In what situation is it socially acceptable for a 20 year old to date a teenager?

Souplex

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The formula for what's acceptable is Older Party's age/2 + 7. At 20 your minimum is 17.
 

Kyrian007

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P-89 Scorpion said:
Kyrian007 said:
Really its never a good idea. I had a 20 year old friend who was dating an 18-year old. They are married now with a perfectly normal family and nobody even cares about their 2 year old age difference now that they're in their mid to late 30's. But that's... not usual. Frankly when somebody is 18... or 20 they aren't really mature enough to maintain a stable relationship. That's why it isn't a good idea, relationships at that age aren't generally important enough to matter in the long term anyway. Best not to mess around with potentially troublesome pairings whether its age difference or whatever it is that's complicating issues. There's absolutely no harm in waiting a few years.
Yep a 2 year age gap in a married couple is unusual usually it's bigger. I think the smallest age gap in my living family is 7 years and the longest is 18 (If I included those who have past it gets bigger).
What I meant was unusual was that they worked... that they are still together after having first met while she was in high school. Nobody who's a teen or in their early 20's really knows what they want about most things in life, relationships, career, whatever. Most relationships starting that early, when people still aren't old enough to really develop a stable connection, are doomed to failure. I went to a small high school, we graduated just less than 100 people. Because its that small and I know them all I can use just them as a sample group... 0% are married to or are dating someone they dated in high school. Out of the 100, 4 couples did get married... all ended in divorce.

That's why a 20 to 25 year old shouldn't bother with a potentially creepy relationship with a high schooler... averages tell us it isn't an important relationship anyway. That's time better spent learning. Either paying more attention to education, or even learning HOW to be a good boy/girlfriend, or just better person.
 

maninahat

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I knew a 20 year old who dated a 16 year old, and we all side eyed him very much for the week it carried on for (16 is the legal age in UK). Personally at 20 I wouldn't have dated anyone less than 18 (the conversation would be rubbish), though I'd have shrugged at the news of someone else dating a 17 year old. A lot of teenage girls aren't that hung up about dating someone significantly older, even if everyone else finds it super weird.
 
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>Going on the Escapist for relationship advice
>The year 2k9

myjimmiesarerustled.jpg

Also: welcome to the Escapist! Enjoy your stay! Don't go in the basement... and please keep posting ;-; (we badly need new blood).
 

Addendum_Forthcoming

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I don't know, if they're still in school it's kind of weird. Uni/post high school ... meh. Who gives a shit? My mum is almost 6 years older than my dad. I was a high school teacher for a bit, and I honestly don't see why anybody at any post-high school age bracket would be interested in kids that by and large have lead a sheltered existence.

Seems weird to me. At least wait until they're full-time working, or studying, or both.

You know ... when people actually begin to get interesting.
 

Addendum_Forthcoming

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Souplex said:
The formula for what's acceptable is Older Party's age/2 + 7. At 20 your minimum is 17.
So it's thoroughly unacceptable to date anybody if you and they are under the age of 14? :/
 

Thaluikhain

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IIRC, if you are a vampire, you are obliged to date girls much younger than you.
 

Bad Jim

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Arnoxthe1 said:
Maybe the reason the age of consent is so high in the US is because our teenagers still have the maturity of an infant. Back around the 1940s and earlier, teenagers used to be a lot more mature than they are now.
It's actually 16 in most states according to wikipedia but movies and TV shows usually pretend it is 18 everywhere to avoid controversy in states where it is 18.
 

McElroy

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It's acceptable I'd say in most situations. Too bad I'm not the only one judging. The formula spread around even here is bullshit - don't fall for its simplicity.

I've thought about this. Assuming physical maturity, the main concerns for me are social status and most importantly emotional maturity. If there is too wide a gap in emotional maturity, then - being optimistic here - I'd expect the more mature party to call it off. And if that doesn't happen we go to the alarm zone. This gap can be too wide between two 14-year-olds, or it might be manageable between a 14 and a 30-year-old.

An anecdote with my sister and her (now ex-)bf points the lameness of this age/2 + 7 dumbass formula. She was 17 and he was 22 when they started dating; unacceptable says the formula. Go forward six months and they are 18 and 23. Wow, look at that! It's all good now!! They were one year apart in the same school at the time (same degree, slightly different plans).
 

Cette

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As a general rule I'd say no younger than 18 and even that is kind of questionable unless you first hooked up when you were both younger.

For example when one of you was 16 and the other 18 and you know each other from say high school.
 
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BloodStalk said:
To elaborate, I'm talking about continuing a relationship from HS.
Ooookay... not sure why that elaboration makes much difference to what I said. I mean I guess if you were 20 and "dating" a 16 year old and you started in high school then technically you could have been say, 18 and 14, which is not legal (in most places) and a bit more eyebrow raising, but nothing I'm really going to give a shit about, I've seen bigger age gaps at lower ages.
 

BloodStalk

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Zykon TheLich said:
BloodStalk said:
To elaborate, I'm talking about continuing a relationship from HS.
Ooookay... not sure why that elaboration makes much difference to what I said. I mean I guess if you were 20 and "dating" a 16 year old and you started in high school then technically you could have been say, 18 and 14, which is not legal (in most places) and a bit more eyebrow raising, but nothing I'm really going to give a shit about, I've seen bigger age gaps at lower ages.
Cette said:
As a general rule I'd say no younger than 18 and even that is kind of questionable unless you first hooked up when you were both younger.

For example when one of you was 16 and the other 18 and you know each other from say high school.
This is what I was talking about.
 

BloodStalk

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Addendum_Forthcoming said:
I don't know, if they're still in school it's kind of weird. Uni/post high school ... meh. Who gives a shit? My mum is almost 6 years older than my dad. I was a high school teacher for a bit, and I honestly don't see why anybody at any post-high school age bracket would be interested in kids that by and large have lead a sheltered existence.

Seems weird to me. At least wait until they're full-time working, or studying, or both.

You know ... when people actually begin to get interesting.
What if they both met in school?
 

Quellist

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If they are over the age of consent it's nobodies business except theirs and yours. That said the bigger the age gap the less you're likely to have in common
 
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If they're already in a pre-existing relationship? I don't expect a couple to break up because the 17 year old is a few months away from turning 18. That's fucking dumb. I don't think 20 year olds should be going around hitting on 17 year olds, though.
 

Squilookle

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Considering I've dated a 19 year old at the age of 31, I'd say if it's legal, do whatever the hell you want, man. The law governs who you can and cannot date- not your stuck up prudish friends. Nobody should live their life according to the whims of such awful people.