{EDIT} I've taken the liberty of updating this review with pictures, since I now know that some images make the whole thing less imposing.
Tryzon?s Nostalgic Gaming Trips #3
Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver (PS1, 1999)
Sweet jungle fever, this is definition of what I like to happily review. While well critically received at the time, this game just isn?t respected enough nowadays. Everything about it is pure awesome: story, puzzling, soundtrack, action, all of it is great. It?s one of those special games where you have to really strain yourself to think of valid reasons for marking it down. After a long playthrough and a big ponder, I only came up with a couple, which I want to throw at you right now: the free-roaming style, while brave and initially interesting, quickly becomes repetitive as you re-tread ground more than once; while the jumping is flawless 90% of the time, there?s always a weird mess-up every once and a while; finally, the signposting is non-existent, and there always seems to be a reachable platform just out of normal camera view that you will walk past ten times before accidentally seeing.. That?s all the real complaints I have, although they are significant ones. I don?t generally like giving scores, but if I had to with this, there is no possibility of it getting less than a ten. If this game was made today, with the little technical flaws sorted out by modern-generation power, this would be the best game ever. As it stands, it?s probably the best PS1 title of all eternity.
Any game with action figures must be stupendous
I?ve played and finished all of the Legacy games except for the first Blood Omen, which is now epically rare and therefore maddeningly expensive. It was a very different game to what its children would become, but it still looks good in a different way, so my inability to get it for a reasonable sum is frustrating, but alas, ?tis the way of things. In any case, while all the other games and very good, this has to be the best of the bunch. It?s hard to really explain why, but the internet seems to agree with me, so at least I?m not delirious right now. I have so much to say that I?m glad my eensy little fanbase are used to fiendishly large reviews. If I manage this in less than three pages I?ll buy myself a congratulatory Snickers.
Legacy of Kain features one of the most complex plots ever found outside of Metal Gear, and it?s almost entirely original. Find an online summary of Blood Omen before you go into this, or it will make less sense than a gorilla in a phonebooth ordering a cement pizza with extra anchovies. The basic plot for this most holy of Playstation relics is thus: Raziel, vampire lieutenant, manages to tick off his master Kain, who is now much older than he was in Blood Omen, and the sire of Raziel and his fellow vamp commandos. The fuss is all over Raziel?s new wings, which he manages to grow before Kain, so therefore poor Razzy must die, apparently. This he does by being thrown into a never really explained vortex of ownage known for officially (if less creatively) as The Abyss. Raziel, after an eternity of ouchiness, is saved by a weird tentacle-being that goes by the handle of The Elder God. Revenge is on Raz?s mind, and the Spaghetti Monster wants Kain and company dead too, because vampires contain spirits plucked from the underworld that cannot make a big celestial wheel spin and keep the globe turning, or whatever. This is a summary of the basic concept, but there is a lot of background story in the other games which you should be ordering as well anyway, right?
That green thing is where Raziel reluctantly spends a few centuries
The core idea is a traditional one: wander through levels slaying baddies and solving puzzles until you get to a boss, who gives you a shiny new power once they hit their expiry date. But while it sounds like a hundred other titles now, there is so much more to this wondrous beast, I tell you.
One of the most unique ideas is the ability to shift planes of existence between the material realm and the spiritual realm. Everything in the game acts differently in each dimension, with the environment shifting around as well, and it is key to most of the brain-testing bits. While you can enter the spiritual spectrum at any time, you can only go material while standing on special soul conduit things with full health. Also, time freezes when you are spiritual, meaning you can render time limits obsolete in the right circumstances. This clever dynamic had most of the mind challenges built around it with care and purpose, and so works brilliantly. I did occasionally go a while just in the material realm and forgot about shifting entirely. This meant that when I got to a section where I had to become ghosty, I had no clue what to do until my brain starting working properly again. That?s probably just me, though.
