Je suis desole. J'ai besoin de votre aide!

[LeFrancaisGuy]

The French language is beautiful, no? Anyway, this is a relationship thread, so if you don't want to read that, leave now. :/

As for the rest of you, here's my situation:

I am 17. My parents have never had any type of "dating" or "sex" talks with me, leaving me wondering if I'm even allowed to date in their household, what their rules are regarding it, etc. Hell, I don't even have curfew or anything; I don't get to just leave the house. I have to ask to go anywhere, and they always require me to tell them wherever I go, why I'm going, etc.

As a result, I've never been on a date.

That isn't the only reason though; I haven't really wanted to. Yes, I've met girls who I liked, but never really wanted to go out with them. No reason why, just never had the desire. However, about a week or two ago, I started noticing one who I would like to go out with.

Now, I don't know her well at all, (don't even know her last name XD), and don't have any idea if she'd accept. This isn't my problem. My problem is what to ask her to, if I decide to ask her out. This is especially problematic given the fact that my parents basically dominate any social life I have; I have no freedom in this regard. I also cannot drive yet, as I don't have my license. Even if I did, I wouldn't have a car.

So, here is something that I am thinking about doing: We both have Biology together. The final is on the 24th, and after it is over, which is about 11AM, we get to leave the school. I am thinking that I could ask her to hang out, get lunch and get to know each other after the exam. This is my first problem. Would this be a good "first date" type thing? Does this seem like a good idea to begin with? Now, would asking now or Friday (classes end Friday) be a good idea, planning it in advance, or would it be better to ask as a "spur of the moment" type thing after the exam? The exam isn't until the 24th, and I'm kind of wondering if this is too far in advance, especially for just a casual meeting.

My second thing is in regards to my parents. Now, after the exam, they don't really have any say in what I do. They will be at work, and unable to do/know about what I do until they get home. Would it be best to tell them, and hopefully initiate some sort of conversation myself, or should I just go ahead with this plan? Would having some sort of talk with them be beneficial to me? Should I start asking for things like a curfew? I don't really know if that's "normal" or not. This is all sort of new to me, as I've never really been a "social" person. This is something I'd like to change, as I'm not currently happy with my situation.

So, in short:

1) I want to ask a girl I don't know well out. Would asking her for an "after-exam" lunch date be a good idea? Is asking 1.5 weeks in advance too early, or would it be better to do this as a "spur of the moment" thing? Basically, tell me if this is a good plan.

2) My parents and I have had zero communication regarding dating. Absolutely nothing. I don't know what they allow, or what their policies regarding it are. Would initiating a conversation with them about it be a good idea or should I just tell them I have date and hope they start something up?

I'm very...amateurish in this regard, something I'd like to change up this year. This is the first step, but I'd basically like some advice and support.

Thanks for listening, and if there are any questions to help clarify, I will answer them.

 

[Imp Poster]

Ne sois pas désolé. Tout le monde a besoin d'aide parfois.
1)It is hard to give you anything good for advice. You don't know her well and we don't know her at all. So trying to give you advice for her to say yes, might be disappointing. If I were you, I would get her to talk(to you). You want to initiate a conversation to get a reaction from her. You can talk about biology, your teacher and exams. See where she is with Biology(is she good at it?, likes biology?, needs help maybe?). Maybe even ask her if she wants to study together. But be ready if she is hesitant, to get more people and get a study group together to make her feel comfortable. Even if she says no, at least you will never wonder about her anymore. On to the next girl.
"Is asking 1.5 weeks in advance too early, or would it be better to do this as a "spur of the moment" thing?" Yes, too early, I don't like giving girls that much time because they start to have second thoughts and chances are, they will cancel on you. But I wouldn't do a spur of the moment thing either because they may already have plans. Give her like a day or even 3 days to be safe. "Would asking her for an "after-exam" lunch date be a good idea?" Yes, that sounds good.

2)Regardless what happens with #1. I would just ask your parents in general. A bunch of "what if" questions to see where they are at with you and a social life.

 

[LeFrancaisGuy]

"Is asking 1.5 weeks in advance too early, or would it be better to do this as a "spur of the moment" thing?" Yes, too early, I don't like giving girls that much time because they start to have second thoughts and chances are, they will cancel on you. But I wouldn't do a spur of the moment thing either because they may already have plans. Give her like a day or even 3 days to be safe. "Would asking her for an "after-exam" lunch date be a good idea?" Yes, that sounds good.

The thing is for this part, it is basically one or the other. There isn't any middle ground, as we don't have school for the next couple of weeks, except to come in for exams. It's either I ask her now, or I wait until then, as I won't get a chance until exam day.

Thanks for the other advice.

