Poll: Help My Friend Find Love!

Bailos

The Apostate
Sep 26, 2009
144
0
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I have a friend, who I'll call Nym. Now Nym got out of a long-term relationship about six months ago, and was honestly a wreck. After a little bit of moping, she got into this game called Hobbit: Kingdoms of Middle Earth, which she got insanely into. While talking on the chat, she became interested in this guy, H. Bob. She and H. Bob hit it off, and became somewhat of an item. He made plans to travel from Wales to the US to see her, they would talk a lot, and they did have a lot in common. Now, for about the last six weeks or so, things haven't been as great. His plans to travel to the US were cancelled because his new job has a probationary period of six months, and he couldn't take off the month he planned to go see her. Further, he works a lot, and barely has time to talk to her substantially at all. It got so bad that she had a little breakdown, and they had a fight. However, they're still together.

Now, she has a new friend, Jacob. Jacob was an acquaintance of hers that she only really got to know recently. He's admitted feelings for her, and she's explained that she's (more or less) taken. However, they're becoming good friends. They share a lot in common, have a good time together, he dotes on her, and he's just the kind of guy to go on spur of the moment adventures with her that most of our friends aren't. Her only gripes is that he's a bit shorter than she'd like (Which is silly, because she's 5'11"), and not a dominant enough personality. I don't think the latter should be a problem, because being in a relationship for almost 7 years now, I know sometimes you'll have to tweak people to be more what you want. Relationships take work, after all.

I really want my friend to be happy, and both of these men do make her happy. But I think she should just try to date Jacob, because H. Bob is seeming less and less like an option. She's developed some feelings for Jacob, but feels that she would be betraying H. Bob. But Jacob is the one that can be there for her, constantly and in person, which is something H. Bob simply can't do. He only talks to her through the Hobbit game or a texting app, hasn't been able to call in weeks, and won't get Skype or something similar.

I told her that I would put up a poll, and she's really interesting in seeing how others view the situation.

Team Bob or Team Jacob?

I'll let America (And really anywhere else) decide!
 

Brown Cap

New member
Jan 6, 2009
714
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0
If it really is a "friend" we are talking about, this shouldn't be your problem unless she has actively called upon you for help. (As nice as you are for caring)

If this "friend" is really you, then there is quite a gray area here. This pseudo-long-distance relationship doesn't look like it's going anywhere, nor will that change in the future. I would say Jacob, but if his pickiness of the dominance/height thing turns into a whole fiasco, he isn't worth it.

Lastly, we all need to come to terms with ourselves in the end, and be capable of functioning as a "single" human being before we can accept others into our lives. If you can't be happy single, then you can't be happy any other time in your life. By this, I mean learn to love yourself (as cliche as it sounds).
Be happy with you and your own self before worrying about finding love.
 

Batou667

New member
Oct 5, 2011
2,238
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The Welsh guy sounds like a dead end, unless of course your friend can visit him instead.

Give Jacob a go?
 

Miyenne

New member
May 16, 2013
387
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Bad idea. Totally bad idea for either of them. Sounds like something I went through many years ago wen I was young through WoW/FFXI, stuck between two boys who sound rather similar, but they were American and Australian as opposed to my Canadian.

It all ended badly. So very badly. Online is a scary prospect as you can't look him in the eyes and the lack of trust became too much for everyone involved.

Just don't.
 

Bailos

The Apostate
Sep 26, 2009
144
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0
My friend honestly can't make decisions by herself, it's not about me. She just asks my opinion a lot, and I try to help her work through things. But last night Jacob read her favorite book to her over the phone until she fell asleep. I feel like she'd be stupid to turn him down.
 

TheRightToArmBears

New member
Dec 13, 2008
8,674
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To be totally honest, I think Jacob is a better option. It's not even like Bob and her can talk via Skype. It doesn't really sound like a nice way of thinking about it, but think about what she can get out of each relationship. With Bob, she can chat and there's a chance he might be able to visit for a month some time in the future. With Jacob, she can have a 'proper' relationship. They can do things together, see eachother... it seems healthier to me, less stressful and more fulfilling.

That said, if she's just moped from one relationship to another, maybe just be single for a while?
 

Glongpre

New member
Jun 11, 2013
1,233
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So nobody has noticed the real problem that she talks to him over a game chat. This could be like a 10 year old kid. Did I miss something?
 

FieryTrainwreck

New member
Apr 16, 2010
1,968
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One in the hand is always worth two in the bush. Tell her that exactly, and make it sound as seedy as possible. Advice should be uncomfortable first, effective second.

Seriously though, it's a total no-brainer. Give the local guy a shot. The foreign dude is obviously stringing her along, as is all too common in MMO/internet relationships. From the sounds of it, she won't even have to break anything off. If things don't work out with Jacob, she'll be in roughly the same boat with Bob anyways - ignored.

The best advice for anyone caught in any sort of "gray area" is always the same: move on. If someone is interested in you, they will make an effort to spend time with you and show they care. If things feel unclear or uncertain, there's a reason for it. Don't ignore your disappointment, and don't ever think you deserve less than someone who is crazy about you.

Also, height ain't shit so long as he's not a Napoleonic shithead.

Edit: just saw the "read her favorite book over the phone until she fell asleep" bit. That qualifies as "crazy about you". If it makes her feel appreciated and happy and warm in the tummy (versus overwhelmed or trapped or suffocated), they should be all up in each other pronto.

Not my proudest moment, that last sentence.