In what situation is it socially acceptable for a 20 year old to date a teenager?

Dec 16, 2009
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funny how many are squeamish about 18. where as here you could have left school by 2 years, be in full time employment, have a mortgage, legally drink and lots of other fun things considered adult.
 

Chewster

It's yer man Chewy here!
Apr 24, 2008
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Addendum_Forthcoming said:
Seems weird to me. At least wait until they're full-time working, or studying, or both.

You know ... when people actually begin to get interesting.
This, pretty much. When I was in high school, I had friends who were seventeen and dating dudes in second year university. Like, what the fuck do you have to even talk about? You live in such different worlds. Likewise, when I was in grad school, my at the time twenty-four year old friend ended up dating (very briefly) a seventeen-year-old girl, whom he met when she was hosting at a restaurant. We were like, dude, why? He kept carrying on about how she was mature for her age because she was living on her own while finishing high school, but we all knew that was kind of crap.

Realistically, even if you met in high school, once you're off to uni your whole world opens up. How you could maintain a relationship with a high schooler during all that tumultuous transition is beyond me.
 

Squilookle

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Nov 6, 2008
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McElroy said:
Squilookle said:
Considering I've dated a 19 year old at the age of 31
Interesting. Tell us more.
Well, I started seeing this 19 year old I met in a bar when I was 30. Then I had a birthday and we were still seeing each other after that.

Not much else to it really.
 

BloodStalk

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Jan 2, 2018
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Squilookle said:
McElroy said:
Squilookle said:
Considering I've dated a 19 year old at the age of 31
Interesting. Tell us more.
Well, I started seeing this 19 year old I met in a bar when I was 30. Then I had a birthday and we were still seeing each other after that.

Not much else to it really.
Chewster said:
Addendum_Forthcoming said:
Seems weird to me. At least wait until they're full-time working, or studying, or both.

You know ... when people actually begin to get interesting.
This, pretty much. When I was in high school, I had friends who were seventeen and dating dudes in second year university. Like, what the fuck do you have to even talk about? You live in such different worlds. Likewise, when I was in grad school, my at the time twenty-four year old friend ended up dating (very briefly) a seventeen-year-old girl, whom he met when she was hosting at a restaurant. We were like, dude, why? He kept carrying on about how she was mature for her age because she was living on her own while finishing high school, but we all knew that was kind of crap.

Realistically, even if you met in high school, once you're off to uni your whole world opens up. How you could maintain a relationship with a high schooler during all that tumultuous transition is beyond me.
Wait, are you saying a college freshmen with HS senior wouldn't work then?
 

Chewster

It's yer man Chewy here!
Apr 24, 2008
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BloodStalk said:
Wait, are you saying a college freshmen with HS senior wouldn't work then?
I'm not saying it couldn't, anything is possible. I'm just saying, I couldn't really envision 20-year-old me in first year university having a hellova lot to talk about with a 12-grader.

But you do you.
 

Addendum_Forthcoming

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Feb 4, 2009
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Chewster said:
This, pretty much. When I was in high school, I had friends who were seventeen and dating dudes in second year university. Like, what the fuck do you have to even talk about? You live in such different worlds. Likewise, when I was in grad school, my at the time twenty-four year old friend ended up dating (very briefly) a seventeen-year-old girl, whom he met when she was hosting at a restaurant. We were like, dude, why? He kept carrying on about how she was mature for her age because she was living on her own while finishing high school, but we all knew that was kind of crap.

Realistically, even if you met in high ischool, once you're off to uni your whole world opens up. How you could maintain a relationship with a high schooler during all that tumultuous transition is beyond me.
Yeah... I imagine it's like having a pet.

I'm 33 now and I don't look at new post-grads any differently now than I did as when getting my bach and highschoolers just graduating.

I like people with quirks, and frankly the neuroses of life take time to mature. I live like a child. In a studio apartment surrounded by hobby stuff like short bolts of fabric, my sewing machine, boardgames, etc. That being said I'm sure someone also hurtling towards their middle age might find that adult childishness born from a lost youth having to grow up a bit before their time refreshing or endearing.

Occasionally I'll go orienteering and free climbing because I get the itch to escape the city and the voices get a bit too loud. I'll go into the occasional melancholic state when I have the quarter-annual familial discord over the phone under the guise of pretending like we could bury that 17 year old hatchet.

These personality quirks and things to empathize and truly connect through take time to age correctly, like a fine wine. At least in my experience the most meaningful relationships are all about having things to mutually sacrifice and connect through to demonstrate a show of fidelity and affection.

All people get broken by life, just as I get older I appreciate the ride of that descent into madness and an initial glimpse of where it might go when I meet another person... because what else can you do but find it fun? Kids look weird to me precisely because they seemingly have no chinks or cracks in that armour yet. No scars, no dents, no missing visors and plates. Just bland, obscuring, quizzical shells of nondescriptness. Like comparing one amorphous blob with another.

And as I get older, that definition of 'kid' seems to increase in age.

