Office party frustration

[MarsProbe]

No offense, but being married to a non-geek doesn't sound like much fun. I would never want to be with someone who didn't share similar interests. If I couldn't chat with a woman about movies, games, or books, we'd never date. Sounds like you need to reevaluate your relationship. There's no shame in moving on if your current situation makes you unhappy. Compromise is alright, but I see no merit in settling to the point that the basic core of who you are and what you enjoy is crippled.

I wouldn't know whether that is true or not - being married to a "non-geek" not being much fun (maybe ask someone like the OP who is actually married) but I know the feeling of wanting to be with someone who shares some of your interests. I can somewhat identify with the OP in saying there don't seem to be many of that sort of girl around of a similar age for those of us born in the 80s - I don't really hold out much hope in meeting a woman around my age (31) with a real interest in sci-fi, fantasy, gaming and the like, though maybe I'm just not looking in the right places? Anyway, I guess we can't all have the luxury of meeting someone that both share a mutual attraction and similar interests.

 

[ForumSafari]

To be honest it's unlikely you wanted anything more from her than an idealised version of what you wanted when you were younger. You won't necessarily get along with someone just because they share your hobbies and it sounds more like you're reacting to what you wish your wife shared with you rather than any real interest in sleeping with this lady because of her being a geek and being pretty. To summarise:

Spoiler

'Talk' in this case means things other than hobbies. It's not perfect but then again pithy images seldom are.

 

[Azkar Almsivi]

Tell your wife everything you told us and sort out together if you want to give it a proper go or get a divorce.

The only reason you didn't physically cheat was because you choked.

 

[Foolery]

No offense, but being married to a non-geek doesn't sound like much fun. I would never want to be with someone who didn't share similar interests. If I couldn't chat with a woman about movies, games, or books, we'd never date. Sounds like you need to reevaluate your relationship. There's no shame in moving on if your current situation makes you unhappy. Compromise is alright, but I see no merit in settling to the point that the basic core of who you are and what you enjoy is crippled.

Well that would depend on the OP's interests wouldn't it? I mean I play a lot of games and watch lots of movies too but I still find many things to talk about with people who aren't geeks. Heck I've almost no RL friends who are geeks, still have a buttload of fun with them.

What should make the OP re-evaluate his marriage is that he seems to regret the "right" choice so much;

Good point. Can't argue with that. I also enjoy non-geeky stuff and speaking with non-geeky people. But on a personal level, my preference for a partner is someone who at least moderately enjoys some of that stuff. Even if it's just a couple movies, or books.

No offense, but being married to a non-geek doesn't sound like much fun. I would never want to be with someone who didn't share similar interests. If I couldn't chat with a woman about movies, games, or books, we'd never date. Sounds like you need to reevaluate your relationship. There's no shame in moving on if your current situation makes you unhappy. Compromise is alright, but I see no merit in settling to the point that the basic core of who you are and what you enjoy is crippled.

I wouldn't know whether that is true or not - being married to a "non-geek" not being much fun (maybe ask someone like the OP who is actually married) but I know the feeling of wanting to be with someone who shares some of your interests. I can somewhat identify with the OP in saying there don't seem to be many of that sort of girl around of a similar age for those of us born in the 80s - I don't really hold out much hope in meeting a woman around my age (31) with a real interest in sci-fi, fantasy, gaming and the like, though maybe I'm just not looking in the right places? Anyway, I guess we can't all have the luxury of meeting someone that both share a mutual attraction and similar interests.

Well, I'm 22, and not married, so I was probably overstepping when I wrote that. My apologies. I just think commonalities are important, and I'm sure OP and his wife have some. On that note, I've always run with a nerdy kind of crowd. I played Dungeons&Dragons in highschool, and still do now. The girl I'm currently seeing, has even run a few campaigns for friends and I. You and OP are likely quite correct. Young folks are lucky that geek culture is in right now. Wouldn't stop me if it wasn't though. I like what I like. Societal approval is not necessary.

 

[Brian Tams]

Here's the thing, Tarkand.
First off, don't kick yourself for not cheating on your wife. That was the absolute right thing to do. Cheating never ends well, for anyone, and it wouldn't be fair to your wife who would most likely be extremely hurt by the outcome.

Secondly, there's this; if you were considering it, no matter how drugged up you were from prescriptions, shows that, on some level, you may regret your decision to marry your current wife. This is something that needs to at least be discussed.

But, my man, do not regret your decision to pass her up. Never, ever regret that decision.

 

[2xDouble]

Here's my advice to you: Consider this incident your wake-up call. It's time to try to reconnect with your wife, try to remember why you married her in the first place and see if you can bring some of that back. I'm sure she'll be happy to help you as long as you're honest with her about wanting to reconnect and that you feel you're drifting apart. ...not about the "almost cheating on her" thing. That should probably come later, when your relationship is more stable... or when (not if) she finds out about it, whichever comes first.

Whatever else you do, give this your all. Pour everything you are, everything you have, into reestablishing and maintaining a relationship with your wife: 100%, no half-assing it, no "walk middle" or "guess so" (points for the reference!), and no giving up until you have a definite answer. Then, and only then, will know the truth. If it works, then congratulations! another fire rekindled, a shaky relationship strengthened, a new "funny story" you maybe tell your kids someday. If not, if after all that you both still feel cold and distant, then I'm afraid it's time to accept that you probably aren't right for each other, and go from there.

I leave you with some of the best fatherly/relationship advice I've ever gotten... ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Billy Joel:

 

[Vegosiux]

OP, if you're regretting not cheating on your wife, then you two need to sit down and talk, I think. Because there seems to be some friction/unhappiness there. Sleeping with another woman would only make the matters more iffy though.

 

[BathorysGraveland2]

This exact situation is the reason why I don't plan on ever having a relationship with a woman. Unlike you, I wouldn't be able to turn it down if another good looking chick came onto me. Since I strive to be a rather nice dude in life, that would kind of be the opposite of that if I was supposedly committed to one woman, so I just won't get into a relationship and then things will be fine. Though it's something I've obviously thought about, I haven't really been in that position myself, so I don't fully know how hard it is to keep your composure when someone insanely attractive is "available". So, cheers for having that control dude.

 

[Fappy]

OP, if you're regretting not cheating on your wife, then you two need to sit down and talk, I think. Because there seems to be some friction/unhappiness there. Sleeping with another woman would only make the matters more iffy though.

Yeah, regretting NOT cheating on your wife is obviously a HUGE red flag. Sounds like you have bigger issues to sort out than not getting your dick wet :/

I'm no marriage councilor, but I'd recommend sitting down and having a conversation about your future. There's no point in continuing to be unhappy because you are too afraid to make a change.

 

[lunavixen]

Don't kick yourself, staying faithful is a good thing, and I applaud you for it. That being said, regretting not cheating should be telling you something, I think you need to have a talk with your wife.