Poll: Am I disgusting for not paying for the first date?

ryderawsome

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Apr 23, 2009
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A first date is really just to see if people are compatible. It isn't any one persons responsibility to foot the bill unless they were perhaps insistent on a specific place or activity. That being said its a classy move to offer to pay, if you can afford it and really want to make a good first impression.

Long story short just don't insist that the other person pays and you will be fine people.
 

keniakittykat

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Aug 9, 2012
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I usually split the bill. Even though the guy usually insists on paying and pays the bill because they want to impress me, I usually just put it in their pockets while they're not looking or something.

As someone who believes in gender equality, I want to fight all forms of ridiculous gender rolls. Even if I have to put money and a note in people's pockets.

^_^! Although I think it's more creepy and pushy than it is endearing.
 

Spearmaster

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Mar 10, 2010
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If I'm the one that asked them out I feel I should supply the evenings entertainment, more of being a proper host than a gentleman, especially if I'm the one making the plans. If they ask me out ill let them pay but wont require them to but I do find it a kind of sexy role reversal when a Woman plans the evening and offers to pay. If its a mutual "we should go to the movies" or something along those lines, then each paying their own is the way to go, unless someone is short on funds, then Man or Woman I wont let someone go on wanting when were supposed to be having a good time.
 

Lynx

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Jul 24, 2009
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Meh. I always feel a bit uncomfortable when guys pay for me. When in a relationship, the payer is usually the one who has the better income at the time. Of course, if it's like a cute kindness thing between friends or bf/gf, like "I bought you some sushi because I know how much you like it", then that's another matter. Gift-giving is always awesome, especially in the form of food. :3

Where I come from we don't have the "typical" dating ritual. If you fancy each other, you hang out as buddies, cuddle up in the sofa with some TV show you both like, and send each other disgustingly cute text messages until one day one of you says "wanna be my bf/gf" and the other one says "yeah, totally."

So I'd say, no. You don't have to pay every goddamn time just because you have a Y chromosome. But what do I know, I'm just an awkward Swede.
 

spartan231490

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Jan 14, 2010
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I think the man should offer to pay for the first date. I suggest this knowing that it is a little sexist. However, in most cases the man is the chaser, and the chaser should always show a certain amount of respect to the one they chase. Further, there is the expectation for many people, depending on where they grew up, and simply for the sake of making a new relationship start smooth you should, at the least, be ready to meet those expectations.
 

Leemaster777

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Feb 25, 2010
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I generally pay for everything on the first date. Not because I feel I'm obligated or anything, it's just the kinda guy I am to do stuff like that. It's not really a big deal to me.

And I don't think there's anything wrong with not paying for the first date. She's part of the date too, you know. And hey, if she offers to split the bill, or even pay for the whole thing, I won't stop her.
 

V TheSystem V

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Sep 11, 2009
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Always be prepared to pay. Ask 'Do you want me to pay?' and if she says 'I don't mind' and you decide to pay half, it's not your fault if she isn't happy about it as you gave her the option.

Been with my girlfriend for 3 years and I have paid for the majority of our dates (we're both university students and I have a job, so I use the extra money I get every month to pay for stuff like that), but I can't remember if I paid for the first date or not. I know that I always pay if I force her to go and see a film she doesn't like the look of (last one: Lego Movie. Next up: Captain America 2), but meals is usually half and half these days.

It does depend on the girl though. If she doesn't mind, she doesn't mind. But I think it's best to at least offer.
 

mistahzig1

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May 29, 2013
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I invited 20 people to a party... I should pay the booze for all of them??? They're raging drunks! I'm doomed financially!

;oP
 

blackrave

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Mar 7, 2012
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Other?
When dining with girl and receiving bill I usually ask "Traditional, 50/50 or nitpicky?
First is on me
Second is simple division in half
Third is paying for what ordered what
I think that's the best approach

P.S. I'm tempted to change this question into "Traditional, 50/50, nitpicky or it's on you?" Just to see how often ladies agree to pay for my dinner :D
 

Adamantium93

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Jun 9, 2010
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Whoever invites the other should pay for the date. You invited them, its only courteous to cover their expenses (to a point) so long as you have the means.
 

