Manga attempt *and drawings*

Korten12

Now I want ma...!
Aug 26, 2009
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I just got a Wacom tablet for Christmas and Manga Studio 4, and i've been drawing for awhile but my artwork is still rough and a WIP but I decided to just post my attempt at pages 1 and 2 of a random story I was making up on the spot.

Hopefuly by the time I go to college in two years, I will have improved my writing and drawing style to hopefuly established my own art style.

I don't really plan to continue with it but I just decided to use it as a test.



[HEADING=3]12/24/10 - Early 25th[/HEADING]


[HEADING=3]12/25/10[/HEADING]



now for the critique!

 

Jackpot524

Certified Canuck
May 24, 2009
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Well, you can draw hands... so that's a plus!

Everyone I know that attempts drawing can never get the hands...
 

Korten12

Now I want ma...!
Aug 26, 2009
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Jackpot524 said:
Well, you can draw hands... so that's a plus!

Everyone I know that attempts drawing can never get the hands...
that hand was tricky... I drew it as I looked at my own hand.

Though for the most part I can do other simple hands.
 

TomLikesGuitar

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Jul 6, 2010
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The first one is good... I don't like the guy's face or expression in the second one though.

Couldn't really tell you why...
 

KeyMaster45

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Jun 16, 2008
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Everything seems a bit elongated, which I imagine can be attributed to the tall panel sizes. Makes your characters seem unnatural. I'd suggest trying to go with smaller panel sizes or perhaps making a few drawings in standard or square page dimensions and layering them into panels so you can use it as reference for proportions.

Proportions are just tough in general though (as I imagine you already know) but I think if you can get to where you're not trying to stretch your characters into filling out your panels you'd be golden sans personal touches every artist has for their style of drawing.
 

ZiggyE

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Nov 13, 2010
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Too many words per panel.

If you look closely at the words in manga, you'll see they keep things in a largish font with long sentences spreading over a few panels. Or down the side.

Edit: Example; first panel landscape showing a wasteland or something "It was said to have been many years ago when our world fell to destruction..."

Next panel, Portrait of main character "I hadn't been born yet neither had anyone around today" etc.

It also allows for more pages.
 

DeadMix

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May 30, 2010
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TomLikesGuitar said:
The first one is good... I don't like the guy's face or expression in the second one though.

Couldn't really tell you why...
I know why I don't like him; He's smirking while the text is being all serious, and we don't even know who he is.

HOWEVER, this does show potential. If you practice like a dog for the next 2 years, you should have some decent talent under your belt when college rolls around.
 

Korten12

Now I want ma...!
Aug 26, 2009
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ZiggyE said:
Too many words per panel.

If you look closely at the words in manga, you'll see they keep things in a largish font with long sentences spreading over a few panels. Or down the side.

Edit: Example; first panel landscape showing a wasteland or something "It was said to have been many years ago when our world fell to destruction..."

Next panel, Portrait of main character "I hadn't been born yet neither had anyone around today" etc.

It also allows for more pages.
yeah, I plan on streaching the words through more panels, myself also did find too many words per panel. I hope I can really fix that. Which shouldn't be too hard.

KeyMaster45 said:
Everything seems a bit elongated, which I imagine can be attributed to the tall panel sizes. Makes your characters seem unnatural. I'd suggest trying to go with smaller panel sizes or perhaps making a few drawings in standard or square page dimensions and layering them into panels so you can use it as reference for proportions.

Proportions are just tough in general though (as I imagine you already know) but I think if you can get to where you're not trying to stretch your characters into filling out your panels you'd be golden sans personal touches every artist has for their style of drawing.
Yeah proportions are a bit hard for me and its something I desperatly need to improve. I have a problem sometimes that if I draw maybe a setting first (another thing I need to improve), I get confused on how to draw a character the right size to match.

DeadMix said:
TomLikesGuitar said:
The first one is good... I don't like the guy's face or expression in the second one though.

Couldn't really tell you why...
I know why I don't like him; He's smirking while the text is being all serious, and we don't even know who he is.

HOWEVER, this does show potential. If you practice like a dog for the next 2 years, you should have some decent talent under your belt when college rolls around.
Yeah it was going to be slightly the main character and kind of transitioning to him, by that pannel but I think I could have done something different.

Also thanks for the feedback!
 

Korten12

Now I want ma...!
Aug 26, 2009
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Shadow-Phoenix said:
Korten12 said:
Just wondering what model of Wacom did you recieve? because i myself am wanting to start drawing by the start of the new year.
a Wacom Model: DTZ-1200W, its resoultion is about 1200 x 860, the touch screen is really well built it allows you to put your hand on it and it won't detect it (which is good for me seeing as I need to have a hand (the one i'm drawing with) on it while I draw, same with when I draw on paper) and only your pen will be detected.

It allows you to move your mouse from both screens and it can stream vids, so lets say you weren't using it to draw, you could watch shows on it via a browser while you use your main monitor for something else (though if you have a game up on your main monitor, the tablet will lock up and you can't use its touch screen but your show will still play. All you will need to do is bring down your game to be able to use it again.)