 

[zombiesinc]

So, in short:

1) I want to ask a girl I don't know well out. Would asking her for an "after-exam" lunch date be a good idea? Is asking 1.5 weeks in advance too early, or would it be better to do this as a "spur of the moment" thing? Basically, tell me if this is a good plan.

2) My parents and I have had zero communication regarding dating. Absolutely nothing. I don't know what they allow, or what their policies regarding it are. Would initiating a conversation with them about it be a good idea or should I just tell them I have date and hope they start something up?

1) There are quite a few ways you could go about asking her, and how it could go. If you ask her now, at least you'll know for sure whether or not it's even a go. At this rate, you could end up sitting here wondering how well it'll go, but find out the day of that it's a no-go altogether. I think you'll regret not asking in advance (you don't have a ask tomorrow either, so if this week feels too far in advance, put it off until a more appropriate time) if spontaneous plans after exams isn't something she ends up wanting to say yes to, if she's already made plans to go home/spend time with friends, or study for any upcoming exams.

If you want to get to know her more, I would suggest making an effort to talk to her in biology. And if possible, once you've established that connection, and feel she's actually interested in talking to you, ask her to hang out after the exam. If she, when you do ask her, thinks or expresses that it's odd, or quite a bit in advance, explain to her why you're asking so early. If she still thinks it's weird, or gives that impression, it's likely that she's not interested at all. If you two really get along, don't hesitate to ask her to study for the exam together.

2) Communicate with your parents. Explain to them that you feel it's something that should be discussed so the three of you know you're all on the same page. This will leave less room for anyone to get upset due to another person doing something that isn't acceptable/wanted, or reacting a certain way to something. You don't need a curfew, but there's always a certain amount of respect that's expected when living under your parents roof. Your parents just want to know who you're with and where you are. You're still young, and incapable of sustaining yourself independently, so unless they go overboard with wanting to know certain things, you need to respect their rules. That being said, respect goes both ways.

Also, I don't really think it's necessary to ask their permission to hang out with this girl, but it's entirely up to you whether or not you bring this up prior. If you do start talking to this girl before the exams, and agree to study together, bringing her home will give you the opportunity to introduce her to your parents, making your questions concerning dating that much easier to initiate later on.

 

[LeFrancaisGuy]

1) There are quite a few ways you could go about asking her, and how it could go. If you ask her now, at least you'll know for sure whether or not it's even a go. At this rate, you could end up sitting here wondering how well it'll go, but find out the day of that it's a no-go altogether. I think you'll regret not asking in advance (you don't have a ask tomorrow either, so if this week feels too far in advance, put it off until a more appropriate time) if spontaneous plans after exams isn't something she ends up wanting to say yes to, if she's already made plans to go home/spend time with friends, or study for any upcoming exams.

If you want to get to know her more, I would suggest making an effort to talk to her in biology. And if possible, once you've established that connection, and feel she's actually interested in talking to you, ask her to hang out after the exam. If she, when you do ask her, thinks or expresses that it's odd, or quite a bit in advance, explain to her why you're asking so early. If she still thinks it's weird, or gives that impression, it's likely that she's not interested at all. If you two really get along, don't hesitate to ask her to study for the exam together.

Hmm...asking her to study with me for the exam, eh?

Okay, new query. Today, we did talk a bit, although not in Biology. She is also in my gym class, and we talked a bit there. She didn't seem reluctant to talk to me, and she seemed to be enjoying the time when we were talking; she was smiling and laughing quite a bit. I take this as a good sign.

Anyway, tomorrow is the last day of school before exams, and also the last chance I'll get to talk to her before them. There are currently 3 options I see for this, and am wondering which you think would be best.

1) Ask her tomorrow if she wants to hang out after the exam is finished. (I already listed this one).
2) Ask her tomorrow if she wants to study for the exam with me next week. (Something you mentioned).
3) Wait until after the exam is finished, then ask if she wants to hang out. (Another one of my initial plans).

Now, which one do you think would be best? Also, for option #2, where would you suggest as a good study location? I mean, I cannot drive myself/us anywhere, so that option is eliminated. I wonder if asking if she'd like to come over to study...would that seem odd? I'm thinking so, but then again, I have nothing to base it against. A library, I suppose could work, right? If that's the one you end up choosing, and suggestions regarding said idea would be nice.

Of course, I'll likely just chicken out anyway, but this is if I gather up courage. XD

 

[zombiesinc]

Now, which one do you think would be best? Also, for option #2, where would you suggest as a good study location? I mean, I cannot drive myself/us anywhere, so that option is eliminated. I wonder if asking if she'd like to come over to study...would that seem odd? I'm thinking so, but then again, I have nothing to base it against. A library, I suppose could work, right? If that's the one you end up choosing, and suggestions regarding said idea would be nice.

