Movie Defense Force: Fireproof - The Official White People Problems Movie

Jimothy Sterling

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Apr 18, 2011
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Fireproof - The Official White People Problems Movie

Baby Jesus died for our sins, and that's why Kirk Cameron needs to stop wanking.

Watch Video
 

Remus

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Nov 24, 2012
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Here's my reaction to this review, and pretty much any movie with Kirk Cameron - "Jesus" Drink! "Jesus" Drink! ad infiniteum. Does the poor sod not know how to play in anything without a heavy-handed Christian message?
 

Tanis

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Aug 30, 2010
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O,u.

My parents LOVE this movie.
Not surprising, given that they're r-wing; Fox News loving; Jesus was white; Xtians, but even THEN...

I mean, I've actually SEEN this movie.
It's bad.

The acting is WORSE than 'God's Not Dead'.
Do you know how HARD that is?

That's like, worse than SyFy original movies bad!
 

josh4president

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Mar 24, 2010
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You know how in the intro it says:

"If you came to laugh at bad films, I'm afraid you're out of luck"?

Yeah I think we've gone off message in this series for a while now.
 

Soulrender95

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May 13, 2011
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I miss the old style MDF, I miss Jim sincerely defending movies which were critically panned.
I know he's probably busy given this months heavy game load, but still.... come on Jim, thinly veiled sarcasm is less entertaining because I can get that pretty much everywhere else on the internet.
I didn't always agree with Jim but it was good to see a different viewpoint on some movies.
 

Jimothy Sterling

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josh4president said:
You know how in the intro it says:

"If you came to laugh at bad films, I'm afraid you're out of luck"?

Yeah I think we've gone off message in this series for a while now.
The lyric is actually "If you CAN'T laugh at bad films," so no. Not off message at all. Just a different way of telling it.
 

Jimothy Sterling

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"I miss the old style MDF."

Like the one we had before this one?

Christ, you change the formula up now and then, and people think it's the end of days. There's nothing to miss, people. I just do these types of episodes to keep things interesting for me from time to time.
 

Agayek

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Oct 23, 2008
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Jimothy Sterling said:
Fireproof - The Official White People Problems Movie

Baby Jesus died for our sins, and that's why Kirk Cameron needs to stop wanking.

Watch Video
White People Problems: The Movie, huh?

Now I kinda want that to be a real thing. Seriously. I'm picturing a Scary Movie-esque parody of these kinds of movies, blatantly self aware and ridiculous, but treated as super-cereal. It would be hilarious.

Somebody make it happen.
 

Lightknight

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Nov 26, 2008
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Wait, was this a defense or pure mockery of the movie?

Haha, so funny either way. Oh man, almost cracked at work.
 

Muspelheim

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Apr 7, 2011
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That film was so Chrishun that it burned my Bolshevik hide at twenty paces.

You win again, Babby Jesis.
 

dharmaBum0

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Mar 17, 2012
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At first I thought it was particularly dumb to take a baseball bat to your old CRT and spread shards of glass all over your lawn.

That's it.
 

WickedLordJasper

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I've never seen Fireproof before, but from the MDF clip, I got that the movie was overly Christian and written for a strongly religious audience. So that's what makes the movie bad?
 

josh4president

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Jimothy Sterling said:
josh4president said:
You know how in the intro it says:

"If you came to laugh at bad films, I'm afraid you're out of luck"?

Yeah I think we've gone off message in this series for a while now.
The lyric is actually "If you CAN'T laugh at bad films," so no. Not off message at all. Just a different way of telling it.
Really?

I could have sworn you wrote this:

http://i.imgur.com/8kBylHs.png

But seriously, I can't help but feel you're in much better form when you're actually defending a neglected/maligned/hated film instead of just taking something terrible and turning sarcasm mode on. Even in your Mall Rats/'Michael Rooker's Ass episode you at least did mention a few things about the overall feature before descending into frame after frame of jiggly man-buttock.

At this rate you could very well do an episode 'defending' Attack of the Clones by gushing breathlessly about how brilliantly the romantic sub-plot is written and how it artistically elevates the series as a whole with 1950s-style space diners and children acting terribly with buckets on their head.

Do you really want to live in a world where you could actually make a Movie Defense Force of Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones?

Is that what you want, Jim?
 

SonOfVoorhees

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Aug 3, 2011
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Why isnt there a Game Defense Force where he defends games that were deemed shit but in reality are quite good.
 

WarpZone

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Ugh. So now we've gone the "No Right Answer" route of not knowing whether an episode is ironic or sincere until five jokes into it. It's the shark that never stops jumping itself! That said, this episode was pretty funny, just... have we *really* run out of actually legitimately underrated movies? All of them? Already? Or did some religious freak above you at The Escapist hold a gun against your head and order you to defend this movie or else lose your job?

Overall this episode is fine, I just wish I understood why you made it instead of making a Movie Defense Force.
 

Jimothy Sterling

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WickedLordJasper said:
So that's what makes the movie bad?
Well any movie built on the idea of ideological masturbation that isn't a documentary is destined to be awful. While documentaries can at least provide meaningful points, the movie approaches from a lense where you already assume that all these things are super awful merely for existing. Rather than portraying such things can be bad, we assume that they're bad, and that these things we're already supposed to hate prior to watching the movie is the real problem. The problem in the marriage isn't that they're so far apart that the husband had to go searching for porn online to experience sexual satisfaction, like it would be in the real world, its that porn is bad. The fact that the wife is seriously considering cheating on her husband isn't indicative of anything wrong with their relationship, because marriage is a perfect fairy tale, its rather the reason the relationship is failing in the first place. There's no genuine, real conflict, but rather the writer creates fake conflict using their personal boogeyman - basically its creating a strawman of sorts. Thats why these types of films are always awful - they're soulless propaganda with no cultural value or artistic merit made for profit thats pandering to its target audience by creating a strawman so that they can burn it down. Its kind of like how most Call of Duty games are basically "fuck yeah, 'murica! We are the most awesomest best people in the world and do no wrong!"