Kane & Lynch Movie Loses Director

[Ubermetalhed]

Screw Willis, he could easily just "Nutty Professor" this and play both roles in composite shots.
​

Jamie: So, who do I play?
Exec: You play Kane.
Jamie: Er... the white guy?
Exec: What white guy?
Jamie: They... they're both white.
Exec: So what's your point?
Jamie: ...I wouldn't necessarily describe the resemblance as... a resemblance. I mean, Willis kinda looks like beard guy, but I'm not sure why I was cast for this role. Again, I just don't see much of a resemblance.
Exec: To what?
Jamie: Christ, have you even played the game? Or looked at the box art?! Or seen an advertisement for it anywhere?!
Exec: Hahaha, what?! Fuck no! We're making an independent movie with only the names in common.
Jamie: That's... why?! Why would you do that? That's like casting Beyonce as Lara Croft.
Exec: BRAND RECOGNITION. Don't fuck with me, I went to business school for two years. Besides, any criticism towards the decision to cast you will be dismissed out-of-hand as abhorrent racism.
Jamie: Fine. But you know this is based on games that absolutely tanked, so your target demographic, gamers, are going to regard this with derision at best?
Exec: We'll get IGN to start reviewing movies, then bribe our way to a 9/10.
Jamie: So you're expecting this shit to suck. You know I won an Oscar for portraying Ray Charles, right? Remind me why I'm doing this shitty little film.
Exec: Your tax returns show you recently purchased a Maserati. A fleet of them, actually.
Jamie: Oh, right. But before we get this shit over with, how'd you get Willis?
Exec: Because his only other choice was Die Hard 5: Die Hardest, and the contract stipulates that he'd have to share the screen with the douchey Mac spokesman again.
Jamie: Truly, the world is a cruel and unjust place.
Exec: You just bought a fleet of Maserati's. Don't get preachy.
Jamie: Don't break character, you're supposed to be a strawman caricature of a studio executive.
Exec: Shit, you're right. MONEYMONEYMONEYMONEYMONEYMONEYMONEYMONEY, HOOKERS AND BLOW, HOOKERS AND BLOW!!!!

Definitely the best post I've seen in a while. Made me laugh out loud as they do say on these here interwebs.

 

[brodie21]

why are they making a movie for this? didnt the game suck? i mean i played the DEMO for the first game and that SUCKED, but it warranted a movie? WTF

 

[Sonicron]

... Huh? They're trying to make a movie based on that god-awful franchise? ... Why? The collective consciousness of the world hasn't asked for one, and a large part of the gaming community knows the source material isn't exactly grade-A to begin with.

Come now, guys. Take it as a sign and bury the project, it'll be for the best.

 

[Asuka Soryu]

Well, Hollywood's so desperate, they're now making movies off games that tanked.

You see, after failing time and time again with games that were good/great, they're gone to see how it varries with a game that sucks ass.