I think the parading of the "Men rights" boogeyman to try and shame out of existence anyone who feels repulsed by a specific noxious genre of internet bloggers is getting kind of tired. You can see my comments on the need for more female characters and the problems with the game industry all over the forums right now, hell some people have even accused me of being the dreaded 'social justice warrior' for saying that excluding women from gaming is toxic.
With that in mind let me say this: Much of what is said online by the righteous feeling side is brow-beating horse shit. It gives the disgusting views of many of the hardcore anti-women MRA organizations something to hide behind. The amount of self-satisfied assholes online who think they can act however they want because their side is 'the right side' drives people into the arms of organizations like that.
The Euphoric MRA caricature has become almost as bloated and cliched as the the social justice warrior caricature. But that's what they are most of the time. Merely caricatures. I don't think people like to admit that both sides are responsible for poisoning the debate.
If someone does not feel a group of people represents them at all they have a right to think that. The #NotAllMen comes from a place of being misguided rather than malice, i think there is a nugget there that if you don't feel like you want to be tarred with a massive broad brush you don't have to be. It makes many people feel bitter and attacked without reason and drives them towards the hardcore misogyny of the organized MRAs who operate under this guise of "Feminism for men" but are anything but.
We're going to go a little deep here but let me find something i write a while ago:
There needs to be a more safe place for men to talk about well.. maleness. Men have the same problems of identity, conflicting forces and messages but without the support network or wealth of existing ideas to help them make sense of what it means to be a man when their traditional identities and roles are still expected of them but are increasingly looked down on and said to be outdated or even offensive.
There is a bit of a vacuum that disturbing groups like the crop of MRAs can fill. Being a man can feel is shameful, negative and belittling. You are told to be a provider, a leader but those very traits are seen as patronizing and sexist by some. You are told to be sensitive, caring, supportive and domestic but those qualities are seen as weakness, feminine, 'gay' or a symptom of 'nice guy syndrome'. You are seen as either a cave man brute or a simpering pansy.
There is no one there to tell you it's okay to struggle with being a man, only conflicting messages about being a 'real man' or being a 'nice guy' or how you shouldn't be a certain type of 'nice guy'. There are a lot of forces pulling you a lot of different directions. Men feel like gender studies are not for them as they are mainly seen as the preserve of feminism. We need more of a male equivalent of that, not in the sense of activism, but in sense of coming to terms with the meaning of masculinity in the 21st century.
Those with the wish to discuss the issues or challenges of being a man are immediately put off by the massive reaction and push back. It seems many trying to have a sensible discussion about some of these issues in the 21st century decide it is not worth their time. Most normal, moderate people who feel like there is something lacking or don't feel like they have a voice in the debate the represents then stay out of the debate entirely because they know it will just lead to them being branded an MRA 'rape advocate'.
All a lot of people hear is "You are a terrible person" over and over again. We need to be having a much more positive debate and actually engaging people, not facing them with a angry crowd they retreat into their own prejudices from.
