Poll: One of your immediate family memebers is in prison, do you go visit them?

happyninja42

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Lufia Erim said:
Just curious. This thought just ran through my head. Let's say hypothetically one of your close family memebers were sent to prison and they were truly guilty of their crimes ( as well as admit to it).
I don't have to consider hypotheticals, my brother was imprisoned many times, and frequently committed to mental facilities for the criminally insane.

Lufia Erim said:
Would you go visit them? If so why? If not why?
Yes I went to visit him, though mostly just to appease my mother. After he tried to murder my mother, and attacked my father who tried to defend her, he was officially no longer my brother, and was just someone I shared genetic material with.

Lufia Erim said:
For those who think it depends on the crime, what's your personally line. As in what crime(s) would they commit that you would tell yourself you are not going to go see them . As well as which ones would you be okay with going to see them?
Attempted murder's right up there, though I think it was considered just assault and battery. And he is mentally unstable enough where he really did need to be in a mental facility, not a regular prison. But I personally don't fucking care. He tried to choke out my mother because she refused to give him money to buy drugs, and then attacked my dad (still recovering from open heart surgery), when he stepped in to stop him. If I could completely separate myself from him, I would. But my mother still wants me to have some ties to him, now that he's better with medication. And he is better, but after 30 years of fucking up our family with the pain and anguish of dealing with his shit, I personally don't give a fuck anymore. I spent most of my early teens, and young 20's, seriously considering having to kill my older brother to protect one of my parents, or perhaps myself, if he showed up off his medication and in a fit. To put yourself in a mindset to honestly be ok with killing your own brother, you have to basically sever your emotional ties to him.

Lufia Erim said:
Personally, i wouldn't go visit. Regardless of who it was. I most likely would cut tieswith any family that commit a bad enough crime to warrant jail time. I am not one to associate with criminals of any kind as harsh as that may sound. Having a criminal record is a pretty big deal, and i don't really want to be in the company of anyone who has such a record. That and the idea of going to a prison , even just for visiting, isn't very appealing.
No, it's not appealing, not at all. The places smell. It's...an undescribable funk of sorts. Part body odor, part, something else. You feel constantly on edge while you are there, knowing that (at least at the mental facilities I went to), the people there, not only did terrible things (rape, murder, etc), but are also so chemically imbalanced that they have to stay heavily medicated and supervised for life, puts you constantly on edge. You are afraid to make eye contact with anyone else in the visiting center, because who knows what might set them off. It's a shitty experience, and the only reason I put up with it, was my mother would go visit him, and I felt compelled to be there to support her. Other than that, I'd have nothing to do with him.
 

-Ezio-

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no option for "depends which family member"?

if it was my mum or sister, yes. my brother, no.
 

Sigmund Av Volsung

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Dec 11, 2009
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Regardless the reason, I would.

I've been through many a rollercoaster with my family, but I would give them the time for a visit and to find out what happened if they wanted one. If there's one thing I always have for every member of my family, including my mother, my brother and even my father, is respect. Without getting into too personal territory, our family exists on that mutual understanding.
 

Leg End

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You bet your ass unless it was them trying to murder me, then it's a maybe.
Lufia Erim said:
Personally, i wouldn't go visit. Regardless of who it was. I most likely would cut tieswith any family that commit a bad enough crime to warrant jail time. I am not one to associate with criminals of any kind as harsh as that may sound. Having a criminal record is a pretty big deal, and i don't really want to be in the company of anyone who has such a record. That and the idea of going to a prison , even just for visiting, isn't very appealing.
Because drug possession is such a terrible crime.
 

Lufia Erim

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LegendaryGamer0 said:
You bet your ass unless it was them trying to murder me, then it's a maybe.
Lufia Erim said:
Personally, i wouldn't go visit. Regardless of who it was. I most likely would cut tieswith any family that commit a bad enough crime to warrant jail time. I am not one to associate with criminals of any kind as harsh as that may sound. Having a criminal record is a pretty big deal, and i don't really want to be in the company of anyone who has such a record. That and the idea of going to a prison , even just for visiting, isn't very appealing.
Because drug possession is such a terrible crime.
Listen, I'm just saying how i feel. This is a discussion forum, feel more than free to disagree with me and tell me why i shouldn't be afraid to associate with people with a criminal record and who've been to prison. I don't make threads for people to circle jerk around the same opinion as me. I like when people disagree and give me food for thought. So go nuts.
 

