# Maths and Science Jokes!

#### Lord_Ascendant

##### New member
51gunner said:
Remember the joke, "I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves"? One student here at Dalhousie tried that on one of the profs, hoping to rattle her. She turned sharply on her heel, staring the miscreant down and shot back:

"Yes, but that would make me your integral, and frankly I don't want to be occupying the area underneath you."

The class gave her a standing ovation.
LOL! Thats awesome....

#### olicon

##### New member
I still don't get the dy one from the OP.

But my prof uses this on his answering machine: The number you dialed is not real. Please turn your phone 90 degrees and dial again.

#### MagikMystery

##### New member
olicon said:
I still don't get the dy one from the OP.
Well the joke's actually from the simpsons episode "Bart the Geneus". If you differentiate both sides of the equation y = (r^3)/3, with respect to r, you get dy/dr = r^2. Rearrange to get dy = (r^2)dr = rdrr

#### crimson5pheonix

##### It took 6 months to read my title.
Legacy
Saskwach said:
crimson5pheonix said:
A stats professor plans to travel to a conference by plane. When he passes the security check, they discover a bomb in his carry-on-baggage. Of course, he is hauled off immediately for interrogation.
"I don't understand it!" the interrogating officer exclaims. "You're an accomplished professional, a caring family man, a pillar of your parish - and now you want to destroy that all by blowing up an airplane!"
"Sorry", the professor interrupts him. "I had never intended to blow up the plane."
"So, for what reason else did you try to bring a bomb on board?!"
"Let me explain. Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. That's quite high if you think about it - so high that I wouldn't have any peace of mind on a flight."
"And what does this have to do with you bringing a bomb on board of a plane?"
"You see, since the probability of one bomb being on my plane is 1/1000, the chance that there are two bombs is 1/1000000. If I already bring one, the chance of another bomb being around is actually 1/1000000, and I am much safer..."
That guy was a bad stats professor. I bet he'd even say the odds of the second dog being male was 1/2.
That thread is dead, and let's keep it that way.

#### Lukeje

##### New member
MagikMystery said:
olicon said:
I still don't get the dy one from the OP.
Well the joke's actually from the simpsons episode "Bart the Geneus". If you differentiate both sides of the equation y = (r^3)/3, with respect to r, you get dy/dr = r^2. Rearrange to get dy = (r^2)dr = rdrr

Technically that's not entirely true;
• If y = r[sup]3[/sup]/3
Then dy = r[sup]2[/sup].dr == r.dr.r, or "Har-Dee-Har-Har"
You can't really just 'rearrange' differential equations. It's a useful aide-memoire, but has no place in mathematical proof.

#### crimson5pheonix

##### It took 6 months to read my title.
Legacy
perfectimo said:
This is more of an anecdote that a teacher told me about a psychology exam but it's still pretty funny.

There was a question on a year 12 exam with several pages to right out your answer, the question was "Define empathy and apathy" and all a student wrote was "I don't know and I don't care." They got an A+.
I got one of those! A philosophy teacher is giving his final exam. He hands each of his students a blank sheet of paper, pulls up a chair, and says "Using everything you've learned this year, prove this chair does not exist". All of the students spend the next few hours using complex philosophy to prove the chair is non-existent. Except one. That one finished his test in 30 seconds. When they got their tests back, the one student got an A+ with the answer "What chair?"

#### Lukeje

##### New member
How about this one?

#### Hippobatman

##### Resident Mario sprite
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender:
- how much for a beer?
The bartender replies: - for you, free of charge!

Ba dam tish!

#### Saskwach

##### New member
crimson5pheonix said:
That thread is dead, and let's keep it that way.
Never! I am a necrothreadomancer, and I vow that one day the dead will be posted on again. Savour your new threads while you can; soon you will be bored to death by the ineluctable horde of zombie threads.

#### neoman10

##### Big Brother
what did the acorn say when it grew up?

"Gee im a tree!"

now say it fast

#### Teleios

##### New member
8th grade Algebra I teacher. Her name was Ms. Mattern. She used to walk around saying "Math is the only thing that Mattern's". It hurt, it still hurts to this day even to share the story with you.

#### Lord_Ascendant

##### New member
"If Pi is a variable...what about Cake?"

#### nimrandir

##### New member
olicon said:
I still don't get the dy one from the OP.

But my prof uses this on his answering machine: The number you dialed is not real. Please turn your phone 90 degrees and dial again.
To be strictly accurate, the number would have to be (pure) imaginary for that to work, rather than simply not real.

Lukeje said:
Technically that's not entirely true;
• If y = r[sup]3[/sup]/3
Then dy = r[sup]2[/sup].dr == r.dr.r, or "Har-Dee-Har-Har"
You can't really just 'rearrange' differential equations. It's a useful aide-memoire, but has no place in mathematical proof.
Yay for differential forms!

#### crimson5pheonix

##### It took 6 months to read my title.
Legacy
Saskwach said:
crimson5pheonix said:
That thread is dead, and let's keep it that way.
Never! I am a necrothreadomancer, and I vow that one day the dead will be posted on again. Savour your new threads while you can; soon you will be bored to death by the ineluctable horde of zombie threads.
I warn you, if you resurrect threads, I will be forced to re-purpose them into something else. You're zombies will be in dresses before you know it.

#### PieFace

##### New member
Not really a joke, but more of a disturbing question my High school math teacher asked us on the first day of class...."If you have 2 babies and 1 baby is drowning, how many babies do you have left?"

#### Saskwach

##### New member
crimson5pheonix said:
Saskwach said:
crimson5pheonix said:
That thread is dead, and let's keep it that way.
Never! I am a necrothreadomancer, and I vow that one day the dead will be posted on again. Savour your new threads while you can; soon you will be bored to death by the ineluctable horde of zombie threads.
I warn you, if you resurrect threads, I will be forced to re-purpose them into something else. You're zombies will be in dresses before you know it.
You're no fun.

#### crimson5pheonix

##### It took 6 months to read my title.
Legacy
Saskwach said:
crimson5pheonix said:
Saskwach said:
crimson5pheonix said:
That thread is dead, and let's keep it that way.
Never! I am a necrothreadomancer, and I vow that one day the dead will be posted on again. Savour your new threads while you can; soon you will be bored to death by the ineluctable horde of zombie threads.
I warn you, if you resurrect threads, I will be forced to re-purpose them into something else. You're zombies will be in dresses before you know it.
You're no fun.
You'd be surprised how interesting a repurposed thread can get.

#### Janus Vesta

##### New member
Your mother's so fat her escape velocity exceeds 299,792,458 metres/second.

#### PersianLlama

##### New member
perfectimo said:
PersianLlama said:
perfectimo said:
This is the biggest size I could find in about 10 minutes:
My AP Comp Sci teacher has the shirt. I want it >.<
John Tacos said:
perfectimo said:
This is the biggest size I could find in about 10 minutes:
I laughed so hard when my friend couldn't get this. Thats one more virus for his compy! Cr0wned!
Did either of you get my other joke in the post?
Edit: Nevermind, I see it was answered earlier in the topic.

#### Chezzz

##### New member
Heres one my biology teacher said...

Q: How do you make a Hormone?

A: Don't pay her