Poll: Men and women being freinds
- Thread starter Vault101
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If it were true that men and women couldn't be friends because of the possibility of sex, then surely bisexual people wouldn't be able to have any friends at all!
Guy here. I have had a few female friends over the years, even if I have felt a sexual attraction towards them once, I don't let my feelings rule my life. Ie I don't "think with my dick".
Besides, feeling some attraction towards whatever gender you go for, seem healthy in my book.
Besides, feeling some attraction towards whatever gender you go for, seem healthy in my book.
I have plenty of friends of the opposite gender, and I don't find myself attracted to them in a physical way.Vault101 said:
Sure, I feel some attraction, being a manly man and all, but I've never made advances on my friends, even when I was single.
Now, I'm in a pretty stable 5 years old relationship and I still go for a coffee with some of my friends and it's normal meeting, without some kind of physical attraction.
So I guess it's possible to have a normal lasting friendship with a the opposite gender.
I think it's possible, it's just incredibly rare. I have exactly two female friends who are both attractive, but whom I'm not attracted to.
The tricky part is the fluidity of the concept of "friendship". The friendship dynamics I have with my dudemeisters is completely distinct from the friendship I have with these two girls.
Basically, I think that men and women can be "just friends", but this "just friendship" is a different sort of friendship.
The tricky part is the fluidity of the concept of "friendship". The friendship dynamics I have with my dudemeisters is completely distinct from the friendship I have with these two girls.
Basically, I think that men and women can be "just friends", but this "just friendship" is a different sort of friendship.
I am slightly older and a marrie deven. I am a male and have many female friends who could be categorised into one of these groups (bear with me, I'm making this up as i go):Vault101 said:
1) Long term sororal friends: (I had to google that - it's the opposite gender of 'fraternal', i.e: think of as a sister). I have one friend who I have known for probably 30+ years in this category. Objectively I'd say she's hot (tall, blonde, great cans), but ewww, just no.
2) Long term off limits friends: Girlfriends/wives of long term mates. Even if I was single, would not be an option as that's just not cricket. I have maybe half a dozen good friends in this category. Even once they break up with their partners, they generally stay in this category.
3) Friends with no sexual chemistry: Self explanatory. I have a few friends in this category. Have no idea if they find me attractive or not I guess if they are attracted to me, you could consider them "friendzoned". Maybe. I'm not entirely familiar with that concept. Either way nothing happening here.
4) Friends with underlying sexual chemistry: This one's a problem. The ones I fantasise about Female friends who are hot, who I am clearly attracted to (and this maybe is reciprocated) but am just friends with. My wife is quite perceptive about this sort of thing and is really against me spending time with these people. I guess I am able to compartmentalise the friend aspect and sexual attraction well enough to remain friends with these people. Ideally they move into either category 2 or 3 above.
5) Friends with explicit mutual sexual chemistry: Actually less of a problem than the category above. This is where something happens (usually involving lots of alcohol) and a confession of feelings described above. I have 1 friend in this category. We got drunk one night together told each other we were sexually attracted to each other. Since we were both married, it went a long the lines of:
"If I wasn't married, i'd fuck you"
"yeah me too, but I'm married and would never cheat on my wife, so that's never going to happen"
"me neither"
"another scotch then?"
"sure"
We had a pretty awkward conversation the next day, though remarkably mature of us to address this rather than have it fester away and decided it was probably best we don't get drunk by ourselves together again. That was about 6 months ago, and we are still good friends.
I'm sure it's possible, but personally I can't remember any female friend I haven't done it with. Hasn't always ruined the friendship, though it's a risky leap.
The "friend zone" is an excuse that, both men and women, use to preserver there self-esteem after getting rejected romantically or sexually by somebody who they have been friends with for a seemingly significant amount of time or a seemingly gentle way of rejecting the advances of a friend. Theres usually not much more to it. As for your questions:Vault101 said:
1. I have older friends of both sexes, both married and single, with friends of the other gender without a romantic or sexual interest.
2. I actually had a conversation with one of my frustrated female friends a couple of years back that went something like this;
"Gah! Why are you my only male friend who isn't attracted to me!".
"You're an attractive girl. The only difference between me and them is, despite the attraction, no desire for anything more. Just call it a compliment and move on."
What I was trying to address, even if I may have done so poorly then, was that attraction and only friendship aren't mutually exclusive. However, the majority of relationships seem to spring from friendships, so simply bringing the issue up shouldn't be problematic.
EDIT: As for my own attraction between friends, if we're both single and they're may be a mutual attraction I'll bring it up - but I only ever do this if we haven't been friends for particularly long. A lot of people don't seemt o realise the longer two single people have been friends, the less likely an attraction is mutual. I also don't get madly in love with people outside of a relationship - a lot of people seem to fall in love first, then try to start one. Seems like a recipe for disaster, and these people likely can't be "just friends".
