I haven't been so frustrated by a show in a long time. If I hadn't been watching with my uncle I would have dropped it before the first season was over. The characters are some of the dumbest I've ever seen. Nobody makes a rational decision or forms a clever strategy the entire show, save the villain and he's only defeated by deus ex machina and his own stupidity in the end. The main characters consistently throw away every advantage they get, and pursue their goals with such half hearted sloth it's completely unsurprising when things go badly.
Let's examine this episode by episode. I'm going to be spoiling the whole show here so read at your own risk.
Episode 1 - Welcome to Matheson
A random guy gets a call and hears that the main characters father has been murdered. He then proceeds to do the logical thing and immediately stick a magic key in his chest to blow himself and his house to pieces. This is insane, and you might think that it will make sense as the show goes on but it doesn't! There was no reason for this. The reason given is that he hid all the keys and kills himself to keep the knowledge safe, but it doesn't matter at all. One, he didn't hide all the keys because apparently in the second season we hear that Rendell hid some of the keys too. Two, the villain gets the keys regardless and offing himself just robbed the group of a potential knowledgeable ally. Three, they have a key that can remove memories, JUST TAKE THE MEMORIES OUT OF YOUR BLOODY HEAD, DON'T BE STUPID!
Bode also gets tricked into letting an evil lady out of a well, but I'm willing to accept this because he's a kid and everyone else is to predictably dismissive to take him seriously.
Episode 2 - Trapper / Keeper
It's revealed that adults can't remember magic. Usually this is a trope used in kids shows where the entire cast are children, and it works based off of the idea that children's active imaginations let them see magic for what it is or something. But it makes no sense here, because like 90% of the cast are in their late teens. Why does the magic recognize 18 years old as being too old for magic? A 17 year old is a lot closer to being an adult than being a child. This will be a constant annoyance for the entirety of the show and will only become worse as it continues. I'll revisit this again later.
Bode spends the episode being stupid and NOT telling anybody about the evil woman he released who choked him, and threatened everybody he loved if he didn't help them achieve ultimate power. He also sets up a bear trap in his room without telling anyone. A ploy that is much more likely to kill himself or one of his family members than the villain.
Episode 3 - Head Games
Dodge gets the fire key from the ashes of the stupid guy who killed himself. Yeah, way to protect the keys guy, good job! Tyler loses his crap on a guy and tries to beat him to death. This is a one episode homicidal tendency that Tyler shortly loses in favor of being indecisive and useless for the rest of the series.
Meanwhile Bode finds a key that lets him turn into a ghost. He meets the ghost of his great-great-grandfather who's been around for hundreds of years, just watching things, and knows all about the keys and could answer any question they might have. They never speak to him again. THEY NEVER SPEAK TO HIM AGAIN! WHAT?! They never ask him to keep an eye on the villain, or to keep watch on the house, they never ask him what any of the keys they don't know about do. The fact that they don't know anything is constantly discussed and is a perpetual hindrance but they never take advantage of the best source of information they have at their disposal. I don't even.
Episode 4 - The Keepers of the Keys
Kinsey takes the fear out of her head and kills it, which works out well enough for her for now. This will develop into a persistent problem later and I'll address it again then.
It's revealed that Dodge can't take keys from the Lockes by force. This is another one of those rules that doesn't make any sense and is never explained. Why? What is so special about these three children that a demon can't take a key from them. It's so weirdly specific. Dodge can take keys from anybody else. Anybody else can take keys from a Locke. But the magic specifically forbids a demon from specifically taking a key by force specifically from a Locke. The real explanation is that if she could the show would have ended already, but there isn't a good reason for it in universe.
Episode 5 - Family Tree
Kinsey finds the music box key and uses it to embarrass one girl who was rude to her a couple times to a sadistic degree. It's really gross and kind of ruins her character a bit. However, this might be a pretty useful key to use against a certain demon who's been pestering you *hint* *hint* ... no? Ah, it's probably useless, don't ever use it again.
