To be clear from the start, I AM NOT defending the 'Frat Boy' rape culture that this term has become associated with. This is an exploitative abuse of fellow human beings, powered by a machismo culture that has no place in modern society.
Now that the unfortunate, yet necessary explanation is out of the way, allow me to elaborate upon my point. More often than not, a person who describes themselves as 'friendzoned' (and does not meet the rather unsavoury condition above) is often quickly slotted into a very unpleasant stereotype; fedora wearing, unshaven, entitled, middle class white male, who feels that merely granting his attention to a woman entitles him to a sexual return of investment. Whilst this may be true of a certain percentage, I feel that many people are unfairly categorised into a convenient 'box', whilst the truth is somewhat more complex.
As an initial starting point, consider what the act of being 'friendzoned' actually means. In most cases, in implies that someone has tried to embark upon a romantic relationship with another person, yet their actions have been misinterpreted as being motivated by friendship, rather than sexual attraction. Now, the very fact these actions are being misconstrued as friendship, as opposed to stalking or possessiveness, shows that they are not overtly sinister; there is quite clearly genuine affection behind them, although perhaps misguided or misinterpreted.
Where the problem lies is in the contextualisation of these actions. Many who would describe themselves as 'friendzoned' by their desired one often fail to make clear their true intentions; either playing it off with a dismissal ("it was nothing", etc.), or simply not acknowledging the action at all.
As a British, white male who has spent the last six years in a single sex educational establishment, emotional inarticulacy is a very real problem for me. Whilst I might experience the full range of empathy and affectionate emotion, the act of realising and expressing it to another person represents a very difficult challenge. As a result, it is not hard to imagine that those who consider themselves within the 'friendzone' equally lack the means to profess their true feelings, and fail to undertake the crucial 'sink or swim' moment of handling whatever the response may be, and moving on (either into a relationship, or to pastures new) from there.
Now, whilst this may be easy to dismiss as emotionally immature people getting in over their heads, let us not forget that the idea of unrequited and unexpressed affection has been a common theme throughout art and literature for centuries. Sonnets, songs, plays and films have all been written in dedication to the inability to fully articulate ones feelings to another; it is only in the last generation that this central part of the human condition has had this stigma applied.
In short, for those who live by the rule of tl;dr: the next time you meet someone who you suspect of (or confesses to) considering themselves friendzoned, give them advice on how to say what they really want to say; what they have bottled up inside their little fedora-wearing hearts and lack the means to say themselves. However it turns out, you will have helped free someone from a subservient state of affection, another from a confused state of misunderstanding, and (maybe) even helped a potential romance to blossom fully.
What do you think? Is the friendzone an unfortunate label applied to those wrestling with romantic expression? Or is it simply a refuge invented by the possessive, who seek to validate their inability to secure their prize?
Now that the unfortunate, yet necessary explanation is out of the way, allow me to elaborate upon my point. More often than not, a person who describes themselves as 'friendzoned' (and does not meet the rather unsavoury condition above) is often quickly slotted into a very unpleasant stereotype; fedora wearing, unshaven, entitled, middle class white male, who feels that merely granting his attention to a woman entitles him to a sexual return of investment. Whilst this may be true of a certain percentage, I feel that many people are unfairly categorised into a convenient 'box', whilst the truth is somewhat more complex.
As an initial starting point, consider what the act of being 'friendzoned' actually means. In most cases, in implies that someone has tried to embark upon a romantic relationship with another person, yet their actions have been misinterpreted as being motivated by friendship, rather than sexual attraction. Now, the very fact these actions are being misconstrued as friendship, as opposed to stalking or possessiveness, shows that they are not overtly sinister; there is quite clearly genuine affection behind them, although perhaps misguided or misinterpreted.
Where the problem lies is in the contextualisation of these actions. Many who would describe themselves as 'friendzoned' by their desired one often fail to make clear their true intentions; either playing it off with a dismissal ("it was nothing", etc.), or simply not acknowledging the action at all.
As a British, white male who has spent the last six years in a single sex educational establishment, emotional inarticulacy is a very real problem for me. Whilst I might experience the full range of empathy and affectionate emotion, the act of realising and expressing it to another person represents a very difficult challenge. As a result, it is not hard to imagine that those who consider themselves within the 'friendzone' equally lack the means to profess their true feelings, and fail to undertake the crucial 'sink or swim' moment of handling whatever the response may be, and moving on (either into a relationship, or to pastures new) from there.
Now, whilst this may be easy to dismiss as emotionally immature people getting in over their heads, let us not forget that the idea of unrequited and unexpressed affection has been a common theme throughout art and literature for centuries. Sonnets, songs, plays and films have all been written in dedication to the inability to fully articulate ones feelings to another; it is only in the last generation that this central part of the human condition has had this stigma applied.
In short, for those who live by the rule of tl;dr: the next time you meet someone who you suspect of (or confesses to) considering themselves friendzoned, give them advice on how to say what they really want to say; what they have bottled up inside their little fedora-wearing hearts and lack the means to say themselves. However it turns out, you will have helped free someone from a subservient state of affection, another from a confused state of misunderstanding, and (maybe) even helped a potential romance to blossom fully.
What do you think? Is the friendzone an unfortunate label applied to those wrestling with romantic expression? Or is it simply a refuge invented by the possessive, who seek to validate their inability to secure their prize?