Is it that hard to find a virgin?

[Extragorey]

Well, I guess one of the perks of being Christian and having a Christian girlfriend is that you can be almost positive that they're a virgin.

Also, I didn't do any of that in highschool (nor do I know anyone who did); you're really not helping my whole "Americans are plain weird" notion.

Kiwi eh? New Zealand has one of the highest rates of cannabis usage in the world. About half of the NZ population have used recreational drugs at some point in their life. That is excluding alchohol. Let me do a bit of googling on that...

Wow, I wasn't expecting anyone to actually go to that much trouble to research it. Awesome.

Anyway, firstly I'm actually Australian; I just identify with NZ better (and lived there a while).

Secondly, you have to realise that statistics only give you a skewed picture. In NZ, for example, Maoris form a very large demographic. At risk of appearing racist, I'll just say that teenage Maoris are typically known for irresponsible behaviour more so than whites (underage drinking, smoking, etc). Look at the statistics for white people involved in such activites and you'll find a very different picture.

And you also have to account for the fact that some areas and cities are better than others - also, I attended a rather well-respected high school in NZ (as far as high schools go) as opposed to a typical "state" high school (obviously not a state high school, but I'm sure you know what I mean). I was well aware at the time that there was another high school which some friends of mine attended which wasn't quite so civilised.

Regardless, even acknowledging the "sheltered" position I was in, I still have trouble believing it's as bad as you make it seem.

 

[qeinar]

i'd give up trying to find anyone who haven't tried drinking. Well i livei n norway where the legal age to drink is 18, even though most start drinking at 15-16ish. Seems your looking for a boring person tbh, name any great historic figure that haven't had some alcohol or drugs. ^^

 

[Dreiko_v1legacy]

Oh and what's the deal with drinking. Why does "drinking" have to entail alcoholic-like behavior?


I've been having a small glass of wine with my meals together with my family, ever since I was like 7. That's a normal thing for people to do. Why do you need to color all alcohol consumption as though it's the crazy/stupid variation?


I'm 23 and I don't get drunk, never liked clubbing or any other sort of place where you go to drink and I don't consider going to drink as a fun activity to do with friends or loved ones...and yet I still like having a glass of wine or two with my meals (or sometimes beer if the food goes with it better)...and there's nothing, NOTHING, bad about that in any way you may go about it.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

Hmmm...this sounds a little flawed to me.

Please don't take offence to this, but you not wanting somebody simply for having sex before as part of a 'moral system' comes across as almost a little selfish. What I basically hear is that they're somehow worth less (note: not saying worthless) if they've chosen to sleep with somebody despite the fact this could be before they even knew you as a person. It sounds less about morals and more about, well...almost immaturity, which I don't mean in the personal insult sense.

Again, I don't mean that harshly, I used to be similar. You kind of learn to accept these things though.
I think the problem is that promiscuity, smoking and drinking are three of the most common, if not the three most common vices you'll find in people. Therefore finding someone who resists all three is, well, quite improbable. Not impossible, mind.

I'd say you could be wrong to view it that way (I don't know because I don't know this guys rational for following said moral system). Finding someone who has intentionally maintained their abstinence, to me anyway, is more about looking for someone who shares similar sexual views with me. That is, (in my case) as something sacred to be shared between two people who are in a very serious relationship. Sex, especially the first time, has profound psychological implications and isn't something to be casually trifled about with (imo). To have sex means you probably view sex as something you can do with anyone you're in a relationship with or you didn't have the forethought/patience to realize your relationship might not have lasted. Of course if you've had sex recreationally, than clearly we're not on the same page in terms of values. Maintaining abstinence also says loads about someone's self control (that is, if they believe it is something that SHOULD be maintained). That's not to say that one looking for abstinence in a partner should automatically reject someone just because they HAVE had sex once or so (I mean, if she was in a long term and thought she was going the distance, what do you expect? I certainly made that mistake myself. Or maybe she was emotionally coerced/manipulated. Maybe she got drunk. Maybe she was raped. Point is, there's always exceptions to everything), though I'd also think they're justified in looking for a virgin. I'm sure there are other good reasons as well.

In short, to me sex is powerful, beautiful, dangerous and sacred. It's not something that should be taken lightly and virginity in a partner indicates they most likely share similar views to my own. Of course, TALKING to the person is really the best way to figure out where you stand in relation to one another.

There's also the alternative interpretation. That is, you're concerned about the size of your member and want your girl to have nothing to compare it to.