Her and Tyler also find a bunch of Duncan's memories under a tree. Aha, you might think, this is why he and the mom can't remember magic, they've had their minds altered with the mind key! Nope. That would be a really good explanation, but it's just because they are over 18. Ironic, that being drunk also lets you remember magic for some reason. I can't think of any reason why that let's you get around the age limit.
Nina also starts to find that Ellie is kind of suspicious but Joe, the teacher, blows her off saying it's probably nothing before promptly getting murdered by nothing.
Episode 6 - The Black Door
According to the police, Joe committed suicide. Suicide. By suffocating himself with a plastic bag. What?! I have doubts that's even possible. That would be so incredibly difficult to keep yourself from removing the bag. The impulse to breath is like the strongest we have. Besides that the cause of death was either being strangled or having his neck snapped, I don't remember which, but both would show up distinctly during an autopsy as being incongruous with death by suffocation. Also they find no sign of a struggle, or Ellie's prints anywhere. Also his phone is missing, but nobody finds that suspicious. These are the worst cops ever.
Kinsey is also up to some nonsense when she convinces her friends to film their movie in the drowning caves. At first, they are pretty nervous about it because some people drowned there when the tide came in years ago, but they get eventually relent and agree it'd be a good place to shoot. Then they nearly drown because nobody thought to check what time the tide comes in! Are you kidding me? They KNOW people have drowned there, why would you not check when low tide is and when it would be safe to go? On top of that Kinsey had no reason to drag everyone there on false pretenses, she didn't have any interest in filming and didn't even need anybody else there. None of this makes any sense. She took the fear out of her head, she should have had no problem just going alone.
Tyler, meanwhile, is being a jerk to his girlfriend for no reason, then he storms out and starts cheating on her with the villain. Wow, our hero.
Episode 7 - Dissection
So Tyler has sex with Dodge. We'll just ignore what a cheating jerk he is because the show certainly does. I want to focus for a minute on how careless everybody is with these keys, they are constantly just leaving them around and losing them. The anywhere key in particular changes hands about a dozen times throughout the show. It's so dumb. If I had a magic key that let me go anywhere in the world I would keep it secured on me at all times. Here dodge just leaves it lying in the back seat of her truck where Tyler can conveniently find it. Don't worry, he won't keep it long.
While that's going on Sam, the guy who murdered the dad, breaks in and takes the mom hostage. Bode uses the ghost key to check things out, idiotically yelling a warning at his mom, forgetting that he's a ghost and she can't hear him and a warning wouldn't do her any good anyway. Kinsey, having a flash of inspiration sneaks into her room and gets the music box using it to make Sam drop the gun and turn himself into the police. No, I'm kidding, she actually just hides the head key and then stupidly gets herself and Bode captured. Sam is looking for the head key and is threatening to get pretty violent if he doesn't start getting some answers. Kinsey, then tells him that she hid in in the mirror and gives him the mirror key so he can retrieve it. Sam is trapped in the mirror world, and the family is safe. No, actually nobody ever thinks of the mirror key again. A shame, might have been kind of useful. Actually Tyler comes home and fights with Sam for a bit before getting captured himself. Then Kinsey, actually having a bright idea for once, leads Sam into the woods where she buried her fear monster. Sam is attacked and drops his gun, and Kinsey DOES NOT GRAB IT. She just runs away with Bode. Then they are once again being held by gunpoint in the living room, and Sam ends up with the head key in him and drops the gun. Once again, nobody grabs it, they just stand around talking until Dodge shows up, takes the gun, takes the keys, kills Sam, and leaves. Sam falls into the ghost door as he dies, and if you are expecting this to be a relevant plot point you are in for a long wait.
Episode 8 - Ray of F**king Sunshine
The mom accuses Ellie of having something to do with Joe's death but immediately backs down at the slightest denial in the face of all her suspicious behaviour and the evidence. Actually this might have happened earlier, but I forgot to mention it. It's not very important because all of this detective work is meaningless because not being able remember magic gives her a severe handicap and it's like watching a detective with short term memory loss.