Soul Reaver was shifting between realities years before Metroid Prime
Combat is satisfyingly brutal, and has you slashing either with your claws or all manner of weapons you find lying around, such as spears, rocks, pipes, and nearby immovable hazards, including water, fire, long drops and sunlight. Rather uniquely, most of your foes are at least as undead as you, and therefore smashing their face in is only mildly irritating to them, which means they can recover after a few seconds of standing there like turnips. When they are in this state is when you have your best opportunity to deliver one of various juicy sweet finishers, although you need some form of tool in order to do it, as talons aren?t sufficient. Spears impale, fire roasts, water boils, sunlight melts. It?s great fun to plaster vamps before chucking them into a nearby spiky wall ornament and then eating their soul for sustenance. Yes, Raziel no longer craves blood, but spiritual matter in the form of souls of enemies and innocent bystanders alike. Whenever an unfortunate chap bites it, his essence will hover in the material realm for a short while before fading into the land of ghoulies. While missing them isn?t much of a bother, it?s still in your best interest to make sure no bloodsuckers manage to escape you like that, because it can have nasty side effects if left untreated?
Any vampire who dies in a curable way, such as impalement, can return to their body when the offending hazard has been removed. If their soul floats around the spirit world for too long, it will become a wraith. These buggers love scaring the body fluids out of you and then sucking you life away. They can only be found in ghost land, but if their material form finds a way to get stitched back together, they will become reanimated, and retain all of their soul-sucking abilities. I dubbed these restored fiends über-vamps. They can be very annoying indeed, as only a few slurps can kill Raziel for the umpteenth time, sending him flying into spiritual avenue. From here he must gather strength and then whiz back to try his luck again. Whoopee.
This bloke may look like he's taken care of, but you'd be surprised...
Only by dying in ghost form can you truly get owned, which sends you back to the Elder God?s cave to fume and clamber your way back out, and there aren?t many big threats in the land of no physical mass, so you essentially have infinite lives, which I really like because lives suck bad things. This does make combat easy though, because even if you fail ?which is already simple to avoid doing- a minute of teleporting in and running back to the bad guys is all you require to start pounding them again, only this time they don?t begin with full health. Oh well.
Kudos-a-plenty go to the sound man in charge of combat, because half the fun is hearing your relatives moan, scream and gurgle as they get stabbed/ burned/ kerploded. On the subject of kerploding, this desirable skill becomes available to you a little way in, when Raziel bonds with the sword of the game?s title. He is able to use it in both planes, although things can only blow up when material. When on solid ground, Raziel can only use the Reaver when at full health, but having it stops his life slowly ebbing away like it does normally in the land of the living. It is also easily the best thing there for slaying; not only doing massive damage to all manner of unlucky people, but its finisher involves violently blowing them apart into glorious Playstation-style ten-pixel-a-pop-gibs. Try and reanimate that. Its implementation means that you have you stay on the move if you want to keep it, and losing it when there are no other weapons around means you have to run.
Combat itself involves nipping around with the dash button, and then quickly pulverising your target when you see an opening. Only a few hits make you go bye-bye, so one must stay alert, although even the toughest über-vamps can be easily dealt with so long as something sharp or blunt can be found.
As you explore, you will doubtless notice that this is one of the best-looking things ever to grace that trusty old grey box (although it works 100% on the Playstation?s big black grandson as well), and the locations are inspired. While the post-apocalyptic-like landscape stays much the same, the indoor places are very clever, with highlights being: a big siren-tower that was built as a symbol of resistance against the vampire hordes, but ended up becoming conquered and turned into a hive for a race of spider-vamps, with the only humans inside not being stored for later digestion consisting of fanatical undead-worshippers; an abbey that was almost entirely flooded, and is now home to the only vampires immune to water; and a deserted vampire fortress that once held hundreds of the red-slurpers before their overconfidence got them raided by humans and slaughtered. Admittedly, there are a lot of stone corridors, but that?s mainly a technical thing. No one complained about that in Metal Gear Solid, eh?
Puzzling makes full use of Raziel?s abilities, and get more complex as he acquires new ones. While never truly brain-straining, plenty of unnecessary difficulty is often added by the near non-existence of a little hint or two. Once you finally find what you?re supposed to fiddle with, you can get started, but you spend so much time just not seeing routes due to what seems like vindictive developer syndrome. Rest assured, once you finally discover your puzzle, fun shall be had deciphering its secrets.
Every time you completely die or turn on the game, you start in the Spaghetti Monster?s cave, and must work your way back to your previous location. While this is somewhat irritating, it is much helped by teleport rooms you can activate on your travels, which can be instantly zipped between for super-quick transport. It makes what would have been a potential game-breaker simply a mild annoyance which I totally forgive.
