OK GUYS AND GALS I NEED YOUR HELP

Paksenarrion

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Mar 13, 2009
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With the level of commitment, and the time and energy you spent on her, you will never be able to get over her, nor will you be able to get that time and effort back. You cannot kill yourself, because that just means she wins. You cannot let that happen. You have to become more successful than her at everything. Turn your love and despair into hate, let it fuel you in your quest for power. Dream of the day when she regrets leaving you. Then, and only then, will you find closure.

Notice that I did not say you will find happiness. That has been stolen from you. Yes, you will find things that stave off depression and loneliness and despair, but you know deep in your heart that they are fleeting. The only thing left to you is closure.

UNLIMITED CLOSURE!!!!

Peace is a lie, there is only Passion.
Through Passion, I gain Strength.
Through Strength, I gain Power.
Through Power, I gain Victory.
Through Victory, my Chains are Broken.
The Force shall Free Me.
 

Lineoutt

Sock Hat
Jun 26, 2009
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carlito2003 said:
( ok guys, before i get all the hate and stupid posts in here, first hear me out and hopefully i get what i came here for )

Ok guys, Im going through a post breakup. Yes, another one of these stupid 'oh god i need some help.' But its been one of those hardest things in my life. To make a long story short, I went out with a girl that i loved was loyal to and dedicated my life to for 8 years. Since, the 12th grade on 2003 til April of this year. But then she left me for someone else. Whatever, you hear that all the times but the thing is, it happened to me and im having the hardest time getting over her. I still love her and its been 4 or 5 months since we broken up. We had a life together: we lived together for 6 years, we owned dogs, shared banking stuff, and i mean, in every sense, we were married. But why am I having such a hard time getting over her. I deleted her off of facebook cause she posted pictures of her and her bf. I left town and moved back with my parents cause I know that if I would of stayed in town, I would of done something stupid. But I just need help. Im so depressed and angry and I really dont know why. Maybe its because I got played. Most of my friends are like F*** that b**** but im still loyal to the girl.

The question then is if anyone else been through something similar, what did you guys do to get over another person? Hopefully people see that this isnt just a sap story but rather, a need for advice.
Go to southparkstudios.com and watch raisins. Do that.

To me it sounds like the typical breakup, its hard to accept it at first. I agree with your friends though, fuck that *****, she will only be a source of pain as long as you let her. What to do about it? well my advice is to wallow in self pity for a bit, and then start seeing your friends again. Hang out with them and go do fun things. Remember that she is just a small stain on the shirt of life. It may have been fun to get that stain and you may never forget about it. But as long as you can move on to bigger and better stains you will be happy. (yup thats a weird analogy, sorry xP)

But yeah talk is easy, so good luck man.
 

quiet_samurai

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Apr 24, 2009
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carlito2003 said:
I can say with truth and honesty that all this crap isnt my fault at all. She had no excuses. She barely worked cause I made enough money to pay rent and the bills for the light, water, cable, and internet. All she had to do was work for gas money and food. Since i was done with school, i told her to focus on school. Once again, everything i did, i thought for the both of us. Its just sucks that after all this time, its just wasted time now. its been exactly 4 months and 3 days. I guess i make it seem like it was yesterday is because im still bitter and hurt. Plus, ive really only talked to a few people about everything.
Fault has nothing to do with it. Maybe to her you acted less and less like her lover/boyfriend/husband and more and more like her father or parent everyday. You are only a couple of years younger then I am, and I can tell you that most of the people I know in our age bracket... that one person in the relationship trying to be a parent is a huge deal breaker. Both of you, as am I, are at the age where being indipendant is the biggest thing. Even more so then a long term relationship one has been in for years.

Or maybe your successful job drove her away, it's possible that she fealt threatened by your success and her lack of, accompanied by the feeling of being parented or treated like a child. I wasn't there so I can't really know.

But like I said earlier, sometimes independance is the most important thing for young people. Ever since she has been out of high school she has been with you and her identity has been, and if you would have stayed together, always will be attatched to yours or possibly in the shadow of yours. She possibly thought that for the rest of her life she was going to be identified as "Oh there goes so and so, carlito2003's girlfriend", instead of just "there goes so and so."

And I'm not suprised it didn't work out... no offense, but every single relationship except for one that started in high school amongst my friends never lasted. And that one that did, well they're miserable. And losing your first real girlfriend is always the hardest, especially when that is all you know. Just put yourself out there when you are ready, there are tons of amazing women out there and nearly every single person in the world has been in the same place you are and have made it. You just gotta keep on trucking and get out there, you're still a young man... so go act like it.
 
Mar 24, 2010
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Carlito said 'I have a very well paying job, i have good credit, etc. im set. I just needed a girl to complete my life. But i feel that she stole my chance for the good life. Like she robbed me of a future i worked so hard to build for the both of us. I think thats where i get angry.'

This here is the crux of the problem. There is a quote by a writer (can't remember her name for the life of me) that goes more or less like this: 'oh how delicious it is to find in what marvelous company one can be when alone'

Ask yourself why must you have someone to make your life complete? Be honest. No matter how much the answer might seem to hurt.

The truth is, no matter how much we would like it to be, there is noone, but NO ONE out there somehow magically meant to make you happy. We can only be truly happy with ourselves.

Now, this isn't to say one should be alone forever but rather to realise that one's happiness doesn't depend on anybody but ourselves. The best we can hope is to find someone with whom we have enough affinity that we can share a part of our lives with (and the odds for this are minute to the point of impossibility so you see the dilemma) and enjoy the ride for as long as it lasts.

