It's Drunken Space Marines vs. Horny Elves in BoneCraft

Andy Chalk

One Flag, One Fleet, One Cat
Nov 12, 2002
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It's Drunken Space Marines vs. Horny Elves in BoneCraft


Drop your socks and grab your mouse because it's time for BoneCraft, a new videogame three-way between Starcraft [http://www.amazon.com/World-Warcraft-Pc/dp/B000067FDW/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1295028116&sr=8-3] and interactive cartoon porn.

I don't actually play Starcraft or World of WarCraft, so I won't be able to do any sly, "Hey, is that Jim Raynor in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" jokes with this one. Instead, I'll just let the facts speak for themselves.

"A mighty spacecraft hurtles through the sky, filled with invaders from a planet far away," says the introduction to BoneCraft [http://bonecraft.net/]. "They call themselves the Good Ol' Boys, but the elves fear nothing good will come of their visit. These drunken space marines are about to discover that the planet harbors the most precious commodity in the universe: elf pussy."

BoneCraft comes to use courtesy of told you about [http://www.d-dubsoftware.com/] a couple years ago. "We have elf prostitutes, horny orcs [and] drunken space marines," a D-Dub rep said. "These two genres have been done a million times, and we're doing something new to them by making a version that's adult and humorous."

It's also a little weird. Does anybody actually play these games? The BoneTown forums aren't exactly hopping with activity but the game itself has been around for a couple of years now, which I suppose indicates some modicum of success, so maybe BoneCraft will be even bigger. I guess just about anything can find an audience as long as there's enough sex mixed in with it.

via: Kotaku [http://kotaku.com/5732470/bonecraft-is-porns-answer-to-world-of-warcraft]


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Andy Chalk

One Flag, One Fleet, One Cat
Nov 12, 2002
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HAHAHAHA! this is just epic. I wonder how many quests will be to screw a boar rather then kill it.

Also Captcha was "thumbs up" Seems awkward at this moment in time.
 

The Cheezy One

Christian. Take that from me.
Dec 13, 2008
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Good gravy this is... stupid. But it will make money. Not from me though. As Yahtz said, I am British, and so am hostile to any attempt to arouse me (not gay)
 

lacktheknack

Je suis joined jewels.
Jan 19, 2009
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Blegh. I can't laugh at or bemoan the idiocy of this. It's just... THERE. Taunting my inexplicable disbelief of its existence.
 

Christemo

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Jan 13, 2009
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is that a stimpack in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

seriously tho, this is just stupid, and even so because Blizzard will proof their awesome and swing the mighty Banhammer shaped like Frostmourne and beat this down the pooper.
 

Scrythe

Premium Gasoline
Jun 23, 2009
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BoneCraft, Red Light District, Second Life...

This is why we'll never be able to enjoy a Holodeck/Danger Room: we'd spend too much time with our dicks in it.

EDIT: Inquiring minds want to know - just how did you stumble upon this nugget of Bratz doll debauchery, Andy?
 

sageoftruth

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Jan 29, 2010
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Oh the possibilities.
"Our warriors have engaged the sexy elf prostitutes."
Orc: "Why don't you touch me instead of leading an army?"
Space Marine: "Oh my god! He's whacking off!"
Dwarf: "This...is...my...BOOMSTICK!!!!"
Ghost: "Keep it up! I DARE you..."

Ok. Temporary regression complete. Commence the epic facepalming.
 

Evilsanta

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Apr 12, 2010
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Captain-Giggles said:
"Drop that shield baby, this weapon's two handed"
Damn it! You made me laugh.

OT: The fuck? It's not April so it can't be an April fool's joke...

And whatever floats your boat...
 

Andy Chalk

One Flag, One Fleet, One Cat
Nov 12, 2002
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Armored Prayer said:
Could they get sued for this? I have a felling Blizzard might not like this.
Blizzard doesn't own the Space Marine, Elf, and Orc genre's, if anything Tolkien should be hitting a rotational singularity right about now.


now, if it was a blatant rip-off of Starcraft of Warcraft, then maybe.


OT: no. no no no no NO NO NONONONONONONO..........NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.


we have rule34 for a REASON, besides, I can already see the quests:

Kill 5 wolves, take to local leather worker, get corset with +5 sexiness.


or alternatively: Kill 5 wolves, craft "Furry Costume".


honestly though, looking at it, it seems to be a pallet swap from Bonetown, and there is a REASON why that game is literally unknown to the rest of the internet world.
 

Bretty

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Jul 15, 2008
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This is too funny. The comedy value out weighs any type of entertainment from something so trivial.
 

Ghengis John

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Dec 16, 2007
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Armored Prayer said:
Could they get sued for this? I have a felling Blizzard might not like this.
If Game's Workshop can't sue blizzard, (and they have every right to) then blizzard can't sue anybody. That said I think a previous interview with the developer of the game says it all:

"It doesn't make sense," said the CEO of BoneTown developer D-Dub, who refers to himself as Hod.
Who refers to HIMSELF AS "HOD".
 

AK47Marine

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Aug 29, 2009
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Jark212 said:

In the name of the Emperor, this heresy will be cleansed...
Purge it with holy fire brothers! Glory to the Imperium!



seriously: Game appears to epic fail, this is an area where shite graphics do help a game suuuuck. This is almost as depressing as the live action WoW Porn....