Is being a gentlemen sexist?

[Something Amyss]

I don't really get this. Until recently, I was under the impression that everyone held the door open for everyone. It's what we do up in my corner of Amercia (>.>). I hold the door for people, I'm the last to leave the elevator unless I'm at the door, I am polite and considerate of others.

More and more, I'm getting the message that this is more a regional thing, and that's just WEIRD to me.

Holding a door is polite and all, but if you're doing it to one group only, that is certainly a bias. Treating women differently IS inherently sexist.

 

[CODE-D]

What cant be construed as sexist?
I mean Pencils, phallic much?
The norm is that theyre only shaped like that we can only rely on them to write with.
Take that women!!!

 

[Danceofmasks]

I only hold the door open when it takes significantly less effort for me than it does them.
Six year old that'd struggle to open a door? Sure.
Some dude carrying food in both hands? Sure.

A girl who expects me to do it just because she's a girl? I might just punch her in the throat, 'cos I do that on occasion to people who are fucktards.

 

[ChildishLegacy]

A true gentleman should be gentlemanly to everybody, including other gentlemen.
So no, if it's your standard to open doors for anybody, it's not sexist, if you do it only for women, it's kind of sexist.

What's so hard to understand about this, why do we need 38576392847 threads about the same thing?

 

[Thetwistedendgame]

Being sexist is to discriminate someone for being of another sex. In this situation, if you were to also let male members of the group out before you, the girl that offended you would actually be sexist, because she presumes that if a man lets a woman go first, he is obviously a "sexist douchebag".

 

[Easton Dark]

Definition of sexism. What nonsense is this (bolded parts). Please don't say something's not something when it clearly is.

Oh, so it's sexist for a woman to be reminded by her family doctor that she is due a smear test because they don't do the same for her husband is it?

Get out.

That's not gentlemanly at all. That's being a doctor.

Now you're bringing in unrelated examples. Good work.

 

[laggyteabag]

I do it for everyone, male or female. I don't care if they say I'm sexist, I just gently punch them in the arm and see if they say "Argh! you shouldn't punch a girl", it happens a lot more than you think.

 

[CityofTreez]

I act "gentlemanly" around everyone. Not just female, so...

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

Is being a gentlemen sexist?

No, but it is pluralist.

HAHAHA, ok that cracked me up.

But yeah, if you only held the door for the women, that is indeed sexist, "gentlemanliness" is something that you show towards EVERYONE or NO-ONE otherwise you are seen as sexist.

Of course, the rout of gentleman, comes from the term gentle, which meant of noble birth, or being one of nobility, like a knight or higher in the social structure way back in ye olde times, as it were, and as such if you take it to be that way it's essencially propper behaviour within the "court", also "courtesy" as it were... of course if you wanna take it literally as to it's root word implies, you wouldn't be treating anyone except nobles with any sense of decency, and would have to be a noble yourself...

I do tend to ramble.


Anyhow, I hold the door for people from time to time just to be nice, regardless of gender, and I've never once had anyone get in my face about it, probably because they see that it's not playing favourites.

Also most forms of classic gentlemanliness that we learn through media are just asskissing and should be avoided if you don't wanna look like a doormat, chivalry in itself though not dead, is hardly something that'll win you anything in this greed/selfishness driven society, and thus should be toned down if you expect to succeed in life.

 

[Subjective Effect]

That's not gentlemanly at all. That's being a doctor.

Now you're bringing in unrelated examples. Good work.

No, no, good work to YOU, I insist.

Because you've failed to see the point which was that men and women ARE different, and to deny it is just stupid. It's not sexist, per se, to say that men and women are different. Note: I'm not saying that men and women shouldn't broadly be treated equally but if you're taking it that far that you can't recognise physical differences (like strength) then you're in the PC gone mad camp.

 

[Easton Dark]

Because you've failed to see the point

Treating people differently based on their sex is sexist. Bam. Done. Please stop trying to look cool.

Yeah, there are differences. But both sexes can open a door equally as well. Being a "gentleman" in the sense it's used in here is treating a woman as lesser and it's now an obligation to help them. That's sexist.

Go back to your doctor example. A doctor knows what to treat a woman for based on what they have in their body. Being sexist isn't looking at specifics, it's going "Look, it's a woman. She obviously will need my help because she's a woman."

Edit: Now I'm kind of regretting replying. I don't want to continue this conversation. Let us please drop it.

 

[swenson]

You can't really say "holding a door open for a woman is/isn't sexist". Unfortunately, it's more complicated than that. I'd say there's different levels here that depends on WHY the door's being held open.

If you're doing nice things because the girl in question is hot, then you probably are being sexist (because you only care about her because BOOBS).

If you're doing them because you're a nice person and would do nice things for anyone, then sexism doesn't even enter into it, you're just nice.

If you're doing them because you feel like it's a responsibility and girls can't/shouldn't have to do things like that, then yes, you're being sexist, because you're thinking of the girl more as a thing than a person.

But if you're doing it because you think it's a nice thing to treat women nicely, then it's not sexist.

Yeah, the difference between the last two is subtle. But I think it does exist. The big difference is your attitude toward the girl in question. If you respect her, it's not sexist. If you're condescending, then yeah, it's sexist.

I think you can treat women differently from men without being sexist, so long as you don't treat women as better/worse than men or think more/less of them than men. "Different" doesn't necessarily mean "better/worse", after all.

(unless, of course, you mean "sexist" in the sense of "believing in difference between sexes", which is kind of a given. In that case replace "sexist" in this post with "the kind of sexism where you actually believe one sex is better than the other".)

 

[kannibus]

Well, being a gent got me laid more than being a douche, so I quite frankly don't give a flying rat's ass if it's sexist.

 

[Imat]

The core of sexism is the belief that woman should be treated differently than men. To hold a door for a woman and not a man is sexist, regardless of any preconceived social norms on proper etiquette are.

This.

To treat someone differently because of their sex is sexist.

I disagree entirely with that statement. It can't be summed up neatly like that, otherwise being heterosexual is the same as being sexist. Heck, being homosexual is the same as being sexist. Both involve treating members of one sex differently from the other (Would you have sex with members of both sexes if you weren't bisexual?). Saying that sexism is simply the act of treating one sex differently from the other is incorrect. Gray areas exist. To believe otherwise is, in my opinion, somewhat naive.

 

[Wing Dairu]

I'd argue that holding the door for someone, regardless of gender, is just good manners. As for being a gentleman in general, no, it doesn't. In my experience, being a gentleman doesn't have to do with chivalry, but in treating both yourself and your peers with respect. Play to win, but always shake the winner's hand if you lose, and all that sort of thing.