Lawsuit Demands Porn Filters For All Apple Products

Kenjitsuka

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Sep 10, 2009
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My mind is now blown!

Clearly, I must sue the Escapist for posting this news article, for they should have known my mind would be blown by it.
Now I have severe damages; dry cleaning costs for my chair, new flooring (you won't BELIEVE how hard it is to get brain matter off most surfaces!), a new outfit and many, many surgeries to get my head back into pre-blown shape.
 

maidenm

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Jul 3, 2012
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Can someone explain this to me: he has such an addiction to porn that he wants apple to install a mandatory filter to prevent you from viewing porn unless you prove that you are at least 18 and know of the "dangers" (lol wut) but... how does he think this is going to stop him from watching porn in the future? Is he planning to do a follow-up lawsuit? "Your previous attempt at blocking my porn wasn't good enough, give me more money and make a better filter"?

Yeesh, I realise he's a sad sad man but I really can't think he's got no one to blame but himself for this...
 

GoddyofAus

New member
Aug 3, 2010
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I am a porn addict, therefore everybody is.

Yep, sounds like the sort of stupidity you'd expect from Tennessee.
 

Evil Smurf

Admin of Catoholics Anonymous
Nov 11, 2011
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Teoes said:
*cough* How do you even define porn *cough* How exactly would such a filter work *cough* etc etc

Can't get wound up, this is too ridiculous to take seriously.

seydaman said:
Hey, guys, don't be so mean, it's a common mistake to accidentally go to www.sexual-escapades.com instead of www.escapistmagazine.com
Wait, whaaaaaaaaat? You mean ALL THIS TIME I've been posting on the wrong website? I've been cheated! No wonder it has taken me so long to get off. I always thought it was just because the models here were fuckugly.
Come on on man, don't be rude. Have you not seen the jimquistion? I everytime he on the

*cleans iPhone screen* ;D
 

FoolKiller

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Feb 8, 2008
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He bought an internet capable device to do something other than look at porn? Why would anyone do that?

What he should really do is sue the internet for it having porn on it.

The lawsuit could be:
Moron vs. www
 

MammothBlade

It's not that I LIKE you b-baka!
Oct 12, 2011
5,246
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This guy needs to install chastitybelt.exe on his floppy drive. And maybe give the key to someone he trusts.

I'm sure that with that level of determination, he'd just find a way around porn filters anyway.
 

Jamous

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Apr 14, 2009
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Oh god I thought this was someone saying people shouldn't look at porn because it's bad but oh god oh god I wasn't prepared for the funny AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
In other news this is going to fail because I don't really know of a single campaign of its type to have been successful. And we've seen plenty.
 

DataSnake

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Aug 5, 2009
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Fdzzaigl said:
Captcha: how the fuck am I supposed to know the name and function of a brand that doesn't even exist in europe by its logo alone? GRRR
I usually get a screenshot, crop it down to just the logo, and use google's reverse image search.
 

Terramax

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Jan 11, 2008
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Guys, click on the link and go to page 18--

30. CUTTING OFF THE HEAD OF THE SNAKE: To kill a snake, you must cut its head off. Here pornography is the snake...
I hope someone in the courtroom suggest he cut off the head of his own snake.

ZING!
 

ph0b0s123

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Jul 7, 2010
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Would not be surprised if he does not get sued by the porn industry. You know if you don't pay to watch that internet porn, it's generally copyright infringement, right? Maybe he was only looking at the free stuff (had to believe for someone with impulse control), but it does not describe above any claims he is making about being out of pocket due to all the porn he has brought... Just saying....

Maybe he is already being sued and is trying to make it Apples problem....
 

Deathfish15

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Nov 7, 2006
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When I read this article...

This popped into my head:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vf857Px3A8
 

theSteamSupported

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Mar 4, 2012
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If self-control is such an issue for him, a lawyer isn't probably what he should've contacted. But then again, maybe he had to sue Apple in order to afford that appointment with a psychiatrist.
 

Not G. Ivingname

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Nov 18, 2009
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Doom972 said:
Let's say that they actually implement this. What would stop a potential porn addict from getting Apple to disable the filters? Nothing. Which makes it useless.

Also, I thought that in the US you had to be 18 years old to participate in porn, but 21 years old to watch it. Can someone from the US clarify this for me?

I don't see why a problem of his, and presumably a certain small portion of the population receive special treatment. If he has this problem, it's his responsibility to acquire and install a porn filter.

synobal said:
Only if they install religious filters on them too so I don't have to keep reading all the filthy religious sites, and message boards.
^ Also this.
The issue of internet porn has never really been entirely clear, nor had many laws made about it. The only Federal guideline to porn is the Miller Test, testing for obscenity (it must have some form of artistic value, which is why all porn has such deep plots like "a person brings the woman a pizza", and the classic music of "Bachicakwowow"). All attempts to regulate internet porn have been struck down or are currently in the court systems.

Now, it is true that you can't legally "make available to those under 21 years of age" but every porn website only checks that your 18. The only laws that are really enforced for the porn industry are the child porn laws. Of course, the porn industry are the masters of loophole abuse, such as saying their actors aren't being paid to have sex (which would be prostitution) they are being paid for the right to film the sex the are having.

Now, the constitutionality and sanity of this current law are so questionable it is absurd. It only applies to Mac's (although I wouldn't be surprised if the guy didn't know what PCs are), their are some forms of content restrictions for Macs already, and porn isn't illegal.
 

Fdzzaigl

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Mar 31, 2010
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Vie said:
CriticalMiss said:
...or they will advise Dolce Gabana to start a range of designer le toilette du papiérs (poncy loo roll). Entertaining either way.
Sadly, this already exists.


Ok it's not Duncey & Gabrollollolol, or however that name is spelt, but designer loo roll actually exists.
Haha, if it's hilariously outrageous it probably exists :p

Like those $400+ pills that turn your turds into gold...

 

faefrost

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Jun 2, 2010
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Is it just me, or is this dude representative of why we get warning labels declaring "Danger! Not for internal consumption! Do Not Eat!" On cans of house paint?
 

Redlin5_v1legacy

Better Red than Dead
Aug 5, 2009
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You know, the "A" key on the keyboard is quite a distance away from the "U" key... Must of been one hell of a typo.