Killzone 2 - A Trailer Review
DISCLAIMER: This review is meant to be a joke. It's a joke because I have never played 'Killzone 2' before, and I'm going to basically make up what I know about the game based on the trailer. It isn't a serious review, so if you're a die-hard fan of the game: Just take as the joke it is. Since I never played it, I'm not actually saying anything bad about the game.
As we all know, a book can totally be judged by it's cover. That's the point of the cover, really. To judge. Some say 'to protect pages' or some crap, but really...it's for judgment. It's like knowing that skinny blond girl who wears a tube-top is totally going to put out every time you drop a mad rhyme, or that kid who wears all black is obviously a satanist who kills cats for some ritual. You know it just by looking.
The same can be said for games and their respective trailers. Watch a trailer, judge the game. Really, in this age of trailers, who needs demos at all? But those stuck in the past still whine for a demo and so they are still here. But the rest of us super smart people know: The trailer tells you all you need to know.
And with that, the trailer, or, in this case, the commercial:
First off, we can see the graphics are great. And really, that's the most important part. As long as the graphics are amazing, what else do you need? Especially in this game! I mean, as far as I can tell, it's a simulator for watching bullets take near-impossible trajectories across battlefields. A interesting direction to take the series, to be sure, but will it pay off?
I'm not sure if you can control the bullet itself, though that would totally be awesome. I mean, sure bullets can only turn if you are whipping your gun around as demonstrated in that documentary 'Wanted', but maybe they have special fins or something on them that allows for a change in direction! The Sixaxis controller would be perfect for that! But maybe that's DLC coming later? Who knows? But what I do know is that this game looks like a game for the egg heads.
Even though the graphics are great (Automatically giving it a 8 out of 10), the science of bullet trajectories won't be winning over any traditional shooter fans. Unless, of course, your bullet has regenerating health, a sweet bullet cover system, and can shoot other bullets. If it doesn't do that, it's like...math. And unless you're playing Scorched Earth with a blind guy and lying about where you are so that he shoots himself to make yourself feel better, then math and angles have no place in video games. Even bad-ass super math involving the trajectories of bullets.
And what would multiplayer be like? Try to hit this guy before someone else by getting the right trajectory? Sounds too realistic and too boring. I mean, if I wanted a realistic shooter, I'd be whipping out my copy of Counter Strike. Everyone knows the military used it to train soldiers the art of bunny hopping and running faster with a knife by cutting the air ahead of them. Why even try to compete with that perfection?
So, over all, I gotta pass on this one. Sure the presentation is there, but where is the replay value? They didn't even show the bullet killing the guy! That reality show CSI can show me that! Why can't they? Nuts to this. Unless you're big into the flight path of bullets, move along. I'm sure this will be forgotten quickly.
--Baby Tea
DISCLAIMER: This review is meant to be a joke. It's a joke because I have never played 'Killzone 2' before, and I'm going to basically make up what I know about the game based on the trailer. It isn't a serious review, so if you're a die-hard fan of the game: Just take as the joke it is. Since I never played it, I'm not actually saying anything bad about the game.
As we all know, a book can totally be judged by it's cover. That's the point of the cover, really. To judge. Some say 'to protect pages' or some crap, but really...it's for judgment. It's like knowing that skinny blond girl who wears a tube-top is totally going to put out every time you drop a mad rhyme, or that kid who wears all black is obviously a satanist who kills cats for some ritual. You know it just by looking.
The same can be said for games and their respective trailers. Watch a trailer, judge the game. Really, in this age of trailers, who needs demos at all? But those stuck in the past still whine for a demo and so they are still here. But the rest of us super smart people know: The trailer tells you all you need to know.
And with that, the trailer, or, in this case, the commercial:
First off, we can see the graphics are great. And really, that's the most important part. As long as the graphics are amazing, what else do you need? Especially in this game! I mean, as far as I can tell, it's a simulator for watching bullets take near-impossible trajectories across battlefields. A interesting direction to take the series, to be sure, but will it pay off?
I'm not sure if you can control the bullet itself, though that would totally be awesome. I mean, sure bullets can only turn if you are whipping your gun around as demonstrated in that documentary 'Wanted', but maybe they have special fins or something on them that allows for a change in direction! The Sixaxis controller would be perfect for that! But maybe that's DLC coming later? Who knows? But what I do know is that this game looks like a game for the egg heads.
Even though the graphics are great (Automatically giving it a 8 out of 10), the science of bullet trajectories won't be winning over any traditional shooter fans. Unless, of course, your bullet has regenerating health, a sweet bullet cover system, and can shoot other bullets. If it doesn't do that, it's like...math. And unless you're playing Scorched Earth with a blind guy and lying about where you are so that he shoots himself to make yourself feel better, then math and angles have no place in video games. Even bad-ass super math involving the trajectories of bullets.
And what would multiplayer be like? Try to hit this guy before someone else by getting the right trajectory? Sounds too realistic and too boring. I mean, if I wanted a realistic shooter, I'd be whipping out my copy of Counter Strike. Everyone knows the military used it to train soldiers the art of bunny hopping and running faster with a knife by cutting the air ahead of them. Why even try to compete with that perfection?
So, over all, I gotta pass on this one. Sure the presentation is there, but where is the replay value? They didn't even show the bullet killing the guy! That reality show CSI can show me that! Why can't they? Nuts to this. Unless you're big into the flight path of bullets, move along. I'm sure this will be forgotten quickly.
--Baby Tea