For its price, I have no idea, my parents bought it for me and I didn't even think I would be getting it. I can assume it was costly but their are ones more costly. You can use a google search or I can ask my parents how much it was and where they got it from.
 

Shadow-Phoenix

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Mar 22, 2010
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Korten12 said:
Shadow-Phoenix said:
Korten12 said:
Just wondering what model of Wacom did you recieve? because i myself am wanting to start drawing by the start of the new year.
a Wacom Model: DTZ-1200W, its resoultion is about 1200 x 860, the touch screen is really well built it allows you to put your hand on it and it won't detect it (which is good for me seeing as I need to have a hand (the one i'm drawing with) on it while I draw, same with when I draw on paper) and only your pen will be detected.

It allows you to move your mouse from both screens and it can stream vids, so lets say you weren't using it to draw, you could watch shows on it via a browser while you use your main monitor for something else (though if you have a game up on your main monitor, the tablet will lock up and you can't use its touch screen but your show will still play. All you will need to do is bring down your game to be able to use it again.)

For its price, I have no idea, my parents bought it for me and I didn't even think I would be getting it. I can assume it was costly but their are ones more costly. You can use a google search or I can ask my parents how much it was and where they got it from.
Yeah i found the model your using (http://www.tablet4u.co.uk/product/en/cintiq-12wx-lcd-tablet.html) and i'd say its not bad but for me i'll be saving up for the Wacom Cintiq 21UX (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Wacom-Cintiq-Interactive-Display-Product/dp/B003AP65GK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1291254708&sr=8-1) because i like a bigger area to be able to draw on but thats just the tip of the iceberg for me XD since i want to learn to draw both anime style and furry style and actually contribute art on Deviantart instead of favoriting it all the time X3.
 

Korten12

Now I want ma...!
Aug 26, 2009
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Paksenarrion said:
Is this some sort of secret attempt to get us interested in your manga?

It's working...
Sure... I guess..?

Shadow-Phoenix said:
to be able to draw on but thats just the tip of the iceberg for me XD since i want to learn to draw both anime style and furry style and actually contribute art on Deviantart instead of favoriting it all the time X3.
Wait what..?
 

Shadow-Phoenix

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Mar 22, 2010
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Shadow-Phoenix said:
to be able to draw on but thats just the tip of the iceberg for me XD since i want to learn to draw both anime style and furry style and actually contribute art on Deviantart instead of favoriting it all the time X3.
Wait what..?[/quote]

I like the furry style of art go figure <.<.
 

TheAmazingHobo

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Oct 26, 2010
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I actually like it.
Yeah it´s not brilliant, but there is definitly potential (assuming this is your first-ish attempt at producing something like this and you haven´t been drawing since you were 4).
Still got a metric f*ckton of work ahead of you, but that´s true for becoming good at anything worthwhile.
 

Korten12

Now I want ma...!
Aug 26, 2009
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TheAmazingHobo said:
I actually like it.
Yeah it´s not brilliant, but there is definitly potential (assuming this is your first-ish attempt at producing something like this and you haven´t been drawing since you were 4).
Still got a metric f*ckton of work ahead of you, but that´s true for becoming good at anything worthwhile.
Close to 4, I have drawn since the start of elementary school, though it wasn't until middle-school that I discovered many anime (specificaly my friend showing me Bleach) that I found the sort of template of which I wanted to go into. So technicaly I really starting to improve in middle school.

In elementary school... My style was very ackward... Triangle bodies and circle heads...
 

Casual Shinji

Should've gone before we left.
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Apr 4, 2020
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My only advice is: Draw in a way that comes natural to you, not in a way that you feel is the most popular or socially accepted. And try to use more "show don't tell", comics lend themselves beautifully to this.
 

Firia

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Sep 17, 2007
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Manga Studio is a good program, and designed for works intended for print. I know this because I have and used Manga Studio 3 with my own wacom tablet.

Before I critique your work, I'm going to critique your art direction. But before I do any of that, I'm going to tell you a bit about myself. I am a visual communications designer with the skills and knowledge for comics and illustration. My entire illustrative direction has been geared behind comics and graphic novels. I am professionally trained, though I don't have any work that I can legally show you. So I hope when you read my crits, you realize I know a little about where I'm coming from, and take my wisdom to heart.

First, I will critique your style choice; Manga. I love manga. I really do! My favorite manga is Battle Angel Alita, and one of my favorite animes was Akira. Manga utilizes a very unique story telling mechanic that is very person, and connects the reader to the characters moreso than the world they inhabit, on average. It's very stylized, and has many pitfalls and tropes that should be handled with care.

Both of the artists responsible for the comics I mentioned are also accomplished illustrators. They can craft the human body with precision and care, as well as a landscape or cityscape. They incorporate the environments of their world into the story. Manga, in the generic sense, suffers from a very narrow focus. Scenes focused on heads stacked on shoulders, where the perspective of the viewer is looking in at a slight angle. You have 5 panels, and this phenomenon has occured 4 times within that span.

