I'm the creepy ex-boyfriend

[Ernil Menegil]

This thread is a real eye-opener.

I won't say why, though. However, I will say that my situation is kind of similar in some ways but different in others.

But there is some fantastic advice in here that I can use.

And I hope the OP does the same.

Nobody deserves to be used, ever.

But you know what? People like OP and I deserve far better than manipulative wenches. We deserve the best, but only if we rise above our personal inadequacies and failings, and become better men. We owe it to ourselves more than anything.

Spoiler: These particular excerpts piss me off.

"She told me she felt used because it was my first time with a girl."
She has no right to use that excuse, due to the following.....

"That was right before she went on her regular trip out of state where she was planning to have sex with this friend of a friend she liked."
Yeah, no. That doesn't work, you stupid *****. You can't use someone for sex and then play the victim.

No, she has the right to feel however she feels, just like I do. There are no right / wrong answers in this scenario and it doesn't have to make any sense. I don't think she was manipulative, stupid, or a "*****." I still care about her and I'm not angry, which I'm happy about because I don't need that useless emotion on my plate either.

I'll never forget the light in her eyes when they were inches away from my own. It was beautiful and perfect. I'm keeping that.

The most admirable response you could possibly give it.

My congratulations, man.

 

[TheDrunkNinja]

Not to be a dick or complain anymore more than I already have, but life is considerably different at age 25 than it is at age 19. There's no school anymore, there aren't really any clubs, and people have families and real lives. The ship sailed on alpha male-ing it up long ago. It was never for me, anyways. Second of all, I know none of my "internet relationships" will ever amount to anything, but I don't care. I like talking to them for the sake of talking to them. They're cool, and considering how little experience I have communicating with members of the opposite sex, I see nothing wrong with and I expect nothing from it. Chicago isn't as close to here as you think it is. It's 56 miles of heavy commuter traffic, plus about $25 or more to park anywhere. I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's a hassle. The towns between here and there are just more busy and annoying versions of this one.

So while I may be stuck at home as a "man-child" as you call it, everyone else I know is, too. You know all that stuff the news says about the economy? It's true. There are no jobs. I have a business degree and I've been making minimum wage for four years. It's pretty much hopeless, and I'm not alone in this little slice of wasteland. A lot of people on this thread have expressed concerns over what I might do and red flags, but I honestly think I'm less of a risk to society in this situation than someone who feels he has to be the dominant alpha male. I have to learn to accept my own failures at some point and I'm coming to terms with it. She's gone. There shall be no replacement. It is. Play it where it lays, as the saying goes.

Excuses and denial.

I can go to my local comic shop to join a DnD group full of 25-30 year olds who are actually willing to leave their rooms for more than an hour a day. That's one example. One. Even if you don't like table top games, if you actually wanted to join a group/team/club/whatever badly enough, you can find one. Saying the convenience of college clubs has come and gone is not an excuse. Notice the word "convenience". That's all it is. These things aren't exclusive to college. Unbeknownst to you, apparently, people still socialize even after their done with college.

You're just being lazy or, more likely, you just don't want to. In that case, you have no right to complain. You're miserable because you want to wallow in your misery. You're life sucks because you allow it to suck.

And I will be damned if someone ever makes the excuse that "there are no jobs". Fuck that. This is America, dammit. Shitty economy or no, there will always be a job that someone needs done. Maybe not the most glamorous job for someone with a degree in business, but just having money to spend, people to see every day, and a place to go outside your damn computer room is worth every shitty hour of work.

Can't do these things? Can't leave the sanctity of your room and actually give a damn about life enough to go out and meet people? Can't bring yourself to even make the attempt at being happy?

Take your self-pity somewhere else. We won't stand for this shit. Not anymore.

You are what you choose to be.

Choose. And choose wisely.

 

[Rose and Thorn]

So there's this girl...

We had an internet relationship for a few months and eventually met in person, but now it's over. She's unfriended me on facebook, doesn't go on skype, and doesn't seem to be anywhere on the internet anymore. I loved (and still love) her. I miss her like crazy. I wonder how she's doing, if she has a new boyfriend, or if she's happy. I want to know she's okay. I sometimes google her name a lot to make sure she didn't randomly die or anything because that sort of thing would pop up on the internet. Her facebook page is bookmarked in my browser and I can still see some of her profile and pictures because of her lax privacy settings and because I'm still friends with one of her friends. The little box in the corner says "friend request sent" from back when she unfriended me and I thought it was a glitch or something.

Is there anything I can do? I want to message her and I want to message her friend to ask about her. I'm worried I'll get fully blocked and I'll lose the last little thread of contact entirely.

I dreamed about her last night. I still have her number in my phone, but I'm not nuts enough yet to call it. It's probably a good thing I don't drink alcohol.

Hey friend, I don't think you sound all that bad at all. Shit, love makes people do crazy things and I am no exception.

I was involved with someone for three years and we were both deeply in love, that person left me out of nowhere. Cheated on me and left me for someone else. It took monthes to get over it and even to this day *A year and a half later* it still pains me a bit. I used to watch this person a lot on facebook and watch this person...in other ways, but always out of respectful loneliness.

Listen, if a person is done with you and cuts contact, it is best to move on yourself. Fuck I know it can suck, but it is for the best and will make you stronger.

And yes, it is a good thing you don't drink, because God knows I have done things I shouldn't have with the ever encouraging spirit of alchohol.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

Excuses and denial.

