Jimquisition: The Ten Worst Games of 2011

[Jimothy Sterling]

The Ten Worst Games of 2011

The year is almost out, and we must celebrate it by publishing meaningless award ceremonies. In true Jimquisition style, our noble hero celebrates the crappest of the crap, with the ten shittiest games to have been released in 2011. Oh, revel in the glory.

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[Imperioratorex Caprae]

Hey, aside from the horribad-Batman he was, Val Kilmer is awesome.

Here's a list of great movies with Val Kilmer in no order in particular:

HEAT
Felon (hell you don't even know its Val Kilmer til you see him in the credits, which in that movie reminds me of Gary Oldman, an actor who you don't always recognize in a movie because he's just that awesome)

True Romance

Willow (Madmartigan anyone?)

Real Genius (best Val Kilmer Movie EVAR)

Top Gun (ok, I'm a Top Gun fan, fuck you all if you flame me for it)

Prince of Egypt (he was fucking MOSES)

Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans (yes it was a Nick Cage movie, but despite people's hate for Nick Cage, I love him, and this movie was great as was Val Kilmer)

and finally....

Tombstone (BEST Doc Holliday EVER)

Now... Jim, I love your show, I love your ideas... but please don't use actors being voice actors in a videogame as a reason the game is shit unless you can honestly back that statement up with good reason).

 

[NinjaDeathSlap]

Agree almost entirely, apart from your opinions of Assassin's Creed, because those are just wrong. WRONG DO YOU HEAR!!!

 

[Jandau]

Sure, opinions are opinions and therefore subjective, but still...

Cursed Crusade wasn't that bad. Seriously, it was an adequate game. Nothing awesome, but as an effort of a small no-name studio and a budget title, it's fairly nice. The visuals are not bad, the gameplay is ok, the plot is at least making an effort. I'm not quite sure when we got to the point that every game that doesn't have, say, Arkham City's production values has to be considered rubbish...

 

[ThreeKneeNick]

Funny about The Cursed Crusade, I think i first heard of it right on the Jimquisition, in a 'games to keep an eye on' type of episode or something like that. Anyway, the intro to the episode was funny, but later it turned from what I thought was going to be a parody of end of year award giving to an actual rant, which was kind of disappointing. Still an enjoyable watch though.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

No Brink makes me sad.

Worst game I bought this year.

 

[Something Amyss]

Hey, aside from the horribad-Batman he was, Val Kilmer is awesome.

Kilmer wasn't even particularly bad as Batman, despite the movie being particularly bad. That is, the fault really comes down to writing and such more than Kilmer. Though he should probably have never taken the job.

Amazed that Mindjack and Venetica didn't make the list.

Mindjack was pretty forgettable. I forgot it until I saw this post.

 

[The Cake Is Annoying]

I'd have thought that if DNF was getting the #1 slot for those reasons CoJer Cartel would be #2 since it also did some of crap.

That said, thank god for Jim.

 

[teh_Canape]

but

Spoiler

I liked Duke Nukem Forever

 

[umbraticus]

what was that ending about??

 

[Mikeyfell]

Nice list, Gears of War 3 is my honorary worst game of the year.
It was even bad enough to overcome my dizzying hatred of the Modern Warfare games.

I haven't played 6 of the games on your list and frankly I count my self lucky in that regard.

 

[DeaDRabbiT]

I don't feel like I need to stretch this comment into a couple of paragraphs to avoid the appearance of trolling, but let me just say this. I used to hate this show, I now quite like this show, one thing that is very quickly starting to grate on my nerves is this shticky *let's be quiet for a few seconds, and then make some noise, or face, or cuss a bit, and hope everyone laughs*

Look Jim, it was fucking hilarious in the Skyrim episode, but not every running gag is funny, so just quit it. I mean if this is your attempt at a catch phrase of sorts, or some sort of well "shtick" go back to the drawing board.

PS: Luckily I haven't played, or wanted to play any of the games on this list. Even with DNF being the price of pocket lint these days, I'll still pass. So yeah, I completely believe this list is probably populated by the hands down worst games of the past year. So kudos.

 

[esperandote]

That bloodrayne game LOOKED good. That lucha game with no online, what were they thinking? I guess they knew if they made it it would have sucked.

 

[Rad Party God]

Seriously Jim?, not even an honorable mention of Brink as one of the shittiest games of the year?, I'm just as dissapointed at you as I was at the game.

But otherwise, a solid steaming pile of shit list.

 

[mjc0961]

I saw Duke Nukem Forever coming a mile away, but what rape is he talking about? I played that game and saw no rape. I saw topless women who had panties on trapped in some kind of alien slime piles or something, but it was no different than what was seen in Duke Nukem 3D. It was just better graphics.

Also, he forgot inFamous 2. That did come out this year, right? Let me check. ... Yes, it did.

 

[Sigmund Av Volsung]

Assassin's Creed ain't S***, Jim.
Otherwise, yeah DNF was a flop.

 

[Kopikatsu]

I actually thought Cursed Crusade looked pretty cool...

Also, what was wrong with Knight's Contract? The gameplay video I saw of it looked good.

 

[Narfo]

Amazed that Mindjack and Venetica didn't make the list.

I don't know about Mindjack, but I think I know why Venetica wasn't in the list.
Yes, Venetica's combat was repetitive and umimaginative; it's story wasn't at all epic as it was trying to be; the character models for NPCs made them look like friggin' cartoons; and the writing OH GOD THE WRITING! MY EYES! MY EARS! THEY'RE BLEEDING!
But the thing about Venetica is that where-ever you went in the game you saw effort. Even though you knew you were playing a failed attempt at an RPG, you could tell that the developers really wanted to make an epic and fun RPG and actually tried. You could feel the care that was put into the game (even though, you know, it failed). The games Jim listed, on the other hand, actually show that the developers didn't really give a shit and actually wanted to make other games.
The games Jim listed are hated because the developers also hated them. A game like Venetica, where the developers cared, you just feel sorry for.
And just one point in Venetica's favor: the art for the game was really pretty.

Edit: There's also the possibility that Jim hasn't played Venetica yet.
Edit 2: I'd like to make a slight amendment concerning the writing. I had JUST found out the game was developed in Germany. So, while the dialogue is still bad, for us English speakers it's due in part to the German-to-English translation. Since I can't speak any other language than English, I really can't make a solid judgment since I don't know how "good" the translation is, other than flow.