Movie Defense Force: Dungeons & Dragons - Jeremy Irons Says NYANANANANA!

Canadamus Prime

Robot in Disguise
Jun 17, 2009
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I remember this movie. It's worth watching just for Jeremy Irons.
evilnancyreagan said:
someone needs to gif that last bit, i want it.

no,

I NEED it!
I foresee a whole new wave of meme images spawning from it
 

Mus815

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Apr 21, 2020
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You know, Jim, there are other movies that are absolutely hated without reason that deserve far better.

The Wachowskis' Speed Racer movie, for starts.

You don't have to explore the bottom of the barrel already.
 

RJ 17

The Sound of Silence
Nov 27, 2011
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Awwwww, I was hoping you wouldn't play the "every ounce of your rage" clip in the review because I wanted to post it here. Truly, that line alone makes this one of the greatest movie of all time. I mean what the hell is with that "Hah-tititititititi" thing he does? IT'S PRICELESS!

 

008Zulu_v1legacy

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Sep 6, 2009
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When I saw this movie for the first (and only) time, I remember thinking; I wish Snails would die and the Elf chick sure does have a breastplate.
 

Kameburger

Turtle king
Apr 7, 2012
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How is Jeremy Irons not in the Marvel Universe yet?

Or better yet, Jeremy Irons takes over for Andrew Garfield as Peter Parker/Spiderman.
 

Flunk

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Feb 17, 2008
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Totally wrong there Jim, this is easily the worst movie ever. The acting is so bad my brain decided to walk out by itself 5 minutes in.
 

Tono Makt

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Mar 24, 2012
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There were three movies I saw in the theatres in my university days that I distinctly remember; this was one of them. A bunch of us went to see it in the theatre on opening night and the place was packed with geeks and nerds and gamers and all manner of people in that venn diagram. About 5 minutes in we started MST3K'ing it ... as an audience. It was glorious. It was magical. It was one of the best times I've ever had at a movie. And because the movie was so terrible that the audience decided the best way to enjoy it was to laugh at it.

Glorious.

(the other two were South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut, where a friend of mine and I went to see it on Christmas day and the cashier thought we were Jewish, and Universal Soldier: The Return which there were 6 people in the theatre for, on opening day, and a different friend and I did MST3K by ourselves... and no one complained.)
 

RaggedKarma

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Jan 21, 2011
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My favorite part of the film: the deleted scenes from the DVD included:
- the dwarf character's name
- the main character's primary motivation
- a good chunk of setting history

You know, The usual sort of thing you'll leave on the cutting room floor.

The sequel to this film is remarkably good, especially for gamers. It feels like a full D&D game put to film, including characters *discussing monster stats*, explicitly calling out their magic items by generic name, and completely f*cking the plot over.
 

Living Contradiction

Clearly obfusticated
Nov 8, 2009
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I saw this train wreck in theatre and the only time I knew the pain lessened was when the credits rolled. Jim, I congratulate you for trying to put a good face on it but no, even as a comedy this movie is awful.

Tono Makt said:
About 5 minutes in we started MST3K'ing it ... as an audience. It was glorious. It was magical. It was one of the best times I've ever had at a movie. And because the movie was so terrible that the audience decided the best way to enjoy it was to laugh at it.

Glorious.
Dear heavens and hells, I was in the wrong place. Tono, I bow to the combined awesome of your theatre crowd.
 

AdagioBoognish

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Nov 5, 2013
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PunkRex said:
If this film had of just been about two gay wizards trying to usurp the Queen it would have been the greatest fantasy movie ever.
I don't care about anything else involved, if I ever see a trailer for a movie like that I am going to see it.
 

jabrwock

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Sep 5, 2007
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The bit at the end where the subtitle says "He's trying to act..." Then it quickly cuts to Jeremy Irons. At that point it should say "HE isn't... and it's glorious..."
 

Chaosian

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Mar 26, 2011
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"Movie Defense Force ...if you've come to laugh at bad films, then my friend, you're out of luck..."
Jez, Jim, after this and Silent Hill Revelations, you might want to change your intro.
 

ghostrider409895

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Mar 7, 2010
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Normally I enjoy these episodes just because they show me new odd movies, but that guys Wikipedia page had my laughing more than I have in a long while. It really has paragraphs and paragraphs of explanations. I do wonder if he really did write all that, or if maybe there is a person on the Wikipedia writing team that just loves this Bruce Payne?

Either way, this was a very entertaining to watch at 1:00 am after I had just beaten Bioshock Infinite for the first time. Kind of like the time I watch Citizen Kane for the first time then stumbled upon a video of Orson Welles doing a commercial for frozen peas.
 

Sol_HSA

was gaming before you were born
Nov 25, 2008
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All I remember from this movie were the ridiculously bad cg and one cute girl, who's not even on the poster.
 

Scars Unseen

^ ^ v v < > < > B A
May 7, 2009
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HjelsYells said:
I was unfortunate enough to sit down with this movie a few years ago. It is completely unwatchable dreck.
Oh, come on! That's just untrue. It's totally watchable dreck!
 

Klaflefalumpf

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Oct 3, 2010
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For my part ever since Jeremy Irons did his whole "Gay marriage is bad, men will marry their sons for tax/inheritance purposes" I've not been able to enjoy anything he's done anymore. It's a shame too, I liked him in Eragon. One of two decent performances in that film and the other was just voice acting.
 

Denamic

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Aug 19, 2009
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I liked Dungeons And Dragons. It wasn't D&D, but it was entertaining. Also, I seriously had no idea there was a second film, and I found out there's even a third when I looked it up. I might have to watch them.
 

Tumedus

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Jul 13, 2010
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I remember two things about this movie. First was that they killed off Marlon Wayons at some point. I cheered. I was so happy. It made the rest of the film almost worth watching.

And then, they revived him (or heavily implied it anyway) in the final scene. They took back the one redeeming thing this movie had going for it. The pain, the sorrow.

Few true dramas have caused me as much heartbreak as this film did.
 

gorfias

Unrealistic but happy
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Apr 6, 2020
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Maybe on Streaming. Scanning to fun parts. There's just so much really GOOD content out there.
 

TheMadDoctorsCat

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Apr 2, 2008
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Come on now, the Bruce Payne vs Marlon Wayans fight doesn't get a mention?

And Marlon Wayans has such an epic death scene... I mean, this would be a great moment of pathos if his character wasn't the most annoying thing to ever be created by humans in the history of the world.

I think Jeremy Irons had a vibrator stuffed somewhere I don't want to contemplate the entire time he was "acting" in this movie. Watching him alongside Thora Birch, who barely acts at all though, is painful. You've got Irons looking like he's orgasming whenever he speaks, while Birch looks like she doesn't understand any of the dialogue she's been given (which, to be fair, is quite understandable... I didn't "get" a lot of it either.)

And the Crystal Maze will NEVER be obsolete.