Is there any reason to get married nowadays?

[BloatedGuppy]

when I say the wrong person, I mean someone you can live with. I know people change, but if yourein a good relationship unless they pull a drastic 180 transformation (which if so then there's something else wrong or most likely could have been prevented with some small actions) then you should generally be able to cope and adjust as well. I like my dads philosophy of living with a person for at least 2 years before you even think about marriage. Gives you enough time ot see the person, see the family, see if theres anyhting at all you think could be early signs this wont work and generally is a strong indication of how the relationship will go.

You don't need one person doing a 180. Two people doing a 50-70 in opposite directions is more than sufficient. Which happens more often than you'd think, and is no doubt a contributing factor to high divorce rates. No one ever sets out to find "the wrong person". I expect near 100% of people getting married think they've found a great fit. It's just that what constitutes "a great fit" changes a lot from, say, your late teens through your late thirties, and there's a lot of pressure on people to marry young so they can crack on with making babies and the propagation of the species. If someone gets married at 18 and then at 28 discovers they "married the wrong person" my reaction would be "well it was a 50/50 shot at best".

There's then the question of whether or not people should "cope" with relationships that no longer fulfill them or make them happy for the purposes of a vow, which is why we have the concept of divorce in the first place. I don't think there's anything wrong with saying "We did our best, but this has run its course". The fact I can and have been able to say that has left me good friends with almost every ex I've ever had, one of whom is like a sister to me. Conversely, long and bitter divorces have turned previously loving couples I know into hateful foes. Naturally this is my anecdotal experience and as such isn't worth a hill of beans, but there you have it.

 

[Yopaz]

There's a difference when it comes to taxes which is beneficial. There's qualifying for adoption. You can't leave without a word, nor refuse to take care of your spouse. There's romantic reasons about happiness and that stuff.

Now economy, civil rights, child raising, tradition or illsusions of love might not be reason enough for you, but refusing to see the fact that there is a reason to get married is stupid.

 

[Rascarin]

One of the reasons my partner and I are getting married is because, as a same sex couple, it means that both of us can be put on the birth certificates of the children we are planning to have together.

Not to mention the tax breaks and stuff...

 

[2xDouble]

Personally, I see no reason why and quite a lot of reasons why not.

To be fair, the horror stories of guys getting thrown out of their houses and made to pay support to boot are probably in the minority, but it does happen, and often enough to make it a concern.

Further, there isn't much advantage to it even if everything works out. There are a few tax benefits, sometimes, but live together for any significant amount of time and you'll be considered common-law for those purposes anyway (Well, here in Alberta anyway, I'm not actually sure about other places come to think of it).

So why get married? I suppose there can be religious reasons for some people, but are there any others?

Love?

Seriously, did that not ever cross your mind? Or are you viewing the world in binary "What is the reward for doing this" terms you'd see in World of Warcraft?

Young people apparently don't believe in love anymore. I think its because their either bitter, lonely, or stupid.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Motive is everything. People get married as a way of celebrating love.

I'm sure they get married for a great many reasons, which differ from individual to individual.

What you are doing is disregarding that and looking at an entirely utilitarian manner of it. By the way, it's not a "ritual", it's a party. It's also not a cultural thing either. It's done all over the world for a multitude of different reasons.

It is most definitely a ritual. If you cannot look at the cultural tradition of marriage and see the ritual aspects of it, then you have a serious misunderstanding of what a ritual is. I also like how you've transitioned smoothly from "People get married to celebrate love" straight into "people get married for a multitude of different reasons" in the very next paragraph. Whatever it takes to argue a point, I suppose.

People don't get married for any kind of gain or whatnot.

I'm sure some people do. I couldn't even begin to say how many, but then I don't like to make highly specific statements about what people do and don't do or what their motives might be. Because that would be absurd.

They do it because a legal contract stating they are husband and wife (or wife and wife/husband and husband if you're in Canada and France) carries a certain legitimacy for them.

To wit...

Both you and OP on the other hand are viewing it entirely in "What does this do for me in a useful sense?" as if marriage is just another quest in your fantasy RPG.

