Poll: Marriage - What is it Good For? (Absolutely Nothing! Huh! Yeah!)

[krystalphoenix]

1. Getting married next year. No, it's not for everyone. It works for us because we've talked about settling down and kids from the get go and we live in a country where doing those things without being married is a very big no-no.

2. The institution of marriage is a legally binding way of joining two families together and comes with certain perks in various countries (tax breaks/legal protection for the spouse). That's all to me.

3. I get annoyed at people who think that getting married is the gold seal on a relationship or think that it will fix things. But if people don't want to marry, then that's cool.

4. You should be able to legally marry your partner as long as both parties are of a sound, adult mind. You may have guessed by now that I am in no way religious, and I think that it is religion that bars a lot of the marriage issues. I mean, I'm not getting married in a religious building but I will still be legally married in the eyes of the state (both at home and in my country of residence).

5. I cook mine differently every time depending on what spices I have in my kitchen. But grill the chicken I guess.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

1. No I'm not married. However I've always idealized my parent's relationship and they've been happily married for nearly 40 years.
2. I don't know. I like to think it does, but then again I'm idealizing.
3. I don't care if other people believe in marriage or not, but it's like anything; be respectful to those that do.
4. I don't think so. Then again I hate the whole "left" "right" thing. It's far too fucking binary. If I wanted to deal with binary I'd go play with IP addresses. It's far less stressful.

 

[cathou]

1. Yes, i've been married for 11 years just a little bit after saem sex marriage got legal in canada. it's not for everyone i guess, but for us it made thing easier for buying a home, getting kids, taxes, etc.

2.for me it's just symbolic, so would say no, but... i think it add inertia to a couple. we have a couple of really bad moments, and maybe if did be married at the time, i might had given up and walk away from the relationship. but with a marriage, you must actually get a lawer, get to court and a judge terminating the marriage. so thinking about everything that must be done, give you time to rethink about your situation, talk about it, and we adjusted, and now things are much better.

3. No, i'm not a hardcore believer in marriage. we had a civil marriage anyway because being both catholics, our religion doesnt approve same-sex marriage anyway. it had a symbolic power to me, but what others do with it is not my business. But i think that people sometimes really push the limit on the ceremony. 30k dollar marriages ? are you people nuts ? i invited 20 people at mine, had a friend to celebrate and it cost us less than a thousand rings and dresses included.

4.i think conservative choose to take that as a battleground, but i dont think they own the institution...

5. Spices, lot of spices

 

[Wrex Brogan]

1. No, because it's still illegal here for... dumb reasons. Though were it to be made legal here I probably still wouldn't get married, unless I wanted to spite certain relatives to a significant degree. And, well, spite is a great motivator for a lot of things...

2. I *think* that's the social implications of the whole thing, and a major pressure on people to get married, but as others have said, marriage isn't for everyone. For some relationships, it can improve things for the couple. For others, it can simply amplify problems and introduce new ones through new pressures and expectations they weren't dealing with prior to marriage. Commitment is a more daunting task when there's a legally binding document involved.

3. Fuck no. I get stroppy when people start trying to pressure people into getting married though, since that kinda shit is often more harmful to a relationship than it is positive. Especially if only a new one - I've had family pressure my brother about marriage when he's only on the third date, like... fuck, give 'em a couple months first, jesus christ.

4. Yes, something I think is largely a result of how marriage is often treated as this sacred, sanctified thing in cultures, even when those cultures aren't religious. So you get all this snap-back from the traditionalists, conservatives and the ultra-religious because of various perceived threats to their lifestyle. It could become something non-conservative through broadening it's application (i.e. make it easier to marry multiple partners, strip out the problems for gay/nb/trans people, maybe remove the religious connotations for non-religious folk), but given it is a battlefield issue... yeah, I've got my doubts.

5. I recommend pan-seared chicken. Tastes good, and can you can cut it into strips if you need to, depending on the size of the wraps you're making.

 

[Zhukov]

Not married. Not in any hurry to change that.