Leg End

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Lufia Erim said:
Listen, I'm just saying how i feel. This is a discussion forum, feel more than free to disagree with me and tell me why i shouldn't be afraid to associate with people with a criminal record and who've been to prison. I don't make threads for people to circle jerk around the same opinion as me. I like when people disagree and give me food for thought. So go nuts.
Alright.
I'm basically saying that considering the utterly stupid amount of things that are "crimes" in most of the world, you're basically saying that you don't want to associate with anyone with an incredibly vague label attached to them for something that makes no sense at all and instead of thinking about the person, you're willing to immediately excommunicate a family member for having a label without thinking what that label actually is, or how they acquired it, whether it be out of fear of being associated by people as someone who associated with those branded with it or just taking it at face value with no critical thinking.

Going by how many things are crimes, you're likely a "criminal" as well, you just haven't been put on trial. Would you associate with someone who has committed a crime but not faced trial? At what point does the person become contaminated?
 

Dizchu

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Sep 23, 2014
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If they got done for growing or selling weed then yes, I'd visit them because in my opinion those things do not even warrant jailtime.

If it's rape or murder? They're dead to me, although one of my best friends (who recently took his own life) killed his own father in a paranoid schizophrenic frenzy. Under circumstances like that I'd regard it as manslaughter, besides he was taken to a mental hospital instead of prison anyway. But if he were imprisoned for it I'm sure his ever-supporting family would have visited and if he were related to me I would too.
 

Something Amyss

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Depends on what they did. If they're in for smoking pot or some form of manslaughter due to neglect, probably. If they're a serial killer or a rapist, probably not. These are broad, hasty, arbitrary examples, mind.
 

ArcaneGamer

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Lufia Erim said:
Just curious. This thought just ran through my head. Let's say hypothetically one of your close family memebers were sent to prison and they were truly guilty of their crimes ( as well as admit to it).

Would you go visit them? If so why? If not why?

For those who think it depends on the crime, what's your personally line. As in what crime(s) would they commit that you would tell yourself you are not going to go see them . As well as which ones would you be okay with going to see them?

Personally, I wouldn't go visit. Regardless of who it was. I most likely would cut ties with any family that commit a bad enough crime to warrant jail time. I am not one to associate with criminals of any kind as harsh as that may sound. Having a criminal record is a pretty big deal, and i don't really want to be in the company of anyone who has such a record. That and the idea of going to a prison , even just for visiting, isn't very appealing.
Wow, what a-(remembers the rules of posting on this site, not desiring to banned....again.) What is wrong with you? Yes, it depends on the crime, but yes! I WOULD visit them. They're family. I don't what kind of family you might have, but...I would definitely visit them. They're good people, and if they had done something to land themselves in the slammer, then they would have a reason why they did it. I may act like a jerk at times, (don't we all?) but ultimately, I care about them. They usually "got my back", and are willing to help out no matter what. You would SERIOUSLY cut ties to them? Would you even allow them to explain themselves? If not, then...what does that say about you? About how much you care for your family? That...kind of bothers me, I'm not going to lie. I'm afraid of prison too, but...I would at least visit my family member in the clink. But hey, that's just me.
 

s0denone

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Lufia Erim said:
Listen, I'm just saying how i feel. This is a discussion forum, feel more than free to disagree with me and tell me why i shouldn't be afraid to associate with people with a criminal record and who've been to prison. I don't make threads for people to circle jerk around the same opinion as me. I like when people disagree and give me food for thought. So go nuts.
I've got a few friends with criminal records and several of my buddies from back in the day have served sentences, too, though I've lost contact with most of the old crowd.

To answer your OP first: I would absolutely visit. My immediate (mother + siblings) family is extremely tightly knit and if anyone did anything I am confident that not only would I visit them, everyone would visit them, also. That goes regardless of what the crime was and under what circumstances it was committed.

Now:
I've got a few friends with criminal records and several of my buddies from back in the day have served sentences, too, though I've lost contact with most of the old crowd.

Of the people mentioned, none have done time for murder (either degree) or any form of manslaughter. They have all served for assault, narcotics-related charges or theft - or indeed a combination.
I still care for them as my friends, you know? Not like my family who I would rate immensely higher, but still. I know that each of those guys would have my back just like they know I would have theirs, regardless of me not being any kind of a career-criminal myself.
They've done mistakes and hung with bad crowds. That doesn't make them bad people. They've accepted their punishment, served their time and are all the better for it.

The one I see the most is a mechanic today. He used to have run-ins with HA and did some jobs for them. He cut all ties now and is a hell of a friend. Who gives a fuck that he has a criminal record? To err is human and all that, yeah?

I think you're in your right not to associate with anyone based on any critiria that you like, but I think it would be a shame to dismiss someone with a record purely because they have a record. Maybe they're an irredeemable asshole, maybe they aren't - but you'll never find out.

...And blood is thicker than water and all that jazz. That you could even consider cutting ties with a family member because of a crime, whatever it was, is honestly quite beyond me. Don't you love your family? Maybe they fucked up and did some stupid shit - that doesn't make you stop loving them, does it? What about emotional support? Being there for one-another? Would you really abandon them after they've committed possibly the biggest mistake in their life and are only too aware of that fact? What about showing up just to shout at them because you expected better? Tell them to get their shit straight?