In my education in design and illustration, early on I was inspired by manga artists. I was always reading a manga, and even showed some of my teachers what I hoped get into. The kind instructors cheered me on. The very toughest instructors, and the ones I learned the most from, gave me invaluable advice that frustrated me then, but I'm thankful for now; [em][strong]"Do it right before you stylize."[/strong][/em]

Manga is a stylized form of art. It uses very identifiable features in its characters. Artists and illustrators that can only use the manga artform make things harder for themselves from a visual appeal standing, and ultimately limit themselves on the professional level. When you enter school, teachers (worth their salt) are going to tell you to draw the human figure, and learn anatomy. You're going to draw the skeleton, you're going to draw naked people, fat and skinny, bald, with long hair, tattoos, piercings, with a variety in value (shade) depth. These people will be standing, kneeling, holding things, etc. The work you do emulating the scene you see will be one hundred times better than the stylized form you've fallen for. Even just one year will be enough to put you on the right path.

[summery]
To finish my critique of your art direction, let me end in summery. Manga and it's styles are [em]fine![/em] But learn how to actually draw the human form and the world the form surrounds before you stylize. You'll be a much better manga artist for it.

--

The critique of your script; This is a little easier to learn than drawing, so I won't talk your ear off about it.

I didn't read your comic.

"What?! Then how can you critique it??" I can already hear someone (maybe not you, maybe it is you) bellowing that out on the other side of their monitor. It is because I did not read your comic that I can offer a valid critique. Let me explain.

(Actually, the paragraph below involves [em]typography[/em], which is a HARD topic to tackle, so I will stay broad and keep it as simple as I can.)

Good writing in literature has a few mechanics going on behind the scenes that many people aren't aware of. If you open up the book of any ol' New York best seller, you should find that the words are easy to read, and your eyes don't derail from their journey across the page. It's not uncomfortable to read, and the flow of the type, as well as the type choice. In comics, text is competing with your illustrations.

It may help to think of your text as a shape. Blur your eyes, and look at your text. (tip; print out your page and do this. Your monitor tells you lies, but a printed document is all truth.) If it is a heavy dark brick, but the illustrations are soft and light, then the contrast will be jarring. Also the content of your words; I can tell you have a lot you want to say with so few frames. My typography teachers always told me that when writing something out, 13 to 14 words across was usually the most you ever want to use. More than that, and it becomes exhausting for the reader, and they tend to lose interest. A growing problem today, since everyone has so many forms of media going on all at once.


[strong]Immediate changes[/strong] to your comic that I think you'd benefit from? Either make value contrast on your illustrations more bold, or and lighten up your text. If your font weight is on regular, switch to "light." Edit your own words down so you say the same thing with fewer words. You'll have to play the editor. If there is a melodic value to the word choices you made, to need to then spread them out over more illustrations. This means draw a few more scenes-- not a lot! Maybe another page. Draw to much for a scene, and it becomes problematic. Well, since this is just an exersize, you could probably get away with up to 2 additional pages fine.

[strong]Art skill critique;[/strong] you're practicing, drawing, and these are all good things. I remember when I got my first wacom and photoshop 7. Mm, those were the days. :) But remember that Manga Studio 4 and your tablet are just tools. They are not a supplement for skill. I suggest drawing your friends. Blur your eyes, and look at the value (another word for shade) on their faces. Don't be afraid to draw things you've never drawn before. (You're going to have to in school. Get a head start on it now.) Don't be afraid to exaggerate with your values either. On average, people are either overly conservative with their values, or overly abrasive. You are conservative, and seem to only be using line. Don't be afraid to put the ink down, and make an area a fat black blot, rather than skim the region of value with bold strokes. Play around with value more.

Don't be afraid to draw in eyes behind hair (frame 1). It's hard stuff at first. You see shapes at a glance, but it's actually a series of strands. If you wanted the eye to be concealed by darkness, again, push your values. Right now the strokes imply a value of dark somewhere at the 50% range. I should be able to see the boys eye, but it is instead missing.

[strong]Reading Homework;[/strong] assuming you're serious about getting into school in a couple of years for this kind of thing, you would be ahead of the class if you did some reading from professionals. Three books that I love, I think will help you immensely listed in reading order.
Understanding Comics by Scott McCloud [http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Comics-Invisible-Scott-Mccloud/dp/006097625X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1293278199&sr=8-1]
Making comics by Scott McCloud [http://www.amazon.com/Making-Comics-Storytelling-Secrets-Graphic/dp/0060780940/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1293278226&sr=8-1]
Perspective! for Comic Book Artists [http://www.amazon.com/Perspective-Comic-Book-Artists-Professional/dp/0823005674/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1293278088&sr=8-1]

I recommend buying these books, and never letting ill come to them. I still reference these books after all these years.

I've talked your eyes (yes, eyes) off enough. :) I wish you the best of luck. You'll always be learning, and as long as you keep pushing yourself, this time next your you'll be 100% better than today. Take my critiques to heart, because they are only meant to make you better.
 

Korten12

Now I want ma...!
Aug 26, 2009
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Firia said:
thanks. :D

Gypsy ninja pirate zombie king said:
if you haven't already read the bakuman manga i don't know if it'll help you any but you might learn something about manga form it
Love Bakuman, sadily I need to catch up with the current chapters.