Parenting, dear me.

[Neesa]

Oh, how we hear how the parents always want what's "best for their child" all the time, but is that statement always true? From past experience, it's pretty much a double edge sword. Depending on the types of parents and their disciplinary methods can affect the personality and mindset of a child.

First off there's the Authoritarian parent. This by definition means, "Authoritarian parents always try to be in control and exert their control on the children. These parents set strict rules to try to keep order, and they usually do this without much expression of warmth and affection."

Now, I bet you some of you are like, "Well shit, that sounds like my mom/dad." Which can be true, but most of us have slightly lenient parents but still hold their rules and expectations high. Thus leading to the democratic/authoritative parents.

Democratic/Authoritative parent by definition means, "Democratic parents help children learn to be responsible for themselves and to think about the consequences of their behavior."

This is the general mindset that most parents should achieve, to be strict but at the same time not so strict to the point that it's prison. There's too many stories that I've heard that the parents were so strict that when the kids went away to college, they did anything and everything because they didn't have to hear their parents being dictators anymore.

Lastly is the Permissive parent. By definition, a permissive parent is, "a parent give up most control to their children. " Boy, have I seen some bad ass kids that give their kids too much free reign.

While these different parenting styles affect a child differently, so do moral views as well as generational differences. I, for one, am at constant blows with my parents due to different mindsets. While my mom has pretty conservative Christian views (my dad just follows along so my mom doesn't ***** as him), I'm pretty liberal with my views. Granted, I hold my religion at some high standards, but I don't agree with all of them. How I want my future to be is completely different from my parents, so sparks fly when it comes to my views, opinions, fashion, etc. I have pretty authoritative parents, now that I'm older. But they use to be authoritarian with their parental styles when I was much younger and it caused the opposite effect on me. Things like premarital sex and premarital living arrangements, I threw both of those out the window. (I'll go into that another time. I have some interesting points on that subject.)

We look up to our parents and try our best to achieve their goals as well as our own, but when do you start putting yourself first? Even though you know that your parents will completely disapprove, or should it even matter? How has your parents' methods of raising you affect how you are as person? Both positive and negative. I'm very interested in your responses. Discuss.

- Neesa

Source [http://pediatrics.about.com/od/infantparentingtips/a/04_pntg_styles.htm]

 

[Matronadena]

I am a parent, and it's no easy game, no set rules ( other than those who claim to be experts, though half of them don't have children themselves or base it off results fond in a handful of children)

you do what you FEEL is best, that's all you can do..as your kids get older it's important for them in helping find that middle ground.

Im not a hippy parent who lets her boys run all over and say nothing but " oh they are just free spirits" while they tear up a store, or throw screaming fits... not by far.. but Im not a nazi, they are kids, they can be kids...but that does not always mean free of responsibility, respect for rules, and others, or accountability of their own actions...I wil comfort them when it's needed, but over time that becomes a light touch.. making them learn to cope with life on their own, to be strong mentally and emotionally.. I am not a crutch for them as adults...it's called growing up..
that said, I also don't reject their needs when they need that comforting.. basically I dont coddle, Im protective, but not overly so.. they screw up they suffer the consequence... learn that NOW because as an adult that can lead to a short life, or alot of jail time.

I noticed more and more over the last few years, more kids turning into teens, and young adults with less work ethic, less responsibility, more sense of self entitlement with out having to have it....I believe they were the kids screaming, or throwing things off the shelves in toy isles until mom caves in and got them something. then just gave up on learning to say " NO"

 

[traceur_]

If you plan to be a submissive parent, think of this

 

[Neesa]

Spoiler: Snip Snip

I am a parent, and it's no easy game, no set rules ( other than those who claim to be experts, though half of them don't have children themselves or base it off results fond in a handful of children)

you do what you FEEL is best, that's all you can do..as your kids get older it's important for them in helping find that middle ground.

