If you were an evil overlord, who or what would you use for henchmen?

Imperioratorex Caprae

Henchgoat Emperor
May 15, 2010
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JoJo said:
amaranth_dru said:
Henchgoats snip
Bravo, that's the best explanation we've had on this thread yet! With such villainous potential, I would like to formally invite you to join us at the Injustice League, if you wish accept to accept my offer please follow the below link to reach our group:

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/groups/view/The-Injustice-League
Thank you, oh evil one. I accept your invitation. All hail the GOATLORD! Henchgoats, salute!
 

rednose1

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Oct 11, 2009
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Monkeys.
There is no situation where the addition of monkeys fails to make it better.
Picture a fancy event at a modern art museum. Now picture same fancy pants party, only add monkeys.
Full U.N. summit meeting. Now add monkeys to the mix.
Air show, full of planes....yea, add some monkeys.
 

spartan231490

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Jan 14, 2010
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Can I have Myrddraal, from Wheel of Time? Nearly immortal fear inspiring monsters that can travel through space by shadows are a badass group of minions
 

Little Woodsman

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Nov 11, 2012
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skywolfblue said:
Hmm... Disney Princesses at first seemed plausible:
1) Introduce Hero to Disney Princess
2) Have a last fight to make it convincing and then say " you convinced me to change my ways"!
3) Throw wedding party for Hero and Disney Princess
4) Continue with evil overlord plans now that the hero is out of the way.

...But then I realized that in nearly every Disney film the villain dies. Which is surprisingly dark. So they'd be more likely to just murder me then believe I had changed. 'Tis a pity, seemed like such a good plan.
Aha, you fail to see the levels of fiendish cunning in my plan, for I am *That* Evil Overlord!
The one who rules with justice and mercy.
The one who makes the hard calls with self-sacrifice when necessary.
The one who toils day and night to improve the lot of all.

So when the 'Hero' marries one of my hench-persons, he actually joins our cause and fights on our side.
So what makes me an 'evil' overlord?
Simple. I have an evil mustache!
Oh, and that thing about making the hard calls--pretty sure there are some of those that will make me unpopular, and I will be saddled with the surname 'the merciless' because of it....

But yeah, no ironical death scene for me, no revolution of my forces for me.
My Princesses and I shall conquer all!
Nicely, for the betterment of everyone.
 

Grottnikk

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Mar 19, 2008
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An army of liquid Terminators that can turn their bodies into various deadly things, like in T3. And they'd all look like Kristana Lokken, too, just in case... uh...well, just in case. Yeah :)
 

Cazza

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Jul 13, 2010
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The Gun Fu guys from Equilibrium. In the modern age with guns it's a far better idea then people with swords.
 

silver wolf009

[[NULL]]
Jan 23, 2010
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The Matrix Sentinels.



Huge, imposing, frighteningly agile, lethal, and single mindedly dedicated towards the task at hand. They're my favorite killer robots without a doubt, and are equally as useful for clean up, recovery, rescue, siege, bombing runs, and reconnaissance.
 

Blacklight28

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Nov 27, 2013
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Tough one, hmmm.

Give me a loyal army of Prototypes/Evolved.
Prototype said:
Super strength and speed, the ability to shipshape body parts into deadly weapons and armour, the ability to consume victims to gain all of their memories and allow themselves to shape shift into a perfect replica of the victim... what more could you want in a soldier?
 

Strazdas

Robots will replace your job
May 28, 2011
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shootthebandit said:
Strazdas said:
appropriate response:
Tiny little asbestos jackets. I have the most prepared army of hornets and once again nothing can stop me now
Bad choice. Asbest is not only poisonous (so it would kill them quickly) but also explodes when thrown into open flame, thus would in fact speed up thier death.

hermes200 said:
Because it that is a valid answer, an army of Cthulhu‎s would be pretty cool.
There is a problem, how do you control a Cthulhu?

Azure23 said:
I always wanted to see the silver knights dogpile an eternal dragon, peel it's scales back and prick it to death. Or imagine Gwyn's four fighting them, that's something I'd pay out the ass to see
I always wanted creatures of the game fight eachother, hence i always enjoyed mods like that. too bad our taste is not shared by many modders and mostly have to limit ourselves to games that are mmos or faction based ones where we can just put them in two opposing factions.

