Jimquisition: Think of the Children!

Apr 28, 2008
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You know, I used to care about children. Used to not hate them.

Then Fallout 3's Little Lamplight happened.

Now every time I see a child in game I view it with suspicion and contempt. Either they'll use their perk as children to ***** you out knowing you aren't able to do anything back, or they'll be a cheap pull at a heart-string.

So thanks, Bethesda. Thanks for making me hate kids in games.

Oh, and Retro-City Rampage is available on GoG as well [http://www.gog.com/en/gamecard/retro_city_rampage]. So if you want it without DRM and some extra stuff like the soundrack, go GoG.
 

Falseprophet

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Jan 13, 2009
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My favourite child character in a genre film? Newt from Aliens. Yeah, she was definitely a scared little girl, but she showed the survival instinct that allowed her to survive for weeks on a xenomorph-infested complex (about 1:00 in the clip below):

 

Metalrocks

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Jan 15, 2009
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like with ME3. i really dint care for this little kid. not even when he got blown up at the beginning of the game.
they always have to make these kids as the innocent once. to give you the feeling you need to help them but they really fail a it most of the times.
 

Quijiboh

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Falseprophet said:
My favourite child character in a genre film? Newt from Aliens.
I had the exact same thought as I was watching this. A Newt-like character would be good for a sci-fi horror game - vulnerable, but also endearing and capable. I could see her being useful like Farah in Prince of Persia, crawling into spaces the main character can't fit through and stuff like that.

Metalrocks said:
like with ME3. i really dint care for this little kid. not even when he got blown up at the beginning of the game.
they always have to make these kids as the innocent once. to give you the feeling you need to help them but they really fail a it most of the times.
I saw it as that you weren't supposed to care for the kid himself exactly. More, he was meant to be representative of all the people suffering on Earth while you're away trying to get help, because the deaths of millions of people is really hard to depict and imagine.
 

OniaPL

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The Carl in the comics is far superior to the assfuck in the tv show.

And Clementine... Don't get me started on Clementine. I love her as a character.
 

Legion

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Oct 2, 2008
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Like the child in Mass Effect 3

What pissed me off even more with that was how ridiculously heavy handed they were with it. They even go so far as to make Shepard have nightmares over the kid. This one kid, amongst millions of deaths, including ones that were a direct result of Shepard's actions? It's just idiotic.
 

GenGenners

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I <3 Telltale.

Also, see MW3's 'shocking moment' for the perfect example of a cheaply written, token child appearance.
 

Stryc9

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Jim, what were you thinking using Jack Thompson's picture in this weeks video?! Don't you realize what you have done? Now he's going to sue you for a death threat, when he hires a lawyer as crazy as he is.

Beyond that there's not much else I can say here because I can't recall a single game I've played that had children as characters in them that weren't some sort of edutainment crap. The flying baby things in Doom 3 were whiny assholes though, I hated them.
 

Worgen

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Whatever, just wash your hands.
I'm surprised you didn't bring up Double Fine as a studio that knows how to write kids, more than a few of their games star children as the main character. Psychonauts, Costume Quest, and stacking all have children as main and supporting characters.
 

Ickabod

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Writers writing stories about children don't have children of their own, thus they don't know what children are like, only the archetypes that have been established by other writers without children. The writers themselves think that children are annoying and helpless, hence they way they portray them.
 

xPixelatedx

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Jan 19, 2011
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Oh man Jim, did you have to use that image? Every time I see that image of the Walking dead game, I think of Goof Troop.
Particularly Pete and his family. It's really, really hilarious that the weird shadow from the art style does that, because practically speaking, I don't think she should have a giant black spot around where her nose is in that particular lighting.

But on topic, I do agree with what you said, as well. I don't think children as where this ends, though. I see this also when people add race for the sake of political correctness. Like when they add a black guy to a game/show/movie who's only personality trait is hes the black guy. Summery: the Entertainment industry (all of them), think we are stupid, and they will use the most basic of things to try and create the illusion of depth.
 

tmande2nd

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I enjoyed this episode.

Fallout 3 had good and bad examples of kids in games.
Little Lamplight? HORRIBLE
Bryan Wilks from THOSE!? Actually well done.

In ME3 vent kid was just so narmy I cant even hate it.
Shepard angsts more over a little kid then seeing:
A LI die, blowing up 300,000 people, deciding the course of the galaxy.

I mean I felt HORRIBLE after the Genophage cure. Shepard? Two lines at most.
 

Roofstone

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May 13, 2010
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Wait wait wait...

I can play games, and have Jim Sterling in front of me at all times. No longer do I have to choose?

Hallelujah! Praise god, and thank him for Jim Sterling!

OT: I really liked Emily from dishonored, she is obviously sad and scared about this whole situation, but still manages to stay generally upbeat when you are around. As well as trying her best to act her part and stay mature.

One of the few characters that made me want to protect her, simply because she was a good character.
 

SonOfVoorhees

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Irridium said:
Then Fallout 3's Little Lamplight happened.

Now every time I see a child in game I view it with suspicion and contempt. Either they'll use their perk as children to ***** you out knowing you aren't able to do anything back, or they'll be a cheap pull at a heart-string.
So much this. I really wanted to slap them to show them a bit of respect, mouthy little fuckers. So annoying and when you do shoot them, i feel that im entitled to and they do deserve it, no damage done. But they can shoot you and you have to leave....or be killed by the brats. I so wished i could lead a Deathclaw to their little hide out.
 

malestrithe

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Aug 18, 2008
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I have the first two Walking Dead chapters because they were free with PS Plus early August, but have no plans to play more episodes. I think they are barely interactive motion comics and I'm opposed to it solely on that alone.
 

MisterShine

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Mar 9, 2010
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This really could've just been titled "TellTale's The Walking Dead is fucking great, and you should play it fuckwits.... PS Thank God For Me"

And ya know what? This game fuckin' deserves it. I didn't think anything would be able to match Mass Effect 3 in terms of emotional depth and impact on me, mostly because it had two other games to base itself off of so didn't have to do the really hard work of getting me invested, but fuck it if the first 4 episodes of the Walking Dead haven't made me think that TellTale just might pull it off.

I know how it will end, but I can't wait to get there. Really looking forward to see where they go with Season 2.
 

cynicalsaint1

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Apr 1, 2010
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100% Agreed.
Couldn't stand the writing in Heavy Rain *early game spoilers to follow*.

Like when the dude's first kid randomly runs off and gets hit by a car.
A kid his age (10 according to the game's wiki) should damn well already know to be careful crossing streets. I mean, fuck, my parents trusted me bike to my friends' houses alone when I was that age and some how I managed to not get run over. I even managed to crash my bike a couple times (going down hills way too fast >.>) and amazingly only came out with scrapes and bruises - who knew I wasn't actually made of porcelain?

Hell once I even got separated from my dad in the super market and couldn't find him. Do you know what I didn't do? Randomly run out into the street for no apparent reason. I found someone who worked in the store and told them I couldn't find my dad ...

Believe it or not kids aren't completely stupid and generally don't just randomly do stupid shit just because they're kids. They are capable of listening and learning and understanding things.


Alright /rant