Im not a hippy parent who lets her boys run all over and say nothing but " oh they are just free spirits" while they tear up a store, or throw screaming fits... not by far.. but Im not a nazi, they are kids, they can be kids...but that does not always mean free of responsibility,

I noticed more and more over the last few years, more kids turning into teens, and young adults with less work ethic, less responsibility, more sense of self entitlement with out having to have it....I believe they were the kids screaming, or throwing things off the shelves in toy isles until mom caves in and got them something. then just gave up on learning to say " NO"

I totally agree. Even though my mom fusses at me, I respect some of the ethics she's instilled in me. I've learned to cook, clean, do laundry and hold a job, etc. It's so hard to find decent parents nowadays because the parents are a few years older than their kids. How in the world are you suppose to raise a child if you've never matured and grew up yourself, y'know?

I can't stand when I hear kids screaming and running all over the store and the parents do NOTHING to discipline their kids. It drives me insane. Then when they get into a school setting, they wind up being classified because they're not use to hearing the word NO. My mom deals with these types of kids everyday. If only the parents stop being so damn passive, they wouldn't get weird looks in the mall when they're getting escorted out of a store because they can't handle their kids.

 

[Gitsnik]

My children (and my youngest siblings) will/have learn(ed) two important things:

1. Gits can always tell when you are lying, because he is that good.
2. If it is going to annoy him, do not do it.

Strangely enough my siblings have always behaved perfectly when I am around, though I've never had to do much about it - it's just something they've picked up along the way.

The upshot of this is that they are independent "You want a juice? You know where the fridge is!" and well behaved - indeed it is often surprising to people when my family has an issue "But you get along so well!"

For the record, during the formative years my old man was a shift worker, so I had to pick up the slack when he was doing 14 hour stints to look after us.

Edit: Screaming in a store would be something that would annoy me. Hence we've never had the issue.

 

[Handofpwn]

Well, thanks to my fathers influence, I am an extremely laid back person. A slacker, you might say, due to the fact that I dont let much get to me and I do things in my own time. Thanks to my mother, I am a stubborn smartass who can see through most lies. Thanks to the influence of the world, I am polite to others so that they dont catch on to what a sick, sadistic bastard I am on the inside. Thanks to my own world views I am extremely loyal to my friends and would beat the shit out of people if any one ever hurt one of my two best friends. These are all my influences, take from it what you will.

 

[Neesa]

As much as I didn't want to, I've become more and more like my mother. Everyone tells me that all the time, from my mannerisms, facial expressions, witty comments, etc. Then again, I consider my mom my best friend and I chill with her a lot more. But, not everything she does is bad or detrimental to me. I tend to pick and choice different aspects from my parents that I'd want my kids to learn. To be independent but know where their limitations are. Because of the rules and morals my parents instilled in me, I was able to move out at 18 and not lose my damn mind when I lived alone (I moved back home [UGH], but oh well).

 

[ae86gamer]

My parents are more of a Democratic/Authoritative parent. They let me get away with some stuff but if I cross the line my mom starts yelling at me in Japanese. And if its not my mom then its my dad yelling at me in Spanish. Both are very confusing.

 

[Neesa]

My mom is pretty much the "permissive" parent. I raised myself, for the most part.
I think, after I became a person (13+), she realized that I was no longer anything like what I was as a non-person (anything younger than 10. Don't ask how that works,) and realized, eventually, that she had no control over what I do/think, but seeing as how I don't get into much trouble, she didn't really care (except that whole getting arrested bit, but whatever.)

Also, parenting is easy.
Step one: Have baby.
Step two: Feed it and walk it and shit.
Step three: Teach it that it must earn your love, but beatings are free.
Step four: Create a persona that is the exact opposite of what you want your child to be. It gives them something to rebel against, and you manipulate them into what you want them to be.
Step five: Dump their ass on the street at age 18. If you've done everything right, congrats! You have successfully contributed to the human race.
If not, don't try again (you stupid failure.)

So I guess seeing if they want to go to college and paying for it isn't in your Parenting 101 plan, eh? Also, lulz @ beatings are free. Indeed. "Spare the rod, spoil the child". Hell, even God said it. Jeez.

 

[Weaver]

I don't have kids but I get the feeling I would get mad at my kids for doing something stupid.

 

[the_baku_eats_dreams]

I am already thinking about this stuff even though I am not yet a parent, but some situations call for different things. With me, they were democratic parents with lenient tendencies. But with my adopted sibling sthey have to be a but more authoriitive because they were born with major disadvantages (drug addicted). I think the number one tool of a good parent is flexibility.

