If you listen to it just to be cool and edgy, then you never really loved it in the first place. I like it by virtue of the musical technicality, the emotions put accross, the subject matter and the raw aggressiveness, as well as the atmosphere at gigs. If you don't appreciate it as music, and only listen to it to seem cool, it won't appreciate you, therefore people like the OP will fade away from it, is the most important thing I'm going to say.
Most posers (ie those who dont really like it but pretend to, or the people who think they love metal), will generally listen to generic stuff that's not really metal, in the same way Green Day isnt punk (that's not an attack on Green day, they just DONT qualify as punk). Older, more experimental metal or current metal that takes influence from older bands has alot more substance and is alot more "metal" than downtuning your guitar and making gutteral noises ever will.
In Flames, they're a death metal band, but they have melody and structure like the bands of old, which makes their music far superior than a generic death metal band, which sounds out of time and dissonant. To be Metal it needs to have a certain mindset or attitude behind it, the same as proper Blues was about slavery and black oppression, Rock was drug/booze/sex infused chaos or Punk was about the state of society and anger at the government. It doesn't matter how heavy and violent you make it, if you're not Metal, it wont sound anywhere near as good as someone who is Metal.
I know that sounds very elitist and such, but I mean it in the sense of your heart should be in it, the same as any music. You shouldn't be trying too hard to make things sound heavy, just for the sake of being heavy, Black Sabbath is and always will be heavier than stuff like Korn or stuff like Job for a Cowboy, or any other cookie cutter bands, because it was what came naturally, as opposed to trying SO HARD TO BE HEAVY!!11!