Seeing him constantly grates after a while
Bosses are always awaiting your arrival at the end of a long trek, as I said before, but are really just extra puzzles with obstacles to constantly avoid, with the exception of just the two that can be won with some trusty chopping. Oddly, the challenge is actually least here, when one would expect it to be at its highest. Most one the encounters require some brief searching of the area and then some logical actions, but a couple are just retardedly simple. The worst offender is your water-dwelling sibling Rahab, who loves H2O but can?t stand even a speck of sunlight. He logically therefore chooses to attack Raziel in a round room with easily breakable windows all about pointing at him. Oh dear. Seems he used his empty head as ballast. Despite occasional bewildering difficulty, more often than not you will find the big fights enjoyable, and getting an untested skill is worth any price. Except Constrict, which is just rubbish (tellingly, it never appeared in any subsequent games. Hmm?).
I am in the unfortunate position of knowing how the play the whole adventure with muscle reflex, and so I can no longer give an accurate estimate of completion time, although I remember it took me about 10-15 hours all those years ago. A decent size, but that is just the main thing. You can spend extra time searching dark corners for hidden caves and structures, within which can be found powers, which allow you to kill things using ammo-reliant weapons. These are pretty useful in general, but the prize I really advise (hey, that rhymes!) you to poke around for is the imaginatively named Fire Reaver. Once discovered, dipping your trusty spirit blade in flames gives it burning capabilities until you touch water, take damage or shift dimensions. It allows for ridiculously strong potential ownage, although fire becomes suspiciously rare after the point in the game where you can acquire the sword. Still, while you have it, you can combine it with your mind-bullets skill to fry anything that you don?t care for in an instant. Sweetness indeed.
One of Soul Reaver?s nicest elements is the little touches: Sluagh, irritating spirit-guzzlers, will attack relentlessly when in numbers, but if you happen to find just one farting around by itself it will simply squeak and run off; certain areas require you to sneak past vampires in cocoons or nestled below the ground, as disturbing these awakes a freshly adult vampire who finds themselves very peckish; in the siren tower, dozens of man-sized web pods can be seen along the walls and ceiling, and inspecting closely shows them wriggling slightly every so often; young vampires of all kinds cannot let the sun touch them, but throwing them into it (or making them chase you, which is far funnier) causes them to die in agony as their flesh self-combusts in moments; humans are rarely seen, except for some stupid rogues and a few vampire hunters. They only attack or flee if you strike first, and defending them instead makes them praise you as a saviour. Going into their fort and receiving countless ?whoo-hoos!? is surreally enjoyable. I still kill them though.
These semi-hidden gates let you teleport about, saving oodles of time
One last point is the music. I know I use words like ?epic?, ?awesome? and ?epically awesome? a lot, but there really is no other way of giving the soundtrack justice: it?s loud, powerful and often astoundingly good orchestral mood setting, and always fits the scenario, especially ?Kain?s Theme?, which I suggest you locate on the internets for personal use. Fairly impressively for the time, the music goes all ?battle? when one enters combat. Pretty much a staple today, and yet more evidence of this beauty?s brilliance.
Summing up time. This title is not perfect, and certain aspects of its age hold it back somewhat now (although supposedly the Dreamcast edition fixed that a fair bit), but for the most part it has aged very well. The left stick can be used for movement, but camera controls are purely L2 and R2 territory, like in a lot of Playstation titles, sadly. I got used to it, so can you. The action is gripping, the puzzling is engaging without being too frustrating, and the plot is juicy like all of Legacy of Kain. With the undeserving Tomb Raider getting a remake (yes, she?s a girl- her games are still terrible), why can?t this? While the Dreamcast got a superior version, that isn?t up to the potential of Soul Reaver having a proper going over. I hate the idea of remakes, but why rebuild such Titanically-proportioned shit piles like Lara Croft?s adventures over such mad genius as the real best game on Playstation? As was said before, the later games, while improving in a number of ways, felt inferior in others. They mainly focused too much on combat, neglecting the mildly challenging mental workouts of their predecessor in favour of slashing that began to feel tired after a long time without clever diversions.