Nothing really against the idea though. It can be expensive and a lot of bother, but so are many things. If I was with the right partner and she really wanted to do the wedding thing then sure, I'm down to put a ring on it.

Just don't see it as a necessity. Maybe there's some benefit to publicly declaring a relationship and making it official, but I have trouble imagining it to be the one vital ingredient to a happy and stable relationship. If two people fit together then surely they'll do so with or without a wedding. Same goes for two people who aren't compatible, I can't see a wedding changing that.

Never really saw it as a left-right thing. Sure, it's a somewhat conservative notion and they tend to get rather testy over who should and shouldn't be allowed to do it, but eh, not a factor in whether or not I'd do it.

 

[McElroy]

5. I'm on a weight loss regimen so raw broccoli, eggs, and Coke Zero.

You might want to avoid the Coke Zero. There's some emerging evidence that sugar substitutes do one of two things (and possibly both things).

1. Horribly fuck up your gut bacteria, making it easier to gain/maintain extra weight.
2. Spike insulin production exactly the same as real sugar, which can lead to insulin resistance/weight gain/improper leptin signalling, the whole 9 yards.

Just drink water. Or, if you MUST drink something sweet, account for the garbage/wasted calories and drink the real thing.

I don't care and you got that off your chest. We both win.

 

[skywolfblue]

1. I am not married. I would like to one day be, but so far life has taken me down a different path. I don't think it's the right thing for everyone.

2. I'm a big fan of keeping true to one's word. So I view the marriage vows as highly significant. I think that if a person can't keep those marriage vows, then they shouldn't get married. The marriage is only as strong as both partners are willing to work for it. It doesn't bestow any magical power. Too many people approach marriage selfishly, asking "What's in it for me?" and then end up getting a divorce. People don't need to be married to have a relationship. In my view a relationship without marriage is a million times better then broken vows. Though that doesn't seem to be a very common opinion to have these days...

3. I do get upset when people disrespect their partners and their vows. But I don't think of marriage as an "institution", so I don't angry about people "disrespecting the institution" of marriage.

4. Marriage isn't a left/right thing.

 

[Phasmal]

1. No, but I'm engaged and I don't really believe in marriage. I'm looking forward to having all my family around and a sweet cake, but that's mostly it. The act of getting married won't change anything for me. (Oh, actually, boyfriend and I got our FF14 characters married on Saturday so I'm kind of married!). And no I don't pressure other people to get married because why would I even care.

2. It affords some legal weight and also other people seem to respect your relationship more if you're married. Once you've been together a certain amount of time people do get weird and keep asking you when you're getting married.

3. Nah like I said I'm not sure if I believe in the whole idea either. And for those wondering why I'm gonna get married if I don't really believe in it - because I think it will work specifically for me and boyfriend.

4. Jeez nah it's just signing a bit of paper bro.

5. Whole grain wraps are a bit healthier but sometimes they split when you fold them.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

I very much dislike that it exists the way it does, that it also puts more pressure on females, along with the whole tut-tutting at an unused womb by certain types of human. It is a hold-over from a much older, conservative age. But at the same time I don't begrudge any couple who honestly desires to legally combine. Plus I always appreciate a good party, celebration of love and mingling of many people. It's a positive experience for them, even if fleeting for some.

As the the wraps, if you could pass one over this way, then I will trade with you my many secrets of the tasty wrap. You've already eaten them, haven't you?

 

[Fappy]

1. Yes. Like every big decision it comes with advantages and disadvantages. I am glad I did it, but I also don't think it was a completely necessary step in legitimizing mine and my wife's relationship. Marriage being the end goal of a relationship is an antiquated notion, imo.

2. I think it has a significant affect on certain aspects of your life, sure, but I don't think it impacted our relationship at all. Finances, status, insurance, etc., the way we analyze and approach such things has changed quiet a bit since we got married.

3. Don't give a shit what my marriage means to anyone else, nor do I give a shit about the sanctity of the institution. As my best man once said, "tradition is for idiots". I agree for the most part.

4. Most people have more important things to worry about. The legitimacy/relevance of marriage probably never even crosses their minds. I think the "debate" is more of a generational thing than a partisan thing.