If we are talking repeat-offenders then go for it, sever the bond and run away screaming - but a one-time? I don't see the need whatsoever.

This came off a little ranty, so I apologise for that; and it is hopefully sufficiently on-topic :)
 

bartholen_v1legacy

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Yes I would. Regardless of what they'd done. Yes, that includes raping children, war crimes, torture, whatever you can name. If only to spit in their face that tell them personally that they're dead to me. As for milder crimes, I'd certainly want to hear their position on the matter.
 

Neurotic Void Melody

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Do you realise laws change all the time and being a criminal does not necessarily mean you are a terrible person? That sort of judgemental state of mind is likely how the conservatives keep sleeping at night. Pidgeon-hole whoever you can to distance yourselves from having to empathise with another human by dehumanising them. If family doesn't create any sense of connection to humanity for you, i have no idea what else can.
There are many things I have done, my friends and family members also, in the past that would classify me as a criminal, yet because I never brought harm or discomfort to another human or animal, I am content knowing that the law is a slow machine that takes a while to catch up with human ethics, usually held back by archaic ideals or self-serving politicians.
To answer the question, as long as they aren't a cold blooded killer, abuser, sexual or not, torturer etc I would visit them yes. To put "the law", whatever that happens to be at the time, above family is to put your faith in a historically fallacious system, ignoring any personal thoughts or feelings.
 

Asita

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Probably. I might not go every week, but being of the opinion that ostracizing convicts from society even after the completion of their sentence puts them at a higher risk of recidivism, I'd be a hypocrite if I refused - on principle at the very least - to give them that lifeline to regular society. My patience might have limits, but I'm not about to shut the door on them the moment they get their sentence.
 

IamLEAM1983

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Aug 22, 2011
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Okay, true story time.

An aunt of mine was what you'd generously call a welfare queen. Tax fraud got her a pretty sweet yacht and her boyfriend's supposedly crippling spinal injury was actually a mild booboo that left him plenty of stamina to spend mothering outboard motors in Forida, during summer. She asked us to put her name on our address so she'd be able to mess with the Feds and appear as single on Welfare's database. We refused. My grandmother caved in. My aunt should've done time, or at least been tried. She wasn't the most hardcore of criminals, but she was one all the same. She wouldn't kill or rob or steal, but living off of taxpayers' money was A-OK in her book.

Fast-forward a few years, and Welfare Queen chokes on her own vomit while asleep and drunk. She dies. The entirely family more or less goes "Good fucking riddance!".

We still attended her funeral.

So yeah. If she'd been caught and accused of fraud, we probably would have visited her on occasion. Stupid people are still people, and people should be offered a certain modicum of decency and respect. At least, that's how I was raised.
 

MarkM26

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I definitely would. I've been there and having my family and girlfriend stuck by me when I was in prison and came to visit and it meant that when I got out I was able to go back to getting my life back together.

I got a 2 year sentence in 2012. At first I didn't want my family to visit as I was ashamed at being in prison. I had done wrong to end up in there and knew I had let them all down. I still remember that first visit waiting for them to come in feeling shit - in a visit hall full of other prisoners on one side of a table all in prison uniform - one of the dregs of society.

But I was glad that they came. It made me feel like they still cared about me and encouraged me to keep my head up and try to make the best of my time in prison and do courses that would help me. I still had contact with the outside world and the people I cared about. I missed out on the birth of my son and the early part of his life but at least got to hear how he was getting on.

I hope nobody in my family ever ends up in prison. It is tough in prison no matter what people say. I was lucky that I was able to get through it but I am not sure if I would have come through it if my family and girlfriend had deserted me. Prisoners get released and go back into society and if they have nobody I think it is much more likely they will end up back in prison again
 

Lord Garnaat

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Apr 10, 2012
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The Pope managed to visit a complete stranger who shot him in prison, just to forgive him for doing so. I think I can probably spare a few hours for family, regardless of what they did.

chadachada123 said:
Considering every American poster here, including you, OP, has committed numerous felonies that *could* hypothetically warrant a year in prison...
Have I?
 

JohnnyDelRay

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It depends on the severity. I guess I have a strange principle on what constitutes a "victimless" crime. Being a deadbeat, junkie, or trying to squeeze a little out of the system I can spare some leniency for. Unjustifiable murder, rape, child abuse, I don't know if I'd visit them. I'm pretty close with my family though, so I'd probably just want to find out WHY.

I done stupid shit too, I also have a temper that's landed me in brief brushes with the law, been through somewhat hard times emotionally that led me down a bad path. So I can imagine what kind of support one would appreciate if they ended up getting punished for it.