Open relationship going too far?

[r3dc0br4]

Ok, me and my girl have an open relationship. Its all ok as long as we know what the other is up to. But recently it seems like she likes the other guy more than she likes me. Stuff we used to do together we don't do anymore, and it's hard to get into contact with her because her favorite thing to do with him is go horseback riding. So I just want to hear some opinions on what I should do. Should I take her to the side and say how uncomfortable this makes me (keeping in mind she may think I don't trust her anymore and she may get offended)? Should I just cut it off? If so, should I let her back if she wants to come back? What do ya'll have to say?

 

[King of the Sandbox]

Ditch the rhymes with ditch.

Open relationships, by their nature, are frivolous. If this was a standard thing from the beginning, then eff it. You shouldn't be bugged. Go find you some more tail to chase while she's getting her seconds.

If you had feelings for her, and agreed to an open relationship; Newsflash: You're doin' it wrong.

 

[blue heartless]

Why not take her horseback riding? If you aren't great, ask her to help you. Instead of dumping her at the first sign of a slump, how about taking the time out of your stupendous life and put some time into hers? Do you think by telling her it makes you uncomfortable she'll just stop at a moment's notice? Have you ever considered that something you have done with another girl (as I assume is part of your stipulation) has made HER feel uncomfortable? How about you ask her how she feels about your relationship?

Heck, I'm sorry that this reply may seem very harsh but you need get your head on straight and figure out what this relationship is to you and whether or not you want it to last. This is just damn ridiculous.

 

[TheMatsjo]

There's no right answer here; if you care about her enough to live with this for the coming while, you're going to have to make it apparent that your affection is not infinite and she'd better work for that shit to keep you around. If she doesn't respond you'll have a clear answer, you should break up with her, and you'll be in better shape emotionally.

Cheers and good luck

 

[similar.squirrel]

You've got two choices. Break up with her or get over these feelings of insecurity. I was in the exact same situation [minus the horse-riding] a month or so ago, got insceure, became annoying, got dumped.

Good luck.

 

[Paksenarrion]

Change the rules on her and make it a closed relationship. If she complains, tell her, "I have altered the deal. Pray I do not alter it any further."

 

[Nimcha]

Sleep with as many chicks as you can to make her jealous!

Seriously though, if you didn't expect this why did you agree to such an arrangement?

 

[LetalisK]

Open relationships do not last long. They either disintegrate or end up in an exclusive relationship. Make your choice.

 

[Zantos]

Open relationships are tricky to begin with. Why not try spending more time hanging out with one of your bits on the side and see how she reacts? You never know, you might discover you like who you start to hang out with more than her anyway.

 

[gazumped]

This is why a ground rule of open relationships should be no sleeping with the same person a lot, or no sleeping with someone you see often. There can be other guys but when someone becomes THE other guy, she basically has two boyfriends. o.o

Maybe this should be a new rule you have to lay down as it's fair enough to be worried about feelings developing if she's having a regular sexual relationship with someone else, and hopefully she can see that (she could still stay friends with him and not sleep with him).
I also like an above poster's idea of you taking her horseriding, as the real issue might just turn out to be that she has a new love of horses.

 

[Ziadaine_v1legacy]

I'll be honest, when I hear "horseback riding" in open relationship, its sex.

If she doesn't even spend time with you and prefers to be with him more, I think you should end it. Open relationships are usually only good if there's ALOT of trust with that person of close friends, otherwise they just rip themselves apart.

 

[Antwerp Caveman]

Change the rules on her and make it a closed relationship. If she complains, tell her, "I have altered the deal. Pray I do not alter it any further."

Haa!! Robot Chicken

Anyway, I'm going to assume you mean Horseback riding, litteraly.

And what exactly is your concern? It sounds more like you're friends with benefits.

 

[Queen Michael]

Hm. I'd say this is a clear example of a relationship that isn't working out. Me and my girlfriend have an open relationship too but funnily enough, during the three months we've been dating none of us has had sex with other people, though now and then we flirt with other folks. But here's the thing: It's always been perfectly clear to us that I'm the man she's with, and she's the woman I'm with. That's how, in my view, it is an open relationship: At all times, it's clear who's the boyfirend and who's the... for want of a better term... fornication-friend. That doesn't seem so clear in your case.

 

[Aurgelmir]

Open relationships never seem to work, so stay clear. One side is always going to end up jealous... in this case you.

 

[WingedIncubus]

In an open relationship, the loyalty and the intimacy inside the couple are paramount. It's not just an excuse to have the cake and eat it too for either partner, it must be clear as day that you are her main partner and she is yours, and that both have a say in the other's choice of play partner - at all times.

I was the bull in an open relationship a few years ago, and I made a point to get to know the husband and be in his good graces, in a total show of respect of my position as his wife's "concubine". He was the main, I was the toy.

If she is clearly spending more time with him than you, then she is breaking the rules and you are perfectly within your right not to trust her. You're her main, not him, and you have a right of veto, just as she does if you are seeing a girl that threatens her relationship.

Put your feet down and ask her what the deal is, and that you won't accept her seeing him without your consent or without any hidden stuff. Hiding things is a big no-no in an OR. If she is just using the relationship as an excuse to cheat on you without the guilt that comes with it, then the deal is off and throw the ***** out.

That is, of course, if you aren't just FWBs.

 

[SiskoBlue]

Open relationships don't work..... 99% of the time. And the clue to why is in the title.

Occassionally people come to an arrangement but usually it only works because it's really "open" and there's no "relationship". For example, the person has sex with other people but doesn't hang out with them. They're no friends in a relationship, it's just sex.

OR 3 people are really IN a relationship together. They're all close to each other, they all know the rules. It's a RELATIONSHIP, and they are not open to other random people.

Right now you're in a casual relationship, not an open one. She's got another boyfriend, someone she hangs out with AND has sex with. If you're not comfortable with this arrangement then tell her. But be prepared if you think she's more interested in him than you then she might choose him over you. If this is true then DEFINITELY get out now. No good will come of carrying bitter and jealous.

 

[Zaverexus]

No offense, but I can't for the life of me understand why one would want an open relationship, it just seems to me like a relationship between people who can't commit to one relationship or be content with one person.
My recommendation, based entirely on my own opinions, is that you should end the relationship.

Now bring on the hate storm.