I write this as a final lamentation of the loss of WarCraft's story. What used to be the primary reason I was interested in the franchise has been twisted and mutated to something that is nigh unrecognizable at this point. Driven to madness by Blizzard's incessant need retcon over and over again for the sake of dragging things out even further, it is here that I lay thee to rest.
I picked up vanilla WoW when it launched because Frozen Throne left a lot of dangling plot threads that I hoped to see resolved. Well vanilla didn't deliver on any of those, instead choosing to go for random adventures in the land of Azeroth, culminating with fighting a giant fire god, a couple of black dragons, Kel'Thuzad, and a tentacle monster.
But what ho! Burning Crusade is on the horizon! We finally get to see what has become of Illidan! Awesome! At long last we'll get to put The Betrayer in his place! And we did just that: storming his Black Temple, we smote his ruin upon the summit! Now we just have to take out the Mad Prince Kael'thas and all will be well! But what's this? Kil'Jaeden?! Alright! Fighting another one of the leaders of the Legion! Those demonic pricks are still up to no good!
And after Outland was liberated, we turn our gaze to the north! Arthas, the Lich King, must still be dealt with! And so to the frozen north we sailed, battling the undead as we pushed towards the bleak, foreboding walls of the fortress at Icecrown. At long last we would dethrone the Lich King and finally bring an end to the accursed Scourge!
That just about wraps up all the major villains from the past, surely now we can have one final conflict against the Legion to topple the Mad Titan Sargeras and bring a close to this epic story!
But no! No says Blizzard! First you must fight Deathwing!
"But...but wasn't Deathwing on Draenor when it kerploded, leaving him stranded on that broken world with absolutely no means of returning?"
Nope! He's been hibernating deep beneath the surface of Azeroth, waiting for his moment to strike!
"But at the end of Beyond the Dark Portal, Ner'zhul used the Skull of Gul'dan to open numerous Dark Portals to other worlds, ultimately creating an energy vortex that ripped the world asunder and destroyed the portals themselves. How did Deathwing get back to Azeroth?"
Fuck you, that's how! Now go and fight the great black beast, but along the way we're going to introduce you to the Old Gods and their masters, the Void Lords!
"Wait...what? What's this all about?"
Yes, the Old Gods and Void Lords. They're the ones that were responsible for Deathwing's madness all along. They're the ones that made him betray the other flights, it most definitely wasn't because he coveted power over all the other dragons and wanted to stand as their unconstested ruler.
"But...that's not what you said in WCII...."
Shut up, don't worry about that.
"Well...ok...now that Deathwing's been dealt with, surely NOW we get to take down the Legion once and for all, right?"
Nope! Now it's time for a filler arch! Remember that April Fools joke from BC where we said that we were going to add Pandaren as a playable race? Well we're actually going to do it this time!
"Wait...what? What do the Pandaren have to do with anything?"
Dunno, we'll slap some shit about another Old God in there. Doesn't really matter, it's just a filler story to lead us to...well...another filler story, actually.
"......you really have no clue what you're doing with this franchise's story, do you?"
Of course we do! That's why we're going to come out with Warlords of Draenor! An entire expansion whose only purpose is to bring Gul'dan back into the story! THEN you get to have your final showdown with the Legion!
"Well ok. Took us a while to get here but we can finally end the ultimate threat to the cosmos once and for all!"
Well actually no...no that won't be happening. You see, Sargeras wasn't the Titan that was put in charge of imprisoning the Legion, which was already running amok through the cosmos, and that spending so many millennia keeping them in check poisoned his mind to the point of unleashing the Legion as his own personal army of wanton destruction.
"But...but that's what you said---"
Nope! Turns out Sargeras actually CREATED the Legion when he saw what the Old Gods and the Void Lords were doing, corrupting everything in the cosmos! You see, he's not the Mad Titan because he went insane by going from the warden of the Legion's prison to being it's leader and using it to destroy everything. He's actually the Mad Titan because he created an army to destroy everything with the philosophy of "better to be destroyed than corrupted!" In reality, the Old Gods and their Void Lord masters are the REAL ultimate threat!
"But...but you just pulled them right out of your ass! The entire franchise has revolved around Sargeras and the Legion!"
No, no. Don't worry about him. In fact, it turns out that Illidan is the golden chosen one cosmic god child---
"---wait, Illidan? We killed him in Burning Crusade! We were literally standing right there when he took his last breath!"
Nope! Don't know what you were smoking, but that's definitely not what happened. No, you just weakened him so that Maiev and her Wardens could show up and imprison him and take him back to the Broken Isles.
"................."
Anyways, Illidan is the almighty chosen one savior who ascends to become something of a cosmic Warden, sealing away Sargeras once and for all, though he may never abandon his post. Isn't that nice? You don't even have to fight Sargeras, Illidan just McGuffin's him away!
"Go home, Blizzard...you're drunk."
Wait! Next expansion we're going back to the tried and true Horde vs Alliance war! But in reality it's going to be The Light vs The Void! We kinda borrowed Anikan's story for Arthas', but now we're going full Star Wars! You see the Light isn't as good as it claims to be!
------
Which brings us to this piece of crap:
Yes, lets forget that Admiral Proudmoore was a warmongering bigot who launched an unprovoked invasion of what was - at the time - a peaceful nation. That the Horde was defending itself against his aggression, to the point that once he was dead the Horde spared all remaining Alliance forces, ceasing their attack and allowing them to retreat back to Kul'Tiras.
No, clearly the Horde savages are to blame for the slaughter that took place that day. There was no blood on the Admiral's hands, and Jaina should have betrayed the peace she had fought so hard for in order to stand by her warmongering father's side.
