Monkey Paw thread

[Shadyside]

you become anorexic as a result.

i wish eilzabeth warren was the nominee and will win the election.

 

[Neuromancer]

She wins, but as her sell-out price is 12mil, she sells a lot of government secrets to Russia.

I wish the personal wasn't political.

 

[Tireseas]

Individual personalities are wiped out and everyone is simply a drone of the hive mind.

I wish I could get a weekly game of Identico or Shadowrun as a player...

 

[Kae]

Done, but it's with a DM that has a really "cool" DM PC and the other players are that guy.

I wish I had the energy and talent to finish writing that book I was working on.

 

[Shadyside]

It never gets published.

I wish evil male anglos would disappear.

 

[Tireseas]

They do and everyone else becomes a bit more evil to compensate.

I wish I could morph my body to whatever shape I choose.

 

[Mister Mumbler]

Granted, but now you have no imagination and the only shape you can think of is a ream of paper.

I wish every person who designs/engineers cars gets a swift kick in the pants.

 

[PointlessKnowledge]

Granted, but that is also your profession now.

I wish for a good bottle of rum that I won't drop.

 

[Shadyside]

You die from intoxication.

I wish everyone used slurs and politically incorrect language.

 

[Mister Mumbler]

Granted, but the slurs and language is from the 1500's.

I wish for a pizza.

 

[Shadyside]

It has pineapple.

I wish for white genocide.

 

[SupahEwok]

Common genetic heritage means everybody dies.

I wish I was a little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
And a six four Impala
I wish I was like six-foot-nine
So I can get with Leoshi
'Cause she don't know me but yo she's really fine
You know I see her all the time everywhere I go
And even in my dreams I can scheme a way to make her mine
'Cause I know she's livin phat
Her boyfriend's tall and he plays ball
So how am I gonna compete with that?
'Cause when it comes to playing basketball
I'm always last to be picked
And in some cases never picked at all
So I just lean up on the wall
Or sit up in the bleachers with the rest of the girls
Who came to watch their men ball
Dag y'all! I never understood, black
Why the jocks get the fly girls and me I get the hood rats
I tell em "scat, skittle, scabobble"
Got hit with a bottle
And I been in the hospital for talkin' that mess
I confess it's a shame when you living in a city
That's the size of a box and nobody knows yo' name
Glad I came to my senses
Like quick-quick got sick-sick to my stomach
Overcommeth by the thoughts of me and her together
Right? So when I asked her out she said I wasn't her type
I wish I was a little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
And a six four Impala
I wish I was a little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
And a six four Impala
I wish I had a brand-new car
So far, I got this hatchback
And everywhere I go, yo, I gets laughed at
And when I'm in my car I'm laid back
I got an 8-track and a spare tire in the backseat, but that's flat
And do you really wanna know what's really whack?
See I can't even get a date, so, what do you think of that?
I heard that prom night is a bomb night
With the hood rats you can hold tight
But really though, I'm a Figaro
When I'm in my car I can't even get a hello
Well, so many people wanna cruise Crenshaw on Sunday
Well, then I'mma have to get in my car and go
You know I take the 110 until the 105
Get off at Crenshaw, tell my homies "look alive"
'Cause it's hard to survive when your living
In a concrete jungle and these girls keep passing me by
She looks fly, she looks fly
Makes me say "my, my, my"
I wish I was a little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
And a six four Impala
I wish I was a little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
And a six four Impala
I wish I was a little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I was a little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I was a little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I was a little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
Hey, I wish I had my way
'Cause everyday would be a Friday
And you could even speed on the highway
I would play ghetto games
Name my kids ghetto names Little Mookie, Big Al, Lorraine
Yo you know that's on the real
So if you're down on your luck
Then you should know just how I feel 'cause if you don't want me around
See I go simple, I go easy, I go Greyhound
Hey, you, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's going down
Ah yes, ain't that fresh?
Everybody wants to get down like that
I wish I was a little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
And a six four Impala
I wish I was a little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
And a six four Impala

 

[Shadyside]

The monkey paw is annoyed with you and strangle you to death.

I wish for a monkey paw that actually lets you make good wishes without repercussions.

 

[Kae]

Granted, it allows you to make any wishes you want without any repercussions, because it doesn't grant them.

I wish for the Moon to crash into the Earth.

 

[Mister Mumbler]

Granted, but most of it is destroyed upon entering the atmosphere, leaving a tiny pebble that only kills you.

I wish I could think of funnier wishes.

 

[CM156]

I wish I could think of funnier wishes.

Granted. And now that's all you can think about.

I wish that you won't grant this wish.

 

[Shadyside]

The monkey paw strangles you since you were being a smartass.

I wish Mike Pence and Donald Trump would die from the chinese virus.

 

[Tireseas]

Granted. Nancy Pelosi is President now.

I wish I could actually play the guitar.

 

[Neuromancer]

You can play the guitar. You're terrible at it.

I wish I could play the guitar as well as Tony Iommi

 

[Dreiko]

Tony Iommi's hands rot away.

I wish the moon was made out of cheese.