Original Comment by: Doug Inman
Well, I don't want to continue to push the issue, but my point in the last comment was that karate
and other sports are ways by which millions of people "get constructive mental and physical pain as you push your body to its limits" every day. Saying "Where else can we turn...?' and then not mentioning the oldest, most popular and most obvious method, physical games, just seems like a bad piece of writing.
Like I said, this is just one paragraph of many, but the reason I focus on it is because this is where I feel things begin to go wrong in the article. In the following paragraph you begin to mix up events in GTA3 with real life occurrences - hookers in GTA don't get aids or die slow and painful deaths. I was about to let this slide, because it's an obvious error of sentence structure instead of logic, when you hit us with "Pain derives from physical violence, or, in a broader sense, destruction." What does what now? This sounds like some kind of wild philosophical decleration, and you seriously need to say how and why you've come to this conclusion. Anyone who has any disease proberbly didn't recieve it because of physical violence, they just catch them or are born with them, often with no rhyme or reason. As for destruction, I don't really know where you're going with that.
How about this for an alternative sentance: 'The pain
you see in games is
most often the result of (simulated - add for effect if required) physical violence, and when you're fighting the nazis or killing terrorists you just know it's going to go hand-in-hand with destruction. Violence and war are facts of life we see echoed in our favourite entertainment all too often.'
Or, if that isn't what you meant, how about: 'Pain, death and destruction are all products of our species' lust for violence, a violence we love to emulate in the consequence-free bubble of our living rooms.'
I know it's not my job to write the article, but do you see where i'm coming from? I don't know what you're going on about, and it would be great if you'd clarified your viewpoint. 'Violence without pain is power' suffers from the same problems - you just say it, and assume everyone knows what you're talking about, when in reality it's a statement you make out of the blue. On top of that, I think Tortanick is right about referencing - if you're going to wax philosophically then you need to reference philosophically too - but i'd suggest that anything too heavy is out of the scope of this mag
.
All in all I wasn't sure where the article was going, or where we ended up, or what your main point(s) were. That said, I think hidden in the article are some good points ready to be rediscovered, and I think you should ground your opinions, avoid fuzzy logic, and just pick them out.