Understanding this will perhaps be the single most difficult process in your life but if you make it through in one piece life will become orders of magnitude better.

/went through it myself. Took me 2 years of misery after a similar experience to yours
//worth every single moment of misery
/about to begin a new relationship based on the above. I'm ready for anything, you hear that Life? Ready for ANYTHING :D
 

carlito2003

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Oct 27, 2009
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I agree to what everyone has been posting. I know that I should manage alone. I got a job, my own place, etc. The thing is, and ridicule me or whatever, but I guess i'm still used to her. Feel me? I'm used to having someone to come home to and just talk about work or whatever. Im used to playing Mario Kart Double Dash on the Wii with someone. Im used to playing guitar hero with someone. Im used to taking my two dogs to the dog park. Im used to eating and sleeping and waking up to someone. Especially someone that i, even up to this point, still care tremendously. Some people call it pu**y whooped, i call it loyalty. Hope is the nail that keeps piercing my heart and i think its cause of my whole nature. I never been the pessimistic person or a negative person. Especially with all the crap ive been through in life. But what i cant understand is why im angry. When i was younger, i was a bad kid. (no offense to any on here) I smoked weed, was in a gang, got into fights when someone looked at me funny etc. That was life until i met her. She pretty much told me to stop all that crap or it isnt gonna work out. I dont regret changing for her because I feel that im a step up from all of my friends now, but sometimes i work i deal with people and i just get that rage in my heart that i havent felt in a very long time. Im angry all the time now but I dont know what Im angry about. Which in turns makes me even more angry.

People are right. I dont need someone to make me happy. But i just feel like i downgraded in life. I miss the love.
 
Feb 7, 2009
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carlito2003 said:
( ok guys, before i get all the hate and stupid posts in here, first hear me out and hopefully i get what i came here for )

Ok guys, Im going through a post breakup. Yes, another one of these stupid 'oh god i need some help.' But its been one of those hardest things in my life. To make a long story short, I went out with a girl that i loved was loyal to and dedicated my life to for 8 years. Since, the 12th grade on 2003 til April of this year. But then she left me for someone else. Whatever, you hear that all the times but the thing is, it happened to me and im having the hardest time getting over her. I still love her and its been 4 or 5 months since we broken up. We had a life together: we lived together for 6 years, we owned dogs, shared banking stuff, and i mean, in every sense, we were married. But why am I having such a hard time getting over her. I deleted her off of facebook cause she posted pictures of her and her bf. I left town and moved back with my parents cause I know that if I would of stayed in town, I would of done something stupid. But I just need help. Im so depressed and angry and I really dont know why. Maybe its because I got played. Most of my friends are like F*** that b**** but im still loyal to the girl.

The question then is if anyone else been through something similar, what did you guys do to get over another person? Hopefully people see that this isnt just a sap story but rather, a need for advice.
You could blow up her house with soap, or burn her skin with lye. You know what, I'll save you the trouble and put her on the target list for Project Mayhem.
 

Nex Vesica

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May 20, 2010
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I was expecting to be posting a snarky reply to a pathetic post but that isn't the case. 8 years is a damn long time, especially if its someone you proposed to. As its already been said it'll just take some time, I know 4 months seems like awhile but not so much when compared to 8 years. It will get better though, just try and get out alot, hang out with your friends, see about dating again or at the very least just casually flirting with some girls. New experiences, be they romantic or otherwise with women shouldn't hurt.
 

Gralian

Me, I'm Counting
Sep 24, 2008
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Needs a TL;DR.

From the sounds of it, you need closure. Sudden breakup, especially with someone you loved dearly, can be very confusing and frustrating. It's painful and that lasts with you forever. Time is the healer of all things, but it can't work its magic if you're left wondering "why".

You need to talk to her on a personal level and just get closure on why she left you. Was it your fault? Was it hers? Was the spark gone? Is she just a bit slutty? Did the universe divide by zero?

Once you understand why she left you and get closure, you can begin to stop thinking "this was my fault" or "why did this happen" and begin to pick yourself up off the floor.

Easier said than done and i know emotions make it hard to see clearly through the shitstorm, but try to do this one thing and i promise it'll help.

Good luck.
 

carlito2003

New member
Oct 27, 2009
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Grallan: I think thats the crux of this whole situation. I never got any closure nor do i think i am gonna get it. I moved completely away from her and since i was paying her phone bill, i cancelled it off. I never got the closure i needed to move on and the mystery as to what happened is there. Yes i do flirt around like usual, (i work in a University!) but once again, should i wait, go i move on, should i burn her and her new man down, should i plot for revenge? some friends told me to use 4chan to mess with her mind but im not that cruel. like i said, i mainly just go to the beach and just chill there with my dog all day trying to figure stuff out. I didnt take a step backwards, I took a leap backwards.

Honestly, and this may sound kinda dumb, but i dont feel like a man. When i was with her, i had it all cause. I had a nice apartment, (3/2), 2 dogs, a nice job, a nice girl. We traveled, went out to eat every weekend, partied and all. But now, i live in a 1/1 apartment in miami, with only my one dog, and luckily i was able to transfer my well paying job from on university to the other. The reason why i guess i some what "made it" is that she was my motivation. She motivated me to be great. But now, i dont have that same drive to be anything. Like one of my friends say, your just going through the withdrawal, but its just killing me more that people know it.