FancyNick

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Mar 4, 2013
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The way I see it, it depends on the situation really. If you ask her out than you should probably pay for her on the first date. It's more of a courtesy than anything else. Not necessary nor is it "disgusting" to do otherwise. If the lady is willing to split the check than by all means. Most women will probably expect it to be social convention so try not to be too insulted if they think it impolite of you not to pay. However, if shes the type to make you pay all of the time than you are probably best without her. Relationships are a two-way street and all that.
 

lord.jeff

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Oct 27, 2010
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My solution go on a cheap date, something like a picnic or if you're near zoos, museums etc. most have free days throughout the year. Now no one needs to worry about who is going to cover the $40 of food and entertainment.
 

willsham45

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Apr 14, 2009
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In general the one asking to go out on a date should probally be the one who should pay. But really it all depends on the nature of the date, whether you think there will be a second, the place you are eating, the time etc etc.

I dont think there is anything wrong with asking ok I got this round you get the next, or I cover the meal you get the cinema tickets.

I would say prepare to pay for the first date but dont expenct to.
Really the answer to your question comes down to what your date thinks. There are some girls who think men MUST pay when on a date even if he did not initiate it, others are a little easier and dont mind either way.
 

Adeptus Aspartem

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Jul 25, 2011
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Obviously: Split the bill.

Both people want to spend time together and "test the waters", so each one can pay their own share. The reasoning has been stated several times already: To base the economical power of both parties on their genitalia is stupid.

Of course if someone INVITES someone else, they pay. That's what invitations are for. But a normal date? Hell no.
And if she's upset that you don't pay then: Goodriddance with that golddigger.
 

SecondPrize

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Mar 12, 2012
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What do gay or lesbian couples do? They will probably have found a solution which can save us all.

manic_depressive13 said:
The way I was raised, paying for something should be a tedious battle of wills in which both parties insist on paying until one or the other gives in from exhaustion and lets the other person pay. It has nothing to do with whether someone is male or female. If someone doesn't at least offer to pay for the lot, whether they're male or female, I tend to see them as stingy and selfish. Instant negative impression.
But that's not selfish at all. If we were to go out for lunch and you absolutely insist on grabbing the check, then by declining to argue about it if I instead give you what you wanted then I'm being quite selfless.
 

Adventurer2626

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Jan 21, 2010
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Personally I would offer to and respect her wishes if she would like to pay for us or split the cost. But that's me. Not because it's chivalrous or anything (a well-meaning but outdated concept) but because I'd like to do something nice for her. Not because it's a time honored social requirement, but because I want to do something nice for her. I'm a believer of building relationships on equality. I don't want a trophy wife and I don't want a mom. I want an equal partner.
 

Uncreation

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Aug 4, 2009
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I find it kind of weird to pay for the other person on the first few dates, so i prefer to each pay for their own stuff. I guess i just find it uncomfortable to pay for someone who is still a stranger for the most part. Once we are in a relationship and i know them better, i am much more comfortable with something like alternating who pays. Also, kind of always had the feeling that if i pay for the first few dates i give off the impression that i'm trying to pay for sex, like i pay for the dates and i expect sex in return.
 

Dogstile

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Jan 17, 2009
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Either the person who asked or split it. I've been paying for me and my girlfriend for the last 6 months because i'm the only one who's had a steady income, but now she's got money coming in she'll treat me from time to time. It seems like you're taking the radfem view of "the woman has to do everything because woman is strong!" which is insulting to everyone.
 

manic_depressive13

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Dec 28, 2008
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SecondPrize said:
But that's not selfish at all. If we were to go out for lunch and you absolutely insist on grabbing the check, then by declining to argue about it if I instead give you what you wanted then I'm being quite selfless.
But therein lies the dilemma. Do you selflessly refuse to argue and selfishly let me foot the bill? Or do you selfishly make a fuss for the selfless reason of trying to save me money? It doesn't matter which you choose. The important thing is that you at least made the offer.