I can go to my local comic shop to join a DnD group full of 25-30 year olds who are actually willing to leave their rooms for more than an hour a day. That's one example. One. Even if you don't like table top games, if you actually wanted to join a group/team/club/whatever badly enough, you can find one. Saying the convenience of college clubs has come and gone is not an excuse. Notice the word "convenience". That's all it is. These things aren't exclusive to college. Unbeknownst to you, apparently, people still socialize even after their done with college.

You're just being lazy or, more likely, you just don't want to. In that case, you have no right to complain. You're miserable because you want to wallow in your misery. You're life sucks because you allow it to suck.

And I will be damned if someone ever makes the excuse that "there are no jobs". Fuck that. This is America, dammit. Shitty economy or no, there will always be a job that someone needs done. Maybe not the most glamorous job for someone with a degree in business, but just having money to spend, people to see every day, and a place to go outside your damn computer room is worth every shitty hour of work.

Can't do these things? Can't leave the sanctity of your room and actually give a damn about life enough to go out and meet people? Can't bring yourself to even make the attempt at being happy?

Take your self-pity somewhere else. We won't stand for this shit. Not anymore.

You are what you choose to be.

Choose. And choose wisely.

Solid points. (I only wish we had a comic book store, though.) I've decided to quit my job today. You're right that there are jobs, but the job I have is not helping me in any way. There's no point in continuing to suffer. I've got about 4 grand in the bank and I can float by for a little while, and if I can't, so what? No more hiding in the dark and crying every spare moment. No more throwing my shoulder out from holding a gas range on a hand cart. No more callouses on my toes from the steel toe boots. No more constant wondering if I've given myself a groin or hernia injury. No more getting the wind knocked out of my from a hand cart to the gut.

I haven't had a raise in four years and I make minimum wage. Fuck it, I'll go be a janitor or make tacos or wash dishes. I'm done with this shit. No more wanting to kill myself, no more being terrified of permanent injury, and no more bemoaning my shitty job. I can't make people like me, but I can stop hurting myself.

 

[TheDrunkNinja]

Solid points. (I only wish we had a comic book store, though.) I've decided to quit my job today. You're right that there are jobs, but the job I have is not helping me in any way. There's no point in continuing to suffer. I've got about 4 grand in the bank and I can float by for a little while, and if I can't, so what? No more hiding in the dark and crying every spare moment. No more throwing my shoulder out from holding a gas range on a hand cart. No more callouses on my toes from the steel toe boots. No more constant wondering if I've given myself a groin or hernia injury. No more getting the wind knocked out of my from a hand cart to the gut.

I haven't had a raise in four years and I make minimum wage. Fuck it, I'll go be a janitor or make tacos or wash dishes. I'm done with this shit. No more wanting to kill myself, no more being terrified of permanent injury, and no more bemoaning my shitty job. I can't make people like me, but I can stop hurting myself.

Hmmm... Yes, this attitude suits you much better. Alright, I guess I was wrong, you are at least trying to make things better for yourself. Sorry for the harshness. And hey, if you're killing yourself to get a minimum wage, then a job change certainly work better. This is so cliched, but it's always good to look on the bright of life. Especially when you put into perspective that most of our problems, as Americans, are First World problems.

But yeah, that bit at the end about "making people like you" almost negated that list of all the positive changes your making. Do you like table-top games? You may not have a comic shop around that you know of, but look around. There have to be game stores in your area. I'm not talking video games. I'm talking about a genuine "game store" where they sell Magic cards, figurines, Dungeons and Dragons guides, board games, Warhammer stuff, multi-sided dice, comics, collectables, the works. Sometimes they go under the monicker of a comic shop, despite being about more than just comics.

I mean, Magic the Gathering is so fucking popular, there has to be a store that sells them in your area. More times than not, those stores will run DnD or Warhammer sessions once a week or once a month that anyone can join, and they're always helpful with new players.

This kind of stuff is out there, man. You just have to look.

Like I said before, it's all up to you, but I guarantee it's worth it.

 

[ScreamingNinja]

*SNIP*

Trust me, I am still seething with rage whenever I think about him (her I can't do much about). I'm more than likely going to assault him if I see him up the street and I have no friends around to hold me back.

Apparently I can't advocate violence due to mods not living in the real world. XD SO! Next time you see him give them flowers.

 

[Dastardly]

I'll just bury it away and try to pretend it's not there, but I can't get rid of it because it's the only picture of me in existence truly happy. I'm not wallowing, just being honest.

Actually, you're wallowing a bit. You just don't realize it because you don't have perspective yet. You will, and the more of this you do the more embarrassed you'll be later. I know this because I've done it.

Get rid of the picture. No ceremony, don't make a big deal out of it, just throw it in the trash somewhere you can't get to. Find that file or folder on your computer that you keep telling yourself you've "forgotten" and actually delete/forget it. And then empty the Recycle Bin. Delete the e-mails and saved conversations. If you exchanged any gifts, get rid of those, too.

It's not about being mad at her or not being mad at her. It's about taking the knife out of the wound so it can heal. At this point, you're still stabbing yourself. You're convincing yourself that this was a "one of a kind" thing, and that it's the happiest you'll ever be, and all kinds of other completely false things.

But, again, you don't see that yet, and it's understandable. You haven't made it to the other side yet, so you can't fully see just how big a deal you're making of this. Get to the other side. Cut all ties and walk away.

Get involved in other stuff with other people, even if you're not super excited about any of it. Your emotional side is going to play the grump, so your rational side is going to have to force yourself to do things. Your emotional side is going to try to stay miserable, so your rational side is going to have to ignore that. And, as always, eventually your emotional side will lose interest and find something else to rave about.

It starts with that picture. Don't burn it or anything, but don't hold onto it. You need some distance.