhere! Read a book. You'll see that it's no different from a wikipedia article, except that you can trust it better!

Everything that's on the internet can be found by not being stuck in front of a computer screen. And you know what? When you do, you'll find that the world doesn't 100% function because of the internet. There still is an existence beyond the screen in front of your eyes.

Try it. You'll thank me later.

 

[Hyper-space]

I'd ban nostalgia-worship, its the single most damaging thing possible in a discussion and to most forums in general. You simply cannot have a discussion about ANYTHING (be it music, video-games or movies) without some idiot going "HEY GUYS, I LACK THE PERSPECTIVE TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN HOW I VIEWED AND ENJOYED THINGS AS A CHILD AND HOW I DO AS AN ADULT".

Fucking balls, man.

 

[Duffeknol]

Delete 4chan. Delete all chan affiliates. Send the IP addresses of everyone on those websites to the FBI and the Los Zetas, see who gets there first. Re-instate 4chan just to delete it again. Re-instate 4chan again, but make the website so that everyone who goes there gets a virus so tough their CPU melts instantly. Then remove the comment function on youtube. Forever.

EDIT: permaban every brony and everyone with a pony avatar.

 

[DEAD34345]

I'd do pretty much nothing, even resisting the urge to censor things like the Westboro Church (or at least, I'd try to resist that urge). Actually, I might dick around by messing with a few people's accounts and freaking them out for a laugh, I wouldn't leave them with any permanent or severely negative effects, though. I don't want the internet to become a dictatorship, even if I get to be the dictator.

 

[winginson]

Something like: Mwuh ha ha ha ha ha!

Then make people worship batman as a god. I haven't really thought much about this.

Also publish the names and adresses of people doing sick crap. Theres no justice like angry mob justice.

 

[Tiger Sora]

There would be much purging of things not meant to be. There is gona be a significant drop in the level of porn on the internet. Not that I'm against it. There is just alota stuff that shouldn't be available.

Many people would be banned for trolling, and for people who are serious haters. It's ok to not like something, but after the great purge is done there should be nothing actually to hate so much as to attack it with fire.

Cat memes, banned. I know there old and you don't see them as often as they were, I still need to see them gone.

I'd do something about all the malicious viruses and such on the web. Windows users should be quite pleased.

Hackers I can't do much about from inside the web. I can't be omnipresent to stop them all.

Have alot of online TOS and EULA changed so the customer isn't screwed over royally. Still protection for the companies, but they can't spy on you, or say you can't sue them, blah blah blah, ect.

This is all I can think of now. Other than making something to do all of this for me. Cause I can't monitor the internet all day everyday.

 

[ChildishLegacy]

CTRL + F
Type in: "Arrow to the knee"
Ban all IPs that have sent those words in that order.

Also anybody that says anything obscenely racist just gets a swastika as their avatar on anything, so everybody acknowledges them as a moron.

 

[RastaBadger]

Probably mess with Fox, EA and a few other companies so they start being nicer. Not take their sites down permanently (at least not at first) because I disagree with censorship. After that give Valve some more server space so they don't crash every time they have a sale. Otherwise I'd let it run as it is stepping in every so often to get rid of anything terrible.

 

[Alkaline]

It's funny that you joined the site in March 2011, and have the "watched 100 ZP videos" badge, yet claim it stopped being funny a long time ago.

Were you forced to watch 100 of them in 9 months?

Just curious! No disrespect meant or anything. I mean you might have been lurking long before then, but then if you think they were past their best a long time ago, your badges seem to suggest you've kept watching.

My brother watches it with my account logged in.

 

[Meight08]

I'd ban this guy [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/profiles/view] because he's always making bad posts.

the hell root what did i do?!

ot:ban all rule 34 of kids shows
and start a smear campaign of west borro baptist church and any government official i dont like
Then when everybody is happy...

Spoiler: my secret plan

PONIFY THE INTERNET!

 

[The Virgo]

I'd ban nostalgia-worship, its the single most damaging thing possible in a discussion and to most forums in general. You simply cannot have a discussion about ANYTHING (be it music, video-games or movies) without some idiot going "HEY GUYS, I LACK THE PERSPECTIVE TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN HOW I VIEWED AND ENJOYED THINGS AS A CHILD AND HOW I DO AS AN ADULT".

Not all nostalgia is bad (I first listened to Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here" album when I was about six, and it hasn't stopped being amazing. Same thing for The Sims 1 and Sonic Adventure ... except for Big the Cat XD ), but I totally agree about blind nostalgia worship. Not everything that was wonderful when you were young survives the transition to adulthood.

Delete 4chan. Delete all chan affiliates. Send the IP addresses of everyone on those websites to the FBI and the Los Zetas, see who gets there first. Re-instate 4chan just to delete it again. Re-instate 4chan again, but make the website so that everyone who goes there gets a virus so tough their CPU melts instantly. Then remove the comment function on youtube. Forever.

EDIT: permaban every brony and everyone with a pony avatar.

Heh. When I say those kinds of things in much nicer fashion, like deleting 4Chan (I didn't even say I would permaban bronies) I get yelled at and shit by everybody. You do it, two bronies post below and don't even say anything! XD

After that give Valve some more server space so they don't crash every time they have a sale.

Or better yet, hack into their computers so we can see just how far along they are with Episode Three. Then again, you'd probably just find Two Half-Finished maps (see what I did there?), and five textures.