5. Google.

 

[Nomad]

[...] You don't even NEED to click on the article I will explain all this shit to you for the purposes of fruitful discussion.
[...]

First of all: thank you for the above. It really grinds my gears when the OP just leaves a link and tells people to discuss it, rather than raising the discussion on their own and leaving the link for reference.

Second, you mention your slight "anti-marriage bias", and I do think it shows a little in how you describe the whole thing. I sympathise with the idea you raise a bit further down in your post - the part about your co-worker probably "getting" relationships due to his current (well, former now) one being better than the earlier ones, rather than due to the marriage marker. Just like you describe some people being overly zealous about marriage, however, there are some people who I think tend to be a bit overly zealous against marriage. Fine, religion aside it's hard to argue that being married would automagically make the relationship better than not being married. But it's not really doing any harm either, is it?

Which brings me to your questions.
1. Are you married? If yes, are you keen on it? Do you believe it's the RIGHT THING FOR EVERYONE and apply passive pressure to your unmarried friends to follow your lead, say the arcane words over the magic book, and exchange symbols?
Yes, married. Yes, keen on it. I'm a bureaucrat at heart, so officially registering things with the state gives me warm and fuzzy feelings, and in the case of my marriage this is multiplied by my likewise warm and fuzzy feelings for my wife. As for the arcane words and magic book - there is such a thing as a secular wedding. True to my bureaucratic nature, I was wedded by a municipal public servant. When you put it like you did above, though, a magic wedding would also have been super cool.

2. If you're a believer in the institution, do you believe it imparts greater significance, staying power, or affection to a relationship that did not undertake the ritual?
Yes. You're legally binding yourself to this person in a manner that you aren't if you're not getting married. Getting married is telling the government (and other relevant parts of society, such as banks) that they can, when it isn't contrary to principles of equality, justice and whatnot, treat you as one person rather than two, because you're doing everything together anyway.

Refusal to get married signifies, to me, that you aren't ready to make such a commitment to this person. This doesn't mean I'll scoff at people who don't get married, but it does make me assume that they live more "separately" than I would think if they were married. Note that I am well aware that this doesn't hold water in all cases, but there's enough theoretical basis here for me to form a deductive hypothesis for the general case.

3. Do you get stroppy/angry if you feel someone is disrespecting the institution or does not hold it in the same sacred high regard as you? Visa versa? Why?
I generally don't get angry at things, but I also generally think it's rude when people disrespect things. Other than that, no. I might not understand their way of thinking, but that probably goes for a lot of their other beliefs as well. Marriage is not special to me in this regard.

4. Is marriage a fundamentally conservative institution? Is it becoming a "battleground" issue due to the omnipresent and extremely tiresome partisan debate between "left and right"?
I don't think it's fundamentally conservative in that it would be innately so, but it certainly carries certain historical baggage that makes it reproduce certain old-timey traits of society. That baggage is periodically misplaced and replaced, however, so wait a hundred years and it'll probably look different. That said, some parts of it are more firmly entrenched than others - I imagine we're a long way from marriage promoting open relationships and free love, for instance.

5. I'm making Cajun chicken wraps does anyone have any good tasty/healthy recipes they want to share I'm cool for some tips gotta shake it up a bit.
Partial non-response.

Overall, I think you raised a few interesting questions here. Some of them I haven't really thought about before, so this gave me an interesting opportunity to examine my beliefs. I would therefore also like to close with the thought that one potential development of the concept (marriage, that is) would perhaps be to not limit it to people who are generally assumed to have a sexual relationship. As Saelune pointed out, for instance, the best marriage candidates are probably people who are best friends with each other - rather than people who just feel physically attracted to each other. So basically, it'd probably be neat if marriage was, a hundred years from now, something you went into with your best buddy rather than your bedmate (who may also be your best buddy, in which case they'd be a good candidate for marriage from that angle).