And yeah, I get that I'm sure there's older people than me that might say the same thing... but that only goes to highlight my point. Give me 10 more years and I'm sure I'll start to empathize.

It's also my theory about young love. You know. How the relationships you have when you're 13-16 seem like trivial pap compared to those fights and that making up and mutual compromises or dropping out completely with other romantic interests in your 20s and 30s. The shit that you legitimately want to kill your liver over them.

Fun fact... people can die of heartbreak if they're old enough. It's not too uncommon to find 70 and 80 year old dying within years of eachother if they've been together for many decades regardless of having a positive post-bereavement environment to aid their 'recovery'. Bereavement alone takes years off your life.

Hard to imagine any relationship I have ever had resembling such intimacy and co-identification with... and part and parcel of that is learning how to suffer eachother's ugliness to find a persistent, relatable human beauty that you can get lost in and have it physically and psychologically alter you and your entire perception of reality and pain.

So maybe I'm the odd one ehere as I get older I perceive gaps of age in greater severity. None of this really applicable if you hooked up in high school and somehow spend the rest of you days together. But for me personally that four years difference between a 21 year old and 17-18 year old would feel like the current difference I have between myself and anyone younger than 25.
 

Addendum_Forthcoming

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Feb 4, 2009
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Fischgopf said:
Weird, my experience is that with every year I get older the line between Kid and Adult just kinda moves. When I was around that age, 18 was a Adult. Now that I'm 30 I find myself hard pressed to consider anyone below roughly 25 to be an adult.

So, a High School Kid and a College Kid are both equally clueless Kids to me. I see no issue with them being clueless together.
That's kind ofthe point I was getting at. I don't really care if other peopledo it ... I have enough problems of my own to start worrying about trivial crap like that (so longas notactive paedophilia or in a situation that is professionally compromising and even then not really unless it involves my affairs) ...

But from my personal perspective I wouldn't get so entangled.
 

Souplex

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Jul 29, 2008
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Addendum_Forthcoming said:
Souplex said:
The formula for what's acceptable is Older Party's age/2 + 7. At 20 your minimum is 17.
So it's thoroughly unacceptable to date anybody if you and they are under the age of 14? :/
When you're under 14 there's no range. It's people of your age only.
 

thelizardofdoom

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Legally it depends upon the laws in the state you live in. As long as both people are above the age of consent it's fine.

Some states have "Romeo and Juliet Laws" which are basically allowing for a person under the age of consent to be in a relationship provided two things:
The other person has to be 18 or below.
Both parties age has to be within 4 years.
 

Lufia Erim

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i like how all the comments are about guys dating younger girls and not the other way around.

I knew a girl who at 18 dated a 15 year old boy. No one bat an eye. Hell people were High fiving the dude. Fuck you double standards.
 

McElroy

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Lufia Erim said:
i like how all the comments are about guys dating younger girls and not the other way around.

I knew a girl who at 18 dated a 15 year old boy. No one bat an eye. Hell people were High fiving the dude. Fuck you double standards.
I would high five the 18-yo dude in a reverse situation also. Though maybe I'd be too envious to.
 

Addendum_Forthcoming

Queen of the Edit
Feb 4, 2009
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Lufia Erim said:
i like how all the comments are about guys dating younger girls and not the other way around.

I knew a girl who at 18 dated a 15 year old boy. No one bat an eye. Hell people were High fiving the dude. Fuck you double standards.
In my first post I wrote how my mum is 6 years older than my dad.
 

Thaluikhain

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Out of interest, does anyone know where the 1/2 plus 7 thing started?

Also, does that apply just to relationships, or, say, what celebs you crush on?
 

laggyteabag

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When they are 18 or above.

Maybe 17 at an absolute push.

Friend of mine who was 22/23 kept on dating girls who were 16/17. It was super weird, especially seeing as he kept on hitting on the customers, and he works with kids.

His current girlfriend looks like she is about 18 now, so at least that is an improvement.
 

CaitSeith

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Legally, it depends on the State laws about legal adulthood age. Socially, only if you get castrated afterwards; you creep!
 

Ugicywapih

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Personally, PERSONALLY, I'd say I wouldn't be too weirded out if the teen is 17ish maybe, possibly add or take a year depending of additional circumstances.

That being said, something most responses seem to ignore is, social mores depend very much on the society in question and how the Escapist forumgoers feel about the issue is largely irrelevant to how OP's social circle will take it. This is the wrong place to ask this question, not because we're ignorant, trolls or anything like that, but simply because our opinion in general doesn't mean jack shit.

Either way, good luck OP, I'm assuming you ask because you care, so I hope it all works out fine one way or the other.
 

StatusNil

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I remember when I turned twenty. I was instantly transformed into the mental and spiritual giant I am today. Needless to say, the power differential to the me of the previous day was literally immeasurable.

Yeah... what I'm going to recommend is abiding by the laws of your locality when it comes to matters of intimacy. Beyond that, if we're going to be redefining the boundaries of maturity, we should immediately do something about all the 18-year olds out there running around meddling in adult affairs like voting and war.