I've always felt the same way, and having done it recreationally I can say that I much prefer it when it is something you share with your partner. What I'm saying, however, is that it's unreasonable to say that someone lacks self-control for sleeping with somebody else because they didn't have the patience to see if their relationship would last or whatever. Plenty of relationships can quickly sour out of nowhere, and how many people honestly spend the rest of their lives in the first serious relationship they ever have?

What I'm saying is it isn't unreasonable to desire these things (around a certain age anyway). What is unreasonable is to want them to have never had sex with anyone else, particularly considering the chances are they didn't even know you when they were in their previous relationship. It isn't about a lack of control, it's about thinking you've found the one. We all do it.

 

[Jimmybobjr]

You arent the only one. I refuse to even relate to someone who does illegal drugs, drinks underage, and has what i call "Entertainment" sex. There are other words for it, but thats what i call it.

OP, i salute you. There are few people like us in the world, and it makes me feel better that we still do exist.

Oh, and to clarify, im 17, Live in Perth, Western Australia, and am a Straight male. Just FYI.

 

[Dreiko_v1legacy]

You arent the only one. I refuse to even relate to someone who does illegal drugs, drinks underage, and has what i call "Entertainment" sex. There are other words for it, but thats what i call it.

I call it "elaborate masturbation".

 

[Enkidu88]

And it hit me, every person in my class, which ranged from 9th grade to 12th grade, that everyone had drank beer illegally, smoked pot and chewed, or has had sex multiple times... except me.

No, no they haven't. Trust me. I'm sure some of them have, maybe even half of them, but most of it's just them lying in order to fit in and sound cool. And your teacher is an idiot for believing them. I went through most of high school thinking I was the only virgin in school too (I didn't have sex until I was 21), but meeting up and talking with some of my old high school friends years later revealed it was all bullshit.

I don't drink or smoke, though not out of any moral code or anything, I just can't stand the taste. I have no idea what people see in alcohol, it burns going down, it tastes awful, and it wreaks havoc on your internal organs. Same issue with smoking. I wouldn't have a problem dating someone who drinks, but smoking/illegal drugs would probably be a no-go if only because I enjoy kissing and I ain't kissing a mouth coated with tobacco.

Like Azure-Supernova stated, stop worrying about the coveted "virgin" status of your girl, in the end it doesn't really matter.

 

[NoNameMcgee]

Oh boy, you sound like such a fun person to be around OP!!

With those "morals", good luck being single for the rest of your life if you don't find your life partner by the time you're 21. Because you will.

Your moral system is elitist and archaic, and with an attitude like that you deserve to be alone.

Also, people who don't drink tell boring stories. Fact.

 

[Tips_of_Fingers]

Snip

When I looked at the title, I assumed I was going into a thread started by a frustrated Satanist or vampire looking for a viable sacrifice... Oh well.

OT: I agree that you shouldn't just look for a virgin. Just because someone has had sex with a number of other people before, doesn't make them unfaithful; it could mean that they're extremely unlucky in love. Or that they wanted to try the rest of the menu before completely settling down. (Oh god...I hate the menu metaphor...why did I sue it!? XD)

Also, experience with drink and drugs doesn't make someone irresponsible. If they abused such things then yes, they're stupid. I've had my share of experience with both, but I know the limit when it's necessary. As such, I still enjoy a drink (casual or heavy with friends), but haven't drugs in a loooong while. I knew when to stop. Some people don't.

Drink and drugs aren't necessarily the issue, it's the person's attitude towards such things that matters.

Either way, Good luck in your search. I wish you nothing but success.

 

[Danzavare]

I get that. I'm the same. I wanted a virgin just because I only ever want to be with one person, and I want our romantic lives to be intertwined from the start without exes colouring any part of it. It's a kind of desire to know that sex is something that exists exclusively between you and your lover. I'm lucky, both my lover and I are virgins (Not from lack of opportunities, but when you've had the less than ideal domestic environments we've had it's hard to be relaxed about forming commitments and relationships, let alone sex.)

I don't think you're wrong in your desire, and I don't think it's impossible to find a virgin, that being said, don't let the desire hinder you from finding the girl most suited to you. There are 'old fashioned' and/or dedicated girls that have slept with someone, probably due to unfavourable circumstance or actually believing they'd stay with that person. Think about the characteristics you associate with virginity and look for those before you worry about whether the girl has slept with someone else or not.

