Panda Poop May Solve World Energy Crisis

Scarim Coral

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So all this time, the true purpose for the Panda's existences is to make fuels for us?
 

funguy2121

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Oct 20, 2009
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Greg Tito said:
Panda Poop May Solve World Energy Crisis



Yeah right, and biofuel-making microbes might fly out of a panda's butt!

In case you hadn't noticed, we as a people use too much fossil fuels to power our cars and electronic communication devices. The dependence on petroleum and coal not only causes geo-political conflict, but burning them releases all kinds of bad things into the air. Global warming aside, that much smoke in our lungs is generally a bad thing. The answer many have turned to in the last decade or so has been so-called biofuels made from crops we can grow easily like corn, soybeans and sugar. But that process creates a lot of waste too, and we haven't figured out how to derive enough energy from these sources to make it profitable. What's the answer? Well, apparently, the answer is panda crap.

Or more precisely, the bacteria found in the excrement of giant pandas. A study presented at a meeting of the American Chemical Society by Ashli Brown, a biochemist from Mississippi State University, claims that the microbe found in panda kaka could advance the process of making biofuels from all kinds of tough plant materials previously thought unsuitable like switch grass, corn stalks and wood chips.

"Who would have guessed that 'panda poop' might help solve one of the major hurdles to producing biofuels, which is optimizing the breakdown of the raw plant materials used to make the fuels?" said Brown.

For years, scientists assumed that high-powered bacteria must exist in panda manure because their primary food source is bamboo - the entire plant including stems, leaves and shoots. For the panda's stomach to break down all the stiff cellulose cells that support a bamboo stalk, the little buggers must have some serious mojo. But until the renewed interest in biofuels, figuring out exactly what bacteria was at work in panda shit wasn't that important.

For Brown, the discovery should shed light on our need to protect all species because we never know where the next breakthrough will come. "Animals and plants are a major source of medicines and other products that people depend on. When we lose them to extinction, we may lose potential sources of these products," she said, even though she had to look at the panda turds every day for the last year.

For me, this story has allowed the use of as many synonyms for feces that I could possibly come up with. Here are some more, just in case: poopy-stinky, bum brownie, cagadita, crapola, dookie, floater, majon, Mississippi mud, sewer serpents, scheisse, Cleveland Steamer, Dirty Sanchez, tootsie roll, milky way, turtle head and brown trout.

Also, poop. Hee hee.

Source: American Chemical Society [http://portal.acs.org/portal/acs/corg/content?_nfpb=true&_pageLabel=PP_ARTICLEMAIN&node_id=222&content_id=CNBP_028097&use_sec=true&sec_url_var=region1&__uuid=0a00cfd6-d30b-4e91-bd51-453705498778]

(Image [http://www.flickr.com/photos/pagedooley/5402340884/sizes/m/in/photostream/])

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Did they find out by studying the expulsion of methane from Uranus?
 

Beautiful End

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Feb 15, 2011
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But we don't have enough pandas at it is!

POETIC IRONY!!!

May we interest scientists instead in cats? Or dogs? or cows? They're good at pooping like there's no tomorrow.
 

ryo02

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and this is why people should care about the enviroment and indangered species Ive said it before and Ill say it again be carefull what you destroy/kill/throw away you might need it later.
 

uzo

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Jul 5, 2011
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In order to capitalise on the humourous idea of poop supplying our insatiable energy requirements ...

... THE POOP MUST FLOW !
 

O maestre

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Nov 19, 2008
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you are kidding.... does this mean the panda is not useless?.... i am going to have to re think my position on religion, because this seems like some sort of joke only a cosmic deity could provide
 

NLS

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TJC said:
pretentiousname01 said:
And here is where big oil takes out a collective hit on the panda population to ensure their extinction.
Either that or fire up their cloning machine to have enough pandas to make money from them, depending on what's bringing more money
Or the Chinese will cage up all their pandas in tiny cages and stick tubes up their asses, not much unlike how they treat their bile-bears [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bile_bear].
 

Criquefreak

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We're going to solve the energy crisis of a non-renewable resource by replacing it with an even more limited resource?

I'm concerned that scientists are wasting time and money pursuing a nearly dead end with this one. If there were research finding household pets' leavings could be used instead, suddenly changing litter boxes and pet cages would be a chore people would jump for joy to do.
 

House_Vet

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syrus27 said:
Out of all the recent "This will solve energy/fuel/food/cancer" crisis that the news team has thrown up, this is far the most bullshit.

