Desert Bus (Sega CD)
Game developers these days like to stress the "realism" in their new hit titles. From new sports titles and their graphics (look at all those sweaty athletes!) to recent racing simulators (handling the cars never felt so real!), it seems so many developers try and put the realism to the extreme. But how realistic are these companies actually getting? Do you really get a chance to replay a loss in basketball? Do you get handed a car, no strings attached, everytime you wreck yours'?The answers to all these questions is an obvious "No." These games advertise realism like it was nothing, but the fact is they are far from meeting the true realistic potential. Which isn't a bad thing at all, because we use video games to escape from the real sometimes. I'm just saying, if these big name companies want their games to be real, I'd tell them to go ask two guys who go by the name Penn & Teller how it works. http://i126.photobucket.com/albums/p105/Icy_X-Cel/Reviews/DesertBus.jpg
"But they're magicians! What would they know about video games?" Many don't know it, but Penn & Teller actually worked with a video game developer in the mid-90's to release a game for the Sega CD. Entitled Penn & Teller's Smoke and Mirrors, the game was a collection of mini-games that were supposed to be used as pranks on others. However, the development team tanked and the game went unreleased. A few years later, however, a copy of the game surfaced and was placed on the Internet, free for download.
Now, all that being said, Penn & Teller's Smoke and Mirrors is horrible. It's an abomination to everything gaming and probably shouldn't be downloaded by anyone. Some say waterboarding, [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waterboarding#Obama_administration] my theory is it was thirty minutes of Smoke and Mirrors. To be fair, I can't exactly say it wasn't obvious, given the circumstances. All of the games have clunky controls, poor visuals, and boring set-ups. They're just not fun to play, at all. However, there is one mini-game that might give Smoke and Mirrors something, and that is Desert Bus.
Desert Bus is a driving simulator that takes realism to an insane level. Graphics, traffic, and the occasional stop at the gas station is the only thing that's keeping your Sega CD from actually being a bus ride. Desert Bus is a real-time adventure from Tuscon, Arizona to Las Vegas, Nevada. You pilot a bus with no passengers. Safety is of upmost importance, though, so the bus runs at a constant speed of 45 MPH, making the trip eight hours. Real time. You might be saying something like, "So what? You tape down the A button, leave the console running, and go exercise. Big deal." I wish it was that easy, I really do.
The road you're driving on constantly veers slightly to the right, meaning you're going to have to turn that steering wheel every once in a while. "Alright, so we tape down the A button, and tape the left D-pad to the side." Listen, man. It's too much. Your bus can't handle it, and you'll go flying off the left side of the road, getting stuck in the desert sand. You'll then have to be towed all the way back to Tuscon, where your adventure begins again. http://i126.photobucket.com/albums/p105/Icy_X-Cel/Reviews/desertbus2.jpg
So, now you're probably waiting for the paragraph where I let you in on the parts I left out. "Is there anything you have to watch out for, any other cars, some animals, anything visually pleasing?" Look, you've got you, the bus, the sand, and the road, and that's it. Seriously. For eight hours. That's the game. You steer an imaginary bus for eight hours.
My personal best score is 542 points. Doesn't seem like a lot, but understand this: you don't get a point for every minute you drive. You don't get a point for every ten minutes. You get a point for every eight hour trip you make succesfully.
I played for 4336 hours straight, alright? Desert Bus is my drug and I can't stop. I started sometime last year as a joke with my friends and I haven't been able to quit. I'm steering with my feet right now. I play it in my sleep, and I've had to drop out of school because I just can't stop. Whenever my mother sees a storm coming on the news, I have to pull out my backup power generator for safety. For God's sake, I bought one of those children's bed designs to make the bed look like a bus.
The addiction/disease seems to hit everyone who gets in its grasp and from what's been discovered it is currently incurable. However, the plague seems to miss one group who plays it for a few days every year. Comedy group LoadingReadyRun [http://loadingreadyrun.com/] (which includes Graham and Paul of the Escapist's Unskippable) have a "Desert Bus for Hope" marathon for the Child's Play chairty each year. Very honorable for these guys to risk their lives every year for children. Show-offs.
If I had any advice for you people, it would be "Don't even think about touching Desert Bus." If you mistakingly started downloading it while reading the review, get out now. Please. Don't let it ruin you life, like it did mine.
(Incidentally, you can find the free download here. [http://waxy.org/2006/02/penn_tellers_sm/])
