I'm a Nice Guy, Where's My Sex?

PsychicTaco115

I've Been Having These Weird Dreams Lately...
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Mar 17, 2012
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Women of the Escapist, I am completely baffled

I show common decency towards m'ladies and all I get is called a "friend." In some extreme cases, I've actually been an older AND younger brother to two completely different users here! Fucking family-zoned, amiright??

Where's the sex though? If there's one thing that TV and movies have taught me is that being nice = instant bed banging! By being nice, I mean things like not calling you two-faced sluts to your face, holding doors open and generally doing other things in a platonic matter for the sake of said 'friendship'.

Why do us nice fellows keep getting royally screwed by this social nightmare? As we all know, women always repay kind deeds with sexual favors! It's in the Bible somewhere so it must be true.

TL;DR: Where's my sexy times?
 

Elfgore

Your friendly local nihilist
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Dec 6, 2010
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You're losing your touch, Taco. I knew this was one of your beautiful threads after a large friendzone or nice guy debate arises from a mile away. Now time for silliness.

OT... or off-topic. I can't really tell: I agree with you completely. I hold doors open for countless girls everyday. But does one ever offer me sex? NO! They are a bunch of stuck up hoes who only go for the jocks! They don't realize how nice I am to them and that I will treat them right. As an undersexed nice guy, I demand action! Sex for Nice Guys 2014!

Now I must leave. I must go agree with other nice guys on tumblr about how foolish these girls are for rejecting us. I leave you people with a tip of my fedora.

 

Vegosiux

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May 18, 2011
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You're nice, you say? But can you convince people that indeed is the case? You see, "niceness" is something so easily faked. Don't be like those guys who keep talking about how nice they are yet get no credit for it. They're losers, and they're losers for one simple reason - they have not bought my product.

What you need, friend, is Vegosiux' Nice-Meter-o-Matic? which will give you the result on a scale from "A Really Swell Fellow" to "Ohmigosh, the density of this dude's niceness is creating a singularity!". Vegosiux' Nice-Meter-o-Matic? can be yours for only a small price of handing the first woman that you dazzle with your objectively measured niceness to me, you can keep all the next ones! I am doing this because I care about you, not at all because I just want let others to pick up chicks for me, I assure you.

So what are you waiting for? Call the number below and change your life forever!

Due to a fuckup of those losers who most likely haven't bought my product at the phone company the number is not available.
 

Jolly Co-operator

A Heavy Sword
Mar 10, 2012
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Taco, the answer is simple: You didn't guilt them enough. Women need to know that not only are you a good sexbanger because of your niceness, but that you deserve sexy times for your basic decency. Try being passive aggressive and mopey about it when they won't repay your courtesy with sexual favors. Works every time. And, as always, don't forget to tip.

 

Thaluikhain

Elite Member
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Jan 16, 2010
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Try calling women evil bitches who just want good looking arseholes, not great guys like you.

I'm not sure how this is supposed to work, but people in your situation keep doing it, must have something going for it.
 

EeveeElectro

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Aug 3, 2008
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Ohh, I just love being beaten and getting spoken down to you see, then maybe we can have sex? You're just not a big enough jerk.

Well other men know women's brains more than women do so listen to them on the matter!

I can't fap over a nice personality after all!
 

Johnny Novgorod

Bebop Man
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Feb 9, 2012
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Sex was within you all along, Taco. All you have to do is press UP UP DOWN DOWN LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT A B and check under the truck in the Vermilion City docks. Just black out on S. S. Anne after you get HM01 and return once you learn Surf. Also don't fight the guy on the Abra patch left of Nugget Bridge and the other guy with the Slowpoke on the way to Bill's House. That way you can catch a Mew later. Then turn off the power while changing storage boxes to multiply the Pokemon on the 6th slot and the item it's holding.

You got all that?
 

Padwolf

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Sep 2, 2010
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Oh Taco, it could be the hat. Refer to this diagram and learn it well, it can mean instant bed banging:


Also, have you tried being a big mean jerk? I hear that goes down with us ladies rather nicely. We don't know what we want afterall and surely we should have you and not the horrible jerk of a boyfriend we currently have.
 

Owyn_Merrilin

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May 22, 2010
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0/10. Sorry, Taco, but the "Nice Guys" never actually go out and say what they really want is sex. Mostly because it's a Tumblr Feminist strawman that that's what they want: the proper term is "intimacy," for all but a select few actual scumbags. Most of them are just inexperienced dudes who don't know what they're doing wrong.
 