But yes, I get it, it'll take a lot of energy, but if you find a good non-virgin lover then you'll have to realise she's with you for a reason, and that connection will be something no one else will get to have with her.

On a vaguely related note, that "you'll change" talk is only as true as you make it. I'm not really a fan of treating the self as a passive thing susceptible to being changed by circumstances. You'll likely change to some degree, but the degree and how will be up to you and your actions in the face of circumstances. (Heck, the change could be just be a firmer belief in your current views)

 

[Ninjat_126]

I'm pretty much immune to the party scene anyways... alcohol tastes like particularly abysmal paint thinner, I can't smoke due to asthma, I'm freaked out by needles, and I terrify women...

Less terrify and more severely disturb, and a different lung condition, but that's me.

Also, I'm semi-asexual* and hate the idea of mind or perception-altering drugs when I have enough trouble keeping my head clear at the best of times.

[small]*As in "Don't have a girlfriend, can't be fucked finding one and don't see the reason why I need one."[/small]

 

[DracoSuave]

I mean, a study found that the average man has 11 sexual partners before they marry, and the average woman has 7.

If that is true, then there is a hard-core of sluts that have sex with more than 15 guys on average, whereas the majority of "normal" women have had less than 7 partners.
Of course, this doesn't take homosexuality into account.

Also, virginity is overrated.

Actually, it means, mathematically, that four of those parters were married women.

Assume the population of men and women are about equal. (They aren't but close enough to be within the error of margin for most of these surveys.)

Now, if men have average 11 partners before they marry, that means there are 11m premarital sexual partnerships total across the population. The average number of pre-marital sexual partners for women in this sample would be 11m/f, where f is the number of women. As f is approximately equal to m, this becomes approximately equal to 11m/m, or 11. Meaning that the number of parterships average, for women, MUST be 11.

Either that, or wives are whores.

 

[necromanzer52]

Well, I'm an 18 year old virgin, but that's mostly because the opportunity hasn't come up, then by choice.

 

[Bloodstain]

I can sort of understand you, however, for different reasons. I, too, would like to be with someone who hasn't slept with anyone else before, but I think that is more of a self-esteem issue on my part.
Right now, I am in love with a girl who had a lot of sex before and enjoys alcohol. So I guess love will find a way? (Unless the person you love already is in a relationship...darn you, cruel world!)

'I've met the perfect girl! She's pretty, funny, loves the things I love and we get along so well!'

What's this!

No Hymen!

No Virginity!

Final Destination.

You are my new favourite person of the week.

 

[TehCookie]

Oh boy, you sound like such a fun person to be around OP!!

With those "morals", good luck being single for the rest of your life if you don't find your life partner by the time you're 21. Because you will.

Your moral system is elitist and archaic, and with an attitude like that you deserve to be alone.

Also, people who don't drink tell boring stories. Fact.

You can't do awesome things drunk, since well... you're drunk. All the awesome things I did when I was sober, and if someone did them drunk they got hurt since you needed to not be an idiot.

 

[katsabas]

As someone who is part of this category (i.e. non smoker, virgin and drinks about once or twice a week, if that), I too am still looking, so yeah, they are hard to come by. And not just in DC or in the USA. In Europe they are even harder to spot. It is not bad wanting to find something special, been looking for it all my life.

Now why they are so hard to spot ? Cause they, I mean we, aren't something we are proud of. I don't go around yelling 'look at me'. I just am. If something good comes by, great. If not, who gives a fuck ? What differentiates us from the bunch is a whole lot of patience.

But, this shouldn't mean that someone that smokes and/or isn't a virgin, is a bad person to go out with. You have to low the bar a bit.

 

[StormShaun]

You arent the only one. I refuse to even relate to someone who does illegal drugs, drinks underage, and has what i call "Entertainment" sex. There are other words for it, but thats what i call it.

OP, i salute you. There are few people like us in the world, and it makes me feel better that we still do exist.

Oh, and to clarify, im 17, Live in Perth, Western Australia, and am a Straight male. Just FYI.

I'm on the same boat as you.

I live in Western Australia and I am a straight, 16 year old boy who just graduated from High School, and I have not drank alcohol, smoked, done drugs or had any casual sex.

Is it me or is it really hard to find a virgin here in Perth. D:

Also I really think it is better to wait until you're married until you have sex, why, well I don't want to have casual sex, I want to make sure that I can fall in love with someone and then get married and then do it, because if we don't get married, I'm sure there will be quite some chance that they will cheat on you or break up with you. Also it is good to do it with a virgin since you can trust them more and be on the same playing field, if you know what I mean.

