Lawsuit Demands Porn Filters For All Apple Products

Andy Chalk

One Flag, One Fleet, One Cat
Nov 12, 2002
45,698
0
0
Lawsuit Demands Porn Filters For All Apple Products


A Tennessee attorney has filed a lawsuit demanding Apple install filters to block porn on all of its products, because he can't stop looking at it.

Chris Sevier is a lawyer with a problem. He can't stop looking at porn. He can't stop comparing hot, young porn actresses to his wife, who it is implied is neither hot nor young. And he can't stop looking at porn. Did I mention that he can't stop looking at porn? Because he can't. Because porn.

But while this is Sevier's problem, in his worldview it's not actually his fault. It's Apple's fault, because Apple sold him a device that can access pornographic content despite the fact that it knows (or should have known) that it is addictive, unhealthy and downright un-American, causing "American girls traveling abroad to be abducted and cast into sex trafficking, since the proliferation of unfiltered pornography has given rise to a demand of illegal depravity."

The solution, according to Sevier, is simple: Every Apple product must be sold with a preinstalled and preset filter that blocks all access to all pornography. Users who want to view porn on their hardware would first have to prove that they are at least 18 years of age and then receive and acknowledge a warning from Apple about the dangers of porn. If, at that point, the user still wants to indulge, Apple would provide a password to bypass the filter and everyone goes away happy.

Sevier's lawsuit states that his problems began when he purchased a Macbook Pro from a Tennessee Apple Store. Using it as directed, he was able to access the internet, but shortly thereafter things fell apart. "In using Safari, the Plaintiff accidentally misspelled 'facebook.com' which lead him to 'fuckbook.com' and a host of websites that caused him to see pornographic images that appealed to his biological sensibilities as a male and lead to an unwanted addiction with adverse consequences," the lawsuit states.

"The Plaintiff began to prefer the cyber beauties over his wife, which caused his marriage to fail. His wife abducted his son and disappeared, which was a subsequent consequence of Apple's decision to sell its computer not on 'safe mode'," it continues. "The Plaintiff became depressed and despondent, unable to work as a result of observing porn on his Macbook and the impact it caused. The Plaintiff will have to continue to seek counseling to overcome the damaging impact that observing pornographic images online caused."

The suit goes on for 50 brilliant pages and concludes with a demand for an injunction requiring porn filters on all Apple products, a donation by Apple to agencies battling "the systemic problems that have stemmed from Apple's negligent decision to not safeguard its customers from the inherent dangers of viewing pornography," roughly $75,000 to cover loss of income and medical expenses and a public statement from Apple about the risks and dangers of porn. However, if Apple agrees to begin selling its products with porn filters installed and active before trial, Sevier says he will halt his litigation.

In his defense (so to speak), Sevier is in fact suffering from some kind of psychological disability: In December of 2011 he was placed on "disability inactive status" by the Tennessee Supreme Court for "mental infirmity or illness." Could there be a connection? Probably not, but it's still a great read.

Source: Above the Law [http://abovethelaw.com/2013/07/lawyer-apple-should-protect-me-from-my-porn-addiction/2/]


Permalink
 

nickpy

New member
Oct 9, 2010
124
0
0
If I had been the court clerk in charge of reviewing this litigation, I would have just laughed, thrown it back in the guy's face and told him to stop wasting my time. It amazes me how many people do stupid things and then try to blame everyone but themselves...
 

theultimateend

New member
Nov 1, 2007
3,621
0
0
RatherDull said:
Umm, good luck?

I really don't think his case holds up.
To be fair he's using the exact same logic that groups have used for the entire history of the US (and probably globally) to make laws.

There is something he can't stop wanting to do or actually doing so he wants to make it illegal because he has no self control. They always ignore the fact that they are trying to screw with everyone else while trying to get their life in order but then people at the macro level don't seem to care about that kind of thing unless it impacts them (in a way they feel is negative) directly.
 

synobal

New member
Jun 8, 2011
2,189
0
0
Only if they install religious filters on them too so I don't have to keep reading all the filthy religious sites, and message boards.
 