Of course, I'll likely just chicken out anyway, but this is if I gather up courage. XD

I hope you asked her today! If not, you're gonna find yourself in a situation where all you can do is ask her either right before the exams, or afterward (assuming you two finish around the same time, no less). Personally, I don't think either way was the best option, but even so, don't hesitate to ask. You never know, you two could spend the rest of the day together, having fun and getting to know one another.

Next time I would suggest just doing it, and not spending too much time contemplating how you should go about it, or if you should at all. I understand that it takes a certain amount of courage to go up to a someone you fancy, but the more you contemplate and wonder how/if you should do something, the bigger it'll seem. The bigger it seems, the more courage you'll feel you need, or the more meaningful the question may seem. It'll all ball up into something far larger than it actually is, which will then in turn make it seem too big or daunting to actually follow through with.

Wanna study or chat with a girl you like? Instigate a conversation, ask the question. You'll find it comes a lot more naturally without too much planning, and eventually, you won't struggle to do it at all.

 

[LeFrancaisGuy]

I hope you asked her today! If not, you're gonna find yourself in a situation where all you can do is ask her either right before the exams, or afterward (assuming you two finish around the same time, no less). Personally, I don't think either way was the best option, but even so, don't hesitate to ask. You never know, you two could spend the rest of the day together, having fun and getting to know one another.

Next time I would suggest just doing it, and not spending too much time contemplating how you should go about it, or if you should at all. I understand that it takes a certain amount of courage to go up to a someone you fancy, but the more you contemplate and wonder how/if you should do something, the bigger it'll seem. The bigger it seems, the more courage you'll feel you need, or the more meaningful the question may seem. It'll all ball up into something far larger than it actually is, which will then in turn make it seem too big or daunting to actually follow through with.

Wanna study or chat with a girl you like? Instigate a conversation, ask the question. You'll find it comes a lot more naturally without too much planning, and eventually, you won't struggle to do it at all.

Alas, I did not. We did spend most of Biology talking though, and it was really nice. I didn't ask for a couple of reasons. For one, I do believe that asking her more than a week in advance is too long, and for two, she's not actually going to be in town for the next week, as she is going to go to her grandparents' for the week. Had I not found this out, I would have asked her to study together, but since she won't be here, that is not a possibility.

I did, however, get to know her way better than I did before, and we both seemed to be enjoying ourselves during the class. I believe I will ask her to hang out after the exam, and hope for the best.

I'm sorry for not responding sooner. Do you have anyway of contacting her beyond today? If so, I think your first option is the one to go with, as mixing school with trying to get to know someone could be counterproductive in my opinion, whereas hanging out is just you and her, no obstacles in the way. On the other hand, school is a 'common' interest in a way, and it would be a good way to bring you two together if you have no other way of finding common ground. Depending how your exactly situation is, I think you can choose between one or the other. <3

I do not have any way to talk to her outside of school. :/

Thank you both for the advice.

 

[zombiesinc]

Alas, I did not. We did spend most of Biology talking though, and it was really nice. I didn't ask for a couple of reasons. For one, I do believe that asking her more than a week in advance is too long, and for two, she's not actually going to be in town for the next week, as she is going to go to her grandparents' for the week. Had I not found this out, I would have asked her to study together, but since she won't be here, that is not a possibility.

I did, however, get to know her way better than I did before, and we both seemed to be enjoying ourselves during the class. I believe I will ask her to hang out after the exam, and hope for the best.

I hope it goes well then. If it doesn't, it'll be a learning experience that will hopefully encourage you to express yourself or 'make a move' earlier next time. I personally don't think a week is too early to make plans with someone you're interested in, but I can understand your hesitation. On the plus side, you did get to know her a little better, and that's ultimately what's most important.

Anyway, best of luck!

 

[rutger5000]

Hope this isn't too late.
Okay your 17 and I suppose your the oldest, or your from a very traditional family. Anyway around this age you should start to act very rebellious if you're in that kind of environment. Yes asking for permission is a good idea, but only if you completely ignore it when they say no. In fact if you have younger siblings then you somewhat own it to them to have big fights with your parents if they don't give you enough freedom. That way your parents will soften up for your younger siblings (I really need to thank my two older sister more).
Seriously if you don't learn to make your own decisions around this age, then you might never learn.
About the girl. I would ask her in advance, then it's more clear that you want a date, and a rejection is also a clearer answer to how she feels. If she says she can't then you can always ask for another time (allow her to pick time and place). If she rejects that offer too, then it means you should drop it and move one.