Are these so called 'scientist' aware of how endangered EVERY BREED of Panda is. This solution (if if is assumed to be true and not, as is likely, utterly fabricated) will never be viable.

Once again I beg the news team to apply a little critical analysis to what they read on the big bad web...
Criquefreak said:
We're going to solve the energy crisis of a non-renewable resource by replacing it with an even more limited resource?

I'm concerned that scientists are wasting time and money pursuing a nearly dead end with this one. If there were research finding household pets' leavings could be used instead, suddenly changing litter boxes and pet cages would be a chore people would jump for joy to do.
Yes, Pandas are hugely endangered. No, there aren't enough of them to make their existence an industrial process. BUT SO WHAT? This isn't about Pandas, it's about the microbes in their poo. You can culture bacterial species en masse in vats. Nobody will (pardon the incoming pun) give a shit any more than they already do about the Pandas for very long. Some companies may spend vast amounts of money on making a lot of animals, but they'll be the little kind. The VERY little kind. (And yes I'm aware that bacteria are prokaryotic and not animals but c'mon!)
 

bakan

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Jun 17, 2011
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Biofuel is just idiotic as it creates even more problems - can they please focus on better battery technology and electro motors
 

yeel

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I think it's pretty cool of the universe that our conservation of this animal might actually end up being an essential decision to have enough liquid fuel in the future.
At least sometimes, being selfless pays itself of in mysterious ways.

Kudos Universe.
 

Staskala

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syrus27 said:
Out of all the recent "This will solve energy/fuel/food/cancer" crisis that the news team has thrown up, this is far the most bullshit.

Are these so called 'scientist' aware of how endangered EVERY BREED of Panda is. This solution (if if is assumed to be true and not, as is likely, utterly fabricated) will never be viable.

Once again I beg the news team to apply a little critical analysis to what they read on the big bad web...
What did you expect?
Not only is the "news" over 3 weeks old, the author seems completely oblivious to the fact that solid biofuels (like switch grass, corn stalks and wood chips) have been in use since forever. We're talking about a potential increase in efficiency here, not a major breakthrough and especially not a solution to the energy "crisis".
Solid biofuel is important because it's a byproduct of the regular industry, but in terms of emissions and efficiency it's pretty much the worst biomass source there is; far inferior to feedstock and the like.
 

Mike Fang

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Mar 20, 2008
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To be frank, this isn't much of a revelation. It's not even a new concept, getting fuel from excrement. It's been a widely known fact for some time now that livestock, particularly cattle and pigs, produce large quantities of methane gas. Hell, it's used as a plot point in "Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome." I don't know why more advances haven't been made in tapping into livestock waste as a fuel source; I can only surmise people think it sounds too ridiculous to consider.
 

FredTheUndead

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Aug 13, 2010
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HEADLINE NEWS: ENERGY CRISES SOLVED
Page 5 News: People's Republic of China drowns under tidal wave of money
 

House_Vet

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Dec 27, 2009
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syrus27 said:
House_Vet said:
syrus27 said:
Out of all the recent "This will solve energy/fuel/food/cancer" crisis that the news team has thrown up, this is far the most bullshit.

Are these so called 'scientist' aware of how endangered EVERY BREED of Panda is. This solution (if if is assumed to be true and not, as is likely, utterly fabricated) will never be viable.

Once again I beg the news team to apply a little critical analysis to what they read on the big bad web...
Criquefreak said:
We're going to solve the energy crisis of a non-renewable resource by replacing it with an even more limited resource?

I'm concerned that scientists are wasting time and money pursuing a nearly dead end with this one. If there were research finding household pets' leavings could be used instead, suddenly changing litter boxes and pet cages would be a chore people would jump for joy to do.
Yes, Pandas are hugely endangered. No, there aren't enough of them to make their existence an industrial process. BUT SO WHAT? This isn't about Pandas, it's about the microbes in their poo. You can culture bacterial species en masse in vats. Nobody will (pardon the incoming pun) give a shit any more than they already do about the Pandas for very long. Some companies may spend vast amounts of money on making a lot of animals, but they'll be the little kind. The VERY little kind. (And yes I'm aware that bacteria are prokaryotic and not animals but c'mon!)
Fair point, but I bet you £50 that it never happens.
I'll take that bet - and hopefully your money =D
 

Pandaman1911

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Jan 3, 2011
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jamiedf said:
great, now we have to try and save the little fucks, i already didnt like pandas, now the universe is just trying to piss us off by making them important, SCREW YOU UNIVERSE
The hell's wrong with pandas?!