 

[Weaver]

my parents were lenient in certain places but harsh in others. Always made me do my school work and stuff, but I never really had "bed times" or stuff like that. I said I wasn't tired they said "Okay, so don't sleep then." and it was like a light went on in my head "heyyyy, that makes sense!"

We were also pretty poor so i never had an allowance or anything, just mandatory "if you're going to live here you'd better clean up your shit and help out" stuff.

 

[Shade Jackrabbit]

My parents are pretty much Democratic/Authoritative. I'd give some examples of how they fit this but I don't actually have any concrete memories of specific examples. All I know is that if I screw up bad enough I start losing stuff that they've "given" me. (Such as my computer, TV...)

To summarize with pros and cons:
PRO: Parents care for me emotionally, as long as I fall into some fairly strict (morally) but really loose (educational/career/hobbies) guidelines. Huzzah!
CON: Didn't get (wasn't allowed) to watch The Matrix until I bought it second-hand last year. (14A rating + not finding a copy for cheap for a few years = gah) Uhm... not much of a con I guess.
PRO: Parents look after me financially, have been holding onto savings accounts for me since I was born. (You know those baby bonuses up here in Canada? They never actually spent that, and just put it in the bank. Huzzah for college funds that have been growing with interest!)
CON: To buy BioShock I had to buy two other, less violent games as well, since the level of violence was morally questionable (to my Mom, my Dad could actually care less as long as he doesn't have to play). Uhm... they were all good games though, so again, not much of a con.
PRO: My dad plays DnD and does geeky stuff for a living (I'd elaborate but nobody can, not even the company he works for), my mom is an artist and like fantasy stuff. They're very supportive of my career and hobbies because of this.
CON: ...you know what, fuck cons. My parents are awesome.

NOTE: I think the Escapist is hiccoughing, so sorry if this posts twice. =/

 

[HSIAMetalKing]

My parents were a less-extreme version of the Authoritarian model-- my dad was (and is) particularly controlling while my mom was a bit more permissive. They still tended to agree that "safe is better than sorry" and never let me do much of anything-- but I can appreciate that now that I've moved out. I honestly feel that their influence has led me, on many occasions, to make responsible decisions.

 

[Handofpwn]

Oh, by the way, my mother, whom I live with (parents are divorced) is really lenient now that I have turned 17 and have my drivers license. I think that she realized that she has very little real power over me and that I only listen to her out of respect of the fact that she pushed me out of her vagina to give birth to me. That could not have been fun.

 

[Neonbob]

Well, thanks to my fathers influence, I am an extremely laid back person. A slacker, you might say, due to the fact that I dont let much get to me and I do things in my own time. Thanks to my mother, I am a stubborn smartass who can see through most lies. Thanks to the influence of the world, I am polite to others so that they dont catch on to what a sick, sadistic bastard I am on the inside. Thanks to my own world views I am extremely loyal to my friends and would beat the shit out of people if any one ever hurt one of my two best friends. These are all my influences, take from it what you will.

Wow...other than the thing about getting your stubbornness from mom, that sounds exactly like me...
Also, I'd make a horrible parent right now. I lack the patience needed to deal with another person relying on me all the time.

 

[Khedive Rex]

I don't really know where my parents would fall on the Authoritative/Democratic/Permissive scale. I had rules growing up (basic things like when to be in bed ect) but the thing is they weren't just randomly enforced. My parents would explain exactly why rules were in place; and if I could prove that the reasoning behind it was faulty, the rule went away. My parents basically raised me to be a lawyer. If I could win the argument, I won the point. (Although, my dad was already a lawyer so winning the point was very rare.)

When I grew up a little more my parents general approach to parenting was to give me advice about my life. They didn't really force me to do anything but, the thing is, when I didn't follow their advice things got fucked up fast. And when I did things generally worked out.

I think I'm one of the few people my age who appreciates that adults are more experienced and generally better equipped to deal with life than teenagers. They've been around longer; they know more. And I think that's mostly because, instead of forcing me to make the right decisions without proof that they were 'right', they let me do my own thing and learn through trial and error that they knew what they were talking about.

The end result is a very intelligent, sharp-witted man who stays informed (have to be able to win those arguments), questions authority until it can prove itself competent, is independant and confident, but trusting of others and ready to take other's advice. Overall I'd say they had general success as parents.