TL;DR:
Go fuck yourself, Blizzard.
:^)
I picked up vanilla WoW when it launched because Frozen Throne left a lot of dangling plot threads that I hoped to see resolved. Well vanilla didn't deliver on any of those, instead choosing to go for random adventures in the land of Azeroth, culminating with fighting a giant fire god, a couple of black dragons, Kel'Thuzad, and a tentacle monster.
But what ho! Burning Crusade is on the horizon! We finally get to see what has become of Illidan! Awesome! At long last we'll get to put The Betrayer in his place! And we did just that: storming his Black Temple, we smote his ruin upon the summit! Now we just have to take out the Mad Prince Kael'thas and all will be well! But what's this? Kil'Jaeden?! Alright! Fighting another one of the leaders of the Legion! Those demonic pricks are still up to no good!
And after Outland was liberated, we turn our gaze to the north! Arthas, the Lich King, must still be dealt with! And so to the frozen north we sailed, battling the undead as we pushed towards the bleak, foreboding walls of the fortress at Icecrown. At long last we would dethrone the Lich King and finally bring an end to the accursed Scourge!
That just about wraps up all the major villains from the past, surely now we can have one final conflict against the Legion to topple the Mad Titan Sargeras and bring a close to this epic story!
But no! No says Blizzard! First you must fight Deathwing!
"But...but wasn't Deathwing on Draenor when it kerploded, leaving him stranded on that broken world with absolutely no means of returning?"
Nope! He's been hibernating deep beneath the surface of Azeroth, waiting for his moment to strike!
"But at the end of Beyond the Dark Portal, Ner'zhul used the Skull of Gul'dan to open numerous Dark Portals to other worlds, ultimately creating an energy vortex that ripped the world asunder and destroyed the portals themselves. How did Deathwing get back to Azeroth?"
Fuck you, that's how! Now go and fight the great black beast, but along the way we're going to introduce you to the Old Gods and their masters, the Void Lords!
"Wait...what? What's this all about?"
Yes, the Old Gods and Void Lords. They're the ones that were responsible for Deathwing's madness all along. They're the ones that made him betray the other flights, it most definitely wasn't because he coveted power over all the other dragons and wanted to stand as their unconstested ruler.
"But...that's not what you said in WCII...."
Shut up, don't worry about that.
"Well...ok...now that Deathwing's been dealt with, surely NOW we get to take down the Legion once and for all, right?"
Nope! Now it's time for a filler arch! Remember that April Fools joke from BC where we said that we were going to add Pandaren as a playable race? Well we're actually going to do it this time!
"Wait...what? What do the Pandaren have to do with anything?"
Dunno, we'll slap some shit about another Old God in there. Doesn't really matter, it's just a filler story to lead us to...well...another filler story, actually.
"......you really have no clue what you're doing with this franchise's story, do you?"
Of course we do! That's why we're going to come out with Warlords of Draenor! An entire expansion whose only purpose is to bring Gul'dan back into the story! THEN you get to have your final showdown with the Legion!
"Well ok. Took us a while to get here but we can finally end the ultimate threat to the cosmos once and for all!"
Well actually no...no that won't be happening. You see, Sargeras wasn't the Titan that was put in charge of imprisoning the Legion, which was already running amok through the cosmos, and that spending so many millennia keeping them in check poisoned his mind to the point of unleashing the Legion as his own personal army of wanton destruction.
"But...but that's what you said---"
Nope! Turns out Sargeras actually CREATED the Legion when he saw what the Old Gods and the Void Lords were doing, corrupting everything in the cosmos! You see, he's not the Mad Titan because he went insane by going from the warden of the Legion's prison to being it's leader and using it to destroy everything. He's actually the Mad Titan because he created an army to destroy everything with the philosophy of "better to be destroyed than corrupted!" In reality, the Old Gods and their Void Lord masters are the REAL ultimate threat!
"But...but you just pulled them right out of your ass! The entire franchise has revolved around Sargeras and the Legion!"
No, no. Don't worry about him. In fact, it turns out that Illidan is the golden chosen one cosmic god child---
"---wait, Illidan? We killed him in Burning Crusade! We were literally standing right there when he took his last breath!"
Nope! Don't know what you were smoking, but that's definitely not what happened. No, you just weakened him so that Maiev and her Wardens could show up and imprison him and take him back to the Broken Isles.
"................."
Anyways, Illidan is the almighty chosen one savior who ascends to become something of a cosmic Warden, sealing away Sargeras once and for all, though he may never abandon his post. Isn't that nice? You don't even have to fight Sargeras, Illidan just McGuffin's him away!
"Go home, Blizzard...you're drunk."
Wait! Next expansion we're going back to the tried and true Horde vs Alliance war! But in reality it's going to be The Light vs The Void! We kinda borrowed Anikan's story for Arthas', but now we're going full Star Wars! You see the Light isn't as good as it claims to be!
------
Which brings us to this piece of crap:
Yes, lets forget that Admiral Proudmoore was a warmongering bigot who launched an unprovoked invasion of what was - at the time - a peaceful nation. That the Horde was defending itself against his aggression, to the point that once he was dead the Horde spared all remaining Alliance forces, ceasing their attack and allowing them to retreat back to Kul'Tiras.
No, clearly the Horde savages are to blame for the slaughter that took place that day. There was no blood on the Admiral's hands, and Jaina should have betrayed the peace she had fought so hard for in order to stand by her warmongering father's side.
TL;DR:
Go fuck yourself, Blizzard.
:^)