Vegosiux

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May 18, 2011
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Owyn_Merrilin said:
0/10. Sorry, Taco, but the "Nice Guys" never actually go out and say what they really want is sex. Mostly because it's a Tumblr Feminist strawman that that's what they want: the proper term is "intimacy," for all but a select few actual scumbags. Most of them are just inexperienced dudes who don't know what they're doing wrong.
Really? To me it usually doesn't even seem like you're supposed to say anything about what you want if you're the nice guy, only imply it through a lot of passive aggressive grumbling. I mean, of course everyone should know what you're talking about, unless they're stupid and such.
 

Barbas

ExQQxv1D1ns
Oct 28, 2013
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Taco, you've answered my prayers!

Everyone add me to their sex list, please. You have no idea how lonely it is in here.
 

Owyn_Merrilin

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May 22, 2010
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Vegosiux said:
Owyn_Merrilin said:
0/10. Sorry, Taco, but the "Nice Guys" never actually go out and say what they really want is sex. Mostly because it's a Tumblr Feminist strawman that that's what they want: the proper term is "intimacy," for all but a select few actual scumbags. Most of them are just inexperienced dudes who don't know what they're doing wrong.
Really? To me it usually doesn't even seem like you're supposed to say anything about what you want if you're the nice guy, only imply it through a lot of passive aggressive grumbling. I mean, of course everyone should know what you're talking about, unless they're stupid and such.
No, really. It's a strawman. The reality of the situation is inexperienced teenagers/young adults not being very good at communicating, and it's something both genders are guilty of. The guys for not being clear about what they want until the last minute, the girls for trying to let the poor guy down "easy" instead of just being honest. Speaking as a male, we're stupid. We don't understand "I'm not interested in a relationship right now" to mean "sorry, I'm not interested in you." That's probably because that's not what it friggin' means, even if that's what you mean by it.

It's a nasty situation, made worse by Tumblr-style Social Justice Warriors who have painted the guys trapped in this mode of thinking as malicious, when they're really just clueless.

Edit: More accurately, it takes a few times of having that phrase and phrases like it used to mean "sorry, no" instead of "sorry, but here, have a sliver of hope" for the average guy to get the message. The stereotypical "nice guy" is inexperienced, not malicious.
 

Vegosiux

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May 18, 2011
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Owyn_Merrilin said:
Oh I realize that, but it's a joke thread, after all. I'm with you on the point that the communication needs to be clearer and most of all, to the point.

But there will always be double standards here, I assume, thanks to the general atmosphere on this discussion.
 

MrHide-Patten

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Jun 10, 2009
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You have to look like Ryan Gosling, thats what movies have taught me. Don't know where you're getting your crazy ideas mate.
 

Under_your_bed

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Sep 15, 2012
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PsychicTaco115 said:
Why do us nice fellows keep getting royally screwed by this social nightmare? As we all know, women always repay kind deeds with sexual favors! It's in the Bible somewhere so it must be true.
Taco, you have truly been the victim of heinous abuse that I can only imagine. I know it's not much, but I hope I can make up for your heroism in some small way.

*Bends over*
 

Dogstile

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Jan 17, 2009
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Goddamn it, I know what you mean, I don this fedora FUCKING TRILBY and people just make fun of me!
 

ryderawsome

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Apr 23, 2009
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Nice guys are still allowed to be forward about their feelings. A woman does not owe you anything just because you are nice to her. She isn't a prize you get when you store up enough nice points.
 

MeChaNiZ3D

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Aug 30, 2011
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Could everyone please just fucking stop? The ridiculousness of the "nice guy" stereotype is the new "feminism in videogames" around here. I'm sorry, I don't have anything against you Taco, but really, I think we all basically agree that it's stupid to expect to get a relationship from being decent. At least with wearing fedoras we have a number of different opinions, but personally, I've never heard of this nice guy bullshit outside of the internet, and it's a shame that I know about the issue now because it has no relevance or application. Friendzoning is a real thing, and it happens to people who aren't necessarily some kind of platonic doorholder.
 

Fdzzaigl

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Mar 31, 2010
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Lol.

Seriously though, from my experience it's actually the arrogant but self-assured pricks that most women fall for.