One liner jokes, anyone?

[Kei Kaemon]

Fox News.

That's the joke.

CNN and MSNBC even moreso.

 

[AvsJoe]

I was wondering why a baseball looks bigger as it gets closer. And then it hit me.

Ubisoft.

Doomsday Arcade! Woo!

 

[Burwood123]

I could make a joke about thhe BP oil spill... but that would be crude.

 

[Harlemura]

A children's iPod Touch would be called an iTouch Kids.

 

[ProfessorLayton]

A woman walks up to a bartender and asks for a double entendre, so he gives it to her.

I seriously laughed at that one. Best one here.

OT: Anything Demetri Martin [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBcxwrNTpGg] says.

 

[Ham_authority95]

Two musicians and a drummer walk into a bar.....(Sorry to all you drummers out there)

 

[Shapsters]

I know a whole bunch of Rodney Dangerfield jokes XD

You can tell my parents liked me as a kid, my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

My wife insisted I join the bridge club, I jump next Tuesday.

My dad carries around the picture of the kid that comes in the wallet.

When I was in the hospital the doctor came out to my parents and said "I'm sorry, we tried as hard as we could but he pulled through."

 

[dragonslayer32]

i gave my girlfriend the best orgasm last night. the ungrateful ***** spat it out.

 

[JAWZxZ]

He who laughs last, doesn't get the joke

 

[Jaranja]

Two musicians and a drummer walk into a bar.....(Sorry to all you drummers out there)

It's okay, guitarists have a bit of a god complex anyway

 

[Hashime]

Not a one liner, but still awesome:
How do you get bacon to stop curling in the pan?

Spoiler

Take away their tiny brooms

 

[Ham_authority95]

Fuck me if I'm wrong, but have we met before?

That's good....very good.....

 

[Brandon237]

I could make a joke about thhe BP oil spill... but that would be crude.

Am I mean for laughing at that? If only BP could strive to make us all Better People.

I don't believe in hope, because for all you know the light at the end of the tunnel could just be an oncoming train.

Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects.

The more I practice the luckier I get.

 

[Shoggoth2588]

Two guys walk into a bar. A third thought the second would have seen it coming.

 

[savandicus]

I could make a joke about thhe BP oil spill... but that would be crude.

My favourate joke so far.

As for my own.

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

 

[The Night Shade]

How do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud

 

[Deadlock Radium]

If 4 out of 5 people suffers from diarrhea, does that mean one enjoys it?

I lost my puppy, do you want to help me find it? I think it went to a cheap motel..

 

[Snowpact]

Michael Bay

That's it.

 

[Harkwell]

ok, as far as puns go, heres my few

Man: "So hows your luck?"
Man 2: "10. I got it upgraded."
Man: "Really? How?"
Man 2: "I got lucky."

 

[Feystar]

I went bob-sleighing the other day, killed twenty bobs.

Also,

I'll finish this sentence one day and when I do...