Poll: Do you want an apology?

[crimson sickle2]

I wouldn't want an apology for anything done in the past that was intentional at the time. I'm one of those that prescribe to a "live and learn" type attitude. If someone wronged me by mistake or misunderstanding, I guess an apology would at least allow me to understand more about what happened.

In regards to the radio show, I don't think it's odd for people to receive closure from a long overdue apology. There are around seven billion people on this planet and each has a different assortment of history and personality (they're not all great or interesting, but still). Not thinking about another's possible circumstances, and making an internet forum post out of it, makes an op look like an insensitive ass.

 

[Mcupobob]

I don't need a apology from my bully, I saw him last December. Still living in the same shitty small town and now homeless. I stopped thinking about it long ago but it was one of those "Ha I got the last laugh" kind of moments when I did run into him.

 

[LarenzoAOG]

As a kid my go-to move with bullies was to knock them down and sit on them, I didn't have too many bullies.

 

[Griffolion]

I was the recipient of some verbal abuse in my primary (elementary) years since I wasn't the skinniest person around back then. My teachers denied it happening, despite it being quite blatant at times, and they were just as worse putting me down if ever I was to do badly with some work. None of it was ever crushing, but enough to have an effect, obviously nowhere near as bad as some of the stories I'm reading here.

Anyway, if any of them were to sincerely apologise to me now, I'd accept it. It doesn't really make up for it, but I don't need it to, I've moved on. It does show remorse, and I don't believe it's for me to condemn a remorseful person who's being honest and vulnerable. I guess I'd just try to break the cycle of debt keeping with some compassion, and end up feeling a lot better about it. Something unrelated to bullies, but on the topics of apologies long after an incident, happened to me previously, and that's what I did. It wasn't easy, but then again I don't have the burden of a grudge on me right now.

 

[Ymbirtt]

I left high school 5 years ago for college and then university, though I can still watch everyone's lives unfold on facebook. Watching each and every one of them flounder and fail in their own lives while they look for someone else to pin the blame on - the state, the recession, non-white people - is closure enough.

 

[Snotnarok]

Why the hell would I want a past bully to apologize? I'd rather them just piss off and stay out of my life, I don't need idiots from my past coming back to me. "But that's close minded" no, I've seen them recently and they're drug-heads and they try and talk to me like nothing happened in the past, not that it was anything serious but I'm kinda in the mindset of piss off.

 

[Jockumb]

When I was in middle school there were enough decent people in my class to keep the bullying I suffered from becoming too severe and it never really got physical (if violence did occur it was because I got pushed too far). That being said, the frequent verbal ridicule did hurt my self esteem in ways that still causes social anxiety and makes it difficult for me to speak up eight years later. I've gotten over it enough that I wouldn't say that I need an apology, but it would be nice to get one IF I thought it was sincere.

I think one of the reasons a former victim of bullying might get closure from an apology is less about the apology itself and more about the bully admitting that they were wrong. Even if you know it's really not your fault that you were bullied the poor self esteem caused by it can still make you wonder deep down if it was because there was something wrong with you. Not particularly rational perhaps, but that's emotions for you. The bully telling you that he/she was the one who did wrong might help you get over that. Not sure if this is true or if it would even make a difference for me personally. Just theorising.

 

[zxvcasdfqwerzxcv]

No I wouldn't want an apology, people are not the same people as they were when we were all kids.
Rather, I pity the bullies, because some of them have grown up to lead pretty shallow, empty lives. And others of them have grown up to be better, happier people; I applaud them for that!
I've had someone from school apologize for being a dick to me and honestly, it was just awkward and we ended up laughing about it.

 

[Cowabungaa]

I doubt it would do me any good so I don't really care whether they apologize or not.

I'm still damaged and broken inside and desperately trying to patch myself up. An apology won't fix anything.

 

[Longstreet]

Besides the fact of it being so long ago i don't give a fuck. I would most likely beat the shit out of some of em if they ever talk to me again and i get the feeling they are disrespecting in the slightest.

 

[Bestival]

Ain't nobody got time for that!

I was born without a right ear, a birth defect called microtia. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microtia]
And kids are cruel... If I wanted an apology from every little scumsucker that ever bullied me growing up I'd have to quit my job to make time for it.

My usual response was to just ignore them anyway, and seeing I had an ear missing pretending to be deaf was usually pretty convincing. My friends always got way more upset than I did. I remember going to a carnival when I was 10 years old or something, and my best friend was with me. Some cunts of about 18 or 20 yelled something at me while we were riding bumper carts, and my friend got so upset he wanted to fight all 4 of them on his own.


I would sort of want to apologize to someone though. I didn't bully her myself, but a lot of my classmates did, and while I was there, I did nothing to stop it. One of the worst memories of my childhood, doing nothing while this little girl was ridiculed daily for no other reason than having woolly hair.
Kids are cruel.