Frankly I don't mind waiting for that special someone.

EDIT: Also I don't want to date a drinker, a smoker, a druggie, since, well they will come to bite you on the ass one way or another.

And call me whatever you want but, deal with it!

 

[sanomaton]

*snip* Nope, I sure did. Virgins aren't hard to find, but it'll be difficult to find people who haven't drank, at least here in Aus.

Also not saying this to be offensive, but your morals appear elitist and ridiculous. Not stupid, you're allowed to have them, just elitist.

Actually, me personally, I find the whole "I'd like a virgin" thing kinda... perverse. Also cookie for the reference there. *snip*

I couldn't agree with this first post more. I also "found" myself a virgin but the story for me goes a bit backwards. I had this idea for the longest time that I did't want to date someone who hadn't been in a relationship before, I really didn't. On a further note, I didn't want to date someone who hadn't had sex before, either.

So, as ironically as possible, of course it turned out my boyfriend was a virgin and he hadn't been in a relationship before me. Though he only told me this after we'd already hooked up and everything so I was quite shoked but it also forced me to change my opinion about dating because I really care about this person and want to be with him. And also I wouldn't be able to appreciate him as much as I do now because I have a lot of experience ranging from bad sex to good and mistreat to something much worse. Without that experience I would probably take the kindness, the sex and everything he does for me for granted.

Anyways, OP, I also find it a bit perverse, that whole "I don't want to date other than a virgin." Finding someone who doesn't drink under age, do illegal drugs etc. is fairly reasonable imo. But please, watch Penn & Teller's episode about Abstinence (season 4, episode 10), ok? For me. You don't have to agree with anything they say and I'm not saying your beliefs are flawed or wrong but I just think everyone should watch that episode because it's really informative and gives you something to think about.

But yes, I get it, it'll take a lot of energy, but if you find a good non-virgin lover then you'll have to realise she's with you for a reason, and that connection will be something no one else will get to have with her. *snippy*

These are some very wise words. I applaude you, sir. My boyfriend has asked me how many people I've slept with before him but I've never told him the answer because it really doesn't matter. I'm with that one person only and I only see him in my life.

 

[EeveeElectro]

No offence intended but it sounds like you need to pull your head out your arse a little bit.
The chance of you finding a girl like that is rather slim. It is where I live, I would guess it'd be the same where you live.
If you really like a girl, are attracted to her, she's a lovely person and you have a lot in common, you'd pass that up because she's had sex with another man? I can see what's so appealing about losing your virginity to someone you care about so I understand that but I don't see what so bad about having sex with a girl who has had sex before.

I wouldn't go near someone who has shagged 20 guys by the age of 18 but one or two men is fine.
I'd say it's quite hard to find someone who doesn't smoke too. Me and my boyfriend don't and I think we're the only ones I know of who do as a lot of my friends have recently taken it up. ;-; I can understand that too, which is why I'm glad all my boyfriends haven't smoked. The smell is icky D:<

A girl who is not a virgin and drinks in moderation =/= unfaithful or a bad girlfriend. Keep it in mind...

 

[Beliyal]

I'd say it's only hard because of all the lying for the purposes of fitting in or being cool (and also because current view of the society is such that even if someone says they're virgins/don't drink/don't smoke/don't do drugs, nobody believes them).

Anyway; female, 23, and fitting your description. I can't stand smoke, I can't stand alcohol and I don't think I even have to mention that I can't stand drugs. I've never even tried any of those (I get the need to puke when I eat a cake that has rum in it, for example. And I dislike even the smell of alcohol, so I never wanted to put it in my mouth). About sex, I haven't had sex because I don't want to have sex with anyone that comes up to me. I'm a very introvert and closed person. You'd need months for me to open up gradually and possibly a whole year (or more) before consenting to sex (well, that's a general description, I'm not saying that it's impossible for someone to win me over faster). I don't think sex is something that should define me or my life, so why would I just do it for the sake of doing it? Not my thing. Oh, and I'm not religious. But I live on the other side of the planet. Still, don't lose hope, there are people like us everywhere, maybe even more than you think. However, I don't think you should turn this into some sort of a Holy Grail and give up on someone as soon as she doesn't fit one or more of your criteria. I am against smoking and alcohol, but I know great and interesting people who do both.