And there's another thing I don't do. I don't make snide, belittling ad hominem attacks in order to attempt to undermine someone for the simple reason they don't share my taste in cultural ritual. Also, I never asked any of the questions the OP asked, I'm well aware of all the different reasons someone might want to get married. I simply stepped in to defend the OP from the constant shit flinging from marriage zealots that is inevitable whenever someone dares to question the institution.

Yes, if you love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them. That's the reason to do it. That's always been the reason to do it, and it's been the only reason since it's conception. If you don't share the same opinion, fine. But don't pretend that I'm pulling some kind of mass cultural discrimination when I point out the very reason people do it.

I can't remember who...someone, earlier in the thread, said:

It's done all over the world for a multitude of different reasons.

I agree with that person. I think it's done for a multitude of reasons. Perhaps some of those reasons were unclear to the OP, because he lacked the cultural or religious upbringing that lent significance to the ritual, or perhaps because he lacked insight into marriage law and why someone might want to take advantage of some of the economic benefits governments see fit to bestow upon married couples. OR MAYBE HE DID IT BECAUSE FANTASY RPGS HERP DERP DERP.

Because the emotions people who get married are having are the VERY REASON they decided to have a wedding in the first place.

It's done all over the world for a multitude of different reasons.

This is not a bad thing, nor is it inherently a good thing. But to sit there and claim that the way in which it's celebrated carries only cultural arrogance...

Oooh, that would be a bad thing to say, I agree! Can you quote me a fellow saying that? You and I can set them to rights immediately!

 

[WindKnight]

To my mind, the same reason you have ever wanted to get married - as a symbol of your love and unity together.

In short, if being able to say your married to someone means something to you.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

...or how I'm somehow "attacking and belittling" someone...

Seriously, did that not ever cross your mind? Or are you viewing the world in binary "What is the reward for doing this" terms you'd see in World of Warcraft?

And that, my friends, is why men on the internet have such trouble with women. All the charisma and class of a blunt mallet.

...same kind of crap you hear from the crybabies who throw a fit when a Chrismas tree is put up in a public place.

Both you and OP on the other hand are viewing it entirely in "What does this do for me in a useful sense?" as if marriage is just another quest in your fantasy RPG.

I'm going to hinge my bets on "stupid"

And my personal favorite...

Now that you have no leg to stand on...

Which was impressive, I've never seen that pulled out in such an ironic fashion before. By all means though, don't let my holding up a mirror to your little parade of hate slow down the zeal with which you attack those who think differently than you. I realize we're "done here". Your skillful evisceration of the position you imagined I was taking has left that windmill you were tilting at lost for words. Possibly it, too, was under the misapprehension that marriage was like a fantasy RPG. Well done!

 

[Saladfork]

Personally, I see no reason why and quite a lot of reasons why not.

To be fair, the horror stories of guys getting thrown out of their houses and made to pay support to boot are probably in the minority, but it does happen, and often enough to make it a concern.

Further, there isn't much advantage to it even if everything works out. There are a few tax benefits, sometimes, but live together for any significant amount of time and you'll be considered common-law for those purposes anyway (Well, here in Alberta anyway, I'm not actually sure about other places come to think of it).

So why get married? I suppose there can be religious reasons for some people, but are there any others?

Love?

Seriously, did that not ever cross your mind? Or are you viewing the world in binary "What is the reward for doing this" terms you'd see in World of Warcraft?

Young people apparently don't believe in love anymore. I think its because their either bitter, lonely, or stupid.

I'm going to hinge my bets on "stupid"

So refusing to accept the narrow view that any loving relationship should end in marriage makes me 'stupid', does it?

As I said before, I understand why people love each other and I understand why they have marriage-like relationships with together. My question is why the status of being married is necassary if you're already that committed to each other in the first place.

In ye olden times, marriage was:
A) the guarantee that any children born of the two parties involved were indeed fathered by the husband. Nowadays that doesn't matter quite as much (and we can test to verify it if it does anyway).
B) A joining of two families. Marriages were often used as methods of aliance between dynasties. Again, not nearly as common today,certainly not in the western world.