 

[Matilda Ward]

Most of the people at my school were mean and nasty so to cope I became mean and nasty too,I would apologise to this kid I whose feelings I hurt but I wouldn't accept any of my bullies apologies to me.

 

[Saika Renegade]

Given how severe some of the bullying was in my school years, an apology now from the perpetrators would be met with verbal karmic annihilation on my part. Very much 'thanks but no thanks.' If they feel guilty over having being violent, abusive little buggers...

...well, good.

"Kids are cruel," perhaps, but everyone made choices, and you have to live the consequences of with your choices, just as I have to live with what they did. Maybe having my eyes laser-damaged in middle school because of bullies has made me jaded.

 

[CloudAtlas]

You can't change the past now, but if someone feels guilt and apologizes, sincerely, isn't that a commendable act?

You might not want his/her apology, you might not accept it, you might not give a shit about it, and that is all your good damn right, of course. But still, saying that people who do feel sorry can go f*** themselves, in general, I don't know...
As you can see, it means quite a lot to some.


I haven't been seriously bullied myself in school, nor did I do any bullying - except for idly standing by when others did. Didn't feel I was high enough on the social ladder to intervene back then, but I'm still feeling genuinely sorry for what happened to some kids, and if I ever met them again, I might say so.

 

[Ticklefist]

I was the bully

And sadly I was in my 30s before I realized it.

 

[Candidus]

No. I started retaliating toward the end of my term at junior school, and I took apologies from one or two, but that didn't really soothe me and it certainly didn't end my violence (being suspended from the last week, and then getting suspended again in secondary school eventually reduced it).

I know that there will be those who think this is the hallmark of a bad nature, but it's more important to me that people are hurt back for whatever they've done than it is they're repentant. Even if the former leads to the latter in a given case, I don't consider it to be a bonus. It doesn't mean anything to me at all. I wasn't ambushing and threatening and hitting because I wanted the culprits to be sorry.

I was doing it because I felt strong the first time I managed to lash out and win. My body didn't tremble the next time I fought. I got rapidly more adept at entering and using that state-- this is after years of abuse, keep in mind. The deference that people who used to frighten me started to show me, and the way that others would run to teachers or back into the school building with me on their heels... that status and power was the most potent sort of salve. Genuine healing. Not total, but substantial.

All the apologies in the world couldn't induce a feeling that would hold a match to the way I felt back then.

So yeah. No. Apologies are not necessary.

 

[Ilikemilkshake]

It's funny, I've pretty much gotten past it (in that it still affects me but I don't hold grudges anymore) So I don't need an apology and I don't think it would actually change anything.

However it would still be good to know those persons knew what they did was wrong and to have them openly admit it and apologise. Especially when I see some of these people post on facebook about how bullying is wrong etc, it's pretty ironic.

 

[KingsGambit_v1legacy]

I wouldn't give a damn. I was picked on a bit but not particularly badly, or for long. The thing is bullying can have different effects on people, depending on the severity, frequency, disposition of the victim, physical/psychological, how widespread it is, etc.

Teenagers in particular, in their mission to become adults, form opinions, gain acceptance from their peers, rebel against the man, attract the opposite sex and get a "status" of sorts. Some like to find niches to belong to, like the arty kids, the skateboarders, the athletes, the musical kids, the heavy metal fans, etc. but for most they simply are. And there's always a pecking order and it's very hard to break out of where you fit in that order once it's established. If a kid is the victim early on, they will remain so for the entirety of their school careers.

Kids bully other kids, but at teenage age, it can cause victims to grow up with severe depression, lack of confidence or self-esteem, loneliness and more. Some run away, move/change school, cut themselves, some kill themselves (or in America, they shoot other kids with Daddy's arsenal). As teens become young adults and they become more mature, bullying kinda grows out. There's little to none in most workplaces (good ones at any rate) and adults are much more confident anyway. But if it happens during those formative years, like 10-20ish, it can mess people up for life. For some, maybe the apology helps. It might not matter to you, maybe you were never bullied, or you're more thick skinned, but for some it can be traumatic.

The more of the following you meet, the less likely you ever knew bullying: white, straight, good looking, middle-class, Christian/no-particular-faith, male, slim, dark haired, good vision.

 

[Commissar Sae]

If my former grade school bully apologized, I would accept it and thank him for turning into a decent person. It would be nice to know that he moved beyond lashing out at others but I know for a fact that his father was abusive, so I have forgiven him already and actually just hope he is doing something decent with his life.

So an apology would be nice, but I don't really care that much.

 

[babinro]

I was never seriously bullied growing up.

Typically people who made fun of me would either move on to another target or simply get to know me enough that we'd be friends/acquaintances after a few weeks.

That said, as an adult, I wouldn't want an apology for all the obesity/nerd/loser hate thrown my way over the years.
I'm perfectly content with the bully themselves learning from their mistakes and letting it shape their lives.

As for someone who remains a bully figure for their entire lives (or beyond the apology)?
An apology would feel meaningless if the act came with no real change on the part of the individual.