Monkey Paw thread

gorfias

Unrealistic but happy
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May 13, 2009
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Granted. And you now have 6 arms with which to do it.

I wish I could eat all I want without getting fat.
 
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Drathnoxis

Artificial Person
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Sep 23, 2010
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Granted, but your appetites is completely insatiable; you're starving 100% of the time.

I wish I could go back in time and relive any moment of my life at will.
Granted, but the person you hate most is taken along and does commentary.

I wish I didn't have sensitive teeth. Too easy.
I wish I was king of the world.
 

Drathnoxis

Artificial Person
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Sep 23, 2010
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Granted. No one believes you, so you are reduced to shouting your kingly stature from a street corner as a crazy (albeit well-dressed) hobo.

I wish I could talk and communicate better.
Granted, but you speak in an ancient language that nobody understands.

I wish life had meaning.
 

Asita

Answer Hazy, Ask Again Later
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Jun 15, 2011
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Granted.

Life: Noun.
  1. The condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death.
  2. the existence of an individual human being or animal.
  3. the period between the birth and death of a living thing, especially a human being.
  4. vitality, vigor, or energy.
  5. (in art) the depiction of a subject from a real model, rather than from an artist's imagination.
I wish I could play the violin.
 

Xprimentyl

Made you look...
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Aug 13, 2011
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I wish I could play the violin.
Granted, but your skills are limited to covers of shitty '80s bands' songs.

I wish I could sustain a healthy lifestyle on French fries and cold-cut sandwiches.
 

BrawlMan

Lover of beat'em ups.
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Mar 10, 2016
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Granted, but your skills are limited to covers of shitty '80s bands' songs.

I wish I could sustain a healthy lifestyle on French fries and cold-cut sandwiches.
You get your wish, but in return any actual healthy foods hurt you, makes you sick, or poison you.

All I wish for is Viewtiful Joe 3.
 
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Xprimentyl

Made you look...
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Aug 13, 2011
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You get your wish, but in return any actual healthy foods hurt you, makes you sick, or poison you.
That's... actually a pretty sweet deal.

All I wish for is Viewtiful Joe 3.
Granted, but you lose your sight and use of both your hands in a tragic masturbation accident.

I wish @BrawlMan was an actual genie.
 
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Drathnoxis

Artificial Person
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Sep 23, 2010
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I wish it was possible for groups of people to randomly break out into perfectly choreographed unrehearsed musical numbers in real life.
 

CM156

Resident Reactionary
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May 6, 2020
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Granted. But people have no choice on what songs they dance to.

I wish we knew if humans had free will.