Anyway it's not a very important episode, they find the Omega key which the dad hid inside his own head. It's a pretty good idea, just lucky it actually came out again when he was burned.
That's about all I have time to write for now. I have a lot more to say, and I'll continue this later.
Let's examine this episode by episode. I'm going to be spoiling the whole show here so read at your own risk.
Episode 1 - Welcome to Matheson
A random guy gets a call and hears that the main characters father has been murdered. He then proceeds to do the logical thing and immediately stick a magic key in his chest to blow himself and his house to pieces. This is insane, and you might think that it will make sense as the show goes on but it doesn't! There was no reason for this. The reason given is that he hid all the keys and kills himself to keep the knowledge safe, but it doesn't matter at all. One, he didn't hide all the keys because apparently in the second season we hear that Rendell hid some of the keys too. Two, the villain gets the keys regardless and offing himself just robbed the group of a potential knowledgeable ally. Three, they have a key that can remove memories, JUST TAKE THE MEMORIES OUT OF YOUR BLOODY HEAD, DON'T BE STUPID!
Bode also gets tricked into letting an evil lady out of a well, but I'm willing to accept this because he's a kid and everyone else is to predictably dismissive to take him seriously.
Episode 2 - Trapper / Keeper
It's revealed that adults can't remember magic. Usually this is a trope used in kids shows where the entire cast are children, and it works based off of the idea that children's active imaginations let them see magic for what it is or something. But it makes no sense here, because like 90% of the cast are in their late teens. Why does the magic recognize 18 years old as being too old for magic? A 17 year old is a lot closer to being an adult than being a child. This will be a constant annoyance for the entirety of the show and will only become worse as it continues. I'll revisit this again later.
Bode spends the episode being stupid and NOT telling anybody about the evil woman he released who choked him, and threatened everybody he loved if he didn't help them achieve ultimate power. He also sets up a bear trap in his room without telling anyone. A ploy that is much more likely to kill himself or one of his family members than the villain.
Episode 3 - Head Games
Dodge gets the fire key from the ashes of the stupid guy who killed himself. Yeah, way to protect the keys guy, good job! Tyler loses his crap on a guy and tries to beat him to death. This is a one episode homicidal tendency that Tyler shortly loses in favor of being indecisive and useless for the rest of the series.
Meanwhile Bode finds a key that lets him turn into a ghost. He meets the ghost of his great-great-grandfather who's been around for hundreds of years, just watching things, and knows all about the keys and could answer any question they might have. They never speak to him again. THEY NEVER SPEAK TO HIM AGAIN! WHAT?! They never ask him to keep an eye on the villain, or to keep watch on the house, they never ask him what any of the keys they don't know about do. The fact that they don't know anything is constantly discussed and is a perpetual hindrance but they never take advantage of the best source of information they have at their disposal. I don't even.
Episode 4 - The Keepers of the Keys
Kinsey takes the fear out of her head and kills it, which works out well enough for her for now. This will develop into a persistent problem later and I'll address it again then.
It's revealed that Dodge can't take keys from the Lockes by force. This is another one of those rules that doesn't make any sense and is never explained. Why? What is so special about these three children that a demon can't take a key from them. It's so weirdly specific. Dodge can take keys from anybody else. Anybody else can take keys from a Locke. But the magic specifically forbids a demon from specifically taking a key by force specifically from a Locke. The real explanation is that if she could the show would have ended already, but there isn't a good reason for it in universe.
Episode 5 - Family Tree
Kinsey finds the music box key and uses it to embarrass one girl who was rude to her a couple times to a sadistic degree. It's really gross and kind of ruins her character a bit. However, this might be a pretty useful key to use against a certain demon who's been pestering you *hint* *hint* ... no? Ah, it's probably useless, don't ever use it again.
Her and Tyler also find a bunch of Duncan's memories under a tree. Aha, you might think, this is why he and the mom can't remember magic, they've had their minds altered with the mind key! Nope. That would be a really good explanation, but it's just because they are over 18. Ironic, that being drunk also lets you remember magic for some reason. I can't think of any reason why that let's you get around the age limit.