So far, every game I?ve looked into deserves to be in your collection, but this is the first I would call essential. Its flaws become more prominent the further you play into it, but I found myself struggling to care, due to my being truly enveloped. If you want further evidence of this title?s majesty, then consider this: for this review, I played through the game for at least the fifth time, and thoroughly enjoyed it. I prefer this to that overrated (?best platformer of its generation?? Hell no) but highly original mixed bag, Psychonauts. Even the mighty Jak series is slightly lower down the ladder of greatness. Buy this on Playstation, Windows, or Dreamcast if you?re weird enough to have one. Just make sure you get it and its sequels, or good old Raziel will be paying you a very unpleasant visit later tonight?just saying?
Raziel knows where you live
P.S. Damn, this is my fourth page. Oh well, I might just get a Snickers anyway, so to hell with it.
Tryzon?s Nostalgic Gaming Trips #3
Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver (PS1, 1999)
Sweet jungle fever, this is definition of what I like to happily review. While well critically received at the time, this game just isn?t respected enough nowadays. Everything about it is pure awesome: story, puzzling, soundtrack, action, all of it is great. It?s one of those special games where you have to really strain yourself to think of valid reasons for marking it down. After a long playthrough and a big ponder, I only came up with a couple, which I want to throw at you right now: the free-roaming style, while brave and initially interesting, quickly becomes repetitive as you re-tread ground more than once; while the jumping is flawless 90% of the time, there?s always a weird mess-up every once and a while; finally, the signposting is non-existent, and there always seems to be a reachable platform just out of normal camera view that you will walk past ten times before accidentally seeing.. That?s all the real complaints I have, although they are significant ones. I don?t generally like giving scores, but if I had to with this, there is no possibility of it getting less than a ten. If this game was made today, with the little technical flaws sorted out by modern-generation power, this would be the best game ever. As it stands, it?s probably the best PS1 title of all eternity.
Any game with action figures must be stupendous
I?ve played and finished all of the Legacy games except for the first Blood Omen, which is now epically rare and therefore maddeningly expensive. It was a very different game to what its children would become, but it still looks good in a different way, so my inability to get it for a reasonable sum is frustrating, but alas, ?tis the way of things. In any case, while all the other games and very good, this has to be the best of the bunch. It?s hard to really explain why, but the internet seems to agree with me, so at least I?m not delirious right now. I have so much to say that I?m glad my eensy little fanbase are used to fiendishly large reviews. If I manage this in less than three pages I?ll buy myself a congratulatory Snickers.
Legacy of Kain features one of the most complex plots ever found outside of Metal Gear, and it?s almost entirely original. Find an online summary of Blood Omen before you go into this, or it will make less sense than a gorilla in a phonebooth ordering a cement pizza with extra anchovies. The basic plot for this most holy of Playstation relics is thus: Raziel, vampire lieutenant, manages to tick off his master Kain, who is now much older than he was in Blood Omen, and the sire of Raziel and his fellow vamp commandos. The fuss is all over Raziel?s new wings, which he manages to grow before Kain, so therefore poor Razzy must die, apparently. This he does by being thrown into a never really explained vortex of ownage known for officially (if less creatively) as The Abyss. Raziel, after an eternity of ouchiness, is saved by a weird tentacle-being that goes by the handle of The Elder God. Revenge is on Raz?s mind, and the Spaghetti Monster wants Kain and company dead too, because vampires contain spirits plucked from the underworld that cannot make a big celestial wheel spin and keep the globe turning, or whatever. This is a summary of the basic concept, but there is a lot of background story in the other games which you should be ordering as well anyway, right?
That green thing is where Raziel reluctantly spends a few centuries
The core idea is a traditional one: wander through levels slaying baddies and solving puzzles until you get to a boss, who gives you a shiny new power once they hit their expiry date. But while it sounds like a hundred other titles now, there is so much more to this wondrous beast, I tell you.
One of the most unique ideas is the ability to shift planes of existence between the material realm and the spiritual realm. Everything in the game acts differently in each dimension, with the environment shifting around as well, and it is key to most of the brain-testing bits. While you can enter the spiritual spectrum at any time, you can only go material while standing on special soul conduit things with full health. Also, time freezes when you are spiritual, meaning you can render time limits obsolete in the right circumstances. This clever dynamic had most of the mind challenges built around it with care and purpose, and so works brilliantly. I did occasionally go a while just in the material realm and forgot about shifting entirely. This meant that when I got to a section where I had to become ghosty, I had no clue what to do until my brain starting working properly again. That?s probably just me, though.