 

[Poetic Nova]

1. Are you married? If yes, are you keen on it? Do you believe it's the RIGHT THING FOR EVERYONE and apply passive pressure to your unmarried friends to follow your lead, say the arcane words over the magic book, and exchange symbols?

Nope, not married. And while the relationship I'm in is now only a month old, I can't exclude the possiblity to marry her if we're stil together within a few years. But that's really too early to be sure about. But I certainely wouldn't force such a thing upon anyone.

2. If you're a believer in the institution, do you believe it imparts greater significance, staying power, or affection to a relationship that did not undertake the ritual?

That I cannot answer to I'm afraid because of litteral 0 experience.

3. Do you get stroppy/angry if you feel someone is disrespecting the institution or does not hold it in the same sacred high regard as you? Visa versa? Why?

Quite frankly, if one does not keep theirselves to the vows of marriage, it's their problem. And they'll have to fix the mess they create. I should note though, if I'm gonna marry (regardless of who my partner is), I probably won't do so for the church unless it is the partners wish.

4. Is marriage a fundamentally conservative institution? Is it becoming a "battleground" issue due to the omnipresent and extremely tiresome partisan debate between "left and right"?

I'm would be more concerned IF I can get married once/if I get that far, since it is a same sex relationship.

5. I'm making Cajun chicken wraps does anyone have any good tasty/healthy recipes they want to share I'm cool for some tips gotta shake it up a bit.[/quote]

Unfortunately, I don't cook. Dislike that actually.

 

[Arnoxthe1]

2. If you're a believer in the institution, do you believe it imparts greater significance, staying power, or affection to a relationship that did not undertake the ritual?
Yes. You're legally binding yourself to this person in a manner that you aren't if you're not getting married. Getting married is telling the government (and other relevant parts of society, such as banks) that they can, when it isn't contrary to principles of equality, justice and whatnot, treat you as one person rather than two, because you're doing everything together anyway.

Refusal to get married signifies, to me, that you aren't ready to make such a commitment to this person. This doesn't mean I'll scoff at people who don't get married, but it does make me assume that they live more "separately" than I would think if they were married. Note that I am well aware that this doesn't hold water in all cases, but there's enough theoretical basis here for me to form a deductive hypothesis for the general case.

Pretty much this.

Although honestly, all these attacks on marriage just seem like disguised attacks on religion.

Also, mandatory Cracked-sucks-ass comment. I actually have my own personal reasons for hating them now.

 

[Padwolf]

I am not married, (apart from on FF14 FUCK YEA 2 PERSON MOUNT BITCHESSSS) but I do love the idea and I do want to get married. I wouldn't shove it down people's throats though. Marriage actually isn't for everyone.

I don't see it as something that's necessary to validate a relationship though. I want to marry my partner one day. I knew that the day I met him. We've been together nearly 5 years now, and I want to share my life with him. But I don't think getting married will really change anything other than our names and titles.

But I see it as a romantic occasion, and a happy one, not a religious one. I love love I guess. I think it is a battleground in regards to religion. I hate when people say it's a strictly religious thing. Those people can just do one. It should be something for everyone if they want it. I don't understand how people want to control who can and can't get married, what's the harm in letting there be a lot more love in the world?

 

[Saelune]

I am not married, (apart from on FF14 FUCK YEA 2 PERSON MOUNT BITCHESSSS) but I do love the idea and I do want to get married. I wouldn't shove it down people's throats though. Marriage actually isn't for everyone.

I don't see it as something that's necessary to validate a relationship though. I want to marry my partner one day. I knew that the day I met him. We've been together nearly 5 years now, and I want to share my life with him. But I don't think getting married will really change anything other than our names and titles.

But I see it as a romantic occasion, and a happy one, not a religious one. I love love I guess. I think it is a battleground in regards to religion. I hate when people say it's a strictly religious thing. Those people can just do one. It should be something for everyone if they want it. I don't understand how people want to control who can and can't get married, what's the harm in letting there be a lot more love in the world?

Marriage gives a couple many legal rights that will be convenient down the line. Especially if something should happen to one of you.