Nina also starts to find that Ellie is kind of suspicious but Joe, the teacher, blows her off saying it's probably nothing before promptly getting murdered by nothing.
Episode 6 - The Black Door
According to the police, Joe committed suicide. Suicide. By suffocating himself with a plastic bag. What?! I have doubts that's even possible. That would be so incredibly difficult to keep yourself from removing the bag. The impulse to breath is like the strongest we have. Besides that the cause of death was either being strangled or having his neck snapped, I don't remember which, but both would show up distinctly during an autopsy as being incongruous with death by suffocation. Also they find no sign of a struggle, or Ellie's prints anywhere. Also his phone is missing, but nobody finds that suspicious. These are the worst cops ever.
Kinsey is also up to some nonsense when she convinces her friends to film their movie in the drowning caves. At first, they are pretty nervous about it because some people drowned there when the tide came in years ago, but they get eventually relent and agree it'd be a good place to shoot. Then they nearly drown because nobody thought to check what time the tide comes in! Are you kidding me? They KNOW people have drowned there, why would you not check when low tide is and when it would be safe to go? On top of that Kinsey had no reason to drag everyone there on false pretenses, she didn't have any interest in filming and didn't even need anybody else there. None of this makes any sense. She took the fear out of her head, she should have had no problem just going alone.
Tyler, meanwhile, is being a jerk to his girlfriend for no reason, then he storms out and starts cheating on her with the villain. Wow, our hero.
Episode 7 - Dissection
So Tyler has sex with Dodge. We'll just ignore what a cheating jerk he is because the show certainly does. I want to focus for a minute on how careless everybody is with these keys, they are constantly just leaving them around and losing them. The anywhere key in particular changes hands about a dozen times throughout the show. It's so dumb. If I had a magic key that let me go anywhere in the world I would keep it secured on me at all times. Here dodge just leaves it lying in the back seat of her truck where Tyler can conveniently find it. Don't worry, he won't keep it long.
While that's going on Sam, the guy who murdered the dad, breaks in and takes the mom hostage. Bode uses the ghost key to check things out, idiotically yelling a warning at his mom, forgetting that he's a ghost and she can't hear him and a warning wouldn't do her any good anyway. Kinsey, having a flash of inspiration sneaks into her room and gets the music box using it to make Sam drop the gun and turn himself into the police. No, I'm kidding, she actually just hides the head key and then stupidly gets herself and Bode captured. Sam is looking for the head key and is threatening to get pretty violent if he doesn't start getting some answers. Kinsey, then tells him that she hid in in the mirror and gives him the mirror key so he can retrieve it. Sam is trapped in the mirror world, and the family is safe. No, actually nobody ever thinks of the mirror key again. A shame, might have been kind of useful. Actually Tyler comes home and fights with Sam for a bit before getting captured himself. Then Kinsey, actually having a bright idea for once, leads Sam into the woods where she buried her fear monster. Sam is attacked and drops his gun, and Kinsey DOES NOT GRAB IT. She just runs away with Bode. Then they are once again being held by gunpoint in the living room, and Sam ends up with the head key in him and drops the gun. Once again, nobody grabs it, they just stand around talking until Dodge shows up, takes the gun, takes the keys, kills Sam, and leaves. Sam falls into the ghost door as he dies, and if you are expecting this to be a relevant plot point you are in for a long wait.
Episode 8 - Ray of F**king Sunshine
The mom accuses Ellie of having something to do with Joe's death but immediately backs down at the slightest denial in the face of all her suspicious behaviour and the evidence. Actually this might have happened earlier, but I forgot to mention it. It's not very important because all of this detective work is meaningless because not being able remember magic gives her a severe handicap and it's like watching a detective with short term memory loss.
Anyway it's not a very important episode, they find the Omega key which the dad hid inside his own head. It's a pretty good idea, just lucky it actually came out again when he was burned.
That's about all I have time to write for now. I have a lot more to say, and I'll continue this later.
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