Roofstone

New member
May 13, 2010
1,642
0
0
Well to be fair. If I couldn't stop comparing my wife to beautiful young porn actresses, I'd be angry as well. ^^
 

Phrozenflame500

New member
Dec 26, 2012
1,080
0
0
Andy Chalk said:
the Plaintiff accidentally misspelled 'facebook.com' which lead him to 'fuckbook.com'
How do you even do this? The "u" key is so far away from the "a" key. Still, I almost wish this goes through just because of the hilarity of the thing.
 

marcooos

Shit Be Serial Cray
Nov 18, 2009
309
0
0
Or y'know he could get on with his life and stop trying to impose on my wanking habits.

OT: How does one mispell Facebook as Fuckbook? Was he having a stroke at the time?
 

Owyn_Merrilin

New member
May 22, 2010
7,370
0
0
I'm seeing another Jack Thompson-style disbarrment in this guy's near future. And that's about all I have to say about this. Most frivolous lawsuit I've ever heard of.
 

sturryz

New member
Nov 17, 2007
504
0
0
marcooos said:
Or y'know he could get on with his life and stop trying to impose on my wanking habits.

OT: How does one mispell Facebook as Fuckbook? Was he having a stroke at the time?
obviously he was going into using the device for pornography in the first place, This shit is gonna kill whatever career he had. Oh well, atleast if that happens he can always go look at pornography to pass the time.
 

CriticalMiss

New member
Jan 18, 2013
2,024
0
0
Phrozenflame500 said:
Andy Chalk said:
the Plaintiff accidentally misspelled 'facebook.com' which lead him to 'fuckbook.com'
How do you even do this? The "u" key is so far away from the "a" key. Still, I almost wish this goes through just because of the hilarity of the thing.
It's suprisingly easy. I wanted to go to xkcd.com one time and, through a series of unfortunate typing errors, ended up at lustylesbianhousewivescoveredinwhippedcreampaddlingeachothersbuttocks.uk.net/freepreviews and it's all Apple's fault even though I have an Asus netbook.

And yeah, you don't need to force regulations on possibly millions of other people just because you have a porn addiction and mental health issues. Just wear boxing gloves or something.
 

sturryz

New member
Nov 17, 2007
504
0
0
CriticalMiss said:
Phrozenflame500 said:
Andy Chalk said:
the Plaintiff accidentally misspelled 'facebook.com' which lead him to 'fuckbook.com'
How do you even do this? The "u" key is so far away from the "a" key. Still, I almost wish this goes through just because of the hilarity of the thing.
It's suprisingly easy. I wanted to go to xkcd.com one time and, through a series of unfortunate typing errors, ended up at lustylesbianhousewivescoveredinwhippedcreampaddlingeachothersbuttocks.uk.net/freepreviews and it's all Apple's fault even though I have an Asus netbook.

And yeah, you don't need to force regulations on possibly millions of other people just because you have a porn addiction and mental health issues. Just wear boxing gloves or something.
I always knew auto-correct was a bad idea, and would come back to haunt itself:p
 

The Hungry Samurai

Hungry for Truth
Apr 1, 2004
453
0
0
It's sad that this guy is so obviously mentally broken despite being mentally sharp enough to become a lawyer, however it's really messed up that he's so self absorbed that he's going to make a laughing stock of his wife nationally to absolve himself of the blame.

To him I say Face You!
 

VonKlaw

New member
Jan 30, 2012
386
0
0
Or he could always do this:

Step 1: Google "Adult content blocker". If he's scared of being monitored by the NSA, he could always use something nobody else uses like ask.com

Step 2: Install any of the variety of options that have been presented to you. Allow someone else to set the password so you can't be a naught devil and change it!

Step 3: Ta-dah! You've blocked adult content on your PC/Mac, and saved everyone else time having to deal with your stupid time wasting bullshit lawsuit because you have the self-control of a horny 14 year old. Congratulations!