- Nov 27, 2009
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I only have one friend and she happens to be a woman, can't say I feel any sexual attraction for her, though I may be a bad example for that, one time someone suggested that we were a couple and she screamed "EEEWWWW That would be like Incest!" at the same time I said "Uh, but she's like my sister." so I'm pretty sure there's no sexual tension of any sort there.
I haven't seen her since December though, because she got into a DnD group and now she hangs with those guys on the weekends... I'm a bit jealous of that, mostly because when I suggested playing DnD she said it was lame, and now she's playing with those guys, though that's just me being silly, it would have been an awful idea to invite me anyway, I'm not terribly friendly, besides we were never really close anyway...
Uh sorry about that...
I haven't seen her since December though, because she got into a DnD group and now she hangs with those guys on the weekends... I'm a bit jealous of that, mostly because when I suggested playing DnD she said it was lame, and now she's playing with those guys, though that's just me being silly, it would have been an awful idea to invite me anyway, I'm not terribly friendly, besides we were never really close anyway...
Uh sorry about that...
Sex is highly overrated in our culture that's the problem.
So you stop calling your friends "friends", just because you find them attractive? So what? Being friends and having sex isn't mutual exclusive. I've some female friends which whom i had/have sex from time to time but we're friends since ages. That sex topic just never really came up as a specially super important thing.
So my answer is: Of course it's possible to be friends. Sexuall attraction has nothing to do with it.
So you stop calling your friends "friends", just because you find them attractive? So what? Being friends and having sex isn't mutual exclusive. I've some female friends which whom i had/have sex from time to time but we're friends since ages. That sex topic just never really came up as a specially super important thing.
So my answer is: Of course it's possible to be friends. Sexuall attraction has nothing to do with it.
Can't endorse any generalizations one way or another but given that I'm single and have some attractive single female friends I'm gonna go with no. Once I'm spoken for then I can be comfortable with yes.
I have quite a few female friends, so I'd say it's possible. Not that they aren't attractive (if they weren't my friends I'd think 'yeah, I'd hit that'), but at the moment, I see them all as friends, not in any kind of romantic or sexual way. Yeah, I'm a guy and I totally just said that. Of course, most of them are in relationships anyway (with my guy-friends), but I do understand how women say that when they turn guys down. Over the summer, I did get close to one of them, and we did go out- now we don't, and we're not friends. It makes social gatherings pretty awkward to say the least, I regret the whole saga.
An absolutely platonic friendship between a heterosexual guy and gal is, in my eyes, a rarity. Not impossible, but out of 10 female friends/good acquaintances, I'd absolutely put my Bratwurst in the sauerkraut of 8 of them the moment they'd consent to it.Vault101 said:
Although I admit that 20% might not be that rare.
Easy way to prove that claim is bogus.
Do you have Sisters (or brothers, depending on gender/orientation)?
Do you have any sexual feelings for them? (dear god I hope you answer this in the negative)
Ergo, it is possible to have platonic relationships with peers of the opposite sex.
Captcha: Yeah right.
What would you know captcha, you don't even have a libido.
Do you have Sisters (or brothers, depending on gender/orientation)?
Do you have any sexual feelings for them? (dear god I hope you answer this in the negative)
Ergo, it is possible to have platonic relationships with peers of the opposite sex.
Captcha: Yeah right.
What would you know captcha, you don't even have a libido.
This again? As you all can imagine, this topic has been discussed ocasionally.
Well, you all either have Friends on the opposite Gender (or the same if you're homosexual). Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Some people are friends and eventually one falls for the other, or the other way around and the other doesn't.
Sometimes that can be worked out.
I'd say it depends on the nature of the relationship, the nature of the people involved and the nature of every other circumstance. May as well break out the big crystal ball.
Well, you all either have Friends on the opposite Gender (or the same if you're homosexual). Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Some people are friends and eventually one falls for the other, or the other way around and the other doesn't.
Sometimes that can be worked out.
I'd say it depends on the nature of the relationship, the nature of the people involved and the nature of every other circumstance. May as well break out the big crystal ball.
Insulting has nothing to do with it. Its an honest question and i'm quite interested in it. The girl i'm currently seeing has way more guy friends than girls. Now we've not told anyone that we're seeing eachother and every guy who "just wanted to be friends" over the course of the last month or so has mentioned that they had feelings.BreakfastMan said:
Its enough to get someone curious.
Actually, the reason family members don't usually have sex with eachother is due to bonding pheromones as we grow up. Your body actually puts them down as a "not ok to fuck" marker. Its easily googled and explains why you wouldn't want to bang your supermodel sister.ClockworkPenguin said:
Id say its a question of semantics really. I find it really hard to believe that two people of the opposite gender who are close have zero sexual attraction between them. However its entirely possible neither act on these attractions, where they might aswell not excist.