I_am_a_Spoon said:
I recently read an article on domestic violence, and was a little annoyed to see that every case mentioned involved violence by a abusive husband against a defenceless wife.
Growing up on Marine Corps bases, I can tell you that domestic violence against men is
every bit as common as violence against women. But there are a number of societal norms that perpetuate myths to the contrary.
1. Especially among groups like Marines, a man would be incredibly embarrassed to come out and say, "My wife smacks, bites, and scratches me, and I need help." So, in most cases, they don't. The unexplained marks are just attributed to "guy stuff."
2. When they do open up about, they're told things like, "Man up," or "Just do something about it," or simply laughed off. No one recognizes that it creates a hostile and stressful home environment, or that the physical harm is in any way serious.
3. Because of society's view that women are more apt to be victims, they more actively
search out violence against women. And it's happening, so if you look for it, you
will find it. And it's awful. But we're not as actively searching out the violence against men, so we don't seem to see as much of it.
4. What's more, when a guy does speak up, too many people see it as a man trying to "steal attention" away from violence against women. He's shot down as faking, lying, whining, or he's made out to be the abuser (emotionally or physically) in order to preserve the status quo. That means the guy is being marginalized and ridiculed by
both sides (the "man up" side, and the "only women get abused" side).
5. Alongside this, there seems to be a major cultural assumption that if a woman hits a man, it's because of something
he did. He cheated on her. He forgot something important. He mentioned her weight. Something, surely -- I mean, why else would she be so mad she'd hit the guy? We don't just "not believe" him, we pre-blame him for the violence.
These factors ensure that fewer men come forward, which means there are even more eyes watching the few that do, which makes the backlash against them even harder, which means even fewer want to come forward, which means... you get the idea. It's a cycle that works via the exact same mechanism as the horrible "Blame the Rape Victim" mentality, and the emotional reactionism makes any intelligent discussion of the matter impossible.
Here's some interesting facts about the other side of this (and this is from back in 2005):
Myths about Domestic Violence Against Men