 

[shrekfan246]

1. Are you married? If yes, are you keen on it? Do you believe it's the RIGHT THING FOR EVERYONE and apply passive pressure to your unmarried friends to follow your lead, say the arcane words over the magic book, and exchange symbols?

I'm not married, and it's only just at this moment that I've realized that I'm now older than my parents were when they got married. I've got mixed feelings on it as a whole, because the romantic side of me loves the idea of it while the pragmatic side of me thinks it's just a bit pointless at the end of the day. I don't really care about any of the legal benefits, because if it doesn't work out then those benefits just become extra issues you need to figure out, and I'm not a fan of complications.

2. If you're a believer in the institution, do you believe it imparts greater significance, staying power, or affection to a relationship that did not undertake the ritual?

Eh, sort of? Personal significance, at least. Going back to "the romantic side" and what Nomad said up above, the thought of it does just kinda make me feel warm and fuzzy. And I do believe I'd devote myself entirely to one person, which I think is reinforced by marriage.

3. Do you get stroppy/angry if you feel someone is disrespecting the institution or does not hold it in the same sacred high regard as you? Visa versa? Why?

Nah. I'm not really that invested in the institution as a whole.

4. Is marriage a fundamentally conservative institution? Is it becoming a "battleground" issue due to the omnipresent and extremely tiresome partisan debate between "left and right"?

Oh jeez, I don't know enough about it to comment on that. I've certainly seen it used as a bludgeon in political discussions, but that's usually just because people want to "protect" it by not allowing gay people to get married.

5. I'm making Cajun chicken wraps does anyone have any good tasty/healthy recipes they want to share I'm cool for some tips gotta shake it up a bit.

I've got a feeling I'm a bit late for this, and also I'm not really that good at Cajun cooking. But now I want a chicken wrap.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

1. Are you married? If yes, are you keen on it?

Nope, and I have no plans to. If I hook up with a girl who really wants to, or we both decide that the benefits are important enough, I'm not opposed to the idea.

I just really don't find it that important otherwise.

2. If you're a believer in the institution, do you believe it imparts greater significance, staying power, or affection to a relationship that did not undertake the ritual?

Not really. It CAN help in some cases, but in others it might just trap people in a miserable relationship that they don't want to get out of because "I made a promise to god!"

3. Do you get stroppy/angry if you feel someone is disrespecting the institution or does not hold it in the same sacred high regard as you? Visa versa? Why?

I only get annoyed if someone's like "you only know true love if you're married." / "You're 29 and not married, WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU NEED A WIFE NAO!!!". If someone's just waxing poetic about how nice it is for them, it doesn't bother me much.

4. Is marriage a fundamentally conservative institution? Is it becoming a "battleground" issue due to the omnipresent and extremely tiresome partisan debate between "left and right"?

Kiiiiiinda?

It was originally conceived of as a way to be like "My daughter is a virgin, via this institution, I give her to you, and her sexy bits and ability to bear children are now 100% yours for life", so it has its roots in a more conservative mindset. Not to mention how it restricts you to the one partner, while some people have different dynamics that they worked out with their partner.

As for the "right versus left thing", it's only a battleground because the right holds it so sared that they refuse to allow anyone outside the norm to enjoy it. I don't see how letting two guys, or two girls, or whatever get married ruins marriage. It's espeically ludicrous when they claim "sanctity of marriage!!" after having had multiple divorces.

5. I'm making Cajun chicken wraps does anyone have any good tasty/healthy recipes they want to share I'm cool for some tips gotta shake it up a bit.

Nupe. I'm pretty much living off of Rice (with some chicken soup base and Bacon bits and maybe minced garlic mixed in for flavor) with meat, and pasta, and tomato juice soup (with chopped vegatables, and minced garlic) for the past 2 months-ish.

...Cut me some slack, this is my first time living on my own, and neither place I've stayed at / will be staying at really has a good kitchen that I can fully use for stuff. Hell, the place I'm staying now literally just has a microwave and mini-unduction stovetop.

Overall, the only tipe I can give is that if you find a good brand of minced garlic, it can do WONDERS for a lot of dishes.