Blacklight28 said:
Give me a loyal army of Prototypes/Evolved.
That is actualy one of the most formidable in the thread. Almost immortal as well. still, its armor can be wasted away and it may not be allwoed to get any humans to refill itself. and as far as i know it cant eat metal so my robots will waste him sooner or later.

Capcha: You're fired!
Yes, you are. now go away capcha.
 

Groxnax

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Apr 16, 2009
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I will create an army of Cyber Chi-Chi's (from Dragonball Z) that ride mecha T-Rex's, tanks or giant MEGAS's.

Or (oh crap) have an army of MEGAS's, that will have DNA scanners, vocal passwords, eye scanners and other identification features or the person will be shot.
 

Qvar

OBJECTION!
Aug 25, 2013
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Imp Emissary said:
Think about it.
In stories, the hero's sometimes have to set up a whole army to take down one dragon.

I will have nothing to fear if I have a whole army of them.
And they come in so many different types. I'll have a dragon for every needed task.
This guy

Caramel Frappe said:
These guys don't mess around. They're so loyal to their lord that they'll fight dragons head on and even when scorched in the fire- they'll return with dignity, their armors blackened by the fire itself. They're very tough due to their massive sizes and range from carrying large swords, greatswords, axes, and spears.

Why are they the perfect minions? They'll stand on guard for centuries and will seek out whatever target you've assigned them too even if they must aimlessly wonder the Earth in search for said target. A legion of these guys would be deadly indeed.
would make short work of you.
 

Multi-Hobbyist

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Oct 26, 2009
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Elfgore said:
and they have difficulty speaking English.
The perfect minions.
Pissing, myself, laughing. Anyways, you only need one true henchman to achieve everything you'd want. If you need any more than one, than your calculations are off. Behold, spoiler bars!

Ahh Alucard. Yes, if you want someone loyal to your cause, you need only show you know how to be a human.
Or, if this choice happened to be unavailable for contact .....

Hmm, or how about Q, or any single member of the Q Continuum? Strike up a deal with them and your fancy is their wishful command.
 

Nosirrah

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Apr 16, 2013
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An army of robot unicorns with rainbow lasers.
I am the most fabulous of all super villains.
My lair would be filled with horse poop.
I'll settle for an army of sentient bananas instead.

Bittersteel said:
My elite units/Bodyguards:
You don't fuck with Spetnaz. You just don't.
Why would you need a back flip hatchet attack? What purpose does that serve?
Although, watching the executions of world leaders would be much more entertaining if it was caused by a back flip off a trapeze through some flaming hoops and a decapitation.
 

Lord Kloo

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Jun 7, 2010
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Slave armies, child soldiers and people with a tragic back-story leading to them signing up in the generic mercenary company. They will be drugged/hypnotised and beaten into loving me and my evil plans. They're also cheap as hell, slaves don't get paid, the child soldiers only need to be hooked on my drugs and propaganda and the generic merc company doesn't get paid very well.

Any solo heroes will be to sad at killing people and child who were relatively forced into fighting for evil, governments will be toppled by angry liberal commie hippie protesters who say killing my armies of deprived slaves/children/poor people is bad.

None will be able to stop me

Except chaotic good.. those guys are hard to beat
 

someonehairy-ish

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Mar 15, 2009
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Interns. They're good at menial tasks, and their souls/wills come pre-broken so you don't have to bother. Plus you can easily arrange a horde of them.
 

SD-Fiend

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Nov 24, 2009
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I'd be evil In the same way king DeDeDe is, not really evil but an annoying guy that does what he wants with little care for the people he steps on. I always loved it when cartoon shows had villans that represented bad habits like not bathing or eating too much junk food and not exercising (especially when the villans were perfectly healthy despite that)so my minions would be based on various bad habits and have obvious names that told you what habit they represented like Admiral Rotooth or Sir Loungealot or something.
 

VileForceOfDarkness

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Jan 8, 2014
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A clone army of nuns and orphans.
Because when someone from the democratic society tries to go against me, they will get 0 votes in the next election. Nobody votes for the "Kill nuns and orphans party" representative.

That should keep me safe.