Soul Reaver was shifting between realities years before Metroid Prime
Any vampire who dies in a curable way, such as impalement, can return to their body when the offending hazard has been removed. If their soul floats around the spirit world for too long, it will become a wraith. These buggers love scaring the body fluids out of you and then sucking you life away. They can only be found in ghost land, but if their material form finds a way to get stitched back together, they will become reanimated, and retain all of their soul-sucking abilities. I dubbed these restored fiends über-vamps. They can be very annoying indeed, as only a few slurps can kill Raziel for the umpteenth time, sending him flying into spiritual avenue. From here he must gather strength and then whiz back to try his luck again. Whoopee.
This bloke may look like he's taken care of, but you'd be surprised...
Only by dying in ghost form can you truly get owned, which sends you back to the Elder God?s cave to fume and clamber your way back out, and there aren?t many big threats in the land of no physical mass, so you essentially have infinite lives, which I really like because lives suck bad things. This does make combat easy though, because even if you fail ?which is already simple to avoid doing- a minute of teleporting in and running back to the bad guys is all you require to start pounding them again, only this time they don?t begin with full health. Oh well.
Kudos-a-plenty go to the sound man in charge of combat, because half the fun is hearing your relatives moan, scream and gurgle as they get stabbed/ burned/ kerploded. On the subject of kerploding, this desirable skill becomes available to you a little way in, when Raziel bonds with the sword of the game?s title. He is able to use it in both planes, although things can only blow up when material. When on solid ground, Raziel can only use the Reaver when at full health, but having it stops his life slowly ebbing away like it does normally in the land of the living. It is also easily the best thing there for slaying; not only doing massive damage to all manner of unlucky people, but its finisher involves violently blowing them apart into glorious Playstation-style ten-pixel-a-pop-gibs. Try and reanimate that. Its implementation means that you have you stay on the move if you want to keep it, and losing it when there are no other weapons around means you have to run.
Combat itself involves nipping around with the dash button, and then quickly pulverising your target when you see an opening. Only a few hits make you go bye-bye, so one must stay alert, although even the toughest über-vamps can be easily dealt with so long as something sharp or blunt can be found.
As you explore, you will doubtless notice that this is one of the best-looking things ever to grace that trusty old grey box (although it works 100% on the Playstation?s big black grandson as well), and the locations are inspired. While the post-apocalyptic-like landscape stays much the same, the indoor places are very clever, with highlights being: a big siren-tower that was built as a symbol of resistance against the vampire hordes, but ended up becoming conquered and turned into a hive for a race of spider-vamps, with the only humans inside not being stored for later digestion consisting of fanatical undead-worshippers; an abbey that was almost entirely flooded, and is now home to the only vampires immune to water; and a deserted vampire fortress that once held hundreds of the red-slurpers before their overconfidence got them raided by humans and slaughtered. Admittedly, there are a lot of stone corridors, but that?s mainly a technical thing. No one complained about that in Metal Gear Solid, eh?
Puzzling makes full use of Raziel?s abilities, and get more complex as he acquires new ones. While never truly brain-straining, plenty of unnecessary difficulty is often added by the near non-existence of a little hint or two. Once you finally find what you?re supposed to fiddle with, you can get started, but you spend so much time just not seeing routes due to what seems like vindictive developer syndrome. Rest assured, once you finally discover your puzzle, fun shall be had deciphering its secrets.
Every time you completely die or turn on the game, you start in the Spaghetti Monster?s cave, and must work your way back to your previous location. While this is somewhat irritating, it is much helped by teleport rooms you can activate on your travels, which can be instantly zipped between for super-quick transport. It makes what would have been a potential game-breaker simply a mild annoyance which I totally forgive.
Seeing him constantly grates after a while
Bosses are always awaiting your arrival at the end of a long trek, as I said before, but are really just extra puzzles with obstacles to constantly avoid, with the exception of just the two that can be won with some trusty chopping. Oddly, the challenge is actually least here, when one would expect it to be at its highest. Most one the encounters require some brief searching of the area and then some logical actions, but a couple are just retardedly simple. The worst offender is your water-dwelling sibling Rahab, who loves H2O but can?t stand even a speck of sunlight. He logically therefore chooses to attack Raziel in a round room with easily breakable windows all about pointing at him. Oh dear. Seems he used his empty head as ballast. Despite occasional bewildering difficulty, more often than not you will find the big fights enjoyable, and getting an untested skill is worth any price. Except Constrict, which is just rubbish (tellingly, it never appeared in any subsequent games. Hmm?).
