Newly Discovered Crab Dubbed "The Hoff"

The Wooster

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Jul 15, 2008
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Newly Discovered Crab Dubbed "The Hoff"


UK scientists have discovered a subspecies of Yeti Crab that bears a striking resemblance to cheese-ball, pop-star David Hasselhoff.

Thousands of "Hoff Crabs" were found clustered around the volcanic vents that populate the East Scotia Ridge. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scotia_Sea] They're apparently a type of Yeti Crab; a manly species known for growing hair along their claws and limbs which they use to grow delicious bacteria. These new crabs are different, in that most of their hair is on their underside, giving them a profoundly-masculine chest-rug, much like the one sported by Mr. Hasselhoff.

Scientists have yet to give the crabs an official name, but the nickname given to them aboard the scientific cruise ship that discovered the species seems to have stuck. Personally, I would have went with "The Zangief Crab" instead.

The species was discovered by an unmanned, deep-diving, robotic submersible called Isis, during a fact-finding cruise.

While scientists found thousands of the crabs - up to 600 per square meter - as well as several other new species, including a currently unidentified pale octopus, they didn't find what they were actually looking for. The cruise was originally charted to investigate the hypothesis that the Southern Ocean allows vent-dwelling organisms from other major oceans to disperse via its strong currents. However, few of the animals scientists expected to find actually turned up, instead they found a motley collection of hairy crabs.

"We think the very harsh conditions of Antarctic waters, particularly in terms of their extreme seasonality, probably act as a barrier to some of the vent fauna," explained Professor Rogers from Oxford University's Department of Zoology.

"What we've found is a much more complex situation than we were anticipating, and this has pretty much changed our ideas about how vent organisms are distributed at a global scale."

And now that the obligatory science bit is over, you may proceed with the obvious "Hasselhoff has crabs" jokes. Go nuts.

Source: BBC [http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-16394430]


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Sparrow

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Feb 22, 2009
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That is a title I could simply not ignore. I wonder how the scientists guys will explain this to their bosses, though. "Well, we didn't find what you wanted but look at the chest hairs on this little fucker!"

Grey Carter said:
And now that the obligatory science bit is over, you may proceed with the obvious "Hasselhoff has crabs" jokes. Go nuts.
He has crabs on his nuts? MY GOD, MAN.
 

Dogstile

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Jan 17, 2009
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"Lol, hoff has crabs"

There, that's over with. I wonder who will actually get to name this thing. I think the name should stick, personally.
 

RatRace123

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Dec 1, 2009
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-So, is it custom for Hoff Crab children to find the males drunkenly eating hamburgers?

-Wouldn't want to find one of these things in a red speedo

-Germans love these crabs

-That rock they're on should be named the KITT rock.

-When you get a bucket of crab legs, can you now just say "I'd like a bucket of Hoff"?

And uh... that's all I got.
Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.
 

DannyJBeckett

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Jun 29, 2011
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Grey Carter said:
Personally, I would have went with "The Zangief Crab" instead.
If they compete in mating-competitions by body-slamming their rivals, then the name must be changed.
 

Lunar Templar

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Sep 20, 2009
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Grey Carter said:
And now that the obligatory science bit is over, you may proceed with the obvious "Hasselhoff has crabs" jokes. Go nuts.
no, its to easy and your expecting it.

but how big are they? given the 'yeti' in the name they gotta be pretty big right?
and has any one applied hot water and butter to one yet? ya know, for science >.>
because its equally important to know if 'it haz a flavor'
 

loudestmute

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Oct 21, 2008
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I want to be disappointed in this, but I can't...

...Sean Connery was more of a lobster type'a guy anyway.
 

SnootyEnglishman

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May 26, 2009
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This is quite the scientific discovery this is. But perhaps instead naming them after Heir Hasselhoff or Zangief, we could have called them Hale Crabs named after the very manly Saxton Hale.
 

Nouw

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Mar 18, 2009
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Oooh interesting, more species of deep-sea crabs! Yes I came here for the science :p.
 

Scarim Coral

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These has got to be the most manliest crab out there for having chest like hairs!
 

Scrustle

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Apr 30, 2011
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I always love when they find new species like this. It shows there's still mysteries out there in the world to explore. But Hasselhoff Yeti crabs!? That's fucking awesome! I didn't even know there was such thing as a furry crab, let alone a manly one.

Something about that last sentence doesn't sound quite right...
 

therandombear

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Sep 28, 2009
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Where's root_of_all_evil, he loves crabs. ;)

OT: Lol...wat? Crabs with chest hair..that's..different.

And I never saw why Hoff is/was so popular/liked.
 

lRookiel

Lord of Infinite Grins
Jun 30, 2011
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See that everyone, UK scientists discovered the species that allows us to insult hoff man.

BIG WIN FOR THE UK!

"Hoff had sex with a yeti and now he has crabs."
 

Tiger Sora

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Aug 23, 2008
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Those crabs are infected with Hasselhoff. They must of got it when he was doing the Spongbob movie.

And my work is done.
 

Otaku World Order

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Nov 24, 2011
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So do the crabs hang around the beach waiting for Pam Anderson to come running by in slo-mo jiggle vision?

Tommy9898 said:
Yeah, that's great and all, Paramedic... But how do they taste?
Paramedic: Hmm... It says here they taste pretty good.

Hasselhoff: Well, I'll look forward to it then.

Paramedic: (muttering) Cannibal...
 

Twilight_guy

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Nov 24, 2008
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Personally if they aren't eating burgers off the floor I don't think its a good name. It is always interesting to read about animals who aren't mammals and have hair though, just to see it fuck with animal taxonomy.