Narriage being an expression of a loving relationship first and foremost is a relatively new phenomenon.

 

[M K Ultra]

Narriage being an expression of a loving relationship first and foremost is a relatively new phenomenon.

I blame Hallmark.

ON Topic: Tax purposes is the only reason to get married.

 

[Kargathia]

I love mashed potatoes,..... I hope my sister made some for Christmas dinner.....wait....what was I talking about?

Mashed potatoes. Undeniably and unfathomably more important than whatever else was going on in here =)

I had my Wisdom teeth out about a week and a half ago. My diet has been 75% Mashed Potatoes since then, it feels like. While it was glorious at first, I'm beginning to think if I never seen another Mashed Potato in my life it'll be too soon.

Yea, I know that feeling. Had mine out a few months back, and had to retrieve half my meal from the resulting hole for weeks afterwards.

 

[blackrave]

Nope, it isn't worth it.
It is better to sign contracts for specific things (children, shearing living space and finances, etc.)

And that, my friends, is why men on the internet have such trouble with women. All the charisma and class of a blunt mallet.

Really? That is your argument for defending marriage? Shaming tactics? REALLY?

Ok, let's be rational for a moment here.
Terms of marriage are mostly being dictated by a government, that is someone else than people involved in marriage.
And if one nice day finger they usually stick up in their ass smells more strangely than usual, they will change these terms.
While terms of contract are being agreed upon by both sides and after signed, those might be as good as written in stone (with exceptions of course)
And while you can treat your partner better than decided in contract (and you most probably will, if your partner is great person), you are not obliged to exceed the minimum of contract terms.
So that's why contracts are better (if done carefully and fair)

 

[SecondPrize]

It honestly doesn't seem to matter to you in Alberta, as you get many of the rights of marriage, alongside the obligations that lead to those horror stories you mention after living together for three years, due to the adult interdependent relationship laws there. That shit appears to be all-the-way crazy, as it can apply to same sex couples as well as non-conjugal relationships.

 

[Smallells]

What? Why? I don't.....AHA!

I got married because I love my wife and because we wanted to.

Problem?

Edit. I'll elaborate.

I see it a lot on this forum .... Quite a lot of people are clueless in a relationship or just can't, won't or don't want to be in one.

That's fine.

Some of us actually have a healthy relationship and quite like it. So we get married if we want to.


The real question is, what the fuck has it got to do with anyone else why some people want to get married?

Thank god. I thought the escapist was populated by robots for a moment there. Tax breaks? Religious reasons?!
How about honest to goodness love? People marry to show their commitment to their other half. If you love someone, you'll usually want to marry them and not even realise how or when it happened. Or why.
Anyway, yes, love. Love is the answer to this question.

I don't think that's what the OP is talking about. It's entirely possible to love someone as you would a spouse (and them love you back) and not be married to them. One of my friend's parents is in a similar situation. The reasons for putting the stamp of marriage on it is what the OP is asking

Yes, but that IS my point. Sure, for some people, expressions of love don't require marriage. However, for others, the ultimate show of love is marriage to that person! So love still counts as my answer - marriage isn't ALWAYS the answer, sure, but doesn't make it any less so.

 

[Phasmal]

As I said before, I understand why people love each other and I understand why they have marriage-like relationships with together. My question is why the status of being married is necassary if you're already that committed to each other in the first place.

I feel I can answer this one for you.
Hang on to your hat, though.
Because they want to.
Marrying is only `necessary` if it is a personal deal breaker for someone.
I would like to get married, however, I know people in committed relationships who probably wont get married.
It's personal choice, and yeah there is a fair bit of societal pressures and expectation involved what with weddings being romanticized so much.
A lot of people I know have a `Why not?` approach to marriage.
They think, if you already act married you might as well have a wedding. Good excuse for a party.
If you plan with staying with someone forever, why the fuck not.
As earlier stated it's a personal choice and if you don't understand it that is just fine.

 

[Wolfhowl the shadow lurker]

I asked someone i knew, who was marryed and did not belive in god in any way and he turned to me, smiled and said in a strong growl to me

"tax breaks"

He then went back to baking!

What were we talking about again?