Lawsuit Demands Porn Filters For All Apple Products

KeyMaster45

Gone Gonzo
Jun 16, 2008
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Chaosritter said:
Only in America! :D

On the other hand, people got millions because they claimed they got cancer because the tobacco industry didn't do enough to warn them about the hazards of smoking. So maybe his chances are better than we think.
Except the tobacco industry was actually hiding the negative health effects of smoking from the public despite knowing about them for years before any legal action was taken. Couple that with predatory marketing and outright fabrications of the "health benefits" of smoking that they extolled for years, the lawsuits that eventually came against them were far from frivolous.

Now if those lawsuits are still successful today, then that shit's messed up. The ill effects of smoking have been rammed into the public's head so much by now that if you're smoking, it's your own damn fault if you end up dying of cancer or emphysema.
 

TheCommanders

ohmygodimonfire
Nov 30, 2011
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Now to be clear this is speculation, but from what I can tell about this guy's lifestyle, it looks like he just wants a bunch of money so he can retire and live out his days watching porn. I say this because he made sure to include an adendum that porn could still be accessed on these devices. Usually, if someone really is fanatically against something, that would be a concession they might make, or be prepared to make, later in the the court proceedings. This lawyer was either savvy enough to know (in his horny and angry state) that his suit was less likely to work (and garner support) if he tried to outlaw porn entirely, or... he just wanted to still have access to porn once he won. Judging by the fact that this guy is apparently so addicted that it has destroyed his life... I'm going with the second.
 

lunavixen

New member
Jan 2, 2012
841
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hang on, wait... what?

ugh, I think the stupidity is blinding me. How the hell is this apples fault?! and how the hell do you misspell facebook to fuckbook? the c and e keys are on the opposite side of the keyboard to u and k, something tells me he started getting addicted to porn beforehand and his wife caught on, so now he's blaming apple... Riiiiiiiight...
 

kreekgod

New member
Jul 12, 2010
27
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clearly this problem isnt apples fault, its his wifes fault

if she would just give him a blowjob....

no actually this guy is nuts, and its not apples problem if he doesn't have the self control to stop looking at porn on his own
 

GroovySpecs

New member
Feb 23, 2013
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Roofstone said:
Well to be fair. If I couldn't stop comparing my wife to beautiful young porn actresses, I'd be angry as well. ^^
Not as angry as your wife would be I'm guessing? :)
 

KOMega

New member
Aug 30, 2010
641
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As funny as this is, with all the stupid law-related stuff that keeps happening these days I'm always half worried that these things seem so silly that no one will seriously defend against this enough.

This will probably get thrown out, but still, sometimes a frivolous lawsuit does actually go through and I cannot sigh deeply enough.
 

Vie

New member
Nov 18, 2009
932
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CriticalMiss said:
...or they will advise Dolce Gabana to start a range of designer le toilette du papiérs (poncy loo roll). Entertaining either way.
Sadly, this already exists.


Ok it's not Duncey & Gabrollollolol, or however that name is spelt, but designer loo roll actually exists.
 

Callate

New member
Dec 5, 2008
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Here I came in expecting someone to ply the usual "won't someone please think of the children" line... And the truth is much worse.

File under "It is wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too easy to pass the bar exam in the state of Tennessee."
 

Sectan

Senior Member
Aug 7, 2011
591
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Only time I had an obsession with porn was literally when I was 14 and made a magical discovery. I'm an adult now. I can easily control myself... If this guy is a sex addict then he should get some help dealing with the issue instead of trying to get stupid laws passed. Otherwise he should stop acting like a 14 year old. It's called self control...
 

MCerberus

New member
Jun 26, 2013
1,168
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How this lawsuit will work:

Discovery - whelp, what's the evidence that apple is responsible for this?
...
...
...
Alright, that was quick. Discovery over, let's go get lunch and wait for a real lawsuit to come around

edit- wait a minute, I think the issue is that auto-complete saw which site he goes to more and just hit enter. Damn man, if you're an average facebook user, how does ANY other website show up when you hit 'f'
 

WhiteTigerShiro

New member
Sep 26, 2008
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This lawsuit will (hopefully) fail for one simple reason: He knows he has a problem, yet he didn't take steps to account for it. If he really has such a crippling addiction to porn AND works a job that requires him to own and use computers, then he should take responsibility by hiring someone to install this filters he needs on the computer before he even touches it.
 

Baldry

New member
Feb 11, 2009
2,412
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I don't even...Just all of my whut. How can you be this stupid, that's seriously impressive, best of luck to this man.
 

Bix96

New member
Oct 10, 2012
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bringer of illumination said:
Andy Chalk said:
"In using Safari, the Plaintiff accidentally misspelled 'facebook.com' which lead him to 'fuckbook.com'
Oh come the face on

This is a joke

This can't POSSIBLY not be a joke.

They are NOT being serious here.

No one could ever write that shit without shitting their pants with laughter.
Fixed that for you.

on a more serious note I'm sure he thought this was a great idea to get himself some free publicity
 

Nemusus

New member
Jun 10, 2013
68
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This is a great idea! Fuck taking responsibility for your own actions, that shit's overrated. 'MURICA!!
 

Alar

The Stormbringer
Dec 1, 2009
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Kyr Knightbane said:
This is really a thing? A dude with a massive porn addiction is demanding the internet be locked away behind safeguards and filters? Really?

What's Next? He'll have the FCC come in and Censor real life? People won't have genitals anymore?

Exercise some self-control, don't have unrealistic expectations about females and enjoy the woman you have. Although i doubt she'll stick with him for long after the comparison.
I really hope someone takes him to a local porn shop so he can start blaming DVD player companies for not making filters against porn next.

This is utterly sad... and hilarious. I just hope it crashes and burns... I'd hate it if one moron's lack of self control became a rallying cry for family groups and other prudes around the States (or even the world) to actually force Apple to make this ridiculous change.
 

Teoes

Poof, poof, sparkles!
Jun 1, 2010
5,174
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*cough* How do you even define porn *cough* How exactly would such a filter work *cough* etc etc

Can't get wound up, this is too ridiculous to take seriously.

seydaman said:
Hey, guys, don't be so mean, it's a common mistake to accidentally go to www.sexual-escapades.com instead of www.escapistmagazine.com
Wait, whaaaaaaaaat? You mean ALL THIS TIME I've been posting on the wrong website? I've been cheated! No wonder it has taken me so long to get off. I always thought it was just because the models here were fuckugly.
 

Sarge034

New member
Feb 24, 2011
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Doom972 said:
Also, I thought that in the US you had to be 18 years old to participate in porn, but 21 years old to watch it. Can someone from the US clarify this for me?
This is true. As for why... Reasons? The US kindda treats you as a probationary adult 18-20, but you join the club at 21. It is so fucking stupid. You get all of the downsides of being an adult and very few of the up sides.

OT- "I have no self control and this is not my fault. Now give me money for pain and suffering."

 

Adam Jensen_v1legacy

I never asked for this
Sep 8, 2011
6,651
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"I can't control my urges so I'm suing somebody else to make them responsible for my actions!"

Can this guy be any more pathetic?