I am in the unfortunate position of knowing how the play the whole adventure with muscle reflex, and so I can no longer give an accurate estimate of completion time, although I remember it took me about 10-15 hours all those years ago. A decent size, but that is just the main thing. You can spend extra time searching dark corners for hidden caves and structures, within which can be found powers, which allow you to kill things using ammo-reliant weapons. These are pretty useful in general, but the prize I really advise (hey, that rhymes!) you to poke around for is the imaginatively named Fire Reaver. Once discovered, dipping your trusty spirit blade in flames gives it burning capabilities until you touch water, take damage or shift dimensions. It allows for ridiculously strong potential ownage, although fire becomes suspiciously rare after the point in the game where you can acquire the sword. Still, while you have it, you can combine it with your mind-bullets skill to fry anything that you don?t care for in an instant. Sweetness indeed.
One of Soul Reaver?s nicest elements is the little touches: Sluagh, irritating spirit-guzzlers, will attack relentlessly when in numbers, but if you happen to find just one farting around by itself it will simply squeak and run off; certain areas require you to sneak past vampires in cocoons or nestled below the ground, as disturbing these awakes a freshly adult vampire who finds themselves very peckish; in the siren tower, dozens of man-sized web pods can be seen along the walls and ceiling, and inspecting closely shows them wriggling slightly every so often; young vampires of all kinds cannot let the sun touch them, but throwing them into it (or making them chase you, which is far funnier) causes them to die in agony as their flesh self-combusts in moments; humans are rarely seen, except for some stupid rogues and a few vampire hunters. They only attack or flee if you strike first, and defending them instead makes them praise you as a saviour. Going into their fort and receiving countless ?whoo-hoos!? is surreally enjoyable. I still kill them though.
These semi-hidden gates let you teleport about, saving oodles of time
One last point is the music. I know I use words like ?epic?, ?awesome? and ?epically awesome? a lot, but there really is no other way of giving the soundtrack justice: it?s loud, powerful and often astoundingly good orchestral mood setting, and always fits the scenario, especially ?Kain?s Theme?, which I suggest you locate on the internets for personal use. Fairly impressively for the time, the music goes all ?battle? when one enters combat. Pretty much a staple today, and yet more evidence of this beauty?s brilliance.
Summing up time. This title is not perfect, and certain aspects of its age hold it back somewhat now (although supposedly the Dreamcast edition fixed that a fair bit), but for the most part it has aged very well. The left stick can be used for movement, but camera controls are purely L2 and R2 territory, like in a lot of Playstation titles, sadly. I got used to it, so can you. The action is gripping, the puzzling is engaging without being too frustrating, and the plot is juicy like all of Legacy of Kain. With the undeserving Tomb Raider getting a remake (yes, she?s a girl- her games are still terrible), why can?t this? While the Dreamcast got a superior version, that isn?t up to the potential of Soul Reaver having a proper going over. I hate the idea of remakes, but why rebuild such Titanically-proportioned shit piles like Lara Croft?s adventures over such mad genius as the real best game on Playstation? As was said before, the later games, while improving in a number of ways, felt inferior in others. They mainly focused too much on combat, neglecting the mildly challenging mental workouts of their predecessor in favour of slashing that began to feel tired after a long time without clever diversions.
So far, every game I?ve looked into deserves to be in your collection, but this is the first I would call essential. Its flaws become more prominent the further you play into it, but I found myself struggling to care, due to my being truly enveloped. If you want further evidence of this title?s majesty, then consider this: for this review, I played through the game for at least the fifth time, and thoroughly enjoyed it. I prefer this to that overrated (?best platformer of its generation?? Hell no) but highly original mixed bag, Psychonauts. Even the mighty Jak series is slightly lower down the ladder of greatness. Buy this on Playstation, Windows, or Dreamcast if you?re weird enough to have one. Just make sure you get it and its sequels, or good old Raziel will be paying you a very unpleasant visit later tonight?just saying?
Raziel knows where you live
P.S. Damn, this is my fourth page. Oh well, I might just get a Snickers anyway, so to hell with it.