 

[KaraFang]

1. Yes, I am married, going on 8 years now. happily and long may it continue. Do I feel its right for everyone? No... just like I don't think the same tax bracket is the same for everyone. DO I force this on people? No. They ask, I say we are and happily, if they go "worth it" I say yes. I won't force anyone to get married, thats silly.

2. Yes and for one main reason. Do I believe a being is watching over us now, jotting down our marriage things? No. I'm not religious and the marriage ceremony we DID do was not religious at all. What it was, and this is why the ceremony was important, was a promise. A promise to my other that I wouldn't be a dick and do stuff behind her back like sleep with people. A promise to each other that we would help the other in life and pool our knowledge and resources.

The ceremony adds to the weight of the promise... as does the marriage certificates (Plus, consent and tax benefits? Useful. )

3. Not really, not more than I get cross with any other "mouth frother" you meet.

4. Nope, my wife's quite anti conservative, but she was the one who asked me to marry. She said (and I agreed) it felt like our GF/BF dynamic had evolved to something deeper.

5. Really? In this kind of questionnaire? - No sorry.

 

[kitsunefather]

1. Yes/No. My wife and I have not undergone any of the ritual components for a legally enforceable marriage, but we have been together for 11 and a half years (which puts under shared property laws in our state, but not common law marriage). Neither of us care if our friends get married.

2. I do not. I believe it is, essentially, a promise to hold the other person in higher regard than others made manifest. Promises can be, and often are, been broken. The involvement of government only serves, in theory, to make more clear the division of property in the case of separation.

3. Only when they have otherwise espoused its virtues. If you don't like marriage, then that's fine for you; I'm unlikely to defend it as "results may vary". If, however, you've previously extolled the virtues of marriage/monogamy/chastity and get caught in adulterous activity, then yes I think less of you.

4. No, but really everything is becoming a "battleground" between the two sides of the horseshoe. Anything to keep the fight going and make sure no one on either side takes a minute to think about how silly the entire farce is.

5. Well, if you're breading the chicken, I'd suggest soaking it in buttermilk (and the seasoning) for a few hours in the fridge, then flour-egg-flour before frying. Gives a good breading in my experience, but make sure to season the flour. I don't have any healthy options, though; I grew up in the south.

 

[scw55]

1. Are you married? If yes, are you keen on it? Do you believe it's the RIGHT THING FOR EVERYONE and apply passive pressure to your unmarried friends to follow your lead, say the arcane words over the magic book, and exchange symbols?

Not married. Personally, as a Christian I am keen on it. I want to declare to God that I will do my best to support and be faithful to my husband (I'm a guy) through out our lives, and have God's blessing in our lives together. We will face challenges unknown, and we will have to rely on God to see us through. I cannot say if it's right for everyone. As a Christian, it's a good idea to consider doing it, but only if you want to be faithful to one person. At the end of the day God gave us free will, as a Christian, you take a risk to ignore what God thinks is best. I cannot speak for atheists/agnostics or people of other religions.

2. If you're a believer in the institution, do you believe it imparts greater significance, staying power, or affection to a relationship that did not undertake the ritual?

As a man who wants to marry another man, this sort of opens the door to the unknown. The institution gets boiled down to its bare bones. Tradition gets cut away. It's exciting to be liberated from faff. I want to get closer to God, so I hope my husband would want to try to walk with me.

3. Do you get stroppy/angry if you feel someone is disrespecting the institution or does not hold it in the same sacred high regard as you? Visa versa? Why?

I get angry when people try to force "Christian values" onto marriages between two non-Christians. Marriage is a legal thing in this world. Let each person of faith worry about the faith aspect of their culture's marriage. Leave the people without faith alone.

4. Is marriage a fundamentally conservative institution? Is it becoming a "battleground" issue due to the omnipresent and extremely tiresome partisan debate between "left and right"?

Eh?

5. I'm making Cajun chicken wraps does anyone have any good tasty/healthy recipes they want to share I'm cool for some tips gotta shake it up a bit.